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 All newspaper articles should be written like this...

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Master Baiter

Joined: 07 Sep 2004
Posts: 209

PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:18 am Reply with quoteBack to top

From the Nigerian 'Daily Sun', a tale of a supernatural python...

On sighting us, the python stood on it’s tail, opened wide her mouth and was ready to fight us, but we made tactical withdrawal to strategize”.

Curiously the mysterious snake viciously charged forward and went after the night guards chasing them around the market. But after a period of run around and perhaps unending somersaulting, the security men summoned courage and took the battle frontally to the python. And with the help of kerosene and fuel, they were able to subdue and kill the satanic snake around 12 midnight.

What heroes!

Mr GOMER PYLE IS A VERY DANGEROUS PERSON...Please help me to destroy mr gomer pyle... I reassure you Mr. pyle is not any more that a bad memory (Just1n 5éné Eyadema, the gay lad who was baited by Cher and Madonna impersonating drag queens for eighteen months) EDIT he's baaacccckkkk...two years and still going...
Can get you a male trouser snake of about six years from our collection but not exactly purple headed (Peter [email protected])
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Demented Opportunist

Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 15311
Location: Leading my wolf pack

PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:37 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Sounds like an entry from the Single Sentence Random Story.

I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

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Baiting Guru

Joined: 15 May 2006
Posts: 9612
Location: Floating up and down with happiness.

PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 2:45 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The mystery surrounding the python started, to unfold after it was finally killed. The night guards unable to fathom what to do with the evil creature immediately, decided to cover it with a big washing-basin till the following morning. Then came the ominous. According to Uchendu, “in the morning, we took the python outside the market and poured fuel on it to set it on fire, but to our surprise, it could not be burnt. It was then we knew there was something bad”. Shocked
As surprising as this could be, a more debilitating and disturbing revelation emerged when the evil snake was dissected and a handset was been found in it’s hitherto swollen belly.

Maybe it was the possessed Dr. [email protected] Dw0ps, who carried the spirit of Ogun and sent out by Damballah (who appears in the form of a snake!) to destroy evil and Pendejo Joe. He had a cellphone in his stomach. Obviously a lad's. What was the number of that phone? Smile

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Baiting Guru

Joined: 14 Nov 2005
Posts: 7993
Location: Luxury Coffin

PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:08 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I love the Daily Sun, and agree that all newpapers should be written like that.

My favourite headline in the current issue:

Luxury bus robbers in hot soup

the European Union has bounced on our freckles
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
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Nanny Ogg

Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 2624

PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:38 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I love the factual reporting!
The sun which as usual set the evening before

Now if we could just get a supernatural python into internet cafes maybe all the scams would stop

yeh right!

edit for
spelling spelling
aargh supernatural not supernational!
It's the python's hypnotic powers
trussssht in me, jussssht in me...

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