Lad forgot the story - New MONUMENT

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Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 9:21 pm

This is the only TWAT-lad I ever got anywhere with, and it took ages to get him to even think about filling in the forms. He'd been 'absent' for quite a while when I e-mailed him, then I got him to fill in the forms. When the money didn't come, the bait fizzled out.

Yesterday I decided I'd get back to baiting again (i've been around here, but not really baiting) and started checking my accounts. My TWAT-account was filled with old e-mails from the guy (that I'd replied to before the bait fizzled out) and I decided to send him a mail asking him if he's still alright and alive because it was so long ago I'd heard from him. As any man of the faith should, I called him 'my son' somewhere in the e-mail. He had obviously forgotten what the story between the two of us was (which is just him trying to become a member), and picked up on the 'son'-part:

Quote:

Hi Dad,

I`m doing well.thanks for your concern.so what have you been doing
all this days.you ceased communication with me,without no reason.I wonder what happend.so how is life going with you generally.

Yours Oke.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 21 Jan 2010 Posts: 21

well you can't blame him for trying Very Happy

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 2:33 pm

ask him how his mother is, tell him your really sorry about the divorce.
you dont mean to be a bad father but you just couldnt live with that ***** anymore.

your really proud of him for making something of himself, and so glad he isnt one of those filthy scammers.

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 2:44 pm

Or, tell him you're dying of of Fisturarsis and you've decided to leave him your house and money. It was your mothers dying wish. Should be good for another round of forms...

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 6:23 pm

^ Added to the to-do list Wink

I'll update with the results most soonest!

Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 5:23 pm

I've just skipped the him being my son part, but decided that I would die:

I've sent him an e-mail stating that I was dying (though leaving it vague when exactly I'd be dying). Church doesn't allow me to leave anything to anyone who is not a member of the church and I hadn't any friends there anymore who I'd be able to name in my will. This would mean my son would get everything (by law) but I didn't want that because my real son wouldn't join the TWAT but rather started his own church (which is my other own church), that way if the pyramid fails I can try and induct him in the son's church.

He's going to be inheriting all my money as well as my estate (my big piece of land with huge house on it) so he can come over and live in England, which is of course way better than wherever he is now.

He just let me know he's accepting and is wishing to become a full member again. This'll be fun.

Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:27 pm

Me to lad wrote:

As you will remember from before, you had already filled out the forms for the membership. Back then I also sent the instructions with an attached manual for the next step. Please perform this next step and send me the photographic proof. You should be able to find them somewhere in your inbox, otherwise I can send them again, but I'm a bit to tired to type them over right now.

I would also like you to attach a recent picture of yourself to your reply to this e-mail so I can print it out and it will make it easier to pray for your speedy success.

Oke, please make haste, I don't know how long I have before I'll be joining the Lord.

Lad wrote:

Dear Revrend,

This is the monument of faith.I finally got someone`s Land to erect the monument of faith.
I will scan and forward you my recent pictures as well.I couldn`t get sack what I did is that I use pam leaves with banboo sticks to construct the monument.

Best Regards,

Oke.

Attached was this:

Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:36 pm

Say:

Quote:

Dear Lazy Bastard,

Thank you for this artists representation. It's not exactly what it must look like when you actually build it. I think it's good to start with drawings, or maybe a small 1/4 scale model. This looks very dangerous and a fire hazard. Remember: Safety First!

Don't bother with slapping random images together. Let's start with some pencil drawings. You can do them in pen if you prefer, and colour it in. It's just best to be prepared for when you start the real build. Any project worth doing is worth it for the TWAT.

Blessing to you in your endeavors,
Father _________________

Remember to take out the lazy bastard bit.

Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:44 pm

^Thanks:

Quote:

Dear <lazy bastard>, Son of God,

Thank you for this artists representation. It's not exactly what it must look like when you actually build it. I think it's good to start with drawings, or maybe a small 1/4 scale model. This looks very dangerous and a fire hazard. Remember: Safety First!

Don't bother with slapping random images together. Let's start with some pencil drawings. You can do them in pen if you prefer, and colour it in. It's just best to be prepared for when you start the real build. Any project worth doing is worth it for the TWAT. Remember that I must pass the photographs of the final momument through the committee, only if they agree with how it looks can we move on.

Good luck and may the Lord be with you!

Yours Faithfully,
Reverend Kneel Forme (spelling adapted)
TWAT

Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 1:06 am

That is some hilariously bad photochopping. Do lads have some kind of special version of photoshop that they use that only lets them select rectangles, and only lets them copy and paste?

I wonder how long the lad spent on it. I hope it was hours.

Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 1:38 am

Jammy wrote:

Do lads have some kind of special version of photoshop that they use that only lets them select rectangles, and only lets them copy and paste?

It looks like this. http://www.fayette.k12.il.us/99/paint/paintscreen.gif

I could have done a more realistic drawing than this when I was 6 years old. Wink

Posted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 7:35 pm

@NN: I thought he'd dropped me after sending that. However, after a reminder (a few days later) he finally sent me some stuff:

3 Photo's of him (I have different photo's from several months back, it's the same guy, but he looks rather young on these ones):

And a drawing of what the monument's going to look like (I'm nor really sure how he's going to make it rest on the eye, but that's his problem really):

^Does it look to anyone as if that has been cut out?

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 12:20 am

I made better pyramids and eyes when I was in Kindergarten. He can't even cut along the lines, or he is too lazy to. I hope he can fill and stack 400 sandbags, and cut out an eye out of wood without cutting off his fingers. Smile

Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 7:24 pm

There seems to be a problem with the sandbags:

Quote:

Thanks for the mail.since I don`t have sack [<- Well, that's a revelation.. Photographic proof please? ] cant I use Clay with sand for the building.do and let me know.So that I can know exactely what to use this time around.

Best Regards,

Your Oke. [<- He knows who's in charge.. ]

I suspect he's found a picture of a nice-looking pyramid made out of clay/sand on the internet and is hoping I'll agree to him trying to cheat me with that picture. I'm not really sure yet, so can he?

Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 7:33 pm

I can see no reason sacks are not readily available to him, no matter what part of the world he is in. He needs to spend money on them. And sand to fill them cant be that hard to find. If it is, plain dirt out of the ground is bound to work.

Sandbags are used as they represent the heavy burden carried by our lord, anything else is simply sacriligeous.

I feel all dirty for even discussing something slightly religeous like, I better go sacrifice a goat to appease the demons inside me now, they will be angry i spoke that way

Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 7:37 pm

Quote:

Sandbags are used as they represent the heavy burden carried by our lord, anything else is simply sacriligeous.

That's a good one. That e-mail is only half an hour old, I must remember not to instantly reply as my character is supposed to be dying...

Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 8:40 pm

Apparently, he's started building the monument, should be done by thursday... I asked for progress pictures.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 11:33 am

"progress pictures" ... I was going to suggest that, as that might keep him from cheating. I love watching the lads squirm and beg, before they finally build one of these. I'm praying for his devotion. Smile

Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 6:39 pm

Now I just want to kill him:

Quote:

Goodday Revrend,

how are you doing today.I want let you know that I made an agreement with the owner of
the land the first monument I built and forward to you which you disqualify I suppose to
give me $200 Dollar,since it didn`t match like the one you sent to me on the manual.I refuseto give him the $200 I already spent the money I suppose to give to him yesterday he came to the site and stop the construction I was like pleading with him but he refuse to listen.

at first I suppose to give him the money before I proceed.just because that he wasn`t around I already use the money for materials I bought up to 100pieces of sacks because I don`t want anything to stop the construction.he just came up with a strange attitude don`t know what has comeover him.however I don`t want anything that will bring hindrace to the construction I dont just know how to settle him.I have no money for now.

I wish you can help me with some money so that I can settle him.and continue the construction as well.I want you to help me out on this issue.I hate to see disappointment.this are the situation of things now.what do you think about this.

I can`t wait to read from you.

Your Son Oke.

He does say he's bought the bags. So I know need to disqualify his asking for money with such a strong argument that he'll have no more excuses left.. any suggestions?

Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:05 pm

Money before he builds the monument? So he thinks you can change the rules of the TWAT, just to suit him? Frankly, such a request is unheard of, and makes you suspicious of his motives. Has he no faith in the TWAT? All the funding he requires will immediately follow the building of the monument. The landowner can have a 5 grand gratuity when it's done, which will be added to the lad's funding, again, payable immediately on completion. Nobody has ever asked for a payment before the build is complete. Ever. It's a disgrace.

Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 9:26 pm

You need to get him to do something with those lips... Twisted Evil

Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Jan 2010 Posts: 45

PsycheDelia_Smith wrote:

Money before he builds the monument? So he thinks you can change the rules of the TWAT, just to suit him? Frankly, such a request is unheard of, and makes you suspicious of his motives. Has he no faith in the TWAT? All the funding he requires will immediately follow the building of the monument. The landowner can have a 5 grand gratuity when it's done, which will be added to the lad's funding, again, payable immediately on completion. Nobody has ever asked for a payment before the build is complete. Ever. It's a disgrace.

"the TWAT"? Isn't the first T "the" in TWAT?

/lingo-mussolini

Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 10:18 pm

^^ Bloody pedant

callum wrote:

You need to get him to do something with those lips... Twisted Evil

Yep, is he permanently whistling or something? That would get damn annoying. [edit] sorry, damned annoying.

Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 2:59 am

He needs to trumpet Last Post on a cows horn after applying some freshly ground habanero lip balm. As a bonus he could then shove the horn wherever NN says he should.

Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 4:40 am

PsycheDelia_Smith wrote:

callum wrote:

You need to get him to do something with those lips... Twisted Evil

Yep, is he permanently whistling or something? That would get damn annoying.

In the novel of The Man With The Golden Gun was this passage:

Quote:

"Now it may only be a myth, and it is certainly not medical science, but there is a popular theory that a man who cannot whistle has homosexual tendencies..."

OK, going with that; someone who constantly tries to whistle (as the Lad is doing) is obviously trying to prove that he isn't gay. Tha fact that he has to keep trying to whistle seems to prove that he can't, which would be a strong indicator of latent homosexuality... which TWAT cannot be allowed to go unresolved.

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