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 My lad hates doing math!

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P.P3t3rs
Wannabe Baiter


Joined: 31 Aug 2009
Posts: 85


PostPosted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 5:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I wanted to make my lad do a simple currency conversion. This was a fun challenge for a noobie like me! This lad spent more hours typing and figuring out ways to get around doing the math rather than doing what would have taken 1 minute with a calculator and google, which just so happens to be available on every net connected pc out there. By the way I have only posted select parts of the letters to cut out the fluff. This is an ongoing bait(Mods please move this post to "Published Your Work Here" if needed)

The dialogue is between P3t3rs (Me, in black) and 3mirates bank (in blue)

Quote:
We have submitted other two documents as requested by the court, you are advised in your best interest to make available the requested amount of US$ 1,720.00 for immediate processing of the Affidavits/ Letter of Administration as this will enable the activation of your account and transfer into your designated bank account in the USA.


OK so the money request, my response:
Quote:
Now I have a slight problem. I have had to place daily withdrawal
limits on my accounts due to my crazy wife so she can't spend all my
money. I can send 100,000 Yen at a time from my Japanese bank account.
I also have an account in Indonesia (Bali) with a daily limit of
10,000,000.00 Indonesian Rupiah. I want to send all the money to you
at once so you won't have to go chasing transactions


Look what this lazy lad tries to pull!
Quote:
You should call your bankers in both Indonesia and Japan to send the required amount to Dubai, United Arab Emirate (UAE). so we can proceed to obtain the necessary Affidavits and Letter of Administration from the Emirate High Court to activate your account and commence transfer into your designated bank account.

I have converted the amount you stated in Japanese Yen and in Indonesian Rupiah and non of the amount is equalled to the requested US$ 1,720.00 that is needed to obtain the court clearance document for the activation of your account.


He needs to quit being so lazy...
Quote:
I do understand that neither bank can send the full amount, I have
them ready to send the money. Tell me how much from each bank must be
sent. I have daily limits placed on my accounts, which is why I have
multiple banks for occasions such as this. Like I said, I would prefer
to send you all the money at the same time so multiple trips will not
have to be made.


Now he tries to pull a fast one:
Quote:
I have done the calculations and you are strictly advised to act accordingly, you are to instruct your bankers in JAPAN to send 200,000.00 Japanese Yen to Dubai-UAE. Through western union money transfer in favour of your dormant account officer MR. AL1GWE BON1FACE CH1DIEBER3.

And also instruct your bankers in INDONESIA to send the 10,000,000.00 Indonesian Rupiah to the same receiver in Dubai, UAE.


Slap time!
Quote:
With all due respect I am not a fool Mr. Barr. Kenneth Kelley. You
said you require $1,720.00 yet you want me to send double the daily
withdrawal limit from Japan (I can only send 100,000 Japanese yen a
day) and max out my daily Rupiah withdrawal limit. I feel that is a
lot more than the required amount of money. Please redo your
calculations and show me a break down of the totals, don't just tell
me to send everything I can. I expect more professionalism out of a
banker of your magnitude.


Lad is still being lazy!
Quote:
I have done my calculations but due to instability of currency exchange globally we have settled on the following, matters has been resolved after a brief meeting with the legal crew of the Emirate Bank which is as stated.

We have resolved that you instruct your bankers in Japan to send the amount of 100,000 Japanese yen, hence you are not allowed to send more than this amount in 24 hours,


I didn't trust his response:
Quote:
Like I told you I want to send you all the money at once. I am concerned because you wrote:"Be informed that you will be notified if the amount is not enough to process the Affidavit/ Letter of Administration from the Emirate High Court."


At least he has figured out how much yen he needs, which is still over $2000.00, not the agreed price:
Quote:
As per your email, 100,000 Japanese Yen is amounted to US$ 1,120.00 therefore mentioned amount is not up to the US$ 1,720.00 requested for the processing of the Affidavits/ Letter of Administration, from the Emirate High Court.

I advise that you instruct your bankers to send 180.000.00 Japanese Yen to Dubai, UAE. even if it means sending the amount in two instalments since you have daily limits placed on your Japanese account, instruct them to send 100,000,00 Japanese Yen today and send the balance of 80,000,00 the next day so I can also complete the process and commence activation of your dormant account before transfers into your designated bank account can be made.


I need everything sent in one day:
Quote:
With all due respect sir you don't seem to sense the urgency of this transaction. I want to make the payment in full in one day so my wife will not suspect anything and the transaction can remain a secret between us. My time is valuable like yours, I do not have time to send money 2 days in a row. Lets get this done quickly and professionally. I have my Japanese banker ready to send the 100,000 yen, just need to know how much to send from Bali. Thank you so very much for your cooperation in advance.


He is still trying to rip me off!
Quote:
I have gone through your email and i have a perfect understanding of your intentions regarding the payment process for the requested US$ 1,720.00.

You are to instruct your bankers in Japan to send the 100,000.00 Japanese Yen to Dubai via Western Union Money Transfer.

And your bankers in Indonesia to send Nine Million Seven Hundred and Eighty Four Thousand, 9,784,00 Indonesian Rupiah to Dubai via Western Union Money Transfer .


SLAP!
Quote:
Please understand that I am no fool, don't just throw numbers out there expecting me to pay more than what is required. Give me a full breakdown of exchange rates and dollar amounts. I have been professional and up front with you, I expect the same in return.


He got very close with this email, but no cigar yet:
Quote:
I have tried couple of times to reaching you on the phone but you always have this habit of not picking your calls, you

Keep telling me that you are not a fool, what you should have done is to call your bankers in Japan and give them instructions

To send US$ 1000.00 to Dubai with the information’s given to you, and also you call your bankers in Indonesia to send US$ 720,00

To Dubai with the same information’s.

I am not going to contact you again over this matter, the choice is yours and I have extended a customer relationship with to the best of

My ability, if you wish to have this transfer concluded as you have claimed then you should know what to do, you are the person who claim

To have account with the Japan and Indonesian Bank so you should know how to run your account and make transactions, what is required for the

Affidavits/ Letter of Administration is US$ 1,720.00 you should make it available as you have been given a payment means.

US$ 1, is amounted to 12,230,00 Indonesian Pupiah.

Japanese Yen 100,000 is amounted to US$ 1,111.39


Oops have I irritated him? But I still need the currency breakdown!

Better butter him up with a letter to the banks "Alter ego" David:
Quote:
Hi David!
I am currently ironing things out with your banker, but he seems to have problems giving me the total amount I need to send. I do not understand this. I have asked him for a simple break down of the totals needing to be sent and he seems incapable of doing so. I am shooting for having the money transferred this Friday on October 2nd, I just need a breakdown of what needs to be sent which any professional banker should be able to give with their eyes closed. Hopefully I will have good news of the money transfer on Friday evening.



Then an email to the bank, I need the proper conversion!
Quote:
So like I said my banker in Japan is ready to send the 100,000 Yen, But I need the total Rupiah. You stated
"US$ 1, is amounted to 12,230,00 Indonesian Pupiah.

Japanese Yen 100,000 is amounted to US$ 1,111.39"


I need to know the totals in order to instruct my bankers how much to send. Japan is no problem, we have established that. I have already emailed them and the Western Union is ready to be sent on Friday, October 2nd, 2009 with my authorization. I just need to know how much Rupiah I need to send. The way you listed the totals above is exactly what I need, but I need to send more than $1,112.39 right? I doubt the Indonesian bank would even send 12,230 Rupiah since it is only worth $1. I have simply asked you, who claim to be a banker, to send me the total amounts. Shouldn't take you but a second to add it up. Isn't that what you do all day? Why the attitude about it? I can't believe you are arguing with me about this.


Just send me the break-down for the total amount in the format you have above, I will so please have the total ready for me, I want to send both transfers on this Friday.


He really worked hard on this response:
Quote:
Japanese Yen 100,000 is amounted to US$ 1,111.39
Indonesian Rupiah 7,338,000 is amounted to US$ 600.00

You are to instruct your bankers in Indonesia and Japan to direct this payment respectively to Dubai, UAE. through western union money transfer in favor MR. AL1GWE B0N1FACE CHID1EBERE.


Still concerned about the shortage in funds:
Quote:
Wonderful! Now I need to make sure you will be able to get the documents drafted even though we will be $8.61 short. It will be very hard to WU that small amount of money if it is needed. Upon confirmation I will send the funds.


Oh look, what a nice lad!
Quote:
There will not be need for the send the shortage fees of US$ 8.61 as i will personaly take care of it.


I would like to try to use the same modality with 3 different forms of currency instead of 2, but I feel that would cause the instant melting of a lad's brain.

_________________
"US$ 1, is amounted to 12,230,00 Indonesian Pupiah" -3MIRATES BANK

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Catcher In The Lie
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:38 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

P.P3t3rs,

Very nice. Very Happy Very Happy

Will you let us know when the Imirate High Court approves everything? Smile

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dutchkroket
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Joined: 29 Jan 2009
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 10:27 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Nice read, and a very good way to stall things Very Happy

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manbiteslion
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 1:58 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Heh heh - when you've stalled for a day or several (West closed, banks confused/clearing cash/your excuse here) maybe ask for a recalculation as the exchange rates have shifted Wink

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junebug
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 3:22 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

this is absolutely hilarious. i can't wait to try something similar.

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junebug
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 5:34 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This was such a great idea!! I've got a good one going. First my lad wants to help me learn the ins and outs of currency conversiion. He writes:

"The total amount is $980usd in mexico is 13203.54 Mexican Peso (MXN) in france is Pacific Franc (XPF) 79919
in case you need any further information on money conversion
please visit www http://finance.yahoo.com/currency-converte
the will guild you"

And my reply:

Quote:
Hello Mr. Mus8a9a,
Your envoy has just contacted me via email. It seems he has incurred quite a lot of expenses -- something in the order of $6,000. I'm able to help offset some of his expense, but I replied that I need him to send me an itemized list.

As for the money I am going to send you, the link that you sent me for currency conversion does not work. But by my calculations, which I did by hand, the total amount you are asking me to send you: 13203.54 Mexican Peso (MXN) plus pacific franc (XPF) 79919 would be something in the area of $2,000, more than twice the amount you are requesting. I think what we're looking at here is more like 5,203 Mexican pesos plus 3919 pacific francs. Does that sound about right to you? Please confirm, and I'll arrange to make the bank transfers this afternoon.
Thanks and best,
Paul B6ny%n

_________________
"i went home and i told my mum and she fainted saiying that the only hope we have has flumpted so she was rushes to the hospital." --Miss [email protected] R^do
"Listen Madam, I have a wife and she is a woman like you. I cannot mingle in such a stressful and aurgument process."
"You can go to hell with it. Let the Psalms in the bible judge you Lacadaisically."
"THAT IS PUTTING MY ASS ON FIRE,AND I WOULD NOT REALLY LIKE THAT."
"Your Full…Name.
Your full...contact Address.
And also with your Defecation ID.."
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pablo
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 5:52 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

@@ P.P3t3rs

Once he gets the Yen conversion sorted out you can then have your banker friend explain the intricacies of Japanese currency controls.

(In some cases bank transfers out of country can take more than a month)

p.
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paddyj
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 9:37 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Excellent modality-well done! Opens up loads of delaying/lad confusing possibilities.

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P.P3t3rs
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Joined: 31 Aug 2009
Posts: 85


PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 3:09 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

@Pablo, Thanks for the heads up, I will have to look into that with a little help from my friend Google

@Junebug, Your welcome for the idea, glad a noobie like me can contribute fresh ideas. I wouldn't do any part of the conversion for the guy, just check it and tell him that his numbers seem off and to redo it. I mean he is a banker/barrister/whatever should be no problem for a man(or woman) in his position

@Cather in the Lie, Imirate is having problems getting the money right now... Poor Mr. P3t3rs is getting old and forgetful, and can't run scanners very well Very Happy

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"US$ 1, is amounted to 12,230,00 Indonesian Pupiah" -3MIRATES BANK

Safari Safari Safari Nodo - Lagos to Cotonou x2, then Lagos->Abuja->Maiduguri->Lagos 3050km/1900mi (Total) All in 3 weeks! - with Mentor Nick The Cop
"One thing I keep thanking my God for is that he never allowed me to
fall victim of your scam, because I thought I was dealing with
responsible people, without knowing that you are a complete nuisance
and a disgrace to humanity." -Nodo
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Star A Star
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 3:23 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

OP, you do know that undated 20p coins are selling on ebay for £8k+ if you were to 'send' him one of these could he convert the difference to Icelandic frogs feet and send you the balance

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pony
i am tired and i am waisting my morning
i am tired of all these rusbish, i am waisiting my time andf mone
Ok i will try and take the form to my staff members, once i get the form filled, i am not ready to fill another form, make sure that this is all the forms, i am going to fill them and once i get them done, i will not fill another form
If you see how i was insulted in the western union office, you will pitty me - nope you're wrong there pal
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