Hello I'm New here!
Joined: 04 Dec 2008
Thu Jul 02, 2009 4:30 pm
Here's my latest. It's a reply to a scammer letter. I quoted the letter in my reply, inserting my responses. Usually when my replies are this inane, they catch on & ignore it, but you never know. ; )
I sure had a blast writing it though. Enjoy.
My replies are in bold.
UPDATE (7-3-09): They REPLIED!!! See additional e-mails below.
Hello dear one, my responses to your most excellent message are as following.
--------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Patricia Beggiato.
I have been waiting for you to come down here and pick your consignment
but i did not hear anything from you for weeks now.
Please accept my most humble apologies for this delay. I was out of the country on a very urgent matter. My uncle, Mr. Sobi Bustawanna, is the Prime Minister of Nigeria, and the protests in Iran have now spread to Nigeria and they were threatening to overthrow him, so I travelled there to prevent it.
I have deposited the
US$500,000.00 with the First Trust & Deposit Company here in Nigeria,
Wow, what a coincidence! Not only was I recently in Nigeria myself, but it just so happens that my cousin, Mr. Henry Bio, is the Executive Vice President in charge of Disbursing Large Amounts of Money to Strangers, from Clients Who Died in Terrible Plane Crashes (EVP, DLAMSCWDTPC). You can read about all these dead clients here: http://www.terribleafricanplanecrash.com
because I traveled to Finland for a Masters Degree Course and I will not
come back till the new year.
Best of luck to you. I hope you will soon "Finnish" your studies! (ha, ha).
I have arranged with the First Trust &
Deposit Company to get your US$500,000.00 to you this month and they will be sending an International Certified Bank Cheque/Check to you cashable at any bank in the World.
What, only $500 grand? Bah! My cousin wipes his butt with $500,000 dollar bills. The average plane crash client victim is worth at least $1.5 million. But, okay. Since you were kind enough to arrange the transfer so soon, I'll see what I can do for you.
I would have deposited the funds with a Bank for
transfer into your own account but the Bank procedure might be stressful.
I'm with you there! Just try calling customer service at any bank, and trying to talk to an actual person! That's real stress. And when you do finally reach a person, they have a funny accent. It's like the banks have all outsourced their customer service to Nigeria or something.
I will like you to re-confirm your information to the First Trust &
Deposit Company so that there will be no mistake with the delivery and
shipment of the International Certified Bank Cheque/Check.
Thank you so much for being so careful; obviously you are a diligent and conscientious professional. However, if I have a choice of receiving either a Cheque or a Check, please make sure it is a Cheque; that British spelling is so fancy, and makes it seem like more money than it is. This is important to me, as I am accustomed to these international transactions being in much larger amounts. But no problem, anything for you, Patricia dear.
Send the below
information to the First Trust & Deposit Company.
(1)Full name: Blutus Gator
(2)Address: C-14 Canal, Broward County, Florida, USA
Once again, I would have preferred the funds to be transferred to you but
I make some searches about the Bank transfer and was informed that it will
cost you the sum of US$4,590 to transfer the US$500,000.00 into your
Wow, it only costs $4590 to transfer $500,000? Such a deal, dahling! I'll get right on it.
But I have deposited the US$500,000.00 to the First Trust &
Deposit Company, below is the First Trust & Deposit Company contact;
Contact Agent: Mr frank wallcott
Mobile: +000 000 000
Email: [email protected]
I have paid the delivery charges and insurance fee to the First Trust &
Words cannot express my gratitude for your generosity, dear one. Wow. You are an amazing friend, considering we have not even met. After this is all done, how about meeting me in Lagos for a drink?
The only Money that the First Trust & Deposit Company
will require from you is US$120 Dollars for demurrage. Once you can pay the US$120 Dollars to them, they will proceed and get the US$500,000.00 to you in your Country.
Hmmm, $120 sounds a bit expensive for a demurrage. The last time I purchased one, it was only $75. Of course, that was when my local store was having a sale: two demurrages for the price of one, so I actually had to spend $150 but I did receive two demurrages. Instead of buying a demurrage from the bank, would it be OK if I provide my own? It's still fairly new and has never been used, and it's already paid for. I hope you will find that arrangement acceptable.
Note: When contacting the First Trust & Deposit Company, ensure to state
your Full Name, Phone Number and your Address where you want them to
deliver the International Certified Bank Cheque/Check to you.
As previously requested, please make sure it's in the form of a Cheque, rather than a Check. I can't stand how those uncouth Americans insist on mangling the Queen's English by dropping unnecessary letters and trying to make words spell more like how they sound. Whenever possible I like to use fancier spellings with all kinds of extra letters, it makes me feel much more important. The French are masters at this; perhaps I'll use some of the money from this transaction for French lessons...but I digress.
Also,require a copy of the Certificate of Authority for payment from them which will be presented to you as a proof of legitimacy of the transaction.
So, the bank that is handling the transaction will issue me a certificate proving the transaction is legitimate? Great. As soon I as I finish this e-mail, I'll send you a second e-mail to let you know this e-mail is legitimate.
TheFirst Trust & Deposit Company will be awaiting to hear from you and get the payment to them as instructed for a swift delivery.
Tres bien! (Pardon my French, but I just can't wait to get the money so I can start learning! I hope in my French classes they'll teach me how to put all those cool accents & funny marks in my e-mail.)
From: Frank Wallcott
Sent: Thursday, July 2, 2009 10:15:09 AM
Thanks for the email and reaching me promptly. This mail comes assuring you that you will be treated with the best services within the abilities of this office.
Mrs. Patricia Beggiato had deposited a draft of $500,000.00 USD with us to be delivered to you upon contacting us and settling our demurrage fee. She had paid for other charges except for the demurrage fee and she also included some vital documents in the Package to be delivered.
Pegasus Shipping Company was contracted by the First Trust & Deposit Company to delivered your International Certified Bank Draft/Cheque to your address. Your information had been made available to them.
Special Conditions Note:
All fees had been paid by Mrs. Patricia Beggiato except for demurrage charges accrued to the sum of $120 USD.
As a reminder, the price quote to ship your Package on Open carrier from Lagos, Nigeria to your named address is $120 USD.
Payment of $120 USD is to be made before the commencement of shipment to your named address.
Your quote is for door to door service. They do not offer Terminal to Terminal. Delivery and Insurance have already been settled.
The required payment should be immediately made and sent through Western Union Money Transfer. Payment will be made to their Accountant/Receipt officer and here is the Receiver's information;
Receiver's Name: Pedro Steven
Receiver's Address: 256 Allen Avenue, Lagos, Nigeria
Text Question: What color?
Amount to be sent: $120 USD
Money Transfer Control Number:........?
Once the payment is made, mail and forward the MTCN to me immediately for commencement of delivery to your named address.
I will be awaiting your payment so that the shipment can begin today.
Mr. Frank Wallcott.
NOTE: I made up a fake Western Union "receipt" and attached it to this reply.
Date: Thu, 2 Jul 2009 10:29:22 -0700
Subject: Funds Transfer
Dear Mr. Walcott,
Attached is the confirmation of the money transfer to Mr. Steven.
I am very happy that Ms. Beggiato settled the demurrage; I had offered to use my own demurrage, but now that I won't have to I'll save it for my next big-money international transaction.
Please advise how soon I will receive my money; as I told Ms. Beggiato I am very eager to take French lessons so I can learn new fancy words with unnecessary letters and cool accent marks.
Thanks for your urgent response, we want you to fill this information below.
Test Question /Answer
Get back to us with this western union payment informatio that was made by you.
Guess this guy doesn't bother to read e-mail attachements, as I made up a convincing-looking "MTCN" in my Western Union "receipt." Oh, well...I played along...
Bonjour, Messieur Wallcott!
Anyhow, here is the information you requested. Just so you know, I did call Mr. Steven and he advised me he has received the $120 and is very thankful, as he was in need of a new pair of shoes. He told me quite satisfactorily that are the finest dress shoes, brightly polished, and a deep brown color. I am assuming that is why the question "what color" is "brown", meaning Mr. Steven wanted a new pair of brown shoes and that's what the $120 was for. Since I am a very generous Christian person I am more than happy to assisted both himself and yourself to make benefit this great transaction for the benefit of both of us.
By the way, could you e-mail me a photo of Ms. Beggiato? From her last name I assume she is Italian, is she a supermodel? The tone of her e-mails suggested that she must be very beautiful. I'd love to meet her.
Receiver's Name: Pedro Steven
Text Question: What color?
Amount sent: $120 USD
Money Transfer Control Number:.PM010906241989
With most sincerely,
Unfortunately, this last email bounced with a "mailbox not available" error. Game over.