wtf - lad requesting a sign??? now with trophy - yay :-)

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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 3:37 pm

for some infathomable reason, my lad has included the following clause in his draft contract...

Quote:

1. As we understand that this will be a multimillion dollar project, we will require an official business name {UNICEF INTERNATIONAL} to appear in permanent nature upon the entry point of the project in lettering that is no less than three (3) inches in height and in a highly visible area. This may be etched in stone, represented in a plague that is permanently affixed in a highly visible area, or the like.

naturally, that is difficult for me to comply with that request, so i replied...

Quote:

We cannot accept clause 1 ["official business name {...} to appear in permanent nature upon the entry point of the project in lettering that is no less than three (3) inches in height and in a highly visible area. This may be etched in stone"]. The reason is that Miss Hilton does not have access to the facilities needed to produce such a sign. We propose that signage will be your responsibility, using local labour, and that this shall be completed before the transaction is completed.

Also, we cannot accept the official business name {UNICEF INTERNATIONAL}. Miss Hilton was appointed as a UNICEF Ambassador in 2005, which gives her the right to name UNICEF projects. We propose the official project name will be "R2D2's Gift to Lotta".

Subject to these changes, Miss Hilton is prepared to sign the contract

lotta will know why she gets a mention Wink

Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 4:34 pm

Quote:

...This may be etched in stone, represented in a plague that is permanently affixed in a highly visible area, or the like...

Bird flu? Swine fever? Black death? Take your pick. Smile

Master Baiter Joined: 20 Apr 2009 Posts: 120 Location: USA

You can google many sign generators to create what is requested on a tomb stone. Very Happy

Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 9:36 am

i thought i would post the full bait so far.
we are at the stage where he is expecting me to proceed with the 'contractor registration process' including fee payment,
and i am expecting the stone carving before doing so. fingers crossed that i will succeed.

i don't have the original email any more (can't find it)
but it was inviting me to become a registered unicef contractor - for a fee.

Quote:

Dear Sir

You wrote to my very close friend and employer, Miss Paris Hilton.
I am writing to say that your proposal is of interest to her.

Obviously, you know that Miss Hilton is a multi-millionairess because of her father's fortune.
She has no need for the funds personally, and she will donate the money to a charity, PETA.

I have discussed your proposals with Miss Hilton,
and you must accept the following terms and conditions before she will proceed:

- we require your assurance that this deal is legitimate and no laws will be broken

- we require complete secrecy concerning Miss Hilton's involvement in this matter

- Miss Hilton will have all TV and publication rights relating to this matter
(she intends to sell the story to OK and Hello magazines)

- the deal must be completed before June 30th 2011
(this is a tax deadline, and in snon-negotiable)

- Miss Hilton parties on a global scale, and her diary is full until 2011.
Any meetings will be at a time and place of her choosing

- Miss Hilton will pay all expenses associated with this matter
(payment will only be made after we receive the receipts from you)

- I will finalise the arrangements by email, and phone calls will not be used.

best regards
Jean Genie
Personal Advisor to Miss Paris Hilton

Quote:

Greetings Jean Genie,

Your mail got to me and the way and manner you stated your revrence have been taken into full account.Sorry but to be very candid i am not too conversant with celebrities as i am more of an office person.But saying that she wants to donate her quota to Charity goes a long way to proove how humble and generous miss Hilton is.And so for this simple act i will pledge to offer to my peak the best of my services both in logistics and in advice.

Now the contract is an arm of UNICEF's way of reaching out to to humanity by trying to make life easier for the less privilegded in third world countries,like Sudan,Iran,etc...so to be very concise the conytract/deal is very Legitmate.
I for one will make you this promise that i will not want anything that will bring too much noise and obstruction of the contract in any way so her identity remains unknown.
I will help you contact the personnel in charge of publications as per the issue of TV rights.
Completion of the contract will be at a pace set by miss Hilton herself that is including meetings.

As soon as this informations get to you kindly forward the following to me for proper documentation:full names,address.
As soon as this gets to me i will, help you to facilitate your contractors guild memorandom of understanding.This i believe is the first step towards beating thre deadline of 2011.

Thanks
Sanusi Isa

Quote:

Please send the draft Memorandum Of Understanding (MOU)

Quote:

Good day Madam,
I got your mail and quickly i have contacted Aisha Bello,head of unicef konsultz international-contractors guild and she asked me to forward to you the memorandom of understanding.
I want you to go through this MOU and kindly back to me.
Sanusi Isa.

Quote:

Thank you for the MOU.

We cannot accept clause 1 ["official business name {...} to appear in
permanent nature upon the entry point of the project in lettering that
is no less than three (3) inches in height and in a highly visible
area. This may be etched in stone"]. The reason is that Miss Hilton
does not have access to the facilities needed to produce such a sign.
We propose that signage will be your responsibility, using local
labour, and that this shall be completed before the transaction is
completed.

Also, we cannot accept the proposed official business name {UNICEF
INTERNATIONAL}. Miss Hilton was appointed as a UNICEF Ambassador in
2005, which gives her the rights to name UNICEF projects. We propose
the official project name will be "R2D2's Gift to Lotta".

Subject to these changes, Miss Hilton agrees to sign the MOU.
What is the next step?

Jean Genie

Quote:

You are welcome- I hope that all is well with you?Well in respect to what Miss Hilton proposed?I have spoken with Mrs Aisha Bello and this afternoon i was contacted to relay this message to you-that they have discussed and pondered over your proposal and they have come to the conclusion that the sole responsibility of handling the issue of the signage. Then secondly the name she intends to accord this project is fine with us "R2D2's Gift to Lotta". but hope we woun't be asking too much by trying to know the meaning of the name?. So with this changes sorted i advice that you sign the MOU and send to me a scanned copy.Then you immediately register with the Contractors Guild and they will send to you your certificate of partnership.It is with this certificate and the remuneration pin numbers it carries that you will be able to operate funds transfer. Thanks. Sanusi

Quote:

Please send a modified copy of the MOU for signature

best regards
Jean Genie

Quote:

The one you have is the one that you will be requested to sign on.
You are to print the last page out write down a letter like this:

" I CONTRACTOR PARIS HILTON,HEREBY SIGN THIS MOU AND ALSO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I WILL RECIEVE MY CERTIFICATE UPON FULL REGISTRATION WITH THE CONTRACTORS GUILD OF THE ABOVE ORGANISATION.
SIGN:................
DATE:................ "

Remember that you are to write it out in your own handwriting and also sign it,scan and send a copy back to me so that i can forward it to the department in charge.{Remember that we have to protect miss Hilton's identity}.
Regards
Sanusi Isa

Quote:

Miss Hilton's legal advisor insists that you send a modified version
of the MOU for signature.

Jean

Quote:

Hello i got your message and i will contact BoT{BOARD OF TRUSTIES}.
You will get the modified version of the MOU for signature as soon as i get the hard copy.

sanusi

Quote:

Miss Hilton's lawyer points out that your suggestion is illogical. He
insists that you will send the revised draft for approval and
signature. You will not receive any hard copy before then.

Miss Hilton's lawyer has also pointed out that you have not fully
covered the points I raised in my first email to you. They have
requested that the following causes be included:

- Both parties will maintain complete secrecy concerning Miss Hilton's
involvement in this matter

- Miss Hilton will have all TV and publication rights relating to this
matter, following completion of the transaction

- The transaction must be completed before June 30th 2011

- Any meetings will be at a time and place of Miss Hilton's choosing

- Miss Hilton will pay all expenses associated with this matter, based
on receipts supplied by either party

My advice to you is not to make an issue of this simple request. If
the transaction becomes blocked by lawyers, it will never be
completed. I have seen this happen before.

Jean Genie

Quote:

ALL YOU MENTIONED HAVE BEEN HEARD AND I AM SENDING YOU THE REVISED MoU.

Quote:

Thank you for the revised draft. However, you have removed the clause
(previously agreed) about the sign to be erected. The project name
has a profound significance for Miss Hilton, and she was distressed
that this clause has been deleted. I hope this was an oversight, but
my advice is that you should reinstate it, or risk Miss Hilton
withdrawing from the transaction.

I will wait for the updated draft.

best regards
Jean Genie

Quote:

I GOT YOUR MESSAGE AND I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION TOWARDS THIS PROJECT.YOUR KIND GESTURES ARE REALLY APPRECIATED.
REGARDS.
SANUSI ISA

Quote:

Thank you for your understanding.

As I said, Miss Hilton was upset by the prospect that the project
might not have a permanent memorial,
and at one point she was on the verge of pulling out of the project.

I told her that I will put a proposal to you which I think will
resolve the difficulty.
If you accept the proposal, I am confident that she will proceed as planned,
but I cannot guarantee her reaction if you turn down the proposal.

My suggestion is a simple one, and it concerns the sign, which will be
carved in stone.
If you will demonstrate your commitment by producing the sign as the
first step,
I am confident that Miss Hilton will complete the process that you
have proposed.

I have amended the MOU to delete the words "the transaction is
completed and as soon as "
and I have posted the revised MOU to you.
If you are happy with this amendment, let me know and we can move to
the next step.

best regards
Jean Genie

my proposed change revises the text as follows... the signage will be the UCG's responsibility, using local labour, and that this shall be completed before <strike>the transaction is completed and as soon as</strike> registeration is completed - has been accepted by the UCG’s Board Smile

i doubt he bothered to check how my update affects the wording

Quote:

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THIS PROJECT BUT I AM YET TO RECIEVE THE MOU THAT YOU SAID THAT YOU SENT AND BESIDES IF ACCORDING TO YOU-THAT YOU HAVE ARRANGED THE PROPOSAL PROPERLY THEN ALL I HAVE TO DO IS TO VIEW IT BECAUSE FROM THE WAY YOU HANDLE AFFAIRS I AM DEEPLY IMPRESSED.

MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU FOR YOUR AID.

REGARDS

SANUSI

Quote:

The MOU has been signed and sent to you by post, to the address that you gave.
It may take several days to reach you by post.

You can wait to receive it, but my advice is that we should move ahead with the next step immediately - do you agree?

Jean Genie

Quote:

I QUITE AGREE WITH YOU AND AS A MATTER OF FACT FOR US TO BE ABLE TO BEAT THE STIPULATED DEADLINE OF 2011,THEN WE NEED TO START ACTING IN EARNEST.YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO COMPLETE THE REGISTERATION PROCESS FOR THE CONTRACTORS GUILD THROUGH MAKING THE COMPLETE PAYMENT TO THE CHIEF ACCONTANT AND THEN A CERTIFICATE WILL BE FORWARDED TO MY DESK THAT I WILL SEND VIA COURIER SERVICE TO AN ADDRESS THAT YOU WILL GIVE TO ME, THIS I THINK IS THE BEST CONSIDERING THE POOR STATE OF MY COUNTRIES POSTAL SYSTEM.
THEN KINDLY SEND ME A COPY OF THE MOU THAT YO SENT VIA POST.
REGADS
SANUSI

Quote:

Many thanks for your understanding.

A copy of the revised agreement is attached below, including the
update which you agreed to.

best regards
Jean Genie

Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 4:23 am

the moment of truth approaches...

Quote:

I GOT YOUR MESSAGE AND I MUST SAY YOU HAVE DONE WELL.I BELIEVE THAT THE NEXT STEP IS IMMINENT NOW,SO I SUGGEST THAT THE MOMENT YOU PAY THE REGISTERATION FEE VIA WESTERN UNION MAKE SURE THAT YOU SCAN AND SEND TO ME A COPY OF THE SCANNED PAYMENT SLIP SO THAT I CAN FILE IT AND SEND TO THE HEADQUARTERS.
REGARDS
SANUSI

Quote:

Dear Sanusi Isa

I am extremely surprised by your suggestion that the next step is for
Miss Hilton to pay the registration fee.
The next step is for you to produce the stone-cut sign, in line with
the agreement we have just reached.
The MOU makes this very clear - please re-read it.

I am sorry to be blunt, but this is not the first time you have agreed
one course of action and then changed your mind in the next email.
Miss Hilton is again distraught that the project may have no permanent
memorial, and this time I have been unable to convince her that the
matter can be easily resolved by agreeing some words.
The problem now is that she feels she can no longer trust you - she
thinks you will agree to one thing then do something else.
She will now expect to see proof that the stone-cut sign has been
produced, before she agrees to complete the registration process and
pay the fee.

I therefore suggest that you commission the stone-cut sign as quickly
as possible, and that you provide photographs to confirm that the work
has been completed satisfactorily.
As soon as I show the photographs to Miss Hilton, I will be able to
reassure her that the memorial she expects has been produced.

Please confirm that you are willing to go ahead with this suggestion,
and let me know when the photographs of the sign will be sent to me.
If you cannot accept this suggestion, I believe Miss Hilton will
withdraw her support for the project.

Assuming you agree, please give me more information about the Western
Union bank? What is your account name and number at the Western Union
Bank, and what is the SWIFT code? I will need that information to
send the fee as soon as the photographs are received.

best regards
Jean Genie

Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 10:29 am

well, he has not run away when i asked him to send photos Smile

Quote:

GREETINGS JEAN,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?I HOPE THAT YOU ARE FINE AND WELL?
WELL I READ YOUR MAIL AND I MUST SAY THAT I AM TRULLY IMPRESSED BY THE MANNER IN WHICH YOU INTEND TO GO ABOUT THIS PROJECT.
FIRSTLY YOU WERE ASSURED THAT THE STONE CUT SIGN WILL BE PRODUCED BY US AND AT THE SAME TIME WE WILL MAKE SURE THAT IT REACHES THE LOCATION OF THE PROJECT.WE HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH GETTING YOU THE PICTURES AS SOON AS THE SIGN HAS BEEN CREATED.

THEN SECONDLY I WANT YOU TO TELL MISS HILTON THAT IN TERMS OF TRUST SHE HAS GOT TO WORRY LESS BECAUSE WE HAVE PLEGDED TO STAY TRUE TO THIS CAUSE AND I FOR ONE AM NOT THE KIND OF PERSON TO GO BACK ON MY WORDS.
I SHOULD HAVE REPLIED TO YOU YESTERDAY BUT I HAD TO INFORM MY SUPERIORS OF THE LATEST DEVELOPMENTS.

IN THE ASPECT OF GIVING YOU AN ACCOUNT FOR THE REGISTERATION MADAM AISHA BELLO ASKED ME TO TELL YOU THAT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A WESTERN UNION BANK BUT RATHER A MEDIUM OF MONEY TRANSFER .THE UCG USES THIS MEDIUM TO TRANSFER FUNDS BELOW SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS AND ALSO THEY CAN FILE THE DOCUMENTS USED TO EITHER SEND OR RECIEVE PAYMENTS FOR FUTURE REFRENCES AS IN THE CASE OF AUDIT. SO SHOULD YOU BE READY TO SEND THE REGISTERATION FEE TO UCG THEN I CAN HELP YOU GET THE INFORMATION WITH WHICH TO SEND THE FEE.

PLEASE KINDLY TELL MISS HILTON THAT ALL THESE ARE IN A BID TO MOVE THIS PROJECT FORWARD AND TRY TO BEAT THE DEADLINE OF 2011.I FOR ONE KNOW THAT IT IS NOT EASY BUT SINCE SHE HAS DECLARED HER INTREST THEN SHE SHOULD TRY AND JUST LET THIS PROJECT ROLL INTO FACILITATION BY NOT WITHDRAWING HER SUPPORT.THANKS.

REGARDS
SANUSI

Quote:

Thank you for your reply.

I have spoken to Miss Hilton, and explained your email to her. I am
pleased to say that she will not withdraw from the project at this
time, but I must tell you that she remains cautious and does not fully
trust you. It is therefore crucial that you complete the sign as
quickly as possible. Please also note that Miss Hilton asked me to
remind you that it needs "lettering that is no less than three (3)
inches in height", as agreed in our early emails.

When will the sign be completed? I need to give Miss Hilton a date in
order to allay her concerns, and you need to stick to the date, as any
delay could cause her to lose faith again.

best regards
Jean Genie

PS, I asked in my previous email about the "Western Union Bank".
However, I have since been informed that "Western Union" is a money
transfer service, and I confirm that we can transfer the registration
fee and the expenses for the sign through their service, as soon as
the sign is completed. You need to advise me what the cost of the
sign will be.

Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:56 pm

wow that was pretty amazing. i cant wait to get started!!

Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:15 pm

more progress, of a sort...

Quote:

YOUR WELCOME BUT I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO THANK YOU.

I HOPE THAT YOU ARE FINE?MY REGARDS TO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS...AND MOST ESPECIALLY YOUR BOSS.

AS WITH RESPECT TO THE ISSUE OF THE COMPLETION OF THE SIGN,WE HAVE CONTACTED THE MASON WHO WILL CARRY OUT THE WORK AND HE HAS ASKED US TO GIVE HIM A SPACE OF THREE TO FOUR DAYS UPON WHICH HE WILL COMPLETE THE SIGN AND HE ASKED TO BE PAID FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS,THIS IS SO DUE TO THE INCREASING COST OF CEMENT WHICH IS A RESULT OF GLOBAL FINANCIAL MELTDOWN, BUT AS SOON AS IT IS DONE A PICTURE OF THE SIGN WILL BE SENT TO YOUR PERUSAL VIA MAIL.SO PLEASE TELL HER THAT SHE NEED NOT BE TROUBLED AT ALL.

REGARDS IN QUANTITY
SANUSI

Quote:

Thank you for the update.

You mentioned concrete, so I should remind you that our agreement is for a stone sign. Miss Hilton has always been keen to ensure that the project has a fitting memorial, and I would strongly advise you not to use cheaper materials. I am fighting hard to maintain Miss Hilton's faith in the project, and it is important that I give her reassurances about the quality of the sign. Please confirm that a stone sign is possible.

I also asked in my previous email for a definite date when the sign will be ready. It is important that I give Miss Hilton a firm date when the stone sign will be ready - a vague or open date date will not do.

The cost you mentioned for a concrete sign is well within budget, but please let me know the cost of the stone sign. I will arrange for the cost to be paid as soon as the photographs are received and shown to Miss Hilton.

best regards
Jean Genie

Quote:

Hello,
How was your weekend?
Well like i said the SIGN will be made of concrete but let us bear it in mind that the Mason asked to be given four days starting from today,and i have contacted him and he was on his way to purchase the materials with which to complete the SIGN, so like you, i also am waiting.The price given to you for the concrete sign i believe is fair?but that of the stone sign,is what i will have to find out.
I would have loved it if you could call me in the next three hours to get the details,but as for the work on the concrete sign i promise to send the picture as soon as the mason completes the job.
I hope that if i drop my number i am not asking for too much from you?maybe at most you could hide your caller id and call this numbers +234-703-485-xxxx,so that you can get through to me easily.thanks.
my warm regards to Miss Hilton.
Sanusi

Quote:

Dear Sanusi Isa

My weekend was fine, thank you - and yours?

I cannot stress too much the need to use the proper materials. When I showed your email to Miss Hilton, she was outraged to hear that you planned to use inferior materials - again, she pointed to your tendency to ignore the specific clauses of the MOU that we agreed with you. I explained that the concrete sign could simply be a test piece (made to demonstrate the appearance of the stone sign), and I pointed to the sentence where you said you will also establish the price of the stone sign. This has reassured her slightly, but you must deliver what you have promised - ie, you must complete the concrete sign this week (by Friday) and send the photographic proof.

I mentioned in my first email that we would use email (not phones) to communicate. This clause was added at Miss Hilton's specific request, as she has a morbid fear of the radiation / cancer-risk posed by mobile phones, and has forbidden her staff to use them. The use of emails (not phones) is part of our agreement, and Miss Hilton has instructed me not to deviate from the agreement until she sees proof that you are holding to your side of the agreement.

best regards
Jean Genie

Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 9:42 am

he seems to be hooked, but this will be my first trophy,
so he may yet try to slip off the hook (eg, by requesting money to complete the work).
my temporary absence is designed to prevent him trying that one, but we will see what happens.

Quote:

Dear Jean,
You have my words and as we speak he is on the job and he is making use of proper materials for the SIGN.And i am in no way deviating from the MOU,but simply making sure that no one takes advantage of the opportunity.so the photographic proof will get to you as soon as i lay my hands on it.
regards
Sanusi

Quote:

Thank you for your reassurances.

Please note that Miss Hilton and I will not be contactable during the next two days, therefore I will not be able to email you again until Friday, which is the day you have promised that the concrete sign will be ready. Please keep in constant touch with the sign-maker, to ensure that he meets the deadline, and please be sure to send the photographs. Keeping the promises that you have made is absolutely vital in order to maintain Miss Hilton's commitment to the project.

best regards
Jean Genie

Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 11:42 pm

here is my lad's first attempt at a sign - the concrete is still wet!

i am v v pleased to get an unusual trophy, but it was not exactly what i expected.
the original agreement was for a 'stone-cut sign', but i have agreed to let him make a concrete sign as a test piece.
however, i am a little disappointed by the amateurish quality, the lopsided appearance, the substandard materials, and the lack of scale (this could be the size of a postage stamp, for all i know).

naturally, i will reject it and demand a better piece next time.
i just need to mull over the mix of stick and carrot to be used in my next reply.

Here are the latest exchanges in the bait...

Quote:

I was expecting news today that the concrete sign has been completed.
You promised it would be ready today, and I do not know what to tell Miss Hilton if she asks.
What is happening? - please give me an update.
best regards
Jean Genie

Quote:

Did you get my email sent yesterday? What is happening with the sign?

Quote:

Sir, it is urgent that you get in touch with me right away, to let me know what is going on.
Jean Genie

Quote:

Greetings Jean,
I am really sorry that you are yet to get the picture of the sign...gosh i trully hate myself for this.As a matter of fact i had to rush down for a meeting with the senate regarding the issues sorrounding our organisation and i asked my P.A to make sure that you get the photo by latest Friday evening...i am only just stepping into my office this morning only to find that you sent me three mails,i am sorry i will see to it that the picture gets to you latest this evening.
please do bear with me till i esend the picture.
Reagards
Sanusi

Quote:

This is the picture you asked for...i just got it from the mason....its wet due to the rain
i am sorry this is coming late.
My regards to miss Hilton
Sanusi

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