"Either Gorram or no gorram message"

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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 11:57 pm

I got a message with a big form attached to one of my old accounts:

Quote:

FROM: THE DESKS OF DIRECTION OF OPERATION,
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.
UNITED NATION ORGANISATION
UNITED KINGDOM OFFICE.
TO:
ATTENTION:
DEAR? SIR,
????????????????? WE ARE USING THIS TO INFORM YOU THAT ORDER HAS COME FROM THE NEW DIRECTOR OF OPERATION THAT ALL FUNDS THAT WAS REMITTED INTO OUR VAULT SHOULD BE RELEASE WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT, SIR A COPY OF OUR ENQUIRY FORM IS ATTACHED WITH THE MAIL , THIS WILL ENABLE US TO KNOW THAT RIGHTFUL OWNER OF THE FUND IN ORDER NOT TO RELEASE THE FUND TO A VERY WRONGFUL PERSON ..
?????????????????? WE HAVE GONE THROUGH YOUR FILE ON OUR DESK BUT WE NEED TO CONFIRM FROM YOU AND COMPARE THE INFORMATION? PROVIDED BY YOU WITH THE ONE IN OUR HAND, KINDLY ACT FAST BECAUSE THE FUND IS READY FOR DISBURSEMENT IN YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT PROVIDED BY YOU .WE WILL BE LOOKING FORWARD FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE ACTION.
THANKS FOR THE COPERATION.
SUSSAN GRACE(SECRETARY)
DIRECTOR OF OPERATION > ???????????

Well, feeling a little contrary, and having dealt with a UN Lad last year, I wrote back as Captain Mal:

Quote:

I suggest you confer with Mr Clack on this issue as you're duplicating his efforts - not that I'm surprised; the UN screws up all the time.

The reply was just confusing (and got the name wrong anyway):

Quote:

With refrence to your mail dated 2 Jun 2009 which was refering to our department that we are trying to duplicate Mr Clark effort,Anyway if you believe that we are trying duplicate his effort then i think mr clark is in best position to release the fund to you .We normally dissolved and resolve our management when ever we suppected any foul play from any department of our organisation.
If we have to confirm from Mr Clark that means we still passing through thesame channel whereby guving room to non payment of your fund, I am now imploring you sir to please act according to our New Director of Operator Instruction submit your details with our form

Mal's retort was brief (emphasis in original):

Quote:

It's Mr Clack, not Clark. For the love of Pete, read my gorram message properly!

At this point the Lad snapped a little (emphasis added):

Quote:

Either Gorram or no gorram message, if you think you the fund kindly funish us with what we asked from you , fill the form resend it back to us .
Thank you .

This should not help at all:

Quote:

Since you're such a gorram surly bitch, it's a pleasure to tell you that Mr Clack is handling things nicely, so stick your gorram form where the sun doesn't shine.

Now, will the Lad give up, or try to save me from the other Lad?