INVOICES!

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Posted: Wed May 13, 2009 9:45 pm

All three current baits involving have hit the wall for the same reason - he won't send money without an invoice.

First up - 3ug3n3 Brand0n of Barclays Bank, who wants "80.000 GBPs":

Quote:

You can not teach me my job, i must always follow the due process of my bank- so once i confirm your payment-by receiving the payment slip then i will send you the invoice and at the same time receive approval and disburse your money into your account.

When told:

Quote:

I've known my accountant for several years, which is several years longer that I've known you, and he would advise me that any payment is preceded by an invoice.
Send me the invoice for the fee and don't bluster about due process because you are too proud to admit that you're wrong.

He proved stubborn:

Quote:

Then when you are serious you come to london. i will NOT proceed on this TRANSFER again since you don't adhere to my instructions.

Next we have J0r03n Vand3r V33r of Dutch Shell, who wants $200,000 sent to "Executive Director, Industry and Governmental Affairs of the Royal Dutch Shell" (bank account supplied and sent on to Alan).

Quote:

You must know that we have millions of Contractors working for us here in the Royal Dutch Shell and the procedure is-We have to confirm you payment FIRST before the invoice will get to you and you must also know that we are sending both the RC and the LICENCE to you.
Your own case will not be different from other contractors-So the Executive Director-Industry and Governmental Affairs Mr.MICHAEL J. CRAWFORD will have to Confirm your payment first by receiving the payment slip before the invoice, RC-NUMBER and that of the LICENCE will be issued to you.

When Mal insisted:

Quote:

You follow no business model that I've ever heard of. I'm sorry, but I am going to insist; unless I get an invoice I'm sending no money.
It's stupid that you'd dig in your heels over such a basic and simple mistake on your part.

He too proved stubborn:

Quote:

I have known from this minute that you are not serious, because I told you to come to our office in London before you pay for the Issuance of the RC and that of the LICENCE and what you told me was that you had problem at the Heathrow airport and that they might still Recognise your face and because of that I rescheduled our management meeting of the company to take place at Amsterdam, Netherlands and this I have not done since my inception as the MD/CEO of Royal Dutch Shell.
You have be saucy and rude to me all this while but I just wanted to give you a chance to be integrated into the Oil and Gas, but since you have proved all my efforts Abortive, I will have no other option than to decline the Contract Proposal that I gave you.
How can you be asking me to give you an invoice while you are paying for your RC registration and Issuance of my companies Licence and I personally told you that everything will get to you once we confirm your payment by receiving the payment slip or you can as well come to London your self and make the payment in our office, this is how we have been dealing with all other contractors that are working for us. You must also know that SHELL is worldwide, so you can as well work into any of our offices in USA and verify and ask of me.
However, there will be no need for all this protocols again because I have already Decline the Contract Proposals that I gave you.

If anyone wants to be my (shady) lawyer, then there's an opening here... Ninastian, this might well mean you...

Lastly, we have Major General Nu3l Na55a who's a bit peeved because I accused him of trying to keep back $300,000 of the contract fee that I'm owed, and wants a $365 delivery fee (loser!)

Quote:

Reference to our telephone conversation [which didn't happen BTW], the Order of Release shall be made available as at when due. The Senate on financial matters is on it. Meanwhile, an invoice can not be issued excpet the delivery fee is confirmed by the account department through Money Gram or Western Union.

Therefore, indicate when you shall send the fee so the delivery can take effect ASAP. Below is the name of the account officer to receive the payment.

<snipped>
Upon receipt of the delivery fee, it shall be attached with your payment file and the ATM which will be submitted for clearance. Only then an invoice will be issued on your behalf.

For him - early days yet.

Na55s's probably just lazy; not sure about Brand0n; but Vander Veer is standing to lose $200,000 - how dumb is that?

Posted: Wed May 13, 2009 10:02 pm

Oh don't they like to sound like dickswinging big men! It's great that they will at least drive off some potential vics with their incomprehensible interpretation of standard business practise. As if Shell in Nigeria pay without invoices indeed. There is no limit to the amount of screwed a business would be if they couldn't prove their accounts to the tax man!

Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 12:07 am

Update... Lads are in italics

First 3ug3n3 Brand0n:

Mal wrote back

Quote:

You seem to have forgotten something - that I'm the customer, and the customer is always right!
Now do as you're told.

He didn't see things that way:

Quote:

I have just told you that I will not proceed FURTHER on this Transfer, you also seem to forget that the money am transfering into your account is a huge amount and am just trying to make it an express transfer for you and you are here ordering me about.
I will not proceed further on this transfer again and i don't know why you are still writing me all this e-mails,because i have already told you that i will not proceed further again.

Quote:

If you think I'm going to send you $120,000 without the proper documentation, then you are blowing smoke, Bubba-louie.

A quick reminder of the wealth that could be his... but no!

Quote:

I have told you earlier that am not going to proceed further on this transfer again; come to barclays bank here london if you still want this transfer bdone fast as you requested.
Hav a nice day and stop pushing further!

Vand3r V33r didn't like Mal's approach any better:

Quote:

Then you can as well do as it pleases you, but from this moment, i consider it that you are not serious and i have to look into other tenders that i have here with me. am a very busy man if you must know and i can not continue writing all this mail.

Quote:

You have be saucy and rude to me all this while but I just wanted to give you a chance to be integrated into the Oil and Gas, but since you have proved all my efforts Abortive, I will have no other option than to decline the Contract Proposal that I gave you.

Quote:

How can you be asking me to give you an invoice while you are paying for your RC registration and Issuance of my companies Licence and I personally told you that everything will get to you once we confirm your payment by receiving the payment slip or you can as well come to London your self and make the payment in our office, this is how we have been dealing with all other contractors that are working for us. You must also know that SHELL is worldwide, so you can as well work into any of our offices in USA and verify and ask of me.
However, there will be no need for all this protocols again because I have already Decline the Contract Proposals that I gave you.

Over at General Nu55a:

Quote:

What the Sam Frick do you mean by "Reference to our telephone conversation"? We haven't spoken on the phone and couldn't have spoken on the phone! I haven't been able to use a phone since early 2004.
And I don't know what the hell you mean by "an invoice can not be issued excpet the delivery fee is confirmed" - invoices are issued before payment; everyone knows that. Just see to it and don't argue.

Don't argue? Rolling Eyes

Quote:

You are right we couldn't have spoken. My mistake and I apologize.Perhaps the files on my desk is too much.
However, you are in no position to tell me how to do my job. This is not a grocery store where an invoice is issued at the slightes purchase of peanut or whatever. The is a government and you must understand that due process have to be followed. Definately you wouldn't be an exception among hundred of payment presently being processed.
I will urge to stop further communication with this office. Provide a written authorization so we can revoke your payment and stop my preciouse time. What is so difficult with a simple details that delivery fee have to be confirmed by the account department before card can be dispatched.

I was hoping for some sort of rant:

Quote:

I never - and I repeat never - have paid a fee or account of any kind without the appropriate paperwork. I have no idea where you got that grocery store metaphor from, but it's about as relevant as your gorram starsign. Lawyers, dentists, electricians, local councils, everybody supplies a bill, invoice, or statement of demand before payment is made.
So stop ranting like some perfumed and powdered nancy-boy and do your gorram job. I may have only reached Captain rank, but at least I behave like a rational adult.

But no!

Quote:

I hereby write to bring draw your mind to this transaction. Your international atm/debit card is ready and waiing for delivery without wasting time.
I am doing my job and do note that I am for an assignment and all I have to do is to make sure that this done accordingly.
Base on this, you are advised to comply with me by making sure that delivery charges are taken care of as I have given you every detail information in one of my previous mail.

Here are three Lads who seemingly had payday at hand - two of them with six-figure sums - yet would not do the one simple thing needful to get that money. Be it stubborn pride or simple laziness, it's just bizarre.

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

Quote:

This is not a grocery store where an invoice is issued at the slightes purchase of peanut or whatever.

Obviously lad had some confusion understanding the difference between receipt and invoice...he must have ditched class the day they taught that in business school.

Master Baiter Joined: 20 Apr 2009 Posts: 120 Location: USA

I would email them all and thank them for the invoice their partner, Mr. Gomer, has finally sent along with the revised payment details. Razz

Not quite a Newb Joined: 06 Aug 2006 Posts: 37

Did somebody say dolla chop?

Because I think I heard somebody say dolla chop.

Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 2:48 am

The first two are really beyond chopping - the third one, though, is definitely going to be Gomered.

Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 8:12 am

I don't think most Lads understand what an Invoice is. I've found that sending them this link helps:

http://biztaxlaw.about.com/od/glossaryi/g/invoicedef.htm

They seem to particularly like the line:

Quote:

The invoice establishes an obligation on the part of the purchaser to pay.