Lawson Brown meets the FLB - some NSFW abuse

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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:30 pm

The Cast

Mr Lawson Brown played by the Lad
Ethel played by me
The F3deral Lending B0ard (FLB) played by me
The US/Nigerian Embassy played by the Lad
The EFCC played by the Lad
Mr G0mer played by me
The other FLB played by the Lad

I emailed a load of loan lads asking them to send me a copy of their Lender's Licence. Most of them did't reply, Mr Lawson Brown is one of the unfortunate (for him) ones who did.

Day 1

Mr Lawson Brown replies to Ethel's request

Quote:

Hello,

I got your mail, thanks for your question i want you to know that i am liscenced and legit loan lender okay.. i want you to know that i am register lender you don't have to be bother about not get a loan from my company okay.. i assure that you will get your loan all you need to do is for you to fill out the loan application form so that we can proceed with the loan okay..

HERE IS THE LOAN APPLICATION FORM AGAIN :

NAME:
CONTACT ADDRESS:
COUNTRY:
DATE OF BIRTH:
GENDER:
MARITAL STATUS:
ADDRESS OF NEXT OF KIN:
TELPHONE NUMBER :
AMOUNT REQUIRED AS LOAN:
DURATION OF LOAN:
PURPOSE OF LOAN:
MONTHLY INCOME

As soon as you fill this form get back to me so that we can proceed with the transfer.

Best Regards
Mr Peterson Eirc.....

Ethel replies

Quote:

Please provide me with a copy of your Nevada State Lender's Liscence as mandated under Senate #14197

Thank you

Ethel

The lad obviously spends a few hours hard at work with Photoshop and replies -

Quote:

Here is my company certificate, so just get back to me as soon as you confirm it,okay

Day 2
Ethel replies with suitable distain

Quote:

Dear Mr Brown,

While your certificate is very pretty to look at, it is not a Liscence to transact business in the State of Nevada.

Please kindly either forward me your proper liscence or admit to the fact that you are not liscenced to do business in the State of Nevada.

Thank you

Day 3
The lad replies

Quote:

Any way your mail was well recieved by me, but the truth of the matter is the license that I send to you before is my company licensed certificate so if you cannot do business with that then let forget this transaction,okay....

Ethel decides to report him to the 'authorities'

Quote:

Dear Mr Brown,

I assume that as you have failed to provide your Nevada State Lender's Liscence, you are not liscenced to transact business in the State of Nevada.

Since you have wasted so much of my time, I am going to report your company to the FLB for false representation of business legality.

Thank you

Day 4
Most sensible lads would have given Ethel up as a bad job, but as we will see Lawson Brown is far from sensible

Quote:

me will be reporting you to the EFCC and FBI.....so be warned

Ethel is really scared by that threat

Quote:

Good luck with that, I've done nothing wrong. You are the one who is offering loans in States that you are not liscenced to transact business in.

And who the hell are the EFCC?

Lawson Brown replies in surprising fashion

Quote:

Hello,

I got your mail, i want you to know that i am liscenced loan lender and if you really need this loan i want you to tell me the amount you want as loan and loan duration so that we can proceed okay..

So Ethel replies

Quote:

If you are liscenced then please provide me with either a copy of your liscence or your liscence number.

I am not going to put myself in difficulty for dealing with unliscenced lenders.

Day 9
Ethel gives the lad a prod

Quote:

I am keen to progress my loan application, so I would appreciate a response from you.

Regards

Ethel

Lawson Brown replies, obviously unaware of where he is in the scam

Quote:

Dear Applicant,

We give loan to private company and individuals. You can find some vital information about the loan we offer below. In getting a loan from our company, there are some information we need to pass across to you before we can proceed to the application process .

INTEREST RATE: In the loan we offer, we do charge 3% Interest rate .

AMOUNT GIVEN: We Give Out A Minimum Amount Of $2,500.00 to A Maximum of $100,000.000.

INFORMATION NEEDED: As for the information needed, you will need to fill an application which contains your personal information and also the loan information, this will help us give you a full documentation of the loan terms and agreement contract which you will be expected to sign and send back to the company for approval if satisfied.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO HAVE YOUR LOAN APPROVED? After receiving your application form,The loan terms,conditions and repayment plan will be send to you and once you are in agreement with the conditions of your loan .all documents will be forwarded to you either by fax or email attachment, approval document follows . So I will rather say, it will take 48hours to have your loan processed, approved and released to you.

For Notification,We Offer Loan to people that needs it and Loan is Offered from the range of 2,000.00 to 10,000,000.00 and also mainly in any curency USD, GBP, EURO E.T.C, interest rate is 3% So, I will like you to get back to me with the amount You Need as Loan and duration to pay back the loan so that i can get back to you with More Informations Regarding this Loan.

HOW DO I APPLY? Please fill this application form below:

LOAN APPLICATION FORM
First Name:......................... .....

Last Name.......................... ....

Sex:.......................... .......

Date of Birth:........................ ......

Place of Birth:........................ ......

Marital Status:....................... .......

Occupation:................... ..................

Monthly income:....................... .........

Home Address:......................

Phone No:........................... .......

City:......................... ...............

Zip Code.......................... .................

State:........................ .................

Country:...................... .......................

Loan Amount :.......................... .......

Loan Period:....................... ................

Purpose of Loan:......................... .................

E-mail address:...................... ................

Have You Applied Before?....................... .................

We believe we have been able to answer most of the questions that are frequently asked by loan applicants before securing a loan. In agreement to the above rules/policies, you are expected to fill the form provided above. Thanks for your understanding and for choosing this firm.
Regards,

Mr.Lawson Brown

Day 10
Ethel isn't impressed

Quote:

Dear Mr Brown,

Did you bother reading my email? I asked you to confirm that you were liscenced to transact business in the State of Nevada.

Kindly answer my question.

Thank you

Lawson Brown now seems to be losing the plot

Quote:

In that case be ready to see me in court with you, because I will be going to the embassy to lay this report to them that you are a thief..and you about to steal my money..

Ethel replies

Quote:

Dear Mr Brown,

Have you been smoking something that you shouldn't have? Or are you just mentally unstable?

I simply asked you to confirm that you are liscenced to lend money in the State that I reside in and you have failed to do so. I am therefore doing my duty as a citizen of the State of Nevada and reporting an unliscenced lender to the FLB.

How exactly am I stealing your money? If you aren't liscenced then I won't be able to get money from you.

Have fun at the embassy, I'm sure your attendance there will give all the staff a good laugh.

An hour later, the FLB sends this to Lawson Brown

Quote:

Dear Sir,

We have received a report from a resident of the State of Nevada that you are attempting to offer loans to residents of Nevada.

I have reviewed our register of registered lenders, and your details do not appear on it.

I would remind you that it is a federal offence punishable by up to 10 years in a federal penetantiary, for unregistered lenders to offer loans to residents of Nevada.

Please note that your details have been placed on the register of unlicenced lenders and further complaints against you will result in a full investigation being commenced.

If you feel that there has been some sort of error, please provide details of your registration.

Yours faithfully

Jefferson B. Seinfeld
Head of Compliance

Lawson Brown bravely replies to the FLB

Quote:

You can go to hell for all I care....I have every right to give out loan to who ever that need loan,okay...

In the meantime, Ethel receives this from the US/Nigerian Embassy

Quote:

Good day

From the Chairman of the US Embassy and the Nigeria Embassy...there is a report from the Nigeria EFCC and the FBI that you 3thel D1ckstuffer (Ms) have been insaulting Mr Lawson Brown...

The question is do you know you can be arrested for insaulting this Him, if you want to apply for a loan Nevada you should learn to confirm the country the person his before asking for a loan, you told him that you need a loan and at the same time you were telling him to provide his licence of lender which he did, and at the same time you have the impatues to report him to the FLB who do you think the are the FLB who are incharge of everything..

Now I will advice you to write back to Mr Lawson Brown and Apologize to him because his a well know man in the country he doesn't like all this nonsense you are doing, I have personally contacted the FLB and ask them to get hold of your address and get you arrested anything you do anything funny...

You better be care in the state of Nevada because anything can happen to you if you dont care time...

If you have any problem with them kindly get back to us so that we can assist you to get your fund transfered to you,okay...

Thanks..
Embassy...
peace and honesty is our...

And this arrives from Lawson Brown, seconds later

Quote:

Let see what will happen next in this story..because everything about you insault have been forwarded to the embassy..

The FLB reply to Brown

Quote:

Dear Mr Brown,

I am afraid that you are very much mistaken. Unless you are registered to provide loans to residents of Nevada, then you are not permitted to give out those loans.

I see that you are based in Nigeria and would therefore advise you that we work very closely with the EFCC and will be forwarding your details on to them. I would further more advise you that your details will be placed on the National Lending Association blacklist, and will be viewable by all American citizens.

If you wish to offer loans to residents of Nevada, then we would welcome your application for registration.

Yours sincerely

Jefferson B. Seinfeld
Head of Compliance

OK, it's a Friday afternoon and I'm bored at work, so I decide to have a bit of fun - Ethel has been incorrectly accused of insulting Brown, so we might as well start doing so (imagine the insult in a large red font)

Quote:

The FLB have told me that you are definitely not registered to give loans, so they are passing your details to the EFCC.

And if you want an insult, well here you are -

You are a little boy who fucks goats

There we are, now run off and cry to the embassy.

And Ethel replies to the Embassy

Quote:

Dear Sirs,

Too right I have been insaulting Mr Lawson Brown and I will continue to do so as he is an idiot.

I asked him numerous times to either provide his liscence or confirm that he was unable to offer me a loan. However he insisted that he was authorised, so I passed his details to the FLB to check him.

The FLB have told me that Mr Lawson Brown is not a registered person and is therefore not entitled to give loans to residents of Nevada.

I personally think that Mr Lawson Brown has some sort of mental illness, and is probably an escaped mental patient.

Kind regards

The embassy reply to Ethel

Quote:

Good day

If you actuall know what is Good for you, you better mind your business, because the EFCC are informed about this and they will be contacting you as soon as possible..

And Brown replies to the FLB

Quote:

I have know problem with the EFCC, if you like tell them any thing you which to tell them if you like add my name to the black list but I will make sure you rout in hell...

And right on cue, the EFCC write to Ethel

Quote:

A report came to us from the office of the Us Embassy and the Nigeria Embassy and also from FLB that you have been asking for liscence of lender from Mr Lawson Brown but it was not shown to you...

One thing I want you to know is that Mr Lawson is well know loan right here in Nigeria and in USA, his firm was estiblish in the year 1995 and was approved by the Government of Nigeria and the EFCC worldwide, so I want to know why you want to spoil is name for nothing, simply because you applied for a loan is firm...

All the message you have sent to him for insaulting him and for accussing him have been forwarded to our table for investigation, the FLB know that Mr Lawson Brown loan firm was approved as a loan lender right from the year 1995...

Any way if you need more information about him kindly get back to us...

DO AS I HAVE INSTRUCTED YOU TO DO.

Ethel replies to the Embassy

Quote:

Dear Sirs,

What does this have to do with the EFCC?

I am a citizen of the USA, the EFCC have no control over me.

Kind regards

Lawson Brown replies to Ethel's insult

Quote:

I still feel sorry for you because you are just digging your grave...

The embassy reply to Ethel

Quote:

And what actually make you think that the EFCC have no control over you, you are trying to bring down the personality of a good and honest man who have help some many people to achieve their goal and you are tell me this have nothing to do with the efcc,..So many thing here have to do with the efcc...You started it all and you will surely finish it all alone...

Ethel replies to Brown (large red font again)

Quote:

POOR LITTLE GOAT FUCKER

Ethel replies to the EFCC

Quote:

Since when did the EFCC have any say in the legislation of the USA?

The fact is that Mr Brown is not liscenced to lend money in the State of Nevada, and therefore should not be attempting to do so.

The FLB have no record of Mr Brown's registration, so I don't know why you are claiming that they do. Perhaps you would like to forward me a copy of the email from the FLB that says he is registered.

Have a nice day.

And Ethel replies to the Embassy

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I am a resident of Nevada USA and the only people that I answer to are the State and Federal Governments.

As far as I am concerned, the EFCC are nothing and have no power over me what so ever.

As a US Embassy, you should be fully aware of that.

Regards

The EFCC reply to Ethel

Quote:

IF that is what you want to no problem I will personally send you all that the FLB have sent to me about the Mr Lawson Brown, One thing about to tell you is that you should learn to confirm something good about somebody before insaulting him, and let me tell you as soon as I send you the copy from the FLB you will apologize to Mr lawson Brown if not you will not like what i will do to you, is a promise...

DO AS I HAVE INSTRUCTED YOU TO DO.

Lawson Brown replies to Ethel's 2nd insult

Quote:

I will personally make sure you pay for this insault,okay..

Ethel replies to the EFCC

Quote:

Ooh I'm so scared, I am shaking in my pants.

I look forward to receiving the information that you have received from the FLB.

However, I will not be apologizing to Mr Brown as the fact is that he is an idiot.

Regards

And Ethel replies to Brown (Large red underlined font with yellow background)

Quote:

GOAT FUCKER
GOAT FUCKER
GOAT FUCKER
GOAT FUCKER
GOAT FUCKER
GOAT FUCKER
GOAT FUCKER
GOAT FUCKER
GOAT FUCKER

The EFCC reply to Ethel, forwarding a copy of an email from an account they have set up in the name of the FLB

Quote:

This is to inform all that client who seek for loan financially, that Mr Lawson Brown is a registered loan lender between the state of Nevada and other state in particular. this message is brought to you contesy FLB... to the efcc worldwide..

And the Embassy write to Ethel

Quote:

The efcc have every right over this situation of thing...they will make you understand everything..

The FLB reply to Brown

Quote:

Dear Mr Lawson Brown,

Firstly, I have to congratulate you on what must be the most pathetic attempt at fraud that I have ever seen during my career in Financial Regulation. You are now famous throughout the FLB and the entire staff are laughing at your stupidity.

Ms D1ckstuffer has forwarded me all the email that she has received from you, 'the EFCC' and the 'US/Nigerian Embassy'. These emails are of course all written by you or your friends. I will be forwarding all of these emails to the real EFCC for them to deal with as they see fit.

Most pathetic of all was your attempt to forward an email preporting to be from the FLB.

If I was you, I would give up on the advanced fee fraud and get a job cleaning toilets, it is more your intellectual level.

Yours sincerely

Jefferson B. Seinfeld
Head of Compliance

Lawson Brown replies to Ethel's last threat

Quote:

There is one thing you dont know, I am an AFRICA MAN we are full of MAGIC, I can make you a blind man anytime anyday,,but I just want the EFCC to carry out their investigation first before i personally teach you a lesson...

And the EFCC write to Ethel again

Quote:

I have you confirm the forwarded message I send I forward to you from the FLB in Nevada, if you have not you better do because that was the message i recieved from them so there is no way i should be lieing to you,,,

You know what are claiming too know but if you dont take time you will rout in hell that I promise you,,We have every right to arrest who ever that is trying to flame the other up, with what you are trying to do now is that you are trying to flame Mr Lawson Brown up, but dont worry we will definitely get hold of you with time....

If you know what is good for you kindly contact mr lawson and apologize to him before is too late, if you are wondering how we get your email the us embassy and the FLB forward your information to us...

DO AS I HAVE INSTRUCTED YOU TO DO.

Ethel now receives an email from someone claiming to be the FLB

Quote:

Why did you have to contact the efcc and tell them that you were inform by us that Mr Lawson Brown is not a legit loan lender why, do you know that you can put yourself into trouble with the allogation, Mr Lawson Brown loan firm was estiblish in the year 1995 and was approved by the government of Nigeria and the EFCC worldwide, so why are you trying to put us into trouble with the EFCC, dont you know they can arrest anything that mess up with them, please get back to them and tell them I never discuss anything like these with you,okay...

Ethel replies to the Embassy

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I didn't realise that the US Embassy employed such idiots.

The EFCC are as important to me as a piece of shit on the bottom of my shoe.

Regards

Ethel

And Ethel replies to Brown (the insult is again in a big red font)

Quote:

Only simple people believe in magic.

The fact remains that you are a little boy who fucks goats with his disease ridden penis.

And Ethel replies to the EFCC (with the now customary large red font)

Quote:

I received your email that you claim was from the FLB and I laughed at it. I even forwarded it to the real FLB, so that they could see how stupid you are.

I will not apologize to Mr Brown, I will continue to insult him. And here is one for you.

YOU ARE AN HIV RIDDEN HOMOSEXUAL WHO'S FATHER FUCKS HIM UP THE ARSE.

And Ethel writes to the lad's FLB

Quote:

I suggest you speak to Mr Seinfeld in your Compliance Department.

He is fully aware of Mr Brown's fraudulant activities and is working with the EFCC to investigate him.

Regards

Ethel

Day 11
Not surprisingly, there is no reply from any of the Lad's characters overnight, so Ethel fires of one last email to rub salt into the wounds

Quote:

How does it feel to know you've been beaten by a woman?

Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:22 am

Quote:

I have personally contacted the FLB and ask them to get hold of your address and get you arrested anything you do anything funny...

This bait was funny, hope you haven't been arrested yet for "insault"

Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 9:57 am

One thing I liked about that was that it didn't take long to get him completely off track (he didn't even get a chance to ask for money!) - it must have taken him ages to come up with all those emails from different bodies. Smile

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 02 May 2009 Posts: 2

That's hilarious, nice one Laughing

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