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Stargate
Baiting Guru
Joined: 08 Feb 2005
Posts: 2301
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Posted:
Sun May 03, 2009 4:32 am |
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I wish the regular flu would be as "deadly" as this swine flu has been. The U.S. death toll is in the tens of thousands every year from "regular". The swine flu has only killed 1. Hardly anything I'm going to concern myself with. I think I'm more likely to choke on my bacon sandwich. |
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Lobo
419Eater is my life
Joined: 04 Aug 2007
Posts: 368
Location: Adrift in cyberspace
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Posted:
Tue May 05, 2009 10:07 pm |
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Prep for Swine Flu officially began on our campus today. The rest of the IT staff and myself spent the day using disinfecting wipes on a couple hundred keyboards and mice. (Oh what glamorous jobs you find working in the IT field... ) |
_________________ x8 x19
Lobo's List of Lads that can't spell F*CK:
DONT FULK WITH US PAUL !! Agent Monday Snipper
FORK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Moses Modese
"write to me and tell to me more about myself" KristinaLove
"i might be shit to another time which might be in 3weeks or 1month" Raymond Miller mass bait
"you will be pilled to death" Adamu Ibrahim
"why is western union hard this time please?" Mr. Morgan
JOIN THE PACK! |
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GomerPyle
Baiting Guru
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 8875
Location: Wherever I lay my hat
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Posted:
Tue May 05, 2009 10:21 pm |
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How can you be so uncaring ??????
27 people felt a bit poorly in the UK.
I just saw on TV they're scrapping exams in schools hit by the flu. Why ? - does it make you stupid ? I guess that answers itself really.
A worldwide pandemic of sniffly noses and interfering bureaucrats telling you how to sneeze in accordance with government guidelines.
Saints preserve us. |
_________________ Fake sites killed 1 x 9 x 3 x 168 X
- the 'Asparagus Kid' - Accra to Lome - You Must surly Die in The Name Of Jesus Christ
- Steve - Lagos to Accra
- Frank - Lagos to Cotonou - co-bait with the vampire
- Shorty - Lagos to Cotonou - My Agro Base farming where i rearing chicken and other animals was set ablazed overnight and we do not know who is actual behinde all these evils! -
I and my crew was locked up for 3 good days….They wanted to charge us to court but later we are fined an huge amount of money…I asked them why did they arrest the men, they started laughing and saying all sorts mockering words! -
…because now, am left with nothing and remember i told you my Guy (Joe) gave up earlier this morning |
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Dutch
Baiting Guru
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 4204
Location: Dislocated
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Posted:
Tue May 05, 2009 10:40 pm |
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**Aaa** *AAAAA* *OINK* ******AAAAAAAHHHHHH..... CHOOOOO****
Pharmaceutics marketing and lobbying is working great so far. In history, there were never so few Brits feeling poorly at the same time. Amazing, all this... |
_________________ deadified fake websites) x 374
x11 x a couple
Yes we can! (with a bit of help) |
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callum
Director of Press Relations
Joined: 29 May 2004
Posts: 3631
Location: On the run from the asylum and this seems like a good place to hide. Blend right in...
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 12:07 am |
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Official Press Release
SWINE FLU ORIGIN FOUND - CRAP!
The origin of swine flu has been traced back to the worldwide movement towards political correctness.
Not so long ago a schoolboy in the eastern Ukraine, pissed off at having to do yet another book review, decided to spice up his report by rewriting the ending of the Tale of The Three Little Pigs. In his version of events the big bad wolf was captured in a net, beaten with various blunt objects, forced to stand in a large vat on one leg holding a fish in his left hand, a pineapple in the other, while balancing a loaf of bread and quart of milk on his head. The vat was slowly filled with cold porridge until the wolf, named Alfred, drowned.
Unfortunately this new take on an old fable found it's way into the hands of one Alfred Snickle-Bottom. The resulting cries of discrimination set alarm bells ringing in deep in the crap-originating bowels of the ICPN (International Colalition for PC Nonsense) who immediately assigned a team of 17 gender unspecified socio-economically boring nitwits to prevent further potential embarassment to all the Alfred's or Alfredo's out there.
Their toil and labour over 3 weeks days culminated in the release of the ICPN sanctioned PC Tale of The Three Little Pigs. An excerpt from this new edition follows;
Quote: |
The three little slightly red four legged life forms with curly tails were unable to invite Alfredo in for a cup of tea.
This was because live coverage of the National Non-Competitive Tiddlywink Games was about to being.
The three little slightly red four legged life forms with curly tails really enjoyed watching non-competitive tiddlywinks!
Alfredo was a little upset, so he said in a slightly louder tone than normal, "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your h... your hou... yo... ACHOO!
That's right, he sneezed!
"I'll huff and I'll pu...CHOO!"
"I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll b... b... blo... AH I'll .... AHHHH.... CHOOO!
Poor Alfredo had possibly contracted influenza!
He couldn't finish his words no matter how hard he tried.
Poor Alfredo.
So Alfredo left the dwelling of the three little slightly red four legged life forms with curly tails and went to find a doctor.
The three little slightly red four legged life forms with curly tails were able to watch the National Non-Competitive Tiddlywink Games, happily ever after.
THE END |
Scientists studing swine flu have traced the current H1N1 strain of influenza back to the gates of the ICPN complex in an unspecified neutrally affliated country. It appears that the current release of PC crap without common sense and "If you are taking any notice of this crap you really need to get a life" disclaimer stickers resulted in someone swallowing the crap, allowing this specific case of influenza to cross the boundary between fantasy and reality.
Office of the Director of Press Relations |
_________________ Do you have a concern about ethics? Click here, then here and finally HERE!
Bush goat you will meat like a chicken. It will kill you in your house where you are going to die.
I owe you quite simply one of the definitive experiences of my life.
x 2 teeny part of a large effort x29 x5
Trolling is usually symptomatic of bad character, mental problems or ugliness - RIP Jock_2009
Last edited by callum on Wed May 06, 2009 12:30 am; edited 1 time in total |
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lotta
Baiting Guru
Joined: 08 Jun 2005
Posts: 13613
Location: 2 Speckled Cct Springfield Lakes QLD 4300
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 12:13 am |
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Absolutely brilliant Callum
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_________________ <a href="/forum/donate.php">[Click here to donate to 419Eater.com]</a> Lead Support Contact for Missing Posts - (pm me)
bank kills
Alan James Watson (AKA Bi Gal, AKA Big Al, AKA De Master Yoda) -2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 "Doos of the year" award winner
Frederick Fokker:
"I am giving you about a month to get your act together, i am cutting you and the eater a bit of slack"
Dec 11, 2007
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Corona
Baiting Guru
Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8809
Location: On ya left!
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 12:17 am |
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GomerPyle
Baiting Guru
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 8875
Location: Wherever I lay my hat
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 9:54 am |
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We almost reached pandemic level 6
At that stage
- you are entitled to shoot anyone who sneezes in public
- infected bodies will be burned in the streets
- handcarts will travel the country with the cry "bring out your dead"
- leather clad biker gangs will take over civil administration
- governments will depart planet earth on a specially reserved space ship
It's not all bad news then. |
_________________ Fake sites killed 1 x 9 x 3 x 168 X
- the 'Asparagus Kid' - Accra to Lome - You Must surly Die in The Name Of Jesus Christ
- Steve - Lagos to Accra
- Frank - Lagos to Cotonou - co-bait with the vampire
- Shorty - Lagos to Cotonou - My Agro Base farming where i rearing chicken and other animals was set ablazed overnight and we do not know who is actual behinde all these evils! -
I and my crew was locked up for 3 good days….They wanted to charge us to court but later we are fined an huge amount of money…I asked them why did they arrest the men, they started laughing and saying all sorts mockering words! -
…because now, am left with nothing and remember i told you my Guy (Joe) gave up earlier this morning |
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Roycropper
Baiting Guru
Joined: 14 Nov 2005
Posts: 7992
Location: Luxury Coffin
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 11:39 am |
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I qualify to help take over civil admin then, but I cant be bothered. Just help yourselves.
Re the spaceship, they did that in Hitchikers Guide, and sent off the 'useless third' of society. Eventually those left behind all died from a disease caught from an unsanitized phone.
Speaking of which, you all underestimate Swine Flu. It made a posh girl feel dizzy
Flu girl, 12, felt faint and dizzy
Glad the Sun still focuses on what's really important. |
_________________ the European Union has bounced on our freckles
COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT TO THE BANK
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
I WLL SEND AN AFRICA WITCH TO ATTACH YOU BASTARD
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
MY FRIEND ALEX WAS DETAINED IN POLICE STATION
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
x4 6Yrs x6 |
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Dutch
Baiting Guru
Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 4204
Location: Dislocated
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 12:51 pm |
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Thanks for the heads up Roy. And here we were, making jokes about it...
Updated symptoms list:
* fever, which is usually high
* cough
* runny nose or stuffy nose
* sore throat
* body aches
* headache
* chills
* fatigue or tiredness, which can be extreme
* diarrhea and vomiting (sometimes)
* faint- and dizziness to posh girls |
_________________ deadified fake websites) x 374
x11 x a couple
Yes we can! (with a bit of help) |
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Sir Cumfrence
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 907
Location: Relatively here.
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 12:59 pm |
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@ Roy,
Apparently we are the descendants of those useless Golgafrinchans so just be thankful we haven't succumbed to any virulent telephone diseases. |
_________________ x 1245 |
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JMRazor
Baiting Guru
Joined: 03 Mar 2006
Posts: 7103
Location: Yes
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 1:10 pm |
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Corona
Baiting Guru
Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8809
Location: On ya left!
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 4:44 pm |
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GomerPyle
Baiting Guru
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 8875
Location: Wherever I lay my hat
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 6:18 pm |
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This could be devastating to the British economy as Persimmony and Tabitha aren't allowed to frequent the pony riding stables and are forced to stay at home wearing garish pants and socks.
Anyone with swine flu should be sent to Mid-Staffs Hospital.
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_________________ Fake sites killed 1 x 9 x 3 x 168 X
- the 'Asparagus Kid' - Accra to Lome - You Must surly Die in The Name Of Jesus Christ
- Steve - Lagos to Accra
- Frank - Lagos to Cotonou - co-bait with the vampire
- Shorty - Lagos to Cotonou - My Agro Base farming where i rearing chicken and other animals was set ablazed overnight and we do not know who is actual behinde all these evils! -
I and my crew was locked up for 3 good days….They wanted to charge us to court but later we are fined an huge amount of money…I asked them why did they arrest the men, they started laughing and saying all sorts mockering words! -
…because now, am left with nothing and remember i told you my Guy (Joe) gave up earlier this morning |
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Jay leno
train boi
Joined: 04 Nov 2008
Posts: 697
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 6:22 pm |
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callum
Director of Press Relations
Joined: 29 May 2004
Posts: 3631
Location: On the run from the asylum and this seems like a good place to hide. Blend right in...
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 8:29 pm |
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The one and only pig in Afganistan (known appropriately as "Pig") has been removed from public display the the Kabul zoo.
Apparently they used to have two pigs and a few piglets until an unfortunate incident involving the zoo's bear...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/may/06/kabul-pig-quarantined
Which reminds me I need to buy some bacon for the rolled chicken fillet things I'm cooking tonight.
Jay leno wrote: |
My Local PCT issued a leaflet entitled "What should you do if you have swine fever?" |
Did the options include taking public transportation to the nearest doctor per chance? |
_________________ Do you have a concern about ethics? Click here, then here and finally HERE!
Bush goat you will meat like a chicken. It will kill you in your house where you are going to die.
I owe you quite simply one of the definitive experiences of my life.
x 2 teeny part of a large effort x29 x5
Trolling is usually symptomatic of bad character, mental problems or ugliness - RIP Jock_2009 |
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Nanny Ogg
Baiting Guru
Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 2628
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Posted:
Wed May 06, 2009 9:01 pm |
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@ Callum_ That was a brilliant story.
To be on the safe side I will keep away from posh folk.
Imagine if one gets dizzy and keels over into you. What an embarrassing way to die
I'd like to nominate a swine to get the flu.
My pal's ex. |
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Newdonym
Elite Baiter
Joined: 19 Jan 2008
Posts: 1043
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Posted:
Thu May 07, 2009 1:49 pm |
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Badger Grylls
Chemically Abused
Joined: 26 Mar 2009
Posts: 395
Location: Outlying Wastelands of Bolton
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Posted:
Thu May 07, 2009 1:52 pm |
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Personally I think it will be more devastating when Goat Flu raises its ugly head...all the lads would have to refrain from closeness with their 4 footed companions |
_________________ x2
My life is finshed, please Sir tell me what to do, since the day you let me know the death of Hugh Janus.......Mary Jane Ben
Fuck you Fuck you keep your TWAT I opens my own TWAT......Naomi Alyiou |
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