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 Dutch Dying Rich Widow - Forms on page 3

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Master of Puppets
Baiting Guru


Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Posts: 3295
Location: Pulling the Strings


PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 10:12 am Reply with quoteBack to top

So... I was recently contacted by a certain 'old' lady whose husband passed away. Now she has cancer and hasn't
got long to live anymore, but of course: what disturbs her most is her stroke. I'm going for a TWAT-induction here if possible. If not: all weird stuff will suffice. I has now gotten to the point were it's becoming silly and it might get worthwhile to read... I'll post new conversation regularly, this lad seems to be quite active.


Lad characters: (ALL played by the same lad)
Red mrs (the dying, rich widow)
Red mrs (I get confused sometimes... is same person as above)
Blue mr , the painfully stupid attorney (played by the same lad as mrs A/C)
Green mr (the new attorney)
Orange ICB Bank/

Baiters:
Violet Reverend (played by Badger Grylls)
Black Simon (0swald Cr4tes) = me
Olive Reverend = me

While reading, note that (especially in the beginning) the timestamps from mrs Comfort's mails and those from Barr John are very close together. This is obviously one lad.

The format:
mrs Comfort wrote:

From:
To: Simon
Sent: Tuesday, April 7, 2009 7:06:08 PM
Subject: PRIVATE LETTER/ PLEASE GET BACK TO ME.

FROM MRS
OF NETHERLANDS.

PLEASE USE THIS FUNDS FOR CHURCHES / MINISTRIES AND ORPHANAGES IN YOUR
COUNTRY IT IS MY WILL.

Beloved one in the Lord,

I am the above named person from Netherlands , I am Married To MR
who worked with Netherlands embassy in London for 3 years
before He died in the year 2004. We were married for eleven Years without
a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only Four Days,
Before his death we were both born again Christian, When my late husband
was alive he Deposited the sum of $12.5MILLION USD with the Financer and
Security Company Presently, this Money is still With a Finance and
Security Company Here in London UK.

Recently my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next four months
due to cancer problem, though what disturbs me most is my stroke. Having
known my Condition, I decided to donate this fund to church or Better
still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am
going to instruct herein.

I want an Individual or group that will use this money to fund churches,
Orphanages, Research centers and widows propagating the Word of God and to
ensure that the house of God is Maintained. The Bible made us to
understand that blessed is the hand that Giveth
[Nope,
blessed is the hand that buildeth (a monument of faith)]
. I took this decision
because I don,t have any child that Will inherit this Money and my husband
relatives are not Christian and I Don,t want my Husbands hard earned
money to be misused by Unbelievers. I don,t want a Situation where this
money will be used in an ungodly Manner, Hence the Reason for taking this
bold decision.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am
going to be in the Bosom of the Lord, Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord
will fight my case and I shall hold my peace
. i don,t need telephone
Communication in this regard because of my health and Because of the
presence of my husbands relatives around Me always. I don,t want them to
know about this Development.I will refer you to our attorney once you
respond.

With God all things are possible. As soon As I receive your reply my
attorney shall give you the contact of The Security Company . I will Also
issue you a letter of authority that will empower You as the new
beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me
because the lord is my Shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a
Worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord Must serve him in
spirit and truth, Please always be Prayerful all through your life.

Any delay in your Reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or
Christian individual for this same purpose. Please Assure me that you will
act accordingly as I stated Herein.

I look towards hearing from you.
Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

Regards,





The standard reply:
Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 10:39:04 AM
Subject: Re: PRIVATE LETTER/ PLEASE GET BACK TO ME.

Dear mr ,

I'm very interested in your deal, please tell me more.

Yours,
Simon



The attorney (please... why?)
mrs Comfort wrote:

From:
To: Simon
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 11:32:29 AM
Subject: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear Friend,

I thank you for your mail response to my proposition.As a matter of fact,I shall guide you with the contact details of my attorney as to enable you reach him regarding the said estate.

I would not hesitate to pass informations across to my attorney as to enable him give you a maximum co-operation to ensure a smooth and quicker release of the said estate to you without much protocol.

Barrister
E-mail: [email protected]

Contact him as soon as possible as to enable him guide you for the next line of action.

Thank you my friend for your concern and do not hesitate to keep on remembering me in your daily prayer because I know that God whom I serve knows my present position at this time.

Remain blessed.
Sincerely,




My effort to keep things simple... (fail!)
Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 11:35:55 AM
Subject: Re: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear mrs Comfort,

I'd much rather arrange this deal with you personally than with your attorney, I like to keep things personal.
Please let me know what to do next.

Yours Sincerely,
Simon



Failed indeed. But if an attorney is going to be brought in I want as much fun out of it as possible.
Mrs Comfort wrote:

From: Mrs
To: Simon
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 12:01:30 PM
Subject: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear.

I understand you, But my sickness can not allow me to stand up even to do any thing in my life.

Please My Dear in lord, my attorney is a christain and he keep all my secrity and i can
not do any with him.

Also he was away of this project which he advise me to do.

So feel free to contact him, and he will help to get the fund from the bank with any further delay.

My problem is hope this fund it will be use on my project?

Contact him now as soon as you contact him get back to me immedaitley.

May the lord help you.

From Mrs


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 12:27:25 PM
Subject: Re: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear mrs Comfort,

I shall soon contact your attorney. Please clarify one thing to me before I do so though: I may be able to help you set up a charity in your name, but I'm not allowed to send money to your or receive money from you unless you're members of my church. Do I need to send money to you or receive money from you for this deal?

You are in my prayers!

Yours Lovingly,
Simon


Mrs Comfort wrote:

From: Mrs Comfort
To: Simon
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 5:02:17 PM
Subject: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear.

I undrstand your mind.
[No, you don't]

What i need from you, since you are a christain and you promise me that
you will use the money to build charity home on my name, all is well.

Then rest of the money, you use it to help widows in your country on my name.

So as soon as you contact him getback to me,because doctor told me to day
that am going to do surgery and i do not know if i will succeed.

May the lord help you.

From Mrs Comfort


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 5:10:29 PM
Subject: Mrs Comfort

Dear John,

I've received communication that I am to contact you so we can arrange the future of mrs Comforts funds.

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 5:19:27 PM
Subject: Re: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear mrs Comfort,

I have contacted your attorney. Good luck with your operation.

Yours Lovingly,
Simon


Barr John wrote:

From: Barr John
To: Simon
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 8:50:23 PM
Subject: Waiting to hear from you now


Ok.

I am personal attorney to Mrs

Hope you are a christain?

Also i hope the fund will achieve Mrs dream?

Fill your contact information for me to start proceed with the bank on
your behalf as a beneficiary of the fund.


Full Name.........
Full Address.....
Telephone Number.....
Fax Number...........
Mobile Number........
Private Email........
Age.................
Occupation.........
Country of Origin...
Marital Status....

Waiting to hear from you now

Barr


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 8:59:25 PM
Subject: Re: Waiting to hear from you now

Dear John

I surely intend to make the fund achieve mrs Comfort's dream and I'm a christian as well, like I've assured her multiple times, did she not tell you this? Please start on the transaction as soon as you can.

There's one small thing that's unclear to me though, I thought that mrs Comfort assured me that there would be no problem with the restrictions on the financial dealings by my church. As I believe I told her I'm not allowed to send or receive money to people who are not members of my church, and now you want to present me as beneficiary of a fund which means that I'll be receiving money from you. How shall we solve this problem? [That church would of course be TWAT, he doesn't know that yet]

Yours,
Simon


Barr John wrote:

From:
To: Simon
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 9:27:29 PM
Subject: Waiting to hear from you now

HEllo.

I am a personal attorney i have no right to be the beneficiary of my client..

Since you are the person who will use the money to achieve Mrs Comfort
dream.

Then i will personal present you as the next of kin of the fund,without
it no other way the fund can be relase ok.

Just forward your contact information immedaitley, because the bank are
waiting for me to provid the beneficiary right away ok.
He's commanding me?

I can advise you,becuase of your condiction you keep it secrity ok.

Waiting to receive your information immedaitley.

From Barr

Also note how he didn't really answer my question. Well.. Let's make stuff easier for mr Goatbottom.

Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 9:36:32 PM
Subject: Re: Waiting to hear from you now

Dear John

Are you a member of my church?

Yours,
Simon


I suddenly get an email from mrs Comfort... Strange
Mrs Comfort wrote:

From: Mrs Comfort
To: Simon
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 9:56:06 PM
Subject: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear in the lord.

Please achieve my dream what ever its take you try to get the fund
and do what i promise God to do with the money.

From Mrs


Barr John wrote:

From:
To: Simon
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 10:00:38 PM
Subject: Waiting to hear from you now

HELLO.

YES I AM A CHRISTAIN.

WAITING TO RECEIVE YOUR INFORMATION NOW BECAUSE THE BANK ARE WAITING THE
BENEFICIARY NOW.

FROM BARR



And so the indirect abuse starts... (I was writing this when I received the above quoted mail from Barr John).
Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 10:08:33 PM
Subject: Re: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear mrs Comfort,

I surely intend to achieve your dream with your money.
I just asked your barrister if he's a member of our church (or if maybe you are) because that would make it possible for me to receive your money and carry out your dreams. The problem is that your barrister doesn't really give a satisfactory answer, he just keeps stating that he's a christian but that doesn't necessarily mean he's a member of my church. Are you sure his brain is quite allright and that he's up to this job?

Incidentally, please tell me how you like the Netherlands.

Yours Lovingly,
Simon


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 10:10:56 PM
Subject: Re: Waiting to hear from you now

Dear John,

I'm glad to receive your reply. But you still haven't told me if you're a member of my church, you just keep saying that your a christian. Now I'm a christian to, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're members of the same church. So are you or are you not a member of my church?

Yours,
Simon


Mrs Comfort wrote:

From: Mrs Comfort
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 9, 2009 10:34:45 AM
Subject: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear in the lord.

Please my condiction is not right for me talk to much.

Please I advise you what ever it take,s you to help me achieve my dream ok.

I contact my attorney this money and he say that he told you to send your contact
information for he to sumbit it to the bank for the relase of tthe to you, you refuse why.
[Because he hasn't answered my question yet?]

Please send he your information immedaitley because the bank are waiting for you
now.

May the lord help you

From


Barr John wrote:

From:
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 9, 2009 10:40:55 AM
Subject: Waiting to hear from you now


Hello.

I have told what i have told you.

Please am an attorney to Mrs Comfort what you want,
Please ask Mrs Comfort.

My work is to help you to relase this fund from the bank to you.

So as soon as you are through send me the information.

Barr


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Thursday, April 9, 2009 10:53:03 AM
Subject: Re: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear mrs Comfort,

I did not refuse to send my contact information. I simply asked your attorney if either he or you are members of my church, because that would really simplify matters. You see, I'm a member of The Watchtower Apocalypse Testament ( http://www.twatchurch.co.cc/ ) and strictly speaking we are not allowed to send or receive money from people who are not members of our church.
So, I would be able to help you set up a fund here that can then achieve your dreams, but I may not receiver your money personally nor am I allowed to send you any money unless you become a member of my church. Another good thing is the fact that my church possesses large sums of money and will usually donate a nice sum to good causes of new members.

If either one of you would be interested in joining, please let me know and I can put you into contact with one of our reverends who shall then arrange your induction into our church.

Yours Lovingly,
Simon


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Thursday, April 9, 2009 10:53:45 AM
Subject: Re: Waiting to hear from you now

Dear John,

I have sent a mail to mrs Comfort explaining exactly what I want. Please ask her about it and then answer as soon as possible.

Yours,
Simon


I find it quite ironical that they both keep talking about her living this world, while she's actually about to leave it Wink
Barr John wrote:

From: Barr John
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 9, 2009 11:58:25 AM
Subject: UNDERSTAND DEAR


HELLO.

I HAVE EXPLAIN YOU WHAT WILL DO TO GET THIS FUND IS ONLY
YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION WITHOUT IT NO WAY THE BANK WILL
RELASE THE FUND TO YOU.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM AND SEND YOUR INFORMATION BEFORE MRS COMFORT LIVE THE WORLD, BECAUSE OF HER SICKNESS CONDICTION.

PLEASE SEND YOUR INFORMATION RIGHT AWAY BEFORE MRS COMFORT DIED .

REMAIN BLESS

BARR


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Thursday, April 9, 2009 7:24:02 PM
Subject: Re: UNDERSTAND DEAR

Dear John,

Please repeat to me what details you want again and I shall provide them. But please remember that I can not send any money to you or receive any money from you unless you are members of my church (- <SITE>). If I do not need to send any money to you, it's all ok and I shall send you my details as soon as you tell me which details you needed again.

Yours,
Simon



Mrs Comfort wrote:

From: Mrs Comfort
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 9, 2009 12:56:24 PM
Subject: Re: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear in the lord.

understand my condiction.

please can you help me to achieve my dream?

Please send your information to the attorney right now ok, because the bank
are waiting for you now.

I will soon live the world, so assist my attorney ok.

From Mrs Comfort



Barr John wrote:

From: Barr John
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 9, 2009 11:06:43 PM
Subject: THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTAND

Ok.

I am personal attorney to Mrs .

Why i will ask of money.

Also i hope the fund will achieve Mrs dream?

Fill your contact information for me to start proceed with the bank on
your behalf as a beneficiary of the fund.


Full Name.........
Full Address.....
Telephone Number.....
Fax Number...........
Mobile Number........
Private Email........
Age.................
Occupation.........
Country of Origin...
Marital Status....

Waiting to hear from you now

Barr


Barr John wrote:

From: Barr John
To: Simon
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 10:27:07 AM
Subject: UNDERSTAND DEAR

Hello.

Am still waitng to receive your contact information now.

Best Regards

Barr


Ok.. so he's getting the information he wants... When the money comes in I'll bring back the church...
Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 3:34:10 PM
Subject: Re: THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTAND

Dear John,

Full Name: <full character name>
Full Address: Het Binnenhof 5, Den Haag, Nederland [Yeah, that's actually where the Dutch government is located...]
Telephone Number: None at the moment
Private Email: <character email>
Age: 32
Occupation: Freelance Translator
Country of Origin: The Netherlands
Marital Status: Married, but wife has deceased.

Yours,
Simon


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 3:44:34 PM
Subject: Re: Contact him immedaitley and getback to me

Dear mrs Comfort,

I just sent your lawyer all the details he asked for. He seems to not really understand my messages though.
Are you absolutely positive that he's capable of handling this deal? He doesn't seem that smart to me...

Yours Lovingly,
Simon


Barr John wrote:

From: Barr John
To: Simon
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 9:14:19 PM
Subject: THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTAND


Ok.

Any moment you hear from the bank let me know,because i will
forward your information to bank as beneficiary of the fund.

Please as soon as they contact you for the mode of payment
let know.

Also your telephone number with will help to get the fund,
so try send it to me immediadetly.

Best Regards

Barr


Mrs Comfort wrote:

From: Mrs Comfort
To: Simon
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 9:40:50 PM
Subject: Dear in the lord, try ok

Dear in the lord.

I will soon live this world,because of my condiction right now.

I advice you to try to get the fund from the bank and achieve my dreams.

Also try to be friend full to the bank manager and get the fund from him.

Please you know mind is very difficult to understand i feel the attorney want
to set the fund alone,But with you all is well, that is why i contact you to help
and achieve my dreams.

I know if i present he as the beneficiary of the fund he will set it alone without
achieve my dreams.

So please try to get the fund from the bank and do every thing i told to do
with the fund.

May the lord help you.

Mrs


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 9:51:31 PM
Subject: Re: Dear in the lord, try ok

Dear mrs Alex,

I know you want me to achieve your dreams with the money, and I will do so. But I think your attorney is the wrong person to arrange this deal with. He's slowing everything down by asking loads of stupid question's and not answering my question's properly. This deal would be finished way sooner if your attorney was a smarter man, but as he's really quite as intelligent as a goats bottom, it's going to take way longer than necessary to arrange this.

I'll do my best to speed things up.

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


So.. there's the bank.
ICB Bank wrote:

From: icb bank
To: Simon
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 10:01:05 PM
Subject: Attention Beneficiary


INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK


NO 155 LILY DRIVE LODON [Where's that?]
TELE/FAX +444<snip>


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ref to Beneficiary.
Attn

We receive you contact information as the next of kin to the fund of Late Mr MacDonald Alex Husband of Mrs Comfort Alex, Who died for years ago?

We are here by advice you to send us this documents that will prove you the real next
of kin to fund.

1/ Deposit certificate.

1/ Death certificate

3/ Change of ownership certificate

We give 24hr to send these documents will prove you right as the beneficiary of the fund.

From director office..
Dr Sir
[Dr Sir?????]


Barr John wrote:

From: Barr John
To: Simon
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 10:43:41 AM
Subject: Get back to me immediately

Hello.

Have you hear from the bank?
[How does he know that, just 42 minutes after the bank-mail was sent?]
Get back to me immediately
Best Regards

Barr John Paul


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 10:59:21 AM
Subject: Re: Get back to me immediately

Dear John,

I have indeed received a letter from mr Charles Soludo [That's not a lie, for a moment I really though him to be contacting me as Charles Soludo] claiming to be from some bank or another. He asked me for a few certificates to prove I'm indeed the Next of Kin of mrs Comfort's wife.

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


Panick kicks in there?

Barr John wrote:

From: Barr John
To: Simon
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 4:49:23 PM
Subject: Get back to me immediately

Dear.

Thank you for your information

Please forward every thing for me to prove it, before you will get back to
them.

Waiting to hear from you now.

Bset Regards


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 4:55:50 PM
Subject: Re: Get back to me immediately

Dear John,

What exactly should I forward to you? I haven't got those certificates yet, but I assume you'll be helping me with those?
What should I prove to you, you asked mr Soludo to contact me right? Then what is there to prove? I don't understand it...

Yours Sincerely,
Simon

I also send mrs Comfort another e-mail... I'm really getting frustrated by this attorneyperson so I decide on some (very mild) abuse:

Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 4:57:38 PM
Subject: Re: Dear in the lord, try ok

Dear mrs Alex,

Really, the stupid behaviour of this lawyer-person you put me in contact with is starting to annoy me. He's so vague about everything and I don't think he understands half of what he's doing... Are you sure he is smart enough to handle this deal? It is that I don't think it's possible but else I would have believed your lawyer to be the offspring of a goat and a prostitute (excuse my French).

Yours Lovingly,
Hoping you are well,
Simon


Mrs Comfort wrote:

From: Mrs Comfort
To: Simon
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 5:03:22 PM
Subject: Dear in the lord, try ok

Dear in the lord.

I can not be ok again, because of the surgery.

Please what is going on? have you receive the money from bank.?

I advice you to try and get the fund, because i don,t know the day i will
live the world.

Hurry up and get the fund and achieve my dreams ok.

Also don,t mind my attorney, just folow him and get the fund from the bank.

May the lord help you to achieve my dreams.

Mrs .


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 5:11:57 PM
Subject: Re: Dear in the lord, try ok

Dear mrs Alex,

I'm trying really hard to get the fund, but your attorney is just slowing down everything. It's starting to bother the crap out of me. He's ignoring all my questions, making stuff as unclear as humanly possible and now you are also saying you will not remain on this world for much longer. I'd almost start to think that your attorney is deliberately slowing this business down waiting until you die so he can take off with the monies. It's either that, or he really is as ignorant as the smelly backside of a goat...
Is there any possibility of getting another attorney, because this one is really incompetent.

Yours Lovingly,
Simon


Barr John wrote:

From: Barr John
To: Simon
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 5:12:25 PM
Subject: Re: Get back to me immediately

Please understand me.

I said you to send the requested documents needed from the bank
and name of the bank, because i want to be sure before i advice you to do any thing with them.

Please the name of bank where the fund is now.

INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK

THE NAME OF THE BANK MANAGER IS DR SIR JAMES EMMANUEL

Waiting to hear from you now


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Bank Director James
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 5:26:45 PM
Subject: Re: Attention Beneficiary

Dear James,

I do not have these certificates lying around, but I could probably get them to you in a reasonable amount of time. Will that be ok?

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 5:27:20 PM
Subject: Re: Get back to me immediately

Dear John,

I see now I had the wrong bank, the Charles Soludo person is probably trying to steal my money.
I have indeed received an e-mail from , how do I get the needed documents?

Yours Sincerely,
Simon.


Barr John wrote:

From: Barr John
To: Simon
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 6:08:18 PM
Subject: Get back to me immediately


Dear

This is the contact of the bank, where the fund of Mrs are.

BANK NAME; BANK

E-MAIL ADDRESS; <snip>

BANK MANAGER NAME; DR SIR
[Come on!! 'Dr Sir ..'???]

TELE/FAX NUMBER; +<Phonenumber>

Please am waiting to receive the requested documents from the bank before you will get back to them avoud mistake,s

Please I will help you to see that the bank transferd the to your bank
account.

Also don,t contact any other than INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK

Best Regards

Barr


Mrs Comfort wrote:

From: Mrs Comfort
To: Simon
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 9:06:02 PM
Subject: Dear in the lord, try ok

Dear in the lord.

Ok contact this attorney he is in africa for a project,and he will give you all the best service
you want to get this fund from the bank.

Please tell him that Mrs told you to contact him.

His name
[Coffee?]

His e-mail address <snip>@yahoo.com

Telephone number +228-<snip>


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Barr John
Sent: Sunday, April 12, 2009 3:26:44 PM
Subject: Re: Get back to me immediately

Dear John,

Because of your severe incompetence in handling this deal I have arranged with mrs Comfort to get herself a new attorney, one who is capable.
I shall hereby discontinue our dealings and continue working with the other attorney that mrs Comfort has provided.

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Mrs Comfort
Sent: Sunday, April 12, 2009 3:27:53 PM
Subject: Re: Dear in the lord, try ok

Dear mrs Comfort,

I thank you for ditching the incompetent and completely foolish attorney and find a new one. I shall contact the new attorney in a few moments. Thanks a lot.

Yours Lovingly,
Simon


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Coffee
Sent: Sunday, April 12, 2009 3:29:57 PM
Subject: Mrs Comfort

Dear barrister Koffee,

mrs Comfort gave me your address and I am to continue her business with you because her previous attorney proved to be a painfully stupid person that was as ignorant as a goat's backside.
I take it you are aware of mrs Comfort's dealings and condition?

Hoping to hear from you soon,
Yours Sincerely,
Simon


As it was easter I didn't hear from them anymore. Next day I did indeed get an e-mail from the 'old' attorney as well as from the new one.
Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 9:58:38 AM
Subject: Call me immediately

Dear Simon.

Good day.

You are right i am , and i know of Mrs .
Please i will like to know you very well,
I you the beneficiary of Mrs fund?.
Also state me how you want my assistant.
Call me as soon as you reply my message.


+228-<snip>


John Paul wrote:

From: Barr John
To: Simon
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 10:24:19 AM
Subject: Re: Get back to me immediately

Ok.

Good luck.

Barr John Paul

He does take that quite easy doesn't he? I've made comments about his severe incompetence multiple times,
and not a bad word about it Razz

I reply to the new barrister...
Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Coffee
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 11:36:14 AM
Subject: Re: Call me immediately

Dear mr ,

Like I have already told mr John (the very, very incompetent previous attorney of mrs Comfort) I do not currently have a phone number, has mrs Comfort not ordered mr John to transfer all my information to you? At this point you should already have all my personal information, like address, age, occupation and such.

Before we continue I must ask you the same question I asked your predecessor. Are you a member of my church?

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


Ok, brace yourself... here come's his reply.
Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 2:04:36 PM
Subject: Please Call me

Ok.

I will contact Mrs Comfort to get all your information,before will proceed.

My church is jehovah witness.

As soon as i get the information of you, i will get to you.

Best Regards



Is this another lad or is he actually _that_ stupid. I stated that I'm a member of TWAT and that I can't have
financial dealings with other people who are no member of my church and _still_ he says he's not a TWAT-member..
Ah well... I'll just have to induct him...

And then the bank contacts me:
Bank wrote:

From: Bankdirector James
To: Simon
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 2:50:33 PM
Subject: ATTENTION SIR/MADAM.

ATTENTION SIR/MADAM.

THIS IS TO CONFIRM YOUR MESSAGE,WE ADVICE YOU TO HURRY UP AND GET OUR BANK REQUIREMENTS DOCUMENTS WITH WE BE INABLE US TO TRANSFERD YOU FUND TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY.

GET BACK TO OUR MESSAGE.

FROM DIRECTOR OFFICE

DR SIR

Yep, they certainly are inable to achieve anything...

My mail to the bank:
Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Bankdirector
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 4:04:38 PM
Subject: Re: ATTENTION SIR/MADAM.

Dear Sir,

I have had an attorney helping me with the papers but he proved to be foolishly incompetent so I had to get myself a new attorney who will hopefully be more reliable and more capable. I shall contact you again as soon as I have the papers.

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 8:30:23 PM
Subject: Thanks

Dear.

I contact Mrs now and he give me contact of barrister , also contact barrister John Paul he told me that you people have contacted bank and the bank requested you to send them some documents that prove you as the beneficiary of the fund.

All is well, i will start by tomorrow looking for the documents,but the one who will be problem is Change of ownership certificate,but i have a friend that work at federal high court i think he will help me to get it very easy.

As soon as i discourse with him by tomorrow, i will let you know what will discourse.

Best Regards

Barrister


Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Tuesday, April 14, 2009 11:21:54 AM
Subject: Dear Simon.

Dear Simon.

How are you to day hope great?.

This morning i have discourse
[Would I be able to turn that into intercourse?] with the person who want to help me get the documents.

Right now the problem is the documents,but the death certificate and diposit certificate is
not the problem, the problem document will have now is Change of ownership certificate.

This person work in federal high court and he realy want to help me to get those documents, and he said it will cost me about $6,550.00 USD.
That's a lot of money for a silly form

I real want to help you to get this fund,

Waiting to hear from you now, so that will can proceed immediately and get
the documents and forward it to the bank for the relase of the fund to you.

Best Regards.

Barr .

Please call me immediately +228-<snip>


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Koffee
Sent: Tuesday, April 14, 2009 12:06:33 PM
Subject: Re: Dear Simon.

Dear barrister ,

I'm glad to hear you've had intercourse with the person who's helping you come by the documents!
That Change of Ownership certificate would indeed be something we need to get, but what kind of certificate is that exactly? Isn't it just some sort of form in which Mrs Comfort signs everything over to me? Why should that cost $6550, that almost sounds like something fishy is going on... please tell me this is all 100% risky free.

Will you have intercourse with that person again for the costs of that certificate? It's really seems ridiculously high...

Yours Sincerely,
Simon

PS: I'm really glad you're such a competent barrister. You really seem to know how to handle the members in Federal High court and get stuff done.

So.. Let's see how he responds to this sex-ridden e-mail.

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Last edited by Master of Puppets on Sat May 16, 2009 5:32 pm; edited 7 times in total
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 2:32 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Tuesday, April 14, 2009 4:23:27 PM
Subject: Dear Simon.

Ok.

I am very happy to hear from you.

Please this is 100% risk free.
[risky, riskY, how do you not get that?]

Change of Ownership certificate, is certificate will prove you in the bank that you are the real beneficiary of the fund.

I will contact the person who want to help us get the Change of Ownership certificate, and
also i will tell him to reduce the price.

As soon as i discourse the price with him, i will let know.

Bset Regards

Barr


Seems he's not planning on having intercourse with that guy to change the price after all.. Too bad... I might mail him in a few hours to ask how the intercourse was anyway...

Doesn't matter how much it's gonna cost... I'm having mrs Comfort pay for it anyway.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Tuesday, April 14, 2009 8:14:44 PM
Subject: Dear Simon.

Dear Simon.

I have discourse with the person about the price, he told me that he will help me
if i can pay he $5000.00 USD after the bank relase the fund to us will balance he $1550.00 USD.

Also he was saing before that i will present some thing that what about $1550.00 USD.before he will agree to have the $5000.00 USD from us and give us the document and i pled him that will don,t have money let he help us and he agreed for us to come with $5000.00 USD by tomorrow and get documents,

Right now he told me to send $5000.00 USD by tomorrow he will give me the documents.

So what will are looking for now is $5000.00 USD.

Please i will not like us to lost this opportunity we have to get this documets.

Waiting to hear from you now.

best Regards

Barrister

Please i will like you to call immediately.

+228-<snip>


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Coffee
Sent: Tuesday, April 14, 2009 9:47:03 PM
Subject: Re: Dear Simon.

Dear barrister ,

I'm glad you've had intercourse with this person for the price of the documents again, but it seems not much change came, did it? So now we still need to pay $6550 but we can pay $1550 of it later. So the fact remains that this is a whole lot of money for a silly form.

I would very much like to see you have intercourse with this person again for the $5000 because it is still a lot of money. Please try to do that and if you can't get the price any lower we'll have to think of a way to go and pay him.

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


It'll soooon be time to introduce the reverends Very Happy

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:56 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^^^^ Barrister Gomer is available to do Change of Ownership Certificates for the rather reasonable sum of $2,500.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:59 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

That's a good point. I might use that Very Happy
I'm really hoping on deleting 'discourse' from his vocabulary and replacing it by 'intercourse'. The fun that'll give him with real victims Very Happy

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:08 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Reverend J4nus reporting for duty MoP Exclamation Exclamation
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:11 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Yes, how do we go about with inducting someone?
I put him in contact with your Hugh, badger, and then you pass him back to Neil, who'll be the contact?? With Benjamin as our high-up backup-guy?

I'll be postponing that phase as long as possible btw, I want him to have as much intercourse with the other person as possible first...

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:16 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

yeah my rev can make the intros etc and pass him to Rev neil who is benjamins right hand man...


Rev neil can make sure that the lad obeys the church rules and Hugh will be the sympathetic ear when he gets pissed off

Good Rev- Laughing bad rev.......
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:32 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Will do. I've got your rev's address, I'll drop him a mail once the lad needs to get inducted.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 11:28 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Wednesday, April 15, 2009 12:42:59 PM
Subject: Ok Dear Simon.

Dear Simon.

How are you to day?

Ok i will do what you say by telling he to lower the price for us.

As soon as i discourse that with him, i will let you know.

Best Regards

Barrister
Please call i will like to hear your voice.

+228-<snip>


Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Wednesday, April 15, 2009 4:19:32 PM
Subject: Dear Simon.

Dear Simon.

Good day.

I have pled him to lower the price, he refuse.

Please i will like right now for us to pay him and get the documents
and submit it to the bank for immediat relaes of the fund to you.

Waiting to hear for you.

Bset Regards

Barrister


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Coffee
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 1:20:18 AM
Subject: Re: Dear Simon.

Dear barrister ,

Are you sure you have had the best intercourse with him that you can possibly manage? It would be a shame if it turns out that the price of that form could have been lowered much further simply by having better intercourse with him.

If you're sure you've squeezed out everything you can and have used you sensitive side to penetrate his stubbornness as far as you can we'll just have to pay him I guess. So we will have to pay him $5000 dollars then? I'm sure that doesn't have to be much of a problem anyway. [Ooohhh, the false hope Very Happy]

Yours Sincerely,
Simon Oswald Crates


Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 12:59:46 PM
Subject: Dear Simon.

Dear Simon.

Thank you for your understanding.

I you going to send the money to me or to him, but i prefer you
to send the money to him direct.

Then after you send the money to him,i will be distop him and get
the documents from him immediately,so that we will forward the documents
to bank for the relase of the fund to you.

Please this is contact of the person who want to give us the documents.
Just contact him immediately and ask him, the way you will send the money to him,because i told him you will contact and pay him and his waiting for you now

Name... Mr
E-mail Address <snip>@yahoo.com

Waiting to hear from you now as soon as you contact him.

Best Regards

Barrister


Yeah.. The idea wasn't that I was going to send any money... fool.

Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Coffee
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 1:19:53 PM
Subject: Re: Dear Simon.

Dear barrister ,

I think it's the least attractive option to have me send the money to this person. For instance, it would be way faster if you paid it and once I get mrs Comforts monies I would then reimburse you doubly so you'll even make quite a profit. Another good option would be to just use mrs Comforts monies to pay for the forms, she's still alive so she can give permission for that and I'm sure she won't mind. Please consider both those options, I think they're really good so please have intercourse with mrs Comfort to pay for the forms.

In addition to that, I don't really like to start communication with yet another person in this matter. I'm already in contact with mrs Comfort (though she doesn't mail me often, which is quite a shame as she seems such a nice person), I've been in contact with the incompetent fool John Paul and now I'm in contact with you. I don't really want to communicate with a fourth person so I suggest you have intercourse with him on my behalf.

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


We're nearing the TWAT-stage, I guess... I'm going to postpone that as long as possible though but I don't know how much longer I can keep that up... You might well find my mail in your mailbox soon Badger.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 3:04 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 2:11:48 PM
Subject: Dear Simon Please try .

Dear Simon.

I have contacted Mrs they told me that she is in kumar in the hospital right now.

Please try what ever you can try to pay for the documents for the relase of the fund to you.
Also understand i have tried my best to see that will get this documents to will prove you the beneficiary of the fund.

I pled you again pay for the documents,because if will lost this person
who want to give us the documents with will be very difficult to get another person that will do it for us.

Waiting to hear from you now.

Best Regards

Barrister

please call me immediately

+228-<snip>


You didn't really answer my question, now did you?

Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Coffee
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 2:40:42 PM
Subject: Re: Dear Simon Please try .

Dear barrister ,

Why should her being in the hospital be a problem for us using her money to pay for the forms. I mean, she does want to have the money transferred to me doesn't she? Please have intercourse with her again to convince her to let us use her money. That should be the easiest way. Please call here immediately to have intercourse with her over the phone and let me know what you came to.

Yours,
Simon


Now here comes the real shock:

Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 4:25:23 PM
Subject: Hurry up Dear Simon

Dear Simon.

I just contact her, to let her know what is going on,no response then i contact barrister john paul to help me inform her what is going on,what barrister told me now thy told him that Mrs Comfort is died right now.

Please let us get the documents and get the fund from the bank immediately, before the bank will here that she is died. Also as soon as will get the fund out from the bank, then you achieve Mrs Comfort dreams,Then you send me some money on my effort on this transaction.

Dear Simon.you can send the 5000 USD direct to me, so that i can go with it to Mr office to get the documents immediately and submit it to the bank for the relase of the fund to you.

Please Hurry Up.

Call me immediately with my telephone number +228-<snip>
Best Regards

Barrister
[Now wait a minute, why does mr Coffee sign as mr Paul?? Should I ask him about that?


Strange... that she should die at such an incovenient moment... And how strange that it would happen so short after he contacted her... Strange...
It's also disturbing that he doesn't seem quite shocked at her death...

He also sends this:
Bank wrote:

From: Bank
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 4:26:12 PM
Subject: STATUS SIR

ATTENTION SIR.

THIS IS TO CONFIRM YOUR MESSAGE, AND WE DUE RESPECT YOU,

WE ARE HEREBY ADVICE YOU TO SEND US THE DOCUMENTS REQUESTED FROM YOU, IMMEDIATELY,SO THAT YOUR WILL BE TRANSFERD TO YOU WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY..

FROM DIRECTOR OFFICE

DR SIR


Check the times on those last 2 messages.. What coincidence that they should both mail so short after eachother.. Shocked

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:43 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Perhaps some money should be offered to have a memorial built in her beloved memory Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 6:33 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
[Now wait a minute, why does mr Coffee sign as mr Paul?? Should I ask him about that?


My lads usually get slapped for stepping out of character. I don’t appreciate their sloppiness ruining my good time. I start out with a lecture on e-mail security. If they don’t shape up, I eventually demand that they get a new address and provide me with Authenticity Permits, Security Receipts, etc.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 6:38 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

See if you can get a copy of the death certificate there always good for a laugh Twisted Evil

Then we can send him a NOK scam Laughing
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 7:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I decided not to ask about the sudden name-change...

Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 5:52:48 PM
Subject: Dear Simon Please understand the condiction now.



Dear Simon.

Am still waiting to receive the money from you now.

Please hurry up, because i don,t want us to lost Mr who want to give us the
documents and his waiting for me now.

Please understand the condiction now.

Best Regards

Barrister

+228-<snip>

Please can you call me or you give me your telephone number for me to call you immediately.


I reply with quite a long mail.

Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Koffee
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 9:00:08 PM
Subject: Re: Dear Simon Please understand the condiction now.

Dear barrister Koffee,

It really pains me to hear that mrs Comfort has passed away, my sincere condolences go to the family, friends, mr Paul and of course to you. I find it quite stranged that neither you nor mr Paul has expressed any feelings of shock about mrs Comforts passings, I would expect that especially from you and especially seeing you have so recently had intercourse with her.

As strange as I may find it that you want to go straight to business after someone has passed, I will still cooperate. So we're back to sending the money. Like I explained mrs Comfort, blessed may she be with Beal Zbub (that's the way a far relative of mine, blessed may he be with Beal Zbub, use to call God, our holy father, and like I explained the foolish mr Paul: I can not send you any money unless you are a member of my church. My church is (http://twatsite). Our church has very much money and generously gives it away to good causes but it has one strict rule: Under no circumstances may a member of our church send or receive money from or to a non-member.
That is why I said that it wouldn't be a good idea to use my money to pay for the forms, it wouldn't be impossible but you'd have to join our church first. Which would be slower than you paying for the forms. So it is still possible that I pay for the forms, but then you will have to become a member of my church. If you wish to do so please let me know and I'll put you into contact with one of the reverends who governs the induction into our church.

Mrs Comfort will be in all our prayers, may she be in yours to.

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


Okay... So Beal Zbub was inspired by the forumname of one of our members here, I couldn't resist putting it in there...

I might ask for a death certificate later on... I'll see...
I'll need to be keeping him busy while the reverends do their torture anyway..

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 7:02 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I'm reading this while on lunch break at work, laughing at loud, and wondering if my co-workers are going to come here to see what's so funny.....

That "Dr Sir" and the "intercourse" are what's causing these outbreaks of laughter.

I'm not sure I would slap the good barrister for signing as "John Paul", but I would be sorely tempted to ask him why he did that, and if he's related to the former Pope.

Good job! The comedy that baiting provides is another reason for the "why we do this" discussions.

ETA: you know, you could tell the barrister(s) that you are deeply grieved over the passing of Comfort Alex, and as such you're thinking of not using the computer for 72 hours since you'll be in mourning. Ask them if they're OK with that.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 9:29 am Reply with quoteBack to top

In the last mail in my previous post I tried to explain that I couldn't send him money unless he was a member of my church. I got this:

Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 9:52:26 PM
Subject: Dear Simon Please understand the condiction now.

Dear.

What do you mean?

Please understand the condiction now.

Also how much can you afford right now, let me know how i can go and borrow from some
body right now,because Mrs Peter
[Mrs????] are waiting for me now.

Try to do some good my dear simon

Waiting to hear from you now.

Best Regards

Barrister

+228-<snip>


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Coffee
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 10:47:38 PM
Subject: Re: Dear Simon Please understand the condiction now.

Dear barrister Koffee,

What I was trying to explain you is that my church rules do not allow me to send you money. I'll try to explain it somewhat simpler:
x I am a member of The Watchtower Apocalyptic Testament
x As a member of said church, I'm not allowed to send money to or receive money from anyone who is not a member. I have tried to explain this multiple times to John Paul but he was just to dimwitted to understand... Really, I don't think he could change a light bulb if his life would depend on it, don't you agree?
x If you want me to pay for the forms, and for me it's really no problem to pay for them, you'll have to become a member of my church.
x If you want to become a member of my church you should say so, I'll contact one of the reverends and we'll have your membership sorted out in no time at all.

I hope it's clear this way and I hope you will see the light and that we may welcome you amongst us very soonest.

If you see any way to pay for the forms yourself that would also be great and it would save a lot of time!

Yours Faithfully,
Simon


Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 10:21:31 AM
Subject: Dear Simon Please understand the condiction now.

Dear.

If you don,t be a member of church you can not send money form ok.

Let know how i will a member, so that you send the money of the form immediately.

Waiting to hear from you now.

Best Regards

Barr

Please i will like you to call or give your telephone number.

Also hurry up because Mr Peter is waiting for the money of the form now.

+228-<snip>


Good. He seems to have caught on, finally....

First I send a reply to the bank:
Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Bank
Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 11:03:57 AM
Subject: Re: STATUS SIR

Dear Sir,

I'm am currently in the process of curing those forms but it is taking a little bit more time than I expected because the barrister I am in contact with has rather slow intercourse with the people who have to get me the documents. We are currently making a lot of progress though and I shall let you know when we have come on the documents.

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


So I then send an e-mail to the dear Reverend (Hugh), which gets CC'ed to the lad:
Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Rev Hugh
Cc: Coffee
Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 11:24:28 AM
Subject: New member

Dear reverend ,

Blessings be upon you!

I have recently had intercourse with barrister and he would like to join our church. Mr can be reached on his e-mail address <snip>@yahoo.fr. Please take care of his induction as soon as possible so that he may enjoy our Lord's guidance in all his endeavours.

I have CC'ed barrister on this e-mail so that he knows what progress we are making.

Hoping to hear from you soon,
Yours,
Simon


I also send the lad an e-mail:
Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Coffee
Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 11:30:16 AM
Subject: Re: Dear Simon Please understand the condiction now.

Dear barrister ,

I have sent an email to reverend , he will arrange your induction.
I hope to be able to welcome you to our church very soon!

Yours Sincerely,
Simon


So.. the introduction has been made. Twisted Evil

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Badger Grylls
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 9:49 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Nice one Mop...I'll get straight onto it Laughing
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Badger Grylls
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Joined: 26 Mar 2009
Posts: 395
Location: Outlying Wastelands of Bolton


PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 11:46 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Ok Contact has been made Laughing

Quote:

My Dearest Barrister K0ffi,

How are you today?

God has seen fit to bring you to our attention hallelujah!

My Name Is Reverend Hu8h J4nus I am a practising Pastor in the TW4T Church based in the USA, One of my congregation namely Brother S1m0n has informed me that you would be willing to join us and help us to spread the word of TW4T.

For your information TW4T has recently penetrated the Far East and West Africa and we are delighted to be able to offer new congregations a development grant of up to $200,000 US Dollars. The Grant can be used to help with construction costs of the New Church buildings as well as helping to lubricate your intercourse with local Authorities.

I will pass all of your details to the Reverend N3il Ph0rm1 who is tasked with Inducting new members . Rev N3il will be in touch with you shortly to help you through the Induction process. Do not forget that I am always here for you to lend support during the times ahead, so my door is always open! feel free to ask any questions you wish.
Anyway Brother K0ffi enough of my verbose ejaculation, I wish you all the very best with your Induction and future intercourse with Rev N3il.

God Bless you Brother. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Rev Hu8h


Last edited by Badger Grylls on Fri Apr 17, 2009 1:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Master of Puppets
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Posts: 3295
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 11:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Ewl.. That's disgusting... but very well done Wink

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Badger Grylls
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:22 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The Lad is keen, but he thiks he is already a church member.... Shocked
I hope Rev N3il will enlighten him.


Last edited by Badger Grylls on Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:31 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Master of Puppets
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:23 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

ETA: ^ Those mails are also posted in my post.. (Oops)

Coffee wrote:

From Coffee
To
Reverend Hugh

Dear.

Ok i belive that i am a member of your church.

Please can you call me immediately for more question.

Barrister Koffi

+228-9891670


Coffee wrote:

From: Coffee
To: Simon
Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 2:11:06 PM
Subject: Dear Simon Waiting to hear your urgent response.

Dear Simon.

Right now i have belive that i am member of the church.

Please how i you going to send the money now, so that i can get the documents from
Mr right now

Waiting to hear your urgent response.

Barr .

Please call me immediately.

+228-<snip>


Yeah, I don't believe so.

Reverend Hugh wrote:

from (van) Rev Hugh
aan
Coffee
cc
Rev Neil
datum 17 april 2009 14:20
subject (onderwerp) Re: Barrister Koffi

Dear Barrister

Thank you for responding so promptly,

I am so Glad you have chosen to join us, I will arrange for a telephone call later as I am currently in the main TWAT cathedral and unable to use the telephone, which is for emergency calls only. Mobile telephone communication is forbidden as the microwave radiation emitted by cellphones interferes with the Life support machines that keep the premature babies alive in our Neo Natal wing at the church infirmary.

You can still e mail me as our Computer network is copper wire based and does not interfere with the babies.

Please any questions you have ask away. I am happy to support you until Rev Neil can interject an help ease you passage into the TWAT.

God Bless

Rev Hugh


Simon wrote:

From: Simon
To: Coffee
Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 2:26:57 PM
Subject: Re: Dear Simon Waiting to hear your urgent response.

Dear barrister ,

That seems very unlikely to me. Reverend his mail said that reverend would have intercourse with you about how to complete the induction process and it seems very unlikely to me that you have completed that process in such a short time. So you can not call yourself a member yet.

Yours,
Simon

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:30 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Sorry MoP, this is your thread I'll leave the updates to you, I'll edit out my last post to keep the thread tidy.

By the way my skill at lying through my teeth has increased greatly in the last few weeks Laughing
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Yastreb
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Posts: 14918
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:32 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

BTW - that name 4lex C0mf0rt was nagging at me...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alex_Comfort

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:33 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I really love our Neo Natal wing ;P Good one.
Also, it's OK if you post your letters here, but please do use my colorcodes to keep it readable Wink

ETA @Yastreb: Ghehe.. funny..

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