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 tell us a funny story about your life?

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mewing_ghecko
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 9:22 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The one I like to tell is, my sister and future brother-in-law were married by the JP in South Dakota. They invited my missus and I to be their witnesses.

the night before the big day, my future B-I-L (we'll call him Tom) and I went to a bar to have a drink. after a couple beers, I told the bartender, "Tom is getting maried tomorrow. There wouldn't happen to be a 'gentlemans' club nearby that I could take him to,is there"?

The bartender became very upset and took it upon himself to educate me on my moral fortitude. after what seemed like an hour of listening to his holier than thou attitude. i calmly looked him in the eye and said;

"so then, you guys are having a tough time teaching the sheep to dance"?


we had to leave.

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Titania
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 10:35 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Most of my funnier moments are of the "you had to be there" type, so I'll tell one on my mother (who is no longer around to defend herself).

We had a summer home on a lake from which a river ran a short distance to Lake Michigan. Friends of ours owned a motel at the point where a very rudimentary dam controlled the level of the smaller lake. The town council gleefully told these friends that they could take over running the dam.

The problem was that if the top wide board was removed, the water level in the lake fell, and while the fishermen were happy, the water-skiers were not. If the board was replaced, of course, the opposite was the case.

These friends told my mother about the situation, and she solemnly shook her head and said, "You're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

That would have been enough, but what put us over the edge into all-out hysterics was that she had no idea she'd just made a pun.

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Tastysnack
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 1:51 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Ok, this is one of my more embarassing moments.

When my first child was young (2) she needed a bath. Since it was a weekend, I had slept in a bit later than normal. Rather than go to the trouble of setting up a separate bath for her, and needing a shower myself, I put her in the shower with me.

Shortly after washing her hair, I realized that we didn't have any soap in the shower. Rather than getting both of us out of the shower, I pounded on the shower wall trying to get my wife's attention in the hopes that she would get the soap for us.

This went on for a few minutes when I realized that she wasn't going to come help me out. So, I got out of the shower (dripping wet), and then lifted my daughter out (not safe to leave her in alone). Well, she (my daughter) figured that :

1. Being naked is fun.
2. Being wet and naked is even more fun.
3. Daddy wants to play "chase"

She went streaking out of the bathroom at top speed, gleefully giggling as only small children can do. Because she was wet, I couldn't get a grip on her and the chase was on.

She ran down the short hallway, and took a hard left into the kitchen with me following at full speed. Only upon bursting into the kitchen did I realize why my wife hadn't come to the bathroom to get us soap.

She was completing her cosmetic order. With the AVON lady sitting at the kitchen table with her.

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Inkerman
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 7:40 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
"You're damned if you do and damned if you don't."


That is, without doubt, a 'you had to be there' moment.

Mine is a little more risque.

I used to play field Hockey for a team north of Manchester, in the north west of England, back in the very early 1990's. One fixture was against Wilmslow which is south of Manchester. The car journey was quickest going right straight through the city centre and during the afternoon was not a problem but during the evening, when the lights came on, became more interesting.

One of the young lads in the back remarked that he had never seen a prostitute so I duly made a point of navigating so as not to disappoint.

It just so happenend that the route took me not far from my mother's home and though I mentioned it at the time, I thought nothing more about it.

The following week in the changing rooms, young Mark could not contain his excitement and came out with the folowing;

'Hey lads, I told Ink I had never seen a prostitute so we drove past his mum's'.

My mum thinks it's hillarious and has made me to promise to tell it at her farewell.

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ParaNoid
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 9:02 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

My sister (around age 15) decided to bake some chocolate chip cookies. She got all of the ingredients assembled. She read the recipe carefully and got three bags of chocolate chips to put into the mix.

The recipe called for 1-5 oz package of chocolate chips. My sis in here excitement had read it 15 (fifteen) ounces of chocolate chips. Well that was a bit of overload and as the chocolate melted it filled the baking pan with molten chocolate and then over flowed to the bottom of the oven...

It was a pain to clean up too. Very Happy

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Dorothy
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:29 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Almost 14 1/2 years ago, I brought my first cat home from my shelter work. It was the week before Christmas. She was a very shy cat, 8 months old, going to be put to sleep the next day, and I had gotten attached. I was staying with my parents after college and trying to get some of my student loans paid off. My father wasn't exactly thrilled with my new acquisition but my mother had agreed to her so he had to settle for threatening to make me get rid of her if she did anything wrong. Though she was afraid of my father and would run from him, within a couple of days she learned not to run when he was at the dinner table in the kitchen because he would slip her food (and let her sit on the chair next to him).

Christmas day comes and we have the usual feast--but of course with a full house, this time dinner is in the dining room. My new cat is sitting on an armchair a few feet from the table (it had been moved into the dining room to make room for the Christmas tree), seriously interested in the smell of the food coming from the table. Aunt's husband puts a piece of turkey on the end of the table to tease her before I snatch it and yell at him. Grandma is kind enough to move a plate. About 15 seconds later, there is a flash of orange and white as kitty jumps for the dinner table. I scream the cat's name and NO as she is jumping, Grandma jumps in response to the kitty moving toward her and her chair falls over backwards (with her in it), the cat freaks at my scream and grandma's fall, lands on the table for about half a second and pops straight up almost to the ceiling and then flies through the air (through the Christmas tree on the way) then hides behind the couch (where she hid for the better part of 2 days).

As we were picking grandma up off the floor and I was scolding aunt's husband (while everyone else was sitting in stunned silence) my father didn't say a word--he realized he couldn't say anything because he had taught her to beg and his family had set her up to jump. After Grandma turned out to be ok, the silence turned into laughter. I wished then that we had been videotaping Christmas dinner, as I suspect I would be at least $10,000 richer by now--but even without a video, I can honestly say that is one dinner that nobody will ever forget.

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Chibuike
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 5:48 am Reply with quoteBack to top

When I was in my late 20's I was active in my church's singles group. We decide to have a get together with the singles from the other four churches in town (small rural town). As one of four hostesses I did my best to remember everyone's name something that I pride myself in at work. After the program was over a group of us decided to go to a local restuarant for late night coffee.

I sat down next to a nice looking gentleman who seemed shy. I decided to bring him out of his shell by engaging him in conversation. So with pride at remembering peoples names I looked at him and said "Are you Rich?"

He gave me a puzzled look.

"You are Rich aren't you?" I said.

Again the puzzled look and then he replied. "No, I am a poor farmer. My name is Tom. Rich is sitting at the other end of the table."

God, how I wanted to crawl under the table.

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Inkerman
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 12:29 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The good thing about this thread, apart from the great stories, is that it brings the best out of people in terms or their grammar.



With the exception of me........................probably.

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Titania
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:09 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I'm going to try again. This really happened - I know - I was there.

Many years ago, when I was in my 20's and worked in Boston, I attended a large church in the city. One Sunday morning a friend and I had settled into a pew, and a group of people slid into the pew in front of us. One of the women looked vaguely familiar to me.

My friend jabbed me with her elbow and whispered, "That's Ginger Rogers!" (For those of you who don't know who Ginger Rogers was, well, think Fred Astaire.) I whispered back, "No, that can't be Ginger Rogers." Friend whispered back, "Yes - that's Ginger Rogers." The argument continued - in whispers - for about a minute.

The woman in question turned around and whispered, "Yes, it is Ginger Rogers." Yep - it was Ginger Rogers, and I just wanted to slide under the pew in embarrassment.

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