Leno Reccommends

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train boi Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 697

Tell me your problems, your woe's, niggles and complaints. Think of me as your answer to Dear Dierdre in The Sun or some fat guy who gives advice on the radio and I will help out as best I can. Actualy much better than them

DISCLAIMER:

Jay Leno accepts no responsibility for distress, anger or self harm/cutting from his helpful advice.

This service does not intend to replace them its just mearly fun

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:46 pm

Jay,

Thanks for offering this valuable service here at Eater.

Lately I seem to having a problem remembering what I was going to post in threads. I start typing and then, strangely I go off on a tangent and also neglect to finish my............

More worryingly is my tendancy to say outrageous and sweary things to OP's for no apparent reason.

Smeg Off, Jay!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 3123

I'm depressed.

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:51 pm

Jay leno wrote:

Tell me your problems, your woe's, niggles and complaints.

I hate people who can't get apostrophes right.
Shocked

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:07 pm

I can't multitask as well as I use to. Sad

But, I'm a very young and happy person! Very Happy

train boi Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 697

@Cathartic Kate - No problems anytime Smile

with regards to your question

Leno Recommends:
Crack open another beer, Beer is your friend

@Craig007

Leno Recommends:
Don't fly a plane until your mood improves

@Mr Tambourine Man

Leno Recommends:
The error is only minor, please go to the surplus forum to see more errors thank you

@Corona

Leno Recommends:
Get a notepad and it is good being happy

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Posts: 720

When you close your fridge door does the light stay on or does it go off?

Why don’t they make aeroplanes out of the same material as the black box?

Why is there too much month left after the money?

should I be worried that a kidney was attached to one of my stools on my last comfort break ?

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:22 pm

Can one be in two minds and still sane?

Ascreamikng banshee one minute, and a sweet adoring woman the next?

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:59 pm

Jay leno wrote:

Leno Recommends:
Crack open another beer, Beer is your friend

That's cheating... I would consider that a valid answer to almost any question.

ETA: That might say more about me than it says about you... maybe I need some advice too...

train boi Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 697

@Doodle Bug

I have done much research and can confirm the light goes off, but as for your other questions

Leno recommends:

Stop thinking so hard and have a beer! As for the poop I'd see a doctor mate, it could be serious Smile

@devil_woman

Well you really throwing such a debate here, Whilst I think its acceptable, many wouldnt, but who gives a shit?

As long as you don't play eva cassidy mixed with S Club 7 then yes its fine

How ever

Leno Recommends:
It is acceptable as long as you don't allow a pig to use a computer on the sabbath

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 6:11 pm

I have some advice for you Jay; apparently you have too much time on your hands. Go immediatly to the surplus forum and sign up for the shuttle service AND START BAITING! Wink

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 7:07 pm

Don't laugh, I need this sorted out.....

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancée's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred ... then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to
deal with this situation.

I headed straight out the front door... There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he
congratulated me on passing their little test.

Abby, should I tell my fiancée' what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character?

Or.....should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

(allegedly from the pages of Dear Deirdre herself!)

train boi Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 697

^^^^

I already have 8 pets and a pregnant Mrs, I do not have alot of time

Leno Recommends:
You go to The Off Licence VERY quickly and bring me back something nice Very Happy

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 7:24 pm

Corona Recommends:
Keep to self, that way they may always like you. Very Happy

train boi Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 697

^^^^^^

Leno Recommends:

Get your own thread Very Happy

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 9:12 pm

Excuse me, but can anyone pick the movie-body?

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 9:42 pm

Leno, kiss my grits! Laughing

train boi Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 697

@Yastreb Yes, yes they can as long as it doesnt break the 419 Nigerian Penial code

@Corona Will do

Leno Recommends:

Ask more questions

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:11 pm

Would you believe that I am really David Letterman?

Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:16 pm

Dear Jay Leno,

I suffer from PLSD (Post Lad Stress Disorder) and recently it has been affecting my job. I am the supervisor of an international distribution company which ships large orders of perishable products all over the world.

A few months ago I fired a memo off to Dispatch telling them to start sending our clients a daily secret code to ensure shipments don't accidently wind up going to any lads. Our clients agreed, thinking it was just new company policy, but I lost all of Japan because someone in shipping didn't send them the code of the day. As a result two tons of kiwi arrived late and in compromised condition, causing the Prime Minister to get sick and resign.

Now my job is on the line, and I don't know what to do. I've dug out my old psychology books from college looking for a cure but probably shouldn't take a chance on LSD as we undergo random urine tests. Oh, and I don't like beer.

Any advice would be most appreciated.

Desperate in Distribution

train boi Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 697

@Corona: Same answer as "Do you think the pope shits in the woods"

@HouseofGalt

Now this is tricky, You say you tried the beer and didn't like it, You could try LSD but with the random piss tests you have cause an issue, unless you get your wife to pre piss some into sample bottles then transfer them over, (Make sure she aint pregnant as this will take some serious explaining)

But I personally like deligating anything like work to my colleagues so I can reap the rewards with no work (Just look at my show)

If this fails, then leno recommends

Blame the guy either called Haun or the dude who can't speak english

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 12:01 am

Dear Jay
Its 1am monday morning, Ive ran out of cigs an spilt my last vodka
please help I friggin suicidal Embarassed

Trophy Videos · Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 12:47 am

Dear Jay, what is the recommended procedure for trimming my nails? I'm a cat, now, remember. I've been using the couch, but people are getting pissed at me.

Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:38 am

Dear Jay

I am an avatar whore. please help

419Eater is my life Joined: 25 Feb 2009 Posts: 299

Spudz wrote:

Dear Jay

I am an avatar whore. please help

Whaa? I'm used to recognising you from your old avatar... Now I have to get used to the new one? Laughing