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 Leno Reccommends

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Jay leno
train boi


Joined: 04 Nov 2008
Posts: 697


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:06 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Tell me your problems, your woe's, niggles and complaints. Think of me as your answer to Dear Dierdre in The Sun or some fat guy who gives advice on the radio and I will help out as best I can. Actualy much better than them





DISCLAIMER:

Jay Leno accepts no responsibility for distress, anger or self harm/cutting from his helpful advice.


This service does not intend to replace them its just mearly fun

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Cathartic Kate
Elite Baiter


Joined: 03 Dec 2008
Posts: 1542
Location: Spooner Hall


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:46 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Jay,

Thanks for offering this valuable service here at Eater.

Lately I seem to having a problem remembering what I was going to post in threads. I start typing and then, strangely I go off on a tangent and also neglect to finish my............

More worryingly is my tendancy to say outrageous and sweary things to OP's for no apparent reason.

Smeg Off, Jay!


Image

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Craig007
rude right wing fascist


Joined: 19 Apr 2007
Posts: 3124


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:47 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I'm depressed.

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Mr Tambourine Man
Baiting Guru


Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Posts: 3386
Location: Magic swirlin' ship


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:51 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Jay leno wrote:
Tell me your problems, your woe's, niggles and complaints.

I hate people who can't get apostrophes right.
Shocked

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3 dead websites

is always Good when you have the zeal to be a hitwoman when you out of school,it makes you bold and reall and it makes you more high than any other of your friend.
you dont have a phone.that makes makes you joe butt. Fuck you and go find something to do man. Stop disturbing me please.
This is definitely why you will remain and die in poverty, ignorant of good things and easy acknowledgment of bad things and words. Shame on you, you wicked generation children.
i went you to no that this is not a cheld pray. i went you to get back to me
we are not scammer,we hate scammer as you do.scammer make out life harder and harder,a lot of people think we are scammer,in fact,we are not!! please trustt us
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Corona
Eater's sweetheart


Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8609
Location: On ya left!


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:07 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I can't multitask as well as I use to. Sad

But, I'm a very young and happy person! Very Happy

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Jay leno
train boi


Joined: 04 Nov 2008
Posts: 697


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:23 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

@Cathartic Kate - No problems anytime Smile with regards to your question

Leno Recommends:
Crack open another beer, Beer is your friend

@Craig007

Leno Recommends:
Don't fly a plane until your mood improves

@Mr Tambourine Man

Leno Recommends:
The error is only minor, please go to the surplus forum to see more errors thank you

@Corona

Leno Recommends:
Get a notepad and it is good being happy

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nope please do not worry abt me any more i quit - Barr Jimmy Tan
HAVE YOU EVER TASTED HELL.YOU HAVE A DISEASE AND YOU REFUSE TO CURE IT.THAT IS FREE VISA TO HELL.YOU JUST LIED AND DECEIVE, I HAVE REPORTED YOU TO FBI AND JAY LENO SHOW - Fred W1lly
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Doodle Bug
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 06 Feb 2008
Posts: 720


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:07 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

When you close your fridge door does the light stay on or does it go off?

Why don’t they make aeroplanes out of the same material as the black box?

Why is there too much month left after the money?

should I be worried that a kidney was attached to one of my stools on my last comfort break ?

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trying to dercieve hoorable men like me. You are stupid man ok.
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devil_woman
Baiting Guru


Joined: 20 Mar 2009
Posts: 3383
Location: Anywhere


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:22 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Can one be in two minds and still sane?

Ascreamikng banshee one minute, and a sweet adoring woman the next?
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Master of Puppets
Baiting Guru


Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Posts: 3295
Location: Pulling the Strings


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:59 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Jay leno wrote:

Leno Recommends:
Crack open another beer, Beer is your friend


That's cheating... I would consider that a valid answer to almost any question.

ETA: That might say more about me than it says about you... maybe I need some advice too...

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Jay leno
train boi


Joined: 04 Nov 2008
Posts: 697


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 5:01 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

@Doodle Bug

I have done much research and can confirm the light goes off, but as for your other questions

Leno recommends:

Stop thinking so hard and have a beer! As for the poop I'd see a doctor mate, it could be serious Smile

@devil_woman

Well you really throwing such a debate here, Whilst I think its acceptable, many wouldnt, but who gives a shit?

As long as you don't play eva cassidy mixed with S Club 7 then yes its fine

How ever

Leno Recommends:
It is acceptable as long as you don't allow a pig to use a computer on the sabbath

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Version2 of the Moneygram form courtesy of manbiteslion with a 9 digit MTCN

nope please do not worry abt me any more i quit - Barr Jimmy Tan
HAVE YOU EVER TASTED HELL.YOU HAVE A DISEASE AND YOU REFUSE TO CURE IT.THAT IS FREE VISA TO HELL.YOU JUST LIED AND DECEIVE, I HAVE REPORTED YOU TO FBI AND JAY LENO SHOW - Fred W1lly
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the vampire
Boring Baiter


Joined: 27 Jul 2008
Posts: 3601
Location: playmobil land


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 6:11 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I have some advice for you Jay; apparently you have too much time on your hands. Go immediatly to the surplus forum and sign up for the shuttle service AND START BAITING! Wink

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Spudz
Elite Baiter


Joined: 22 Nov 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: --4--


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 7:07 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Don't laugh, I need this sorted out.....


I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancée's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred ... then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to
deal with this situation.

I headed straight out the front door... There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he
congratulated me on passing their little test.

Abby, should I tell my fiancée' what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character?

Or.....should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

(allegedly from the pages of Dear Deirdre herself!)

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Javed Main:I received your e-mail message but cannot read very well due to the injection I took last night/Please for Gods sake i would'nt like you to address my bank as feck/You are a priest and you are bold enough to tell me that you took 3 bottles of the finest whiskey/Please i am not ready to take more of your insult.

NIGERIA HE GOAT
IF YOU EVER SEND THIS TYPE OF THINGS TO MY EMAIL;; I WILL SHOW MY SELF TO YOU BASTAD NIGERIA HE GOAT....F*CK OFF AND DIE OF UNGER


YOU ARE SUCH A NONENTITY, I NEVER KNEW PEOPLE LIKE YOU STILL IN EXISTENCE. WHAT AN INGLORIOUS BASTARD ARE YOU?

Closed lad accounts x 10-2x33/8 you do the hokey cokey and you turn around and that's what it's all about

Last edited by Spudz on Sun Apr 05, 2009 7:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Jay leno
train boi


Joined: 04 Nov 2008
Posts: 697


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 7:08 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^^^^

I already have 8 pets and a pregnant Mrs, I do not have alot of time


Leno Recommends:
You go to The Off Licence VERY quickly and bring me back something nice Very Happy

_________________
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Version2 of the Moneygram form courtesy of manbiteslion with a 9 digit MTCN

nope please do not worry abt me any more i quit - Barr Jimmy Tan
HAVE YOU EVER TASTED HELL.YOU HAVE A DISEASE AND YOU REFUSE TO CURE IT.THAT IS FREE VISA TO HELL.YOU JUST LIED AND DECEIVE, I HAVE REPORTED YOU TO FBI AND JAY LENO SHOW - Fred W1lly
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Corona
Eater's sweetheart


Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8609
Location: On ya left!


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 7:24 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Corona Recommends:
Keep to self, that way they may always like you. Very Happy

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Jay leno
train boi


Joined: 04 Nov 2008
Posts: 697


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 7:43 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^^^^^^


Leno Recommends:

Get your own thread Very Happy

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nope please do not worry abt me any more i quit - Barr Jimmy Tan
HAVE YOU EVER TASTED HELL.YOU HAVE A DISEASE AND YOU REFUSE TO CURE IT.THAT IS FREE VISA TO HELL.YOU JUST LIED AND DECEIVE, I HAVE REPORTED YOU TO FBI AND JAY LENO SHOW - Fred W1lly
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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14912
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 9:12 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Excuse me, but can anyone pick the movie-body?

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Corona
Eater's sweetheart


Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8609
Location: On ya left!


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 9:42 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Leno, kiss my grits! Laughing Laughing Laughing

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Jay leno
train boi


Joined: 04 Nov 2008
Posts: 697


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:06 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

@Yastreb Yes, yes they can as long as it doesnt break the 419 Nigerian Penial code

@Corona Will do


Leno Recommends:

Ask more questions

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nope please do not worry abt me any more i quit - Barr Jimmy Tan
HAVE YOU EVER TASTED HELL.YOU HAVE A DISEASE AND YOU REFUSE TO CURE IT.THAT IS FREE VISA TO HELL.YOU JUST LIED AND DECEIVE, I HAVE REPORTED YOU TO FBI AND JAY LENO SHOW - Fred W1lly
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Corona
Eater's sweetheart


Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8609
Location: On ya left!


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:11 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Would you believe that I am really David Letterman?

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Catcher In The Lie
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Posts: 877
Location: 404 Yellow Brick Road


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:16 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Dear Jay Leno,

I suffer from PLSD (Post Lad Stress Disorder) and recently it has been affecting my job. I am the supervisor of an international distribution company which ships large orders of perishable products all over the world.

A few months ago I fired a memo off to Dispatch telling them to start sending our clients a daily secret code to ensure shipments don't accidently wind up going to any lads. Our clients agreed, thinking it was just new company policy, but I lost all of Japan because someone in shipping didn't send them the code of the day. As a result two tons of kiwi arrived late and in compromised condition, causing the Prime Minister to get sick and resign.

Now my job is on the line, and I don't know what to do. I've dug out my old psychology books from college looking for a cure but probably shouldn't take a chance on LSD as we undergo random urine tests. Oh, and I don't like beer.

Any advice would be most appreciated.

Desperate in Distribution

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Jay leno
train boi


Joined: 04 Nov 2008
Posts: 697


PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 11:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

@Corona: Same answer as "Do you think the pope shits in the woods"

@HouseofGalt

Now this is tricky, You say you tried the beer and didn't like it, You could try LSD but with the random piss tests you have cause an issue, unless you get your wife to pre piss some into sample bottles then transfer them over, (Make sure she aint pregnant as this will take some serious explaining)

But I personally like deligating anything like work to my colleagues so I can reap the rewards with no work (Just look at my show)

If this fails, then leno recommends

Blame the guy either called Haun or the dude who can't speak english

_________________
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My MoneyGram form
Version2 of the Moneygram form courtesy of manbiteslion with a 9 digit MTCN

nope please do not worry abt me any more i quit - Barr Jimmy Tan
HAVE YOU EVER TASTED HELL.YOU HAVE A DISEASE AND YOU REFUSE TO CURE IT.THAT IS FREE VISA TO HELL.YOU JUST LIED AND DECEIVE, I HAVE REPORTED YOU TO FBI AND JAY LENO SHOW - Fred W1lly
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Badger Grylls
Chemically Abused


Joined: 26 Mar 2009
Posts: 395
Location: Outlying Wastelands of Bolton


PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 12:01 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Dear Jay
Its 1am monday morning, Ive ran out of cigs an spilt my last vodka
please help I friggin suicidal Embarassed
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SlapHappy
Baiting Guru


Joined: 15 May 2006
Posts: 9612
Location: Floating up and down with happiness.


PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 12:47 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Dear Jay, what is the recommended procedure for trimming my nails? I'm a cat, now, remember. I've been using the couch, but people are getting pissed at me.

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Spudz
Elite Baiter


Joined: 22 Nov 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: --4--


PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:38 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Dear Jay

I am an avatar whore. please help

_________________
Javed Main:I received your e-mail message but cannot read very well due to the injection I took last night/Please for Gods sake i would'nt like you to address my bank as feck/You are a priest and you are bold enough to tell me that you took 3 bottles of the finest whiskey/Please i am not ready to take more of your insult.

NIGERIA HE GOAT
IF YOU EVER SEND THIS TYPE OF THINGS TO MY EMAIL;; I WILL SHOW MY SELF TO YOU BASTAD NIGERIA HE GOAT....F*CK OFF AND DIE OF UNGER


YOU ARE SUCH A NONENTITY, I NEVER KNEW PEOPLE LIKE YOU STILL IN EXISTENCE. WHAT AN INGLORIOUS BASTARD ARE YOU?

Closed lad accounts x 10-2x33/8 you do the hokey cokey and you turn around and that's what it's all about
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General419
419Eater is my life


Joined: 25 Feb 2009
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:08 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Spudz wrote:
Dear Jay

I am an avatar whore. please help


Whaa? I'm used to recognising you from your old avatar... Now I have to get used to the new one? Laughing

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