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 Bertie W00ster goes on holiday to Spain

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GomerPyle
Pervert Bastard


Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 8876
Location: Wherever I lay my hat


PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 11:07 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
Thsnk you BERTIE,
IF YOU CAN TRAVEL TO SPAIN,IT WILL BE BETTER.I WILL TELL YOU ALL THAT IS REQUIRED OF YOU AND WILL GIVE YOU A SCHEDULE TO TRAVEL.PLEASE CALL ME ON 011.3465801XXXX


Time to get out and dust down the old charabanc (a type of horse-drawn vehicle or motor coach, usually open-topped, common in Britain during the early part of the 20th century. also used colloquially to describe a run about), don't you know ? Laughing

Image

I think this scammer could find handling the penniless English upper class a headache, but he invited me. Very Happy

I suspect the car could end up breaking down on the motorway in among all these people who don't speak English. Shocked

Quote:
Dear Mr Francisco

I thank you for your kind invitation and, as I have got the old charabanc out of the garage for the first time this year, It'll be nice to give it a run out to Spain. I have to put it away for the winter as it doesn't drive well in the snow.

I fancy a jaunt to foreign parts as I haven't been abroad since I was in the army and we were invading places. Is there a tunnel to Spain as I cannot fly in planes since I saw them going up in flames all the time.

I seem to recall that all these foreign people are very welcoming and I can always ask directions if I get lost but it would be helpful if you can provide directions.

Let me know what clothes I should pack and I'll call you later.

Don't worry I'll give the car a wash before I set out.


Best Regards

Bertie W00ster

_________________
Fake sites killed 1 x Australia 9 x United Kingdom 3 x 168 X Closed lad accounts Easter Egg 2011
Pith Helmet - the 'Asparagus Kid' - Accra to Lome - You Must surly Die in The Name Of Jesus Christ
Pith Helmet - Steve - Lagos to Accra
Pith Helmet - Frank - Lagos to Cotonou - co-bait with the vampire
Pith Helmet - Shorty - Lagos to Cotonou - My Agro Base farming where i rearing chicken and other animals was set ablazed overnight and we do not know who is actual behinde all these evils! -
I and my crew was locked up for 3 good days….They wanted to charge us to court but later we are fined an huge amount of money…I asked them why did they arrest the men, they started laughing and saying all sorts mockering words! -
…because now, am left with nothing and remember i told you my Guy (Joe) gave up earlier this morning
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SlapHappy
Body Eater


Joined: 15 May 2006
Posts: 9612
Location: Floating up and down with happiness.


PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 1:25 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Gomer, don't forget to pack your riding coat, leather cap with goggles, and elbow length leather gloves. Have fun on your motor carriage trip! Very Happy

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TheLovelyJill
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Joined: 18 Jan 2009
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 1:33 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I suspect you must also have a collection of very rich aunts, too Smile

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GomerPyle
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Joined: 04 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 2:03 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I've sent him the picture of my car. Very Happy

Next he'll get a picture of me being served a brandy by Jeeves before I leave.

Image

Do you think he'll notice they're waxworks dummies ? Very Happy

_________________
Fake sites killed 1 x Australia 9 x United Kingdom 3 x 168 X Closed lad accounts Easter Egg 2011
Pith Helmet - the 'Asparagus Kid' - Accra to Lome - You Must surly Die in The Name Of Jesus Christ
Pith Helmet - Steve - Lagos to Accra
Pith Helmet - Frank - Lagos to Cotonou - co-bait with the vampire
Pith Helmet - Shorty - Lagos to Cotonou - My Agro Base farming where i rearing chicken and other animals was set ablazed overnight and we do not know who is actual behinde all these evils! -
I and my crew was locked up for 3 good days….They wanted to charge us to court but later we are fined an huge amount of money…I asked them why did they arrest the men, they started laughing and saying all sorts mockering words! -
…because now, am left with nothing and remember i told you my Guy (Joe) gave up earlier this morning
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N.O.R.A
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Joined: 17 Feb 2008
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 2:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

GomerPyle wrote:
Do you think he'll notice they're waxworks dummies ? Very Happy


Well, I thought they were typical Englanders. Wink

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SlapHappy
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:28 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Yes, I thought they were real, too, Gomer. The British are so stiff. Wink Very Happy

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manbiteslion
never f*cking learns


Joined: 12 Dec 2007
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:47 am Reply with quoteBack to top

slappy wrote:
The British are so stiff.

Arf!
(Did you know the British are also fond of double entenders?)

Have a simply spiffing journey, Bertie old chap, try not to dent Johnny Foreigner too badly along the way. Pip pip!

I do love the idea of him giving you directions - from England to Spain - I do hope they're detailed enough - perhaps he can send you maps of the whole route?
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Wright B Hindyou
Elite Baiter


Joined: 11 May 2004
Posts: 1795
Location: Bangkok


PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:11 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I say! Ripping, what? Don't those French chappies drive on the wrong side of the road? Bounders! Very Happy

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angusmactavish
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Joined: 21 Aug 2004
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Location: Oglethorpe's colony Atlantic (GMT-5)


PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:17 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I've used Bertie Wooster several times myself. Last time I evidently went over the edge as I droned on and on about Sir Watkin Bassett and lost my lad.

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GomerPyle
Pervert Bastard


Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 8876
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:47 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Clearly you pushed it too far angus.

I quite like my Bertie Wooster character. It's worrying that I play an English upper class bumbling old fool so well. Laughing

I have a recording of my call to him with a few small gems like "Spain's abroad is it ?" and "You mean I have to go through France ?".

I have found that I can only do impersonations if I try to get the throat and mouth correctly aligned, and in this accent it involves pulling your lower lips tight with thecheeks and flexing your throat muscles rigid, and without moving the lips, speaking using just your tongue Shocked which is why I appear to be gasping for breath when I speak, but that suits the character brilliantly.

http://Gomer.fileave.com/BertieGoesToSpain.mp3

He is so polished and smooth, and his nerves are grated nicely by the end. Laughing

I had an uncle who spoke an even more extreme version of this, but I won't try it on a smarter Spanish Lad. The funny thing is that the extreme version is virtually unintelligible. Anyone who has seen the 'Fast Show' will know what I mean.

I sent him this message afterwards

Quote:
I have had the car serviced and topped up the petrol tank and will be leaving home, by car, on Monday.

I have obtained a map, as you suggested, and have worked out a route and should be able to get to you by the end of the week. (That could be an over optimistic estimate judging by the car in the picture) I have stocked up on food as I doubt they have items like toast and marmalade in the hostelries that I will find en route, but if I have to make do with goats' cheese and other local delicacies, I'll try to do my best with them.

Do they serve English breakfasts in Madrid ?

I'll be holding a small dinner party prior to departing and will send you a photo if I have time.


I bet you HE likes the photo.

Anyway, he appears to have spoken to his pals and has been advised that this is an encounter he should avoid at all costs. Laughing

Quote:
i dont understand you.are you with the fees for clearance and other payments.I will not want your coming to Madrid to be in vain and moreso,we are not for a party.So know what you are coming for and call me before any move is made to enable me give you guidelines of what you should expect.


No such bloody luck. Very Happy I've purchased new goggles for the trip.

I'll drag him through every bloody mile and guest house, with brushes with the gendarmes and border police. Perhaps I'll start with an encounter with a hovercraft. Twisted Evil

_________________
Fake sites killed 1 x Australia 9 x United Kingdom 3 x 168 X Closed lad accounts Easter Egg 2011
Pith Helmet - the 'Asparagus Kid' - Accra to Lome - You Must surly Die in The Name Of Jesus Christ
Pith Helmet - Steve - Lagos to Accra
Pith Helmet - Frank - Lagos to Cotonou - co-bait with the vampire
Pith Helmet - Shorty - Lagos to Cotonou - My Agro Base farming where i rearing chicken and other animals was set ablazed overnight and we do not know who is actual behinde all these evils! -
I and my crew was locked up for 3 good days….They wanted to charge us to court but later we are fined an huge amount of money…I asked them why did they arrest the men, they started laughing and saying all sorts mockering words! -
…because now, am left with nothing and remember i told you my Guy (Joe) gave up earlier this morning
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N.O.R.A
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Joined: 17 Feb 2008
Posts: 2340
Location: Enjoying all the love from Africa.


PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 5:29 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

He is rude. Tourist information and not so good weather... Shocked Confused

GP, your accent is absolutely fabulous. Laughing

_________________
"I JUST WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE,IT WILL DO A LOT OF WONDERS TO MY BODY" [Lad being baited since May 2009]

"Yes,Miss N0ra is a prostitute,a slut and a professional harlot." [Another Lad, being baited since May 2009, to one of my characters]

Easter Egg 2011 Goat Goat [ Closed lad accounts + Mortar + Safari + Sand Timer ] x some

"set him straight first on the pimple soaps and cleansers,then suggest the other..
we don't want a pimpley,less wrinkly botoxed man running loose" [SlapHappy]

My Mentor is a young, hot, sexy man or woman.

"I'm a girl." [Slightlyoutofit]
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SlapHappy
Body Eater


Joined: 15 May 2006
Posts: 9612
Location: Floating up and down with happiness.


PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:35 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This one really tickles my funnybone. Great bait, Gomer. I like the voice too. Laughing

_________________
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devil_woman
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:45 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I think you should get your man Jeeves to give her a good polish old man. Can't let the side down don't ye know!
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mewing_ghecko
lad harasser


Joined: 28 Mar 2008
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Location: I was born and raised in... oh look something shiny


PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Nice call Gomer.

he seems to have an attitude problem.

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GomerPyle
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Joined: 04 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 8:55 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I was really pushing it to try this on a European 419er so I'll pick a West African one next time. I have a few on the go to choose from.

Quote:
I JUST DISCOVERED THAT YOU ARE A BIG,BIG FOOOOOOL.
DO YOU THINK I AM A GAY LIKE YOU.


I got the reply in today, not quite actual size. Very Happy

I told him that I thought croissants must the result of the cook sneezing into an oil filled frying pan. Very Happy I was even complaining about 'Johnny Foreigners'.

What I like is "I just discovered...". You mean I did something to give myself away ? Laughing I think that translates as "I just discovered what a fool I am". Laughing

I can't wait for Bertie's next escapade.

_________________
Fake sites killed 1 x Australia 9 x United Kingdom 3 x 168 X Closed lad accounts Easter Egg 2011
Pith Helmet - the 'Asparagus Kid' - Accra to Lome - You Must surly Die in The Name Of Jesus Christ
Pith Helmet - Steve - Lagos to Accra
Pith Helmet - Frank - Lagos to Cotonou - co-bait with the vampire
Pith Helmet - Shorty - Lagos to Cotonou - My Agro Base farming where i rearing chicken and other animals was set ablazed overnight and we do not know who is actual behinde all these evils! -
I and my crew was locked up for 3 good days….They wanted to charge us to court but later we are fined an huge amount of money…I asked them why did they arrest the men, they started laughing and saying all sorts mockering words! -
…because now, am left with nothing and remember i told you my Guy (Joe) gave up earlier this morning
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Star A Star
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 03 Jul 2008
Posts: 821
Location: Chad Central


PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:32 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

have a care old man don't proceed without the red flag man

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pony
i am tired and i am waisting my morning
i am tired of all these rusbish, i am waisiting my time andf mone
Ok i will try and take the form to my staff members, once i get the form filled, i am not ready to fill another form, make sure that this is all the forms, i am going to fill them and once i get them done, i will not fill another form
If you see how i was insulted in the western union office, you will pitty me - nope you're wrong there pal
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mewing_ghecko
lad harasser


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:40 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Laughing

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"nice try you want to spam my box asshole"
"fuck u and that of your company".
"ASSHOLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"FUCK YOU".
"I know person like you fucking scammer".
"FUCK YOU ASHOLE".
"fuck off" Mr [email protected] [email protected]
"You are nothing but a crook and a liar,how could you send a fake transfer receipt to me and think that you can fool me".
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N.O.R.A
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Joined: 17 Feb 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

GomerPyle wrote:
I can't wait for Bertie's next escapade.


Neither can I. Very Happy

But is it that the lad didn't want to be in contact with someone who he thought was a gay? Confused Everybody is after pink money nowadays...

_________________
"I JUST WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE,IT WILL DO A LOT OF WONDERS TO MY BODY" [Lad being baited since May 2009]

"Yes,Miss N0ra is a prostitute,a slut and a professional harlot." [Another Lad, being baited since May 2009, to one of my characters]

Easter Egg 2011 Goat Goat [ Closed lad accounts + Mortar + Safari + Sand Timer ] x some

"set him straight first on the pimple soaps and cleansers,then suggest the other..
we don't want a pimpley,less wrinkly botoxed man running loose" [SlapHappy]

My Mentor is a young, hot, sexy man or woman.

"I'm a girl." [Slightlyoutofit]
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