NSFW - more inane scripts

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Not quite a Newb Joined: 11 Oct 2008 Posts: 30

Hi all,

I have marked this NSFW although the language is ok but there are a few adult themes, so again better to be safe than sorry.

This is another script I use which never gets tested. I use it up to number 11, but then it's sort of time to think about getting the vlads off script.

I haven't bothered showing the vlads' replies as they obviously bear no resemblance to what I have written, and are always the usual scripts.

Anyway, feel free to nick it, amend it, or just slag it off, but I hope you mostly enjoy it.

Here it is:

1:

Hi Slapper,
Thank you for your message. It was very nice of you to write to me.
May I start by saying you have an absolutely beautiful name. I have never heard it before, and it sounds very special.
I live on the moon, at the bottom of a crater so that I cannot be seen by any telescopes. I have devised an ingenious system which creates oxygen up to a reasonable height so that I can walk without a suit.
It is quite lonely here though. The only company I have are a group of people called the clangers, and they only speak in whistles, which has taken me ages to understand.
I receive regular food bundles from secret launches from both America and Russia although they will both obviously deny it.
Well I hope you write back to me soon.
All my best
Tom

2:

Hello Slapper,
Thank you for your letter.
I too am looking for a relationship. I share your ideas about romance. I am looking for somebody who will be a good friend as well as a lover. I believe that sex is only good when you truly know somebody and love them deeply. Then it is wonderful, otherwise it is just a physical act that means nothing.
You really own your own bicycle? That's amazing. I fly helicopters, but I don't own one - I just hire them.
You are right about women here. Most of them are tramps and have no respect for themselves. They mostly drink too much and end up getting pregnant in a back alley over a bag of chips. Maybe if they'd had it up the back alley rather than the front one they wouldn't have had the problem in the first place.
I think you would like life here. I will tell you more about it next time.
Love
Tom

3:

Hi Slapper,
Thank you for your letter. It was nice to read it.
Your trip to the USA sounded like a very worthwhile excursion, but the interest to me is obviously superficial.
I nearly had a catastrophe here today. The machine which I so ingeniously made broke down and unfortunately the part which was broken was quite complex, and I didn't have any spares. Well there was a serious risk of me running out of air, but luckily the clangers came to my rescue with a little help from the soup dragon, and they managed to prepare a bodge. Luckily my next dropoff is due within a few days so it should hold to then. If the worse comes to the worse I will wear my suit.
I'm glad you can share your thoughts with me. They go in one ear and out of the other. Some people say it's because there is nothing there to stop them, but I would rather say they are so tedious that it's only normal.
I firmly believe in love at first sight. I think it can happen to anyone any time any place anywhere, that's Martini.
I hope you will write to me soon as I cannot wait to read another of your letters.
Love
Tom

4:

Hi my Darling Slapper,
Thank you for your letter. It was nice to hear about your thoughts and dreams.
I have had a disaster here. The bodge job I told you about didn't hold so the level of air quickly reduced.
Luckily I have enough suits to last me until the next drop off, but you can no doubt understand how difficult it is to type this message. The gloves are not exactly built for typing, and most times I press at least two keys together which I have to correct. This obviously isn't straightforward either.
I was going to spaff off thinking of you tonight, but that is obviously out of the question now.
My delivery should come tomorrow, but it has been known to be late. Sometimes there are arguments between the US and the Russians and I am the one who loses out. I haven't heard anything so I hope it is all okay.
Enough about me anyway. I hope the weather is good with you. It might be nice for us to have a walk together on the Earth, no matter what the weather is like, hot or cold, wet or dry, shaken or stirred.
Enough about you anyway.
I hope you will write to me soon.
Love
Tom

5:

Hi Slapper,
Thank you for your letter.
I was very lucky over the weekend. I had my customary drop off, complete with the extra part, so I was able to repair my machine completely.
It means I don't have to wear the suit any more. This makes typing so much easier, and has also given me the opportunity to cover your images in my bodily fluids. You don't know what a relief it was. I thought my sacks were about to burst.
I did have one embarrassing moment though, when I caught one of the clangers watching me, the cheeky thing. They are quite shy though and when he knew he had been discovered he soon scurried off.
I have been making up for lost time though, and I feel I may have been a bit vigorous as I am rather sore now. Mind you it has been worth it. After all, there's not a huge amount to do up here apart from watching dad's army repeats.
I hope you will write soon.
All my love
Tom

6:

Hello my dear Slapper,
Thank you for your letter. It was really pants.
There was a complete disaster here today. Two drop off vehicles collided, and they went down on the far side of the moon.
I jumped in my vehicle which funnily enough resembles the batmobile, and scooted out to the disaster sight.
It was a complete mess. The wreckage was strewn over a huge distance and there were obviously no survivors. I did manage to find all of the bodies though, and I have put them in my freezer. They'll taste better than pork so I've heard. I'll let you know when I finally cook them.
They also brought a huge supply of cheese. Some of it had melted, so I left that but there's plenty more for me to eat.
There was also a new machine called a Wii which looks quite interesting. I'll try that out soon after my ritual self abuse sessions.
Hopefully you'll write soon.
Love
Tom

7:

Hello darling Slapper,
Thank you for your latest letter. Again it was pants.
I took a little trip out again today to try and survey the wreckage, and lo and behold I also found something which should have been a surprise, but I'll tell you later.
It actually took me quite a while, cos I think the power in my vehicle is going and I can't see me getting a recharge until quite a long time as it is not a priority.
As would be expected, the clangers turned out in full force, but they are just nosy buggers. They clambered all over the wreckage, so any hope of forensic investigation has been ruined.
The one strange outcome to emerge from this was a light hovering over the site. It is obviously not visible from Earth, but I would swear it is not natural, but some sort of presence. Hopefully I will know more the next time I write.
Love
Tom

8:

My darling Slapper,
Thank you very much for your letter, it was still pants.
I have discovered what the bright light is I was telling you about. It is actually a bright light. But more interestingly, it is brighter than a not very bright light. It is still there, and I am sure there is more to it than meets the eye initially.
I will tell you what I found at the site. It was actually a blow up doll. I think it was very thoughtful of the supply crews. They obviously realised my needs. Anyway, I put it to good use last night, but I realised something was missing, so I have used a picture of you for the face, obviously cutting a hole where the mouth is.
The clangers seem to be cleverer than I thought, as they have scavenged a lot of parts, especially the electronic ones, and built themselves a model railway. All within a day. I was very impressed I have to say. And it's big enough for them to ride on too, although I am too big for it.
I am wondering if I give them the right diagrams if they can build me an automatic teamaker and alarm so that I can have a nice warm cup of tea to wake up to in the mornings.
I hope I'll hear from you soon.
All my love
Tom

9:

Hi my darling Slapper,
Thank you once again for your letter. I really enjoyed not reading it.
Well obviously today I was not due a delivery, so it was quite a lonely day for me. Nothing much to look forward to apart from the doll and your face. I do have a problem because there seems to be a puncture already, and I can't afford to immerse it in water to find out where the leak is. I guess it's going back to Mrs Palm and her five lovely daughters.
My machine seems to be working well now, and one strange side effect is that I now seem to be able to pick up Channel X on my TV which I couldn't before as it is obviously a subscription channel. Needless to say I have drained my pods countless times since and it has been less than 24 hours.
I have also given the instructions to the clangers, which i managed to download from the internet. I have not received anything back yet, but they are building something of gargantuan proportions, so I am not sure if it is my design they are working on or something else.
Well I'd better go no, and I hope that you will reply to me soon my angel.
All my love
Tom

10:

My darling Slapper,
Thank you for your letter. It was nice to read such a lengthy piece.
It has been quiet for me here, but the clangers have proceeded at an astonishing rate, and the machine they have been building seems to be complete apart from some small modifications.
It appears to be a machine that builds robots. The first ones were quite crude, and did not work very well, but very quickly they have become more sophisticated. Ironically, they are built to look like humans, not clangers, and the more that are produced, the more lifelike they become.
I am hoping that they will be able to produce them like they are in the film westworld. Then I can say goodbye to Mrs palm and her five daughters. I've also thought that maybe I can show your picture and maybe they can produce one like you. That would be ideal.
Well I've finished watching all of the dad's army repeats and I'm on to some mothers do ave em now. It has aged better than I thought it would.
I hope you will write soon.
Love
Tom

11:

Hi my darling Slapper,
Thank you for your letter. It was banal and tiresome.
Well the latest instalment of this pure piece of fiction sees the clangers upping their rate. They really are quite incredible. Within such a short space of time their robots are now almost perfect. I would find it very hard to differentiate a robot from a human.
And I mean that in every sense. I don't have to practise my ritual self abuse anymore, but I can unleash my load in any number of robots. They each have their own personalities too, so one will spit and another will swallow. Another is really passive, but another goes like a barn door in a storm. And one actually prefer it in the arse which I find really weird.
They have yet to produce one with your face, but from their whistles I imagine it is not far off.
I hope you will write to me soon
Love
Tom

All my best

Alembic

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

Quote:

has also given me the opportunity to cover your images in my bodily fluids. You don't know what a relief it was. I thought my sacks were about to burst.

VERY romantic! I certainly would find that irrisistable. Wink

Not quite a Newb Joined: 31 Oct 2007 Posts: 23

Quote:

It means I don't have to wear the suit any more. This makes typing so much easier, and has also given me the opportunity to cover your images in my bodily fluids. You don't know what a relief it was. I thought my sacks were about to burst.

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