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 My friend mikey the idiot

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Not quite a Newb

Joined: 07 Jan 2009
Posts: 26

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 6:25 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Do you have what it takes? Are you motivated?
$2,000/week plus bonuses and incentives.
No experience necessary.

My friend mikey was lay-off last week.

Unfortunately, the first thing that comes out of my buddy's mouth is, "Awesome! Let's check it out."

Screw it. I'll check it out. I say for Shits and giggles and all that jazz.

So, my buddy calls the number in the ad and we're told to come to such and such address at such and such time.


We show up at some dingy office located in one of the myriad of light industrial/warehouse sections that run parallel to I-15 in Salt Lake. We walk in the door and are greeted by a lone secretary sitting behind this cheap ass desk. I look around the place and notice that whatever company this is, they haven't been here long. The place is obviously rented and there isn't a single sign with the company's name on it. We introduce ourselves and are told to fill out an application.

I ask the secretary, "So what does the job entail?"

She hesitates for a second, "Well, my boss prefers to discuss that with the individual applicants himself. But he's not here right now."

At this point she's basically just confirming what I knew already anyway; SCAM!

Of course, my buddy, broke he is, responds with, "Sounds good. When do you think he'll contact us?"

Secretary: "We place a really heavy emphasis on motivation in this company"

"I'll pass your applications along to my boss for review. Call back after 3 p.m. and I'll let you know if he wants to invite you in for another interview."


We leave, get something to eat, and call back around 3 p.m. We're told that "the boss" has reviewed our applications and has invited us to come back for another interview the next day at 8 a.m.

The next morning, at 7:45 sharp, me and my buddy show up for "the interview". We're led to a larger room in the back where about 40 other people have already been seated. After a couple of minutes "the boss" enters the room.

This guy is somewhere around 5' 6", in his mid-20's, wearing a suit that's a size too big, and obviously forgot his daily dose of Ritalin.

The first thing that comes out of his mouth is, "Good morning, guys!!!!!!! My name's Rick and I only have one question for you. Who here wants to make money?!!!!!!!!"

And so start 6 hours of complete and utter bullshit.

Six hours of the same old, "You can make so much money in this job, guys! But it's all up to you and how motivated you are?"

"Who wants to make money?"

My favorite part was when he started talking about the bonuses and incentives.

"Let me tell you, guys I just started working for this company about a year ago and I'm already a regional manager."

"You can make so much money with this job, guys. Plus, we have some really great bonuses. Just last week I was invited to a company dinner by the owner, and let me tell you guys, he comes up to me and he says, Rick, you've been doing a fantastic job. I want you to have this..."

He pauses, get's this really serious look on his face, and says,

"Guys, you won't believe this, but he gave me this huge ring. It was such an honor."

Okay, so at this point I'm about to lose it.

The only thing that's going through my head is: Are you fucking serious? A ring? A fucking ring? What kind of fucking bonus is that? That's retarded. What kind of Mickey Mouse operation is this?

The funny thing is, about 5 1/2 hours into this little spiel, this guy actually explains what this "awesome" job is all about.


That's right folks, perfume and cologne. But not just any perfume. No, no, no. Knock-off perfume.

But it smells just like the real stuff. Promise!

And because it smells just like the expensive stuff, but sells for much, much less (well, not that much less) it'll sell itself.

And because it sells itself. You won't with have a problem with buying the product (by the case) from the company.

"Trust me, guys. Before you know, you'll be a district manager with half a dozen employees of your own."


So after 6 hours of what amounts to the longest, most gimmicky, hyperactive sales pitch I have every heard he finishes with this:

"All right, guys, after everything I've told you, the only thing I need to know is: Do you want to make money?"

"I'm going to go around and ask every singly person here if you want to make money. If you do, I want you to stand up and say 'Rick, I want to make money!'."

"If you don't, I want you to say, 'I'm not motivated enough,' and leave the room."

Everybody start shouting "i want money" 40 people screaming "i want money" and some guys were telling rick how thankfull they were some guys were even not kidding

Eventually, he gets to me and my friend. At this point, I'm just ready to get the fuck out of there. Lo and behold, right as I'm about to get up to leave...

"Rick, I want to make money!"

You have got to be shitting me.

I look at my friend mikey and just give him this "you fucking moron, are you serious" look.

About a week later my buddy comes up to me, "Ugh! I'm such a fucking idiot."

Me: "I know. What happened, dude?"

Turns out, he had to shell out a couple hundred bucks of his own money to buy cases of this shitty perfume to sell down in Arizona. Had to use his own car and gas to get down there, too.

But it gets even better.

He got a speeding ticket on his way down to AZ and only sold 3 bottles of perfume.

Grand total for this fun: $500+.

Just goes to prove the point: If something seems to good to be probably is.

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Pastor Frank
Unwashed Canadian

Joined: 31 Jan 2007
Posts: 11834
Location: EN34ix

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 6:38 am Reply with quoteBack to top

slowpo wrote:

The funny thing is, about 5 1/2 hours into this little spiel, this guy actually explains what this "awesome" job is all about.

I guessed Amway. Laughing

"Father Juan are sure that you are man of God,because your behaviors showed you as unbeliever" -Mary R
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