One from the loony-bin

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 7:23 pm

Got a bit of a giggle from this opening email, IP (196.207.254.222) says it's from Senegal.

Quote:

from Favour Juicy <[email protected]>
to [email protected]
date Thu, Feb 26, 2009 at 2:25 AM
subject sir am writthing you with pain and sorrow from psychatric hospital !

good day sir ""
how are you doing sir ??? and how is your entire family &bussiness ?? hope all is well sir??
if so glory be to his ominipotent God (amen) °°°
sir i am writthing you from psychiatric hospital ! with the office computer with the help of one
of the staff ;that understand and recognize that nothing is wrong with me !!!
sir i got your email through some engine research !so there is this spirit that pushes me to write
you !and i belieave you will rescue me from the trouble of my live !
details sir ..........
my real name is janee willams ! i am the only daughter of my father
with my little kid sister becky !!
we lost our father 2 years ago ,whilewe lost our mother too just 1 years ago in a brutal motor accident ! and after we later confirmed ! that this my uncle is behind all our predicament !
since the death of our father !this our uncle sitted on all our father wealth !
and now that i think am old enough (28) to claim my fathers property ! while making attempt! my uncle !claim that i have brain problem,
and force me here to this psychiatric hospital !!!
sir i dont know how long am going to be here ! this the reason am contacthing you from afar to please for the sake of almighty god and humanity sake ! to come to my aide sir !
before the death of my father he reveal a seret of his kept money 2.5 million earo ! in a safe scurity company in united state!!!
so sir this the reason why am contacthing you !
pls sir to help claim this money to your personal account !
and after you will help me to come to your country and help me to invest legally in your country !so that i can be free of this my devilish uncle !
i belieave this the only way i can be free of death !
because this my uncle is ready to go to any lenght just to makes sure
he claim all our fathers wealth sir !
please for humanity sake reply to this mail immediately in other for me to give you the full clue on how to claim this money sir !!
attarch here is my picture !!
sir i waith your respoonce !pls stay bless and bye for now !

she "attarch" her picture

I reckon this one's a barrel of fun.

Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 7:28 pm

I just sent my l33t pwnage gamer nerd character after her.

Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 7:30 pm

must be a new graduate of Scammer U, it appears he and my broken lad were out behind the shed smoking weed during the 'how to write a script' portion of their education. Laughing

only 2.5 million earo? turn this into a romance, this lad would be a hoot trying to tell you about your future together.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 03 Mar 2009 Posts: 41

lmao She is the only daughter of her father... With her sister becky! lol

But damn, if that really is her... tell her you want proof and she must prove it by removing more clothing... haha

Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:52 pm

I have to say I got a charge out of this line...

Mr Wang wrote:

i am the only daughter of my father
with my little kid sister becky !!

Only daughter? What's the kid sister - a hermaphrodite? Laughing

Anyway, I gotta say that is one of the more pathetic scripts I've ever seen. Looks like you got yerself a real dim bulb there. Have fun!

Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 10:22 pm

Do I sense a bit of Hamlet in there?

Elite Baiter Joined: 15 Sep 2008 Posts: 1006

Interesting what mental patients are not quite wearing these days.

Hellish Taskmaster Joined: 31 Dec 2008 Posts: 537

I hope you guys are successful transferring those "earos" out. Laughing

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 2:12 am

beckythatcher wrote:

Interesting what mental patients are not quite wearing these days.

Hey, that's what I was wearing when I did my time in the whack joint. That was our daily uniform.

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 2:37 am

Obviously she needs to prove that she isn't insane and is being unjustly held in the psychiatric hospital. The fact that she says she's "writthing" makes me think she's having some fits and probably is insane. Anyway, I'm sure there are sanity verification forms which could help determine one way or the other whether she's a nutcase or not. Wink

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:21 am

Oooh, brilliant Juan! Sanity verification forms! That could be awesome!

Elite Baiter Joined: 19 Jan 2009 Posts: 1440

Could someone contact the doctor there and ask him to remove the Exclamation!!! key from her computer?

And I think Janee's uncle is right. She definately has a "brain problem".

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 8:28 am

I'm working on a "sanity verification form for financial independance" right now. So far I've got questions like "Which animal goes MOO!?" followed by a picture of a rabbit, a fish, a dog and a pigeon.
Would love to hear your ideas.

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 9:15 am

^^
Lots of ambiguous opposites questions.

What is the opposite of a hippopotamus?
a) A cookie
b) 3 brass buttons
c) A Fingernail

With healthy amounts of "Explain your answer.

And a bunch of those ink blot tests.
Maybe a place for fingerprints, then a large square that must be entirely covered with blood from their left thumb for analysis.

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 8:17 pm

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZR6119FL
Isn't perfect, but it's a start. It's not finished yet (far too short).

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 9:32 pm

One I've heard about is to ask for explanations of the meanings of proverbs such as:

A stitch in time saves nine
No use crying over spilt milk
Mounted beggars race their steeds

The explanations have to be in detail, of course.

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:24 pm

You should also ask behavioral questions, to determine how she would respond in specific situations.

Q: You are sitting in a crowded theatre. You begin to smell smoke. What do you do?

a) Laugh harder. It's a funny movie!
b) Buy more popcorn
c) Stand up and scream: EARTHQUAKE!
d) nothing

Q: You are sitting in a bar, and a man walks in and places a crocodile on the bar. He yells out, "I'll make you all a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute, then I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this, each of you will buy me a drink." The man stands up, drops trou, places his johnson in the croc's open mouth. The croc closes his mouth, and the crowd gasps. The man grabs a beer bottle and smacks the croc hard on the top of his head, causing it to open it's mouth wide so the man can remove his genitals unscathed. The crowd cheers, and his free drinks are delivered. The man stands up and yells, "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try!" You say:

a) "I'll try it - just don't hit me so hard on the head with the bottle!"
b) "I don't think I can get my mouth open that wide."
c) "Will you marry me?"

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:30 pm

^^^'

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:34 pm

You never heard that joke???

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 11:07 pm

Maybe I'm just too young. Wink

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 11:10 pm

Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 2:01 am

Quote:

pls introduce yourself to me first and if possible forward your pics and cell number pls!
am sorry i just can't recognize you !
pls can you send me copy of the message i sent to you pls!
am sorry for this act !its only that everyday i recieave different unrecognize emails !
pls introduce yourself to me !and attarch my former message to you including your picture and cell number !
thanks ,you are welcome !
stay bless!

This is what I get? Are you running another script behind my back?

Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 2:23 am

Got this reply from him.

Quote:

thank you for your responce sir !
may the good lord continue protecthing and guilding you and your entire family sir !!
i have re attarched my pictures here sir !! pls view the attarchment !!
the reason why i decide to contact you from afar sir is my whole entire family are
supporthing this my uncle because he is spending my father's money labbishly on them to corver his trash sir !!
and my father do tell me when he is alive == that sometime i should trust an outsider more than my blood !
because being born together doesn't prove that we are ment to be together !
that one can have his or her own family from anywhere in the world !
we should only be praying to his most high to lead us to the right part of life sir!!
you ask me what can you do for me sir ??
i am pleading to you with the most high God and for humanity sake to pls help me in claimeing my fathers kept money in a bank in united state ! to your pocess !and to help me
come to your country helping me investhing legally :::
because i belieave this is the only way i can be free frm death and follow my destiny sir !
sir pleading you with the name of the most high and humanity pls help me !
i belieave and trust in you spiritually!
there's this special feeling that makeing me belieave and have faith in you sir pls!
kindly introduce yourself to me pls!
your name?
country?
age?
phone number?
pls sir i will immediately give you all the clue on how to get this money to your pocession sir
and how you can free me from here after all transaction has been made !
by you claimeing my fathers friend and bussiness parthner to whom so ever it may concern sir !
pls i will be allow to use this office computer tonight sir !if possible we can see on webcam sir !
pls act fast sir !because am afraid of my health here !
you knew how it is being locked up with mad people !
and the doctors trying to inject me as well pls for humanity sake come to my rescue sir pls!
thanks and stay bless !!:

Not sure if this means he is actually a she with a webcam.

Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 11:00 am

Quote:

.. the doctors trying to inject me as well pls for humanity sake

If the doctors were really trying to inject him for humanity's sake, they'd be using ricin or cobra venom.

Oddly enough, I was once subjected to a formal Crazy Test (government-administered in a small and odd country I was in). Their trick was to ask questions which have different equally-valid answers, and see if the testee is able to coherently argue the case.

So (these were actual questions I faced):

* How many continents are there? Answers are: 5,6 or 7 depending whether you include Antarctica, Australia. Thus, the Lad is always wrong.

* How many brothers do you have? How many sisters? How many children in your family? Answer: Brothers + sisters (maybe +1 for the Lad himself, maybe not). Thus, the Lad is always wrong. Laughing

Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:33 am

I'm a bit worried she really is in a loony bin somewhere trying to get help busting out.

I'm blue, she's red.

Quote:

I am your new hero. Kermit Cromwell.
I wish to rescue you from the mental hospital you have been trapped in. Please, tell me what I must do. I have several swords, a crossbow, and a halberd. I am presently making my own chain mail. Where are you? I will be honored to accept this quest of rescue.
Please reply soon.
Kermit, 13th level Goblin Mage; 19th level Paladin.

PS: Attached is a picture so you will know your knight when I rescue you.

Quote:

BLA BLA BLA, EXACT SCRIPT SENT TO MR. WANG. BASICALLY A GROSS OVERUSE OF EXCLAMATION POINTS AND A STRANGE INVITATION TO WEB CAM.
{I don't know if I'm just her favorite baiter, or if Mr. Wang neglected to mention it, but she sent me another sexy pic:}

{nothing drives the men-folk wild like a good weave, right? Question

}

Quote:

Fear not, I am now bound by my paladin's honor to fulfill this quest. I will recover your money, and rescue you from whatever villain holds you bound; these things I will do by the strength of my arm and the edge of my sword. I will not tarry until I have vanquished your foes and desecrated the shrines of your enemies.

Name: Kermit Cromwell
Country- USA
Age- 27
Phone number: (+1)xxx-xxxx

Quote:

ooow sir"" thank you for your courageous word and effort " ' your words giveing me courage
your words strenghten me !
kermitt " i strongly belieave am on the right chanell '
and i belieave you are my saviour right from above !thank you sir '
may the good lord give you long life and prosperity till the end of your life '
sir you can see from the way am writthing you '' a m 100% healthy!
am not haveing any brain problem sir ! {Highly debatable}
so i think sir the only way you can help me for now is to come to you ' so that i can be save
for now !!!!
from the hand of my uncle that was being chaseing all night , in my night mares with sword!! {No halberd and crossbow? OK, I can take him}
sir this the reason i will want you to contact the bank in washinton D.C ' in which
my late father money is being kept as i have written in my last mail !
because i knew that my coming to you will cost money !
this the reason why i want you claim this money to your pocession sir"
so everything will work normal sir !!
sir this is the bank info as follows sir =

GLOBAL INDUSTRIAL BANK OF UNITED STATE (washinton D.DC ){epic lad bank name}
customer care phone number = {Strangely enough it's a NY number}
customer care email =*****@yahoo.com
account holder == jude henry williams
account code ==( WDC5897453)
fund to confirm =2.5 million eauro!! {Still haven't caught that?}
sir pls you should write to this bank as that i = JANEE WILLIAMS the next of kin to ENG JUDE HENRY WILLIAMS order you to confirm and claim this money to your pocession !
pls introduce who you are to them sir pls !
and please forward to me copy of all writthings between you and the bank pls sir !
and after the bank responce ! sir i will give you every nessaries clue to make the transpher possible and fast pls sir!!

And I too here will write to them myself immediately !

In order for them to understand you better when you write to them sir !!
sir i am realy suffering here pls help me faster pls !
so that you can help me to invest legally in your country and be free from death pls on my kneel pleading sir heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!
i awaith your responce sir thanks ;;;;;

I've never seen the "oow" used outside of a dolla chop, so this was new ground right from the start. I usually try to clean up emails when I post them, but I thought this one might lose its underlying beauty if I erased all of the random punctuation and multiplied letters (e.g. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!).