Kelv1n W1ll1ams chats with Mum and Dad

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Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2009 2:50 pm

I picked up Kelv1n's email address from the surplus forum and decided that I'd hit him with my ASEM format.

So here's the first email that I sent him -

Dad wrote:

To: [email protected]
Subject: Hi
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 11:37

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello Kevin,

How are you feeling today? Is the leg feeling any better or are you still getting pain?

I've spoken to mum and she says that she can only afford to send you $500 until she gets paid at the end of the month. Is that going to be enough for you to pay for your accomodation and flights?

How do you want us to send you the money this time? Is there a money receiving place near where you are staying?

Send our love to Daphne and tell her we look forward to meeting her when you finally return to these shores.

Take care

Lots of Love

Dad

Nobody would be stupid enough to reply to that would they? Well it seems that Kelv1n is, he replys twice (identical emails but different subjects) -

lad wrote:

From: kelv1n W1ll1ams <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: SEND ME THE MONEY THROUGHT WESTERN UNION WITH THE INFORMATION BELOW
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 11:52

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How are you doing and family i hope every body is alright? I saw your email and it was well understood, I will be waiting for the payment as you directed me.

You advised to send me the money throught western union With my payment pick up name Tonia Utomi with this Information below

Payment Information
Western Union information
Senders Name :
Recievers Name : Tonia Utomi
Address :Lagos/Nigeria
Amount:$500
Text Question : colour
Answer : Blue
MTCN----------------------------

I will Be waiting to hear from you as soon as you get this email.

My regards to you and your Family.

Mr. Kelvin Williams

Good news, there's a bit more money, bad news he's not getting it yet -

Dad wrote:

To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: SEND ME THE MONEY THROUGHT WESTERN UNION WITH THE INFORMATION BELOW
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:01

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello Kevin,

Wow aren't you the big traveller - Nigeria now! Only last month you were in Chad. How did you get to Nigeria? I hope you haven't been hitch-hiking again - you know your mother worries about you getting killed. You really have to be careful especially now you have your beautiful fiancee with you.

Your mother is a bit upset that your message was so short and that you never seem to tell us anything about your trip. She also says she can't believe that you are engaged to Daphne and we've not even seen a photograph of her, let alone met her.

There is some good news, I just had a win on the online bingo, so we'll be sending you $750 and not $500. However a bit of bad news - your mother says that she won't go to the Western Union office until you send her a picture of Daphne. She's a little tinker isn't she - I told her that was naughty, but she says she wants to see what her future daughter-in-law looks like.

Send us the photo as soon as possible and your mother will transfer the money later on today.

Chat soon

Love

Dad

So will we get a photo? It seems not -

lad wrote:

From: kelv1n W1ll1ams <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: SEND ME THE MONEY THROUGHT WESTERN UNION WITH THE INFORMATION BELOW
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:13

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PLEASE TELL HER THAT SHE IS ALRIGHT ALSO EVERY IS BEAUTY AND OK ALSO TELL HER TO SEND THE MONEY IMMEDIATLY BECAUSE I DONT HAVE THE PICTURES HERE EVERYTING IS IN CHAD I HAVE TO USE THE MONEY FOR WHAT WE PLAN BEFORE .

VERY URGENT

Looks like Kelv1n needs the money urgently as this arrives a few minutes later -

lad wrote:

From: kelv1n W1ll1ams <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: HELP ME BEG MOTHER THAT I'M SORRY
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:19

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PLEASE TELL MOTHER THAT Daphne IS ALRIGTHT WE ARE COMMING TO JOIN MOTHER VERY SOON SHE IS PRETTY AND RESPECT I NO THAT MOTHER WILL LIKE IT ALOT

I HAVE TO LEAVE NIGERIA TOMMOROW BECASUE I JUST CAME FORD DAPHNE BOSS FRIEND BIRTH DAY PARTIES PLEASE TELL MOTHER TO SEND THE MONEY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TODAY WITH TONIA UTOMI NAME BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ACCES TO RECIEVE MONEY HERE TONIA CAN HELP ME PLEASE,

Payment Information
Western Union information
Senders Name :
Recievers Name : Tonia Utomi
Address :Lagos/Nigeria
Amount:
Text Question : colour
Answer : Blue
MTCN----------------------------

OK, it's time for Mum to get in on the act -

Mum wrote:

To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: HELP ME BEG MOTHER THAT I'M SORRY
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:33

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello Kevin

It's mum here. I've managed to get your dad away from the computer for a few minutes. Honestly with his online bingo and the porn sites he seems to spend every waking hour on the damn computer at the moment. I really can't wait until the weather gets better and he can get back to his gardening (well that's what he calls it - we know he spends all his time in that shed asleep don't we).

I must say your English is getting worse and worse. I'm begining to think that we wasted all the money that we paid on your university education.

Do you promise me that you will send me a picture as soon as you can? I am going to go down to the corner shop in a minute to get some shopping so I will send you the money at the same time.

I met your aunty Fanny yesterday and she was asking after you, so I told her your good news and she was very excited. She said that the next time you have a permanant address she will send you a little engagement gift so you don't have to keep forking out for Internet cafes (between you and me I think she wants to send you a laptop but don't tell her I told you).

Anyways must go and do my shopping.

Love always

Mum

So back he writes (twice again with identical message but different subject) -

lad wrote:

From: kelv1n W1ll1ams <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: TO MUM
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:45

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hello mum

How are you and dad? thanks for your message i understand how you feel about me thanks alot i and i will make sure i send the picture to you this week i promise mum.

Ones again please mum make sure you send the money with Tonia utomi Name she is daphne friend because i dont have permistion to recieve money here.

send the money to me with this information below mum thank so much for your effort

Payment Information
Western Union information
Senders Name :
Recievers Name : Tonia Utomi
Address :Lagos/Nigeria
Amount:
Text Question : colour
Answer : Blue
MTCN----------------------------

send me the mtcn so that i tonia can easily pick up the money thanks

Mum has gone out, so it's time for Dad to get back in on the game and he's got some rather inappropriate questions -

Dad wrote:

To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: i am sorry mum
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:57

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello son,

Dad here - your mum is down the shops making your payment. She might be a while though you know how involved she gets when she's chatting to Emily and Mavis in the shop. I think she's going to the butchers as well (well she said something about wanting sausage tonight). As soon as she gets back I'll get her to send you the payment details.

So between two men what's young Daphne like? Has she got a nice rack on her - I know you like your girls big up top (like father like son eh ). Is she any good in bed or haven't you found out yet?

Anyway, better go there's a new game starting on my bingo site in a minute and I'm hoping for another win.

Bye

Dad

The lad replies and it seems like he's the sole of descretion - no lurid details about his girlfriend. He's also attempting to bond with his dad with a couple of LOLs -

lad wrote:

From: kelv1n W1ll1ams <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: to dad
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:18

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dad

You and Bingo lol well i am doing well here with my wife i no you will love to see her and i promised you very soon we are coming home to visit.

and i will make sure i send her pictures to you soon this week.

i hope you treat my mother well also dad because i don't use my mum play i love mum so much as i love you too also.

please dad i will be waiting for the payment information so that Tonia can pick it up for me
good luck to you and your bingo dad lol lovely dad i love you so much.

I will be waiting for the payment information.

Oh no it looks like there's been a problem with Mum's visit to the WU -

Dad wrote:

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: to dad
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:30

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kevin,

I'm glad you mailed I've been trying to ring you on your mobile phone for the last 20 minutes but it goes straight to voicemail. I thought you agreed you would always keep it turned on while you were travelling in case of emergencies.

We've had a right kerfuffle here. Your mother went to the shops and made your payment, then she was walking back up London Road, just about to turn into our road and you won't believe what happened. Some idiot came speeding down the road in his car (you know the type - pimped Reliant Robin with music blaring out) and drove straight at her. He said that he was swerving to miss a dog that ran out into the road, but the lady who saw the accident says it wasn't a dog it was a fox so he should have just hit it.

Anyway, Mr Godfrey the postman brought your mother home and we rang the surgery. Dr Acular is here with her at the moment. He thinks she has sprained an ankle and might have concussion. It could have been a lot worse but she jumped in a hedge at the last minute, so the car only scraped her leg.

Give me a ring if you can.

Dad

Looks like the lad is a bit concerned -

lad wrote:

From: kelv1n W1ll1ams <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: to dad
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:34

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

mum

i am so sory about this are you alright now

Time for Dad to update the caring son about the state of Mum -

Dad wrote:

To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: to dad
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:46

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kevin,

Doctor has just left and has told mum to have a little knap. He's bandaged up her leg and given her some pills to help with the concussion and said that she should be right as rain in a little while.

I've made her a bed up on the sofa so that she can have a little snooze and then I'll make her a bit of food when she wakes up.

Anyway, at least she got hit on the way home and not on the way there, otherwise I would have had to go and do the shopping and pay your money.

She said to tell you to make sure you go and collect the money right now so that you can make your arangements.

Let me know when you've got the money.

Love

Dad

Oops, dad forgot to give him the payment details -

lad wrote:

From: kelv1n W1ll1ams <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: to dad
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:52

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i thanks god that mum is alright now.

dad what is the payment information ?

i never recieve the information to pick up the money?

Oh dear, dad can't find the payment information - should he wake mum up? -

Dad wrote:

To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: to dad
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:58

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Good point Kevin.

Your mum forgot to give me the payment information before she went to sleep. I've had a look in her handbag and I can't find the Western Union papers in there.

Do you want me to wake her up and ask her for the information?

Dad

No loving son would ask for their mother to be woken up when she's having a rest after an accident would they? It seems so -

lad wrote:

From: kelv1n W1ll1ams <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: to dad
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:08

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

yes because i realy need the money now dad thanks

OK, so dad has woken mum up and she's going to provide the payment information. However Kelv1n's suggested security question and answer were rejected so mum came up with one of her own -

Mum wrote:

To: [email protected]
Subject: Payment info
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:16

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello Kevin,

It's mum here, I'm a bit at sixes and sevens but I think I'm OK. I gave your dad a real telling off for waking me up, but he said that you were desperate for the money so I forgave him. Tahnks for the concern that you showed, it's more than I got from your father.

Anyway, it's been a bit of an eventful day all in all. I made yur payment as requested, but I had to change the question and answer as Mavis said that the other one wasn't sceure.

The payment number is 0800833833 and the new qeuesition is "What is your brother's name".

Take care

Mum

ps excuse teh tpying I'm a bit dizzi still

Seems like the lad didn't understand what mum was saying -

lad wrote:

From: kelv1n W1ll1ams <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Payment info
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:27

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

mum i dont understand you.

provide the information to recieve the money tthat all.

More to follow later.

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 4:22 pm

This is great stuff. I have also had fun with this lad, although he has finally twigged. I LOVE that you changed the test question! I can't wait to see whether he tries to bluff his way onto getting you to tell him what his brother's name is.

I'll post my own exchanges with this scumbag soon.

Again, great stuff!

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 6:22 pm

His reply to the change of question was to swear at me a few times (and give me the lovely quote in my signature).

In the end I gave him the answer in the hope that I'd get a WU visit out of him. Haven't heard anything back yet, I've got another lad playing now so I'll leave Kelv1n until Monday and then give him a prod and see if I can get him chatting to his 'dad' again.

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 6:28 pm

He tends to get very rude when he cannot come up with a way to deal with a problem. I just posted my own encounter with him and got similar results when he finallt twigged.

Master Baiter Joined: 17 Apr 2008 Posts: 113

UNBELIEVABLE!! He will respond to any ASEM!! Mine was so bad that I thought he couldn't possible respond. Sure enough he did, and with WU information in the first message.

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