Ke1vin Wi11iams gets put on hold

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Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 6:07 pm

This lad has been a barrel of laughs.
Being fairly inexperienced, I went for a straight bait, but managed to toss in a little extra.

I replied to the FBI / ATM card scam posted in the surplus section. Here's the lad's script reply.

LAD:

Quote:

Atten: Beneficiary ,
How are you and your family? your fund is loaded in your
atm card due to your name we also thanks from for his effort to investigate this issue that you are the
rigthful beneficairy of this fund.

You are advised to pay the delivery charges of your atm card so that Fedex courier company can easily courier your ATM CARD to your resident address without any further delay you have to make the payment before we can make process of courier the atm card to your doorstep.
You have to stop contact anybody for now contact me only so that evrything will be smooth and also note that you atm card is ready.

[... and so on]

Looking at his spelling and grammar in the canned stuff, I can't wait to get him off script. I reply:

Quote:

I do not understand. What is this all about? What does sending $150 to Nigeria have to do with the FBI? What has the FBI to do with me?

Please explain. I am very confused.

He seems a little put off that I didn't understand it the first time. I get the bold itallics caps of truth:

Quote:

YOU HAVE TO SEND THE MONEY TO NIGERIA THROUGHT WESTERN UNION

MINISTER OF FINANCE IN NIGERIA INFORM THE FBI IN USA TO INVESTIGATE YOUR FUND AND THEY ARE SUCCESSFULLY.

WE COMFIRM HERE THAT YOU ARE THE RIGHTFUL BENEFICIARY OF THIS FUND $10.5M
IS LOADED AND PAKAGE WITH YOUR FUND.

GO AND MAKE THE PAYMENT TODAY SO THAT THE COURIER COMPANY CAN EASILY SEND YOUR ATM CARD TO YOUR DOORSTEP WITHOUT DELAY

OK. I get it now, but why use FedEx when ATM cards are useless without a PIN? I reply:

Quote:

Oh! I see.

Please instruct them to send me the card via international postage. This should cost less than one dollar. When the card arrives, I'll contact them for the PIN.

Thanks much! This is very exciting.

He lamely restates his position. Apparently BIG FUND ATM cards are different somehow and this should be obvious. LAD:

Quote:

THE ATM CARD IS LOADED WITH BIG FUND WE ACCEP FEDEX ONLY.
IF NOT WE HAVE TO SUSPEND YOUR FUND RIGHT AWAY.

I send him my ficticious address but not wothout some confusion remaining:

Quote:

...Well that seems strange, because an ATM card is worthless without the PN. But I guess you folks know your business.

Who am I supposed to send the $15 to, again? [...] Will you accept a personal check? [...] Who is this woman, and can I send her a personal check?

Please inform me

Ironic isn't it, that is not so hot. He ignores my quetions and tries again for a quick delivery of cashola:

Quote:

go and make the payment with this information below so that thee couier company can easily courier your atm card to your doorstep.
Payment Information
Western Union information
Senders Name :
Recievers Name :
Address :Lagos/Nigeria
Amount:$150
Text Question : colour
Answer : Blue
MTCN----------------------------

When I do not reply within two minutes he writes again witht eh subject line, "VERY URGENT"

Quote:

after you make the payment your personal pin will be send to you via email
send the payment to Tonia Utomi throught western union

Payment Information
[Same crap as above--]

i wil be waiting for the mtcn today

More questions from me:

Quote:

Also, who is this woman and what does
she have to do with this? I will need to explain this
to WU.

I can feel his impatience growing. He does not even bother to italicise, boldface or capitalize his 1-line reply. What a lazy lad. LAD:

Quote:

she is our bank payment pick up

He's trying far too hard to stay on script. It's time to chop his dolla. I send the following over a ten-minute span:

Quote:

I'm still a little bit unsure about how to move ahead.
Please call me at 1-206-343-xxxx, so I can work this out.

then,

Quote:

I just got off the phone with your agent, . Thank you for having him call me so promptly. I will send him the within the next half hour.

Thanks again.

followed by:

Quote:

I am now very much confused. I got an email from Mr. "" of the saying that this email address has been hacked and that I should not talk with you through this address anymore! But your nme is not , it is , with an "L."

I don't know what is going on, but the deal is off until I can sort this out.

then,

Quote:

Please explain what is going on. The money was picked up as soon as the went through. It is like your people are sitting at the WU office waiting for the information.

I have not heard from you or any of your agents since the phone call. What is happening

? and finally:

Quote:

OK. I see you are just wasting my time and money.

Well it looks like has been busy trying to reach me by telephone. He sends another 1-line sans formatting:

Quote:

your number is not available call me right away # +

Feel free to give the lad a call. Smile

I reply:

Quote:

What is wrong with my number? Your agent talked to me twice. Please tell me what is going on. I am very confused.

LAD sends two emails in one minute:

Quote:

i never recieve any payment from you

and

Quote:

i dont no is not from our bank it is an Imposter .

you have to contact me only

An IMPOSTER? No way! I reply:

Quote:

says you got the money and WU says it was picked up within five minutes. I do not understand. Who recieved the money? Are you also ?

We go back and forth like this for another half-dozen exchanges where he insists I am dealing with an imposter; however, it seems that I am too stupid to understand it. I keep demading he explain himself. Finally he makes a desperate attempt to get me back on script. LAD:

Quote:

why did you make a big mistake like this i dont have a yahoo email i dont no that person you call mr. peter or what ever contact me only.

You have to make another payment to me right away because the courier company are still waiting to send your atm card to your doorstep

[He pastes the same payment detail crap from before.]

This has been oodles of fun, but I now think it is time to introduce a new modality. I plan a variant of the scenario using the modality. My idea is to set up an notification but start off with invalidating his id leaving a message that the money was already collected by
The setup:

Quote:

How do I know that you won't say that you did not recieve it again? Are you trying to trick me? Mr. Peter said this would happen. I do not know what to do now [...] OK. I know what to do

I will send the money again, but this time I will use . That way only YOU get the and it does not even come through me. This will take about 20 minutes to set up. OK? Please stand by.

I let him stew while I set up the , and then I send him this:

Quote:

I set up the payment over the phone through my credid card. You should be getting a confirmation from Western Union via email.

Please let me know if this does not come through within five minutes.

He takes a while to get back to me, apparently after getting the invalid ID message a few times. LAD:

Quote:

send the mtcn to my email here only ok

Demanding so-and-so, isn't he? I resend him the instructions. I then poke him a few more times over the next half hour, just to let him know that I'm anxious to know he's gotten his money. It seems that he does not want me to know that his dolla has been chopped. He lamely gets back to me:

Quote:

i never get the mtcn you have to contact them to remove the mtcn for me from there site because i can do it

I think he means "can't." Well, I'll help him out:

Quote:

Ok. I'm calling them back up to see what the problem is. This shouldn't take too long. Please do not go away. I will send you an update as soon as I can--within a few minutes.

then,

Quote:

OK I am back. This is VERY IMPORTANT that you follow these instructions, please.

I talked to WU Secure. The lady told me that some one retrieved the a few minutes ago. She says if this is not really you, you can call their insured transaction service number at 1 + 805-351-xxxx (This is a number in the US, which simply keeps you on an endless hold pattern.) She says you will need to be patient if you have to hold a short time because they have only one operator working right now.

Tell them you are calling about transaction number and they will make sure that YOU get the money, even if an imposter has already claimed it. If they determine you were victomized by an imposter using , you might be entitled to double the insured anoun.

Please call them now so they have the best chance of stopping the imposter and get the money I sent you.

Please let me know as soon as you have the payment information.

I get nothing from Kelvin for a few hours, so I poke him.

Quote:

Did you make the call? I asked the local rep about this and she thinks you are entitled to full inurnace compensation. If they did not give you the full $300, call them back and demand it.

Let me know what's happened, please.

Alas, our lad had no luck. However, he is a little bit more composed. He returns to his bold and itallics format for one last effort to get back on script:

Quote:

Atten: ,

i call they service but i can't talk to them i'm on hold over 10 minute you have to call them to send you the mtcn so that the reciever can pick up the money or if they can provide the MTCN tell them to refund your money back to you and send it throught Money Gramm i think Money Gramm will be ok to send the Money.

Money Gramm Information.

Senders Name :
Recievers Name :
Address :Lagos/Nigeria
Amount:

Text Question : colour
Answer : Blue

REFERANCE NUMBER----------------------------

Ahhhh, the sweet smell of wasted mugu money! But let's not be so hasty. He needs his full amount. I reply:

Quote:

I just tried their number. I was on hold for about 8 minutes then got through. I think they allow people to stay on hold for a long time hoping they will not make their claims.

The man confirmed that your payment was taken by an imposter, so you are entitled to the insurance claim plus the payment. However, you have to call in the claim because the intended receiver is the injured party. That comes to $150 for the bank to send me my ATM card plus another $150 for you personally. We'll try another method if you like, but I think you ought to try and get what is rightfully yours. I would not give up so easily.

Please let me know how it goes, so we can move forward as soon as possible.

Apparently he is not keen on another hold session. He writes back within seconds--and once again he's dropped his pretty text formatting:

Quote:

go and send the money throught money gramm

Fine, but let's make him wait. I reply:

Quote:

OK, but I feel badly that WU is cheating you out of what is yours. I will try again from this end and see if I can get them to send me the money. If so, I'll include the extra in the moneygram.

I'll need to send my grandson into town to do the actual transaction. We live on an estate in the country. It is a long ride. I'll have him email you the information from his I-phone once it is done. This might take a few hours, so please be patient.

"Patient" is not in this lad's vocabulary. He instantly writes back:

Quote:

Payment Information
Money Gramm information
Senders Name :
Recievers Name :
Address :Lagos/Nigeria

Amount:$150

Text Question : colour
Answer : Blue

Referance number----------------------------

Hummmmm. He must be worried that I didn't get this information the last dozen times he sent it, the moron. I decide he does not deserve a moneygramm payment.

I reply:

Quote:

Now that I think more about it, you should try to get your money from their service claim department. I got through this morning after 8 minutes holding. It should be worth a few minutes on hold to get an extra $150 and at the same time save me the trouble of having to send my grandson all the way into town on an errand that will take most of the day. Then you would have the payment within minutes and we can continue quickly. Please call them once more and try being a little patient.

Please inform me how it goes.

But alas, he's hit his limit and he finally twiggs:

Quote:

i say get the fuck
if you cant send the money throught money gramm

I tried repoking him a few times over the next couple of days, but alas, poor will not wait on hold to get a double payment. Lads have their dignity, you know.

Fini

Edits: typo fixes

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