The Official Valentine's Day Thread

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Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:56 pm

Gytha my little cuddly haggis, I'm away this morning to our secret tropical island to prepare it for your arrival

Be still my heart till Saturday, when we can walk hand in hand along the beach in the tropical sunset, listening to the waves gently sighing on the shore,

Other than that, I'm up for a pint, what are you having?

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:59 pm

Hang on in there kate we don,t want a mess in there have you got a cork to plug the pipes if you get desperate . Wink

I am using my vast puter skills to track him down, as every one in Australia has to have a gun licence i will find him fear not ow sweet water melon wine of mine.

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:04 pm

Quote:

Dear Mr. Jojobean, I was doing some research on Bali and much to my surprise, I discovered that there is a high number of widows and orphans there. Since I have donated all of my possessions to charity, and my life savings to the needy, I was wondering if you would be so kind as to check on the situation for me. If what I read was true, I will sell my last meager possessions and find a way to travel there and offer my services to the poor children and widows. As I was reading about them, a tear came to my eye. I don't mind telling you that I openly wept by the time I finished the article. Please see if I can be of any assistance while you are there.

Your friend,
Harry

You caught me Harry. I was trying to keep my charity work under wraps, but that was hard to do. So, I am sorry for the mistruths. I only spent three or four hours working on the water hut. And ladies, you cannot believe what Harry says. He left out a few details on his story about his weekend. It was kind of funny actually. I saw an elderly woman fall down in the street and I rushed to help her up. As I was helping her, another man came over to give her some assistance. He could only help a little, as he had an orphan in each arm. As soon as I saw him I knew it was James, err, Harry. We got together and started talking. The funny thing is, he is the other 50% of the anonymous donor list to the orphange that I helped to start. And, as we always keep our donations anonymous, neither of us knew that we each had equal sharing in the joy we are bringing at Harry and Jojo's Shelter for Widows and Orphans. We did have a bit of an argument about whose name should go first, as neither of us wanted to look like a prima donna. But, after a game of rock/paper/scissors (which almost felt a bit TOO much like gambling for either of us) and he lost, so his name had to go first. We sat around and had a couple of drinks (non-alcoholic of course) whilst our orphans played on the playground that we built. We wept as we exchanged orphan stories. We did take the time, however, to notice our waitresses new haircut. There was barely any change, but we took notice. We notice things like that. We also took time to listen to her tell us about the things she ate today, advised her on the fact that those shoes DO go with that outfit and that the dress absolutely does NOT make her butt look big. We also advised her that no man should ever stand in the way of her relationship with her mother. That is not for a man to decide. I mean, let's be reasonable here. If she wants to call her mother every day, then by all means, let her be. Mothers are to be loved and respected. They are the real heros in my eyes.

It was indeed an interesting thing to see. I mean, who knew that the two of us, who playfully joke about on the forum would be so heavily involved in charity work together.

DoraTheExplorer wrote:

jojo should have never left me alone this weekend. Wink

Dora, I am so sorry that I was not here to woo you. I do hope that it does not lose me your heart. I had previous obligations and I could not be the man of integrity that I am considered to be had I broken off my plans.

I may not have the suave finesse that Bluth has. I might not know all the right things to say. I may not be able to spend every moment of every weekend on this forum wooing (as my orphanage needs me). I can only offer the purest love and devotion. I can only lend a listening ear and a heart that truly cares. My adoration for you knows no bounds. I have spent nights trying to pen the appropriate words to describe it, but the words fall away as dust, because they cannot describe but 3/8ths of your beauty. Please, let not the barriers of language hinder my wooing. There is no music so sweet, no art so beautiful, no word so defining, no sunset so perfect that could come close to describing my feelings.

I baked you some simple cookies this weekend. I must admit, I burned my first batch.

However, I could not give up, as these were a gift for you. The second batch I made was much better. That's what Iron Chef Bobby Flay said anyway.

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:05 pm

DoraTheExplorer wrote:

And though this person has not shown themselves in this thread yet, I can not hold back any longer. I must say there is someone that has a piece of my heart also. And this is for him:

My sweet, you will ALWAYS have the last dance on Sunday. :sigh:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87XQKCXfFjQ

My Dearest Dora

Please don't think bad of me for coming to this thread 25 pages late! You know that you are always in my thoughts and will be forever more. I cherish our last dance on a Sunday afternoon and that keeps me motivated until the next week when we can once again be in each others loving arms.

I know that Mr Bluth Banana did an amazing thing by getting one of his pets to sing for you but I know that given the chance I can do better than that... You want a superman, not an average man.... Did I mention that "Super" was my middle name?

I have been watching this thread from afar and have seen all these leering old men perving over you, waiting for you to take them up on their half-hearted offers... I, Dora am a young whipper snapper that demands only the best for my lady...

So, when you make that important final decision on who will be your valentines day date, just think, Caviar and champagne or Fish and Chips and a bottle of coke....

NTBS

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:15 pm

Dear jojo,

I am not mad that you let our little secret out. I simply fear that some folks will be angry that we played "tough guys" and all the while we were doing things to better civilization. I am actually relieved now that I don't have to hide it any more.

You will be happy to know that the women at the shelter are getting along nicely now. When I take my lunch break, I will pop over next door to check on the orphans. I will give you a full report through our normal channels.

By the way, you really outdid yourself in Bali. I have always known you are a kind and loving person, but taking the entire orphanage to the circus was just amazing.

Take care my friend,
Harry

ETA: welcome here, my friend NTBS!

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Thanks to Dora, Corona, Ima, Lotta and several random chicks, including Mrs. So and So who sent me secret PM's of undying love and semi-devotion. (plus those saucy pictures) I couldn't choose between you all, so I've unlocked the mod lounge, scooped out the Jacuzzi and stocked the bar. You're invited!

Edit: Skyhook - From now on you're allowed 2 icons per post. Very Happy

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:22 pm

^^^^Typical NN - He just pulls rank and offers something that he know's we can't offer!

Well, listen here girls... It's not cool to be sneaking off with one of the bosses!

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:25 pm

notobescammed wrote:

^^^^Typical NN - offers something that he know's we can't offer!

A penis?

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:26 pm

Oh, Dora, I forgot... my dancing lessons are going quite well. I guess I fibbed a bit when I said I couldn't dance so well. I mean, while I only do it for fun, my teacher says that I am a natural. I don't dance as well as I sing, play guitar, piano, drums, etc. he says I'm still the best he has ever seen.

This has gotten me to think about opening up a dance school for underpriviledged children and widows.

Quote:

I have been watching this thread from afar and have seen all these leering old men perving over you, waiting for you to take them up on their half-hearted offers... I, Dora am a young whipper snapper that demands only the best for my lady...

So, when you make that important final decision on who will be your valentines day date, just think, Caviar and champagne or Fish and Chips and a bottle of coke....

@Snotobescammed- Please, calling names is no way for a gentleman to behave. Bluth and I have remained incredibly civil to one another. I have not even posted about his sex offender status. We are keeping that crap OFF the board. And, I am but only months older than you. So, take your age slander elsewhere.

And, if you TRULY knew anything about lovely Dora, you would know that she prefers Fish and Chips and POP!

@Harry, Indeed it is a relief. The tough guy act is hard to maintain when, in your heart, you are truly just a guy who wants to spread love and cheer around the world.

And, while I may have outdone myself with the circus, I cannot go without mentioning your donation to little Swandewi's medical fund. I mean, the gift of sight should not be taken lightly Harry.

Also, there has been a reputation that has come along with my badboy reputation around here. And, while I am still rugged as the backass of a mountain, I have to address this. I am not a womanizer. In fact, I reserve myself for the one that I love and adore. It makes it more special that way. So, please, don't believe what these other women say about me. It is not true.

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:08 pm

This was just taken from Mod Chat.

Quote:

NN: So the V-thread. I haven't seen a thread so popular since jojo and his wanker mates tried to kill some lad in chad
Cherrie: Lad in chad! haha NN. That rhymes
JMRazor: I want to know if anyone really loves me?
NN: That's right Cherrie. Rhyming is fun. Here have another banana smoothy.
Ima: Oh, this bra is so restricting.
Lotta: I love the Valentine thread. It's fun to watch who's the biggest post whores, and who needs more lads to bait.
Cherrie: Lad in Chad! HAHA! Dad rhymes with chad!
Ima: It's really hot here. I'm just going to pour this jug of ice cold beer over myself.
Tsnerd: I was reading the V-Thread and noticed that I hadn't posted in 6 minutes.
Lotta: NN. You're a slut. Be my valentine.
NN: Can someone give Rover a call and ask if he's forgotten his password again. You know how he likes to be involved. Poor schmooze. Sometimes I don't know how he even turns his PC on.
JMRazor: I'm going to create another account and be my own valentine.
Cherrie: I tried smoking a mango leaf. Whoooo.
TSnerd: It's been 6 mins and 17 secs. Can we get Leccy to automate me to respond to my name in that thread? Something simple.
Pachanga: Look. I was wondering...
NN: SHHHH. New mods can't talk yet! Just watch and learn from my tactful superior awesomeness.
OxygenDeprived: You tell her NN...
NN: <OxygenDeprived Booted from chat>
Juan Freizwidatt: I can't login into the V-Thread. Have I banned myself again. My eyes aren't what they used to be.
Luckey: I'm am posting for the sake of it. I'm off to find an unsuspecting new member I can get to post in that thread and worship me.
Ima: I'm covered in JELLY!!!
Shiver: Hey guys!
NN: <Shiver Booted from chat>
JMRazor: I signed up. Did you guys know we have a automated PM with all the information required to start baiting without asking the same questions over and over and over and over.
NN: <JMRazor Booted from chat>
Scam Patroller: Do chat posts count to my total post count.
Lotta: No SP.
Scam Patroller: Screw it. I'm out of here. <Scam Patroller Booted from chat>
Cherrie: Juan Freizwidatt - YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT!!! Tee hee. That's cool.
Ima: Check my webcam. Can anyone else do this?
RoyCropper: WOW! It's like a car crash I can't look away.
NN: Lets lock the V thread.
Lotta: Don't. People will post elsewhere. Let's keep all the nuts in the one basket.
Rover: Hi everyone! That V thread is popular. Anyone want me yet?
Lotta: Leaves chat
NN: Leaves chat
Ima: Leaves chat
Pachanga: Leaves chat
RoyCropper: Leaves chat
Crashhoot: Leaves chat
JMRazor: Leaves chat
Tsnerd: Leaves chat
Cherrie: HEY ROVER! I ate a bug!
Rover: oh shit. Leaves chat

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:09 pm

Quote:

Ima: Oh, this bra is so restricting

Brilliant.

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:22 pm

To Harry & JO JO ,please be careful if you go near the water in bali as the surf can be very dangerous and the life savers are not as good as ow bronzed ozzie Surf Lifesavers, when i was there last i had to help them rescue 5 people caught in a rip, you can see me in the photo, im the one holding on to the back of the jet ski helping him to go check if the was any more sadly he hit one of his own lifesavers so be very careful
ps My tan looks very fare against the locals, Wink

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:32 pm

@NN:

Nice selective editing! Don't worry, I've deleted the logs, no one will ever know the rest of that little chat.

If you were a female pretending to be male instead of male pretending to be a hot, demented, usually female nurse, and I were male pretending to be female pretending to be a genderless wooden figure who is sensitive and caring but necessarily feminine, but who is always naked, I'd be all over you.

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:41 pm

Selective editing?

luckey wrote:

@NN: I'm a.. female.. hot.. nurse.. who is always naked.. all over you.

Sorry ladies. We have a winner. Luckey, I will be your valentine. Very Happy

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:44 pm

Dora-

I have painted a picture of us. It shows the happy times we will have. Notice the rainbow and the sunshine behind us as we stand on the beach. And, please take note of the smiles on our faces. We will be so happy together.

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:46 pm

@NN: One naked, genderless, wooden figure on it's way. Very Happy

Be gentle with it, and please don't post any photos. Confused

Edit:

@Jojo: I have a little experience analyzing drawings. Yours is very disturbing. I noticed you are both shown underwater, completely unaware that you are drowning while fantasies of happiness remain above the water: completely out of reach. The blood in Dora's hair, and the bruises on her eyes betray a deeply seated hatred for women, and a raging, unfulfilled desire to have power over them. I could go on, but it is very dangerous to share observations like these without counseling, given your highly unstable state.

@Dora: Run. Run like the wind.

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:55 pm

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:57 pm

^^Your's is pretty.

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:58 pm

Your silly words and senseless murder shall not keep me from the one I love.

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 4:00 pm

Dear Nasty Nurse:

I see you have already picked another. I am heart-broken to say the least. I really thought all the PMs I have been sending you would have made a difference. I see they haven't. luckey is so lucky. :sigh:

I will move on and try to put this behind me. But I got this in the mail today. What shall I do with it?

xoxox Dora (a real-honest-to-goodness Nurse, who always dresses like that for work)

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 4:12 pm

Well, if we're posting photos, here's my last Valentine:

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 4:13 pm

ETA:

Good morning Dan, Bluth, and jojo!!

Let me get some coffee and then come back and say good morning properly. It is way too early for me!

Very Happy

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 4:20 pm

@ JoCuervo I'm still waiting for that immediate reply... It's Monday, so I would expect my inbox to have some sort of explanation it from you.

@ JMR & PF Since when does your adoration take a day off? It has been more than 48 hours since the last expressions of your love & devotion. This is unacceptable. Confused

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 4:22 pm

Dear friend it is good to see you are out of rehab and i see you have had a couple of inhancements please stay away from the drugs and don,t be fooled by the "Pasters" frank again .
Your old friend that you my not remember because of all the drugs you have consumed A skyhook Wink

@ kate don,t be scared my sons & i are pulling the mains out of there dunnydoor to figger out how we can use them in the one that your using . dont worry there,s is very fast around mother mountion speedway Wink

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 4:27 pm

to the Nastiest Nurse around:

Please, I beg of you. Do not kill jojo. But I will do anything, ANYTHING if you would put someone else out of action. He causes me great pain all the time.

oxoxox Dora

I am way too polite to mention his name. But I think you might be able to guess.

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