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 Ladies and Gentlemen, Presenting [email protected] [email protected] (Ch VIII)

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NickTheCop
argent to lucifer


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 2002
Location: The City Where Dreams Go To Die


PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:08 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Allow me to be the first to say that this bait was not played out particularly professionally on my part. When ol' Mikey first contacted me, I already had many lads that I was dealing with and I was going through a tumultuous time in my life which so far has only gotten more chaotic. So suffice it to say, I started out paying less attention to my lad then I would to a fat, pimply stripper.

Along the way, I realized what a gem I had before me so I started putting some plans into action and doing my research ahead of time. I haven't been taking on any new lads for a while so that I can focus what little time I do have on this mugu.

Just today I have confirmed that my boy travelled 250km/150mi across two borders so I have decided that it is high time I began publishing the bait... and I want my pith helmet.

A note on formatting, all letters going either way will be presented in quote boxes and color-coded. Any comments that I cannot resist making within the letter will be bold and withing square brackets. Censorship will be presented in the same way. Googlable (let's pretend it's a real word) names will be obfuscated in the traditional Eater way without any change in formatting. If something appears obfuscated but was presented like that orginally, I shall note it with the customary "[sic]". One final note, the letters will be divided into and posted as chapters for the sake of logical progression.



Chapter I: Introduction

This chapter is marked by a dearth of empathy and close to zero effort on my part (reasons explained above). Despite this, however, Mikey was determined to prove his worth.

This is something of an exaggeration of my usual method of starting out demanding and increasing in compassion as my lad proves himself. Highly efficient in filtering out the lazy buggers before you invest too much of your precious time in them.

Presenting the introductory letter.

[email protected] <Sep 18> wrote:
YOU ARE BLESS:
Calvery greeting in the name of our Lord Jesus christ.peace and love be with U in the marvelous name of our lorld Jesus.Hope my humble letter reaches U;may it fine U the best of good health and our Lord blessing.
I quite appreciat the fact that this few words of mine is going to meet U as a surprise because this is my first time writting to U.
I AM REV.HEZEK1AH [email protected] THE GENERAL OVERSEER OF LIFE AS3MBLY MINISTRIES, HERE IN LOME-TOGO WEST AFRICA.As God will permite you and I,I will love to be your prayer partner to your ministry and family also your friend.Iam devoted to evangelism ( crusades, evangelism doors to doors, Christian film projection; conference and seminar,church planting; ' and social throught medical care, clothes and food distribution; orphanages, and prison ministry.i will love to Network with you and your ministry and i will love to invite you to my ministry for an outreach programme here in Africa.
iam so bless for contacting some one like you.
I will be waiting to hear from you soon,this is my phone number.[censored] you are free to call me anytime.
GOD BLESS YOU.
REV.H3ZEKIAH M1CHAEL


My uncompassionate response.

[email protected] <Sep 19> wrote:
Dear Pastor Michael

I would love to help you, but I am a member of the N0rthern W3stboro [email protected] Church.

Our church policy only allows us to help those who have promised to follow our example.

I am sorry.

Yours sincerely,
H. [email protected] [email protected], CEO
[email protected] 0il Co
Seattle, WA
e-mail: [censored]
Tel: [censored]
Fax: [censored]


The if-you-don't-help-me-you-hate-Jesus letter. Kinda late too.

[email protected] <Sep 22> wrote:
PEACE UNTO YOU MY BELOVED BROTHER IN CHRIST,IAM SO GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU AND I PRAY FOR GOD FAVOUR AND MORE GRACE TO COME UPON YOU IN JESUS NAME.THE BIBEL SAID WE ARE FROM ONE BODY WHICH IS CHRIST JESUS.GOD HAS CALL US AND HE HAS SENT US INTO THE WORLD TO PREACH OUT HIS WORD AND SAVE SOUL'S INTO HIS KINGDOM.MY MAIN AIM IN THE MINISTRY IS TO SAVE THE LOST SHEEP INTO THE KINGDOM OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.IAM CALL INTO OUTREACH PROGRAMME LIKE PRISON MINISTRY,ORPHANGE,HOSPITAL MINISTRY.GOD NEED SOME ONE LIKE YOU TO HELP AND SAVE SOUL'S FOR HIM.YOU ARE SO IMPORTAND IN THE EYE'S OF GOD,WE ARE LIVING FOR A PURPOSSE OF GOD.PLEASE WE ARE BEGING YOU TO HELP THIS LITTLE KIDS,WE NEED CLOTHS, FOOD,BIBLE,SHOIE,BOOKS,AND EVERY OTHER THINGS YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE A HELP TO US,PLEASE SURPPORT US TO TRIAN UP THIS KIDS FOR THE KINGDOM OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.IF YOU NEED MY MINISTRY PICTURS I WILL FORWARD IT TO YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
MAY GOD ALMIGHTY BLESS YOU AS YOU HELP THIS KIDS.
RIGHT NOW WE ARE BUILD A NEW HOME AND SCHOOL FOR THE ORPHANGE.
THE BIBLE SAID WHAT SO EVER A MAN SOW HE WILL REAP.
MAY THE PEACE OF GOD REST ON YOU IN JESUS NAME.
WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON


How dare he!

[email protected] <Sep 22> wrote:
Dear Pastor Michael

I already told you that I can only help you and the children if you join my church.

If you really care about the poor children, you shall pledge allegiance to the N0rthern Westbor0 Bapt1st Church, the true word of God.

The leader of the church, [email protected] Jeffr3y [email protected], is very generous with his aid. Just last year he donated $43000 to a Christian church in New Delhi.

But you seem too stubborn to convert to our true faith so I shall have to bid you farewell.

Yours sincerely,
H. [email protected] [email protected], CEO
[email protected] 0il Co
Seattle, WA
e-mail: [censored]
Tel: [censored]
Fax: [censored]


I would like to remind you that up until now I was only responding to piss him off, so naturally I was moderately surprised when I received the following response.

[email protected] <Sep 23> wrote:
THANKS SO MUCH, IAM IN AGREEMENT WITH YOU AND YOUR MINISTRY.IAM REALLY TO CONVERT TO YOUR FAITH AND EVERY OTHER THING YOU WANT ME TO DO.IAM NOT STUBBORN,IAM WITH YOU SIR,MY MAIN AIM IS TO HELP THIS KIDS;TRIAN THEM IN THE FEAR OF GOD ALMIGHTY.PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO NEXT,BECOSE IAM REALLY TO JOIN YOUR MINISTRY.
PEACE UNTO YOU IN JESUS NAME.
REV.H3ZEKIAH [email protected]


Obviously off-script and seemingly willing, I decide to lay it on thick for him.

[email protected] <Sep 23> wrote:
Dear [email protected] Micha3l

When I read your letter, the love of JESUS filled my heart.

I am so pleased that you shall join us brother, for our church is the one that remains closest to the LORD.

The path to joining the North3rn Westb0ro [email protected] Church in very rewarding. Father J3ffr3y Dahm3r would be happy to send you money to build a church for the noble people in your hometown to be fed and safe. But first you must complete this path.

Are you willing to do this Brother-in-Christ Past0r [email protected]?

In th [typing error, my bad] LORD's love,

Your brother, |-|. [email protected] Sand3rs


[email protected] <Sep 23> wrote:
iam very greatful to be part of the North3rn W3stboro Bapt1st Church.iam willing to join and to be faith in christ jesus.
please give be every information on what to do and how to contact Father J3ffrey [email protected]
i really want to save they life of this little kids.
iam very greatful.iam waiting to hear from you soon.
right now there is a land for sell,if it can be possible for us to get it and began the ministry.
i think that will be very nice.
this is my phone number [censored]


I duly increase the thickness of the laying.

[email protected] <Sep 23> wrote:
Dear Brother-in-Christ [email protected] Micha3l

I love you so so much in the name of JESUS. You can contact Father J3ffr3y [email protected] at [Papa Jeff's e-mail address here] .

Make sure to mention my name to him so that he knows that you are genuine.

Your brother

|-|. [email protected] Sand3rs


[email protected] <Sep 24> wrote:
may the peace of our lord jesus christ rest on you in jesus name.you are a wounderful brother in deed and in need.please help me to contact him too,you can also tell him about my ministry so that he can do some about it.iam willing to be part of his ministry also to pland a chruch here.
thakns alot,my God will reward you in jesus name.


[email protected] <Sep 24> wrote:
Dear Br0ther Past0r M1chael

I have sent [email protected] J3ffrey an e-mail of recommendation for you. I sincerely hope that you can spread our word of JESUS in your town.

Love of the LORD

|-|. [email protected] Sand3rs


[email protected] <Sep 24> wrote:
thanks alot,i have sent him mail too.GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR ME.right now there's a plot land for sale,if it can be possible for us to buy it.i will buy it in the name of North3rn W3stbor0 Bapt1st Church and i will send you the document of the land maybe throug fax or post box.it is very cool here now,we need to do something on time to save this kids.
may God almighty bless you.


I realize that there are many baiters out there who may disagree with how blasphemously I have used religion so far in this bait. I do this to connect to the scammer by reflecting his attitude and style of writing. Regardless of whether those opinions are his own or merely part of his arsenal used for sucking in victims, if he sees that I am reponding to them in a favorable way, this increases his confidence in my naivete.

In the next chapter, Papa Jeff is introduced and the bait takes on a significantly different tone. The above took me an hour to type up and I have some RL business right now, so I'll be getting the next post up later tonight or tomorrow morning. In the meantime, comments are welcome and questions will be answered.


Last edited by NickTheCop on Tue Dec 09, 2008 8:10 am; edited 1 time in total
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NickTheCop
argent to lucifer


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 2002
Location: The City Where Dreams Go To Die


PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 6:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Chapter II: The Church

So begins the long induction process with Papa Jeff. Surprisingly, Mikey avoids introducing himself through a script or ever even using a script with the good Father.

Papa Jeff starts out very warm and welcoming but that soon changes. For now, the only difference between my two characters is their choice of usage of paragraphs. This was before I knew what a golden resource Mikey would turn out to be so I was still applying only minimal effort.

The non-scripted introduction.

[email protected] <Sep 24> wrote:
peace unto you sir,iam REV.HEZ3K1AH M1CHAEL from west Africa lome-togo.By the grace of our Lord Jesus christ i have been trying to contact you.i got your contact through H. [email protected] Sand3rs he has been a very good friend to me and he knows more about you.he gave me your address to contact you,and iam very greatful to mail now.my main in the ministry is to save soul's for the kingdom of our lord jesus christ.i work as Evangelist,i run a prison ministry and orphange baby home for the less previlage.iam call into outreach ministry,to help the poor and save souls for God kingdom.my main aim writting to you is to ask you for help,if you can help us to train up this little kids in the fear of God.right now we dont have a place of worship,we want to get a plot of land to build up an orphange baby home.we have located a land and by God grace we want to star building.
we need cloths, food, Bible,booklet .please any think you know you can be a help to us,please try and help us.this kids are in sorrow here,right now the wealther is very cool for them.i will also love to invite you for an outreach programme here in LOME-TOGO.
I will stop here for now until i hear from you soo.
thanks alot.
[email protected] [email protected]


As is made obvious by the date, he contacted Jeff as soon as he was done speaking with [email protected] My, what enthusiasm. Jeff's introduction.

J3ffrey <Sep 24> wrote:
Br0ther M1chael. My name is Father J3ffrey [email protected] and I am the head priest at the most serene N0rthern W3stboro Bapt1st Church. I just received a phone call from my dearest Br0ther [email protected] and he told me all about you. Our church donates lots of money to the needy in other countries every year. But I am sure that Broth3r Sand3rs has already explained to you that you need to be a member of our church to be eligible. Are you willing to go through the initiation and join the our most true and beautiful church? Love, [email protected] J3ffr3y Dahm3r.


Short and sweet.

[email protected] <Sep 24> wrote:
Thanks alot for your reply.iam willing to be part of you ministry.
please let me know the next step to take now,becose i want to help this kids out.
it is so cool here now,they need a home of worship.
iam verygreatful .GOD BLESS YOU SIR.


J3ffrey <Sep 24> wrote:
Thank you for your prompt reply. The faster you can finish the initiation, the faster we can send you the money in HIS name. I will give you more information as soon as you send me a photograph of yourself. I have sent you a photograph of myself standing on the porch of our church so long. For the photograph, you are required to hold up a sign with the name and title of our Patron Saint. He is "N1CK TH3 C0P". He was a [rather than obfuscate every single word of the story, I have opted to simply censor it]. Remember, the photo has to be large and clear. The sign has to be large and the writing has to have the saint's name "N1CK TH3 C0P" written with large letters. Your face also has to be visible. I look forward to sticking your beautiful photo on our church wall. Yours in CHRIST, Fath3r J3ffrey [email protected]

[I send him a photo of myself, anyone liked the Poltergeist series?]
Image


[email protected] <Sep 24> wrote:
THANKS ALOT FOR YOU QIUCK REPLY,IAM ALWAYS GREATFUL TO GOD ALMIGHTY FOR CONTACTING YOU.PLEASE GIVE ME SOME TIME FOR THE INITIATION TO BE DONE.I WILL ALSO SEND YOU MY PICTURE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
THNKS.PLEASE CAN I GET UR PHONE NUMBER,I WILL LOVE TO TALK WITH YOU ON PHONE.


J3ffrey <Sep 24> wrote:
Brother M1chael. You can take your time, it is alright. We are in no rush and we shall help you through your path even if you take it slowly. As for speaking over the phone, I am afraid that our church does not have a telephone. But if you do wish to ask someone questions about the N0rthern Westb0ro Bapt1st Church, you can always call Brother |-|. [email protected] Sand3rs. I am sure that he would be happy to help you. Go with GOD. Father J3ffrey Dahm3r.


[email protected] <Sep 25> wrote:
GOODMORNING,PEACE UNTO YOU IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.
THIS IS MY PIC,PLEASE KEEP ON PRAYING FOR US.THIS LITTLE KIDS NEED HELP,RIGHT NOW WE HAVE 7KIDS THAT IS VERY SICK NOW.I WILL BE TAKING THEM TO THE HOSPITAL TODAY FOR TREAMENT.
MAY THE ALMIGHTY GOD BLESS YOU.

PAST0R H3ZEKIAH M1CHAEL


[I get this oddly labelled photo probably ripped off from a furniture store (king2000.jpg)]
Image


No doubt a gentle reminder is in order.

J3ffrey <Sep 25> wrote:
Broth3r M1chael. I am very happy to receive your photograph. I assume that you shall be sending the one with the sign shortly? Fath3r Jeffr3y [email protected] PS: We are praying for you in the name of CHRIST and all of his minions.


There's about a week of silence. I thought that I scared him off by my request but, sure enough, eventually I get this.

[email protected] <Oct 1> wrote:
Hello Father,

It is my pleasure communicating with you again after for some time now.
I was in the eastern region of my country for a four day revival programme, [yea, sure]
and I am back to my twon this morning then I said to let you know that you should give me some time to complete the requirement. I hope by the grace of God you will receive it in your e-mail before weekend.
Thank you very much for your kind gesture and understanding.
My regards to your family and ministry,
You are a father indeed.

Past0r M1cheal [The "e" and the "a" were in that order when I received the letter]
Your son in the Lord


J3ffrey <Oct 1> wrote:
Dear Brother M1cha3l. Thank you for writing to us, for a moment I thought you had forgotten about our church. I just want to let you know that you can take your time. We are all praying for you in the name of Christ. Love, [email protected] J3ffrey [email protected]


The picture finally arrives, but it doesn't look quite right. Some of you may already be familiar with it.

[email protected] <Oct 6> wrote:
GOODMORNING FATTHER [what?],HOW IS EVERYTHING GOING ON?HOW IS THE FAMILY AND MINISTRY.IAM VERY SORRY FOR KEEPING YOUR MAIL SO LONG,I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR AN OUTREACH PROGRAMME. [Again!? Come on]
THANKS SO MUCH,WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
YOU ARE A FATHER IN INDEED,I PRAY FOR GOD ALMIGHTY TO BLESS YOU IN JESUS NAME.
[email protected] M1CHAEL


[The photograph was originally sent in PDF format, God only knows why. For convenience, I am attaching a JPG version.]
Image


The following e-mail was sent before Papa Jeff became a hard-ass. Ol' Mikey was clearly oblivious to the mood swings the good Father was experiencing... but we get to that later.

J3ffrey <Oct 6> wrote:
Dear Br0ther Past0r M1chael. Thank you for your picture, but I can't read it. The text on the sign is very difficult to read as it seems to be light blue. I'm very sorry to say this because everything else is perfect, but we cannot accept a photograph like that. One of our loyal church members has encoded it into a JPG file so that I can send it back to you to see. If I may offer a recommendation, could you try it with a black marker and make the writing thicker and make it fill up the entire sign (on two lines if you wish). I do understand that you were really trying hard and we all still love you with all of the LORD's love, but in order to proceed with the induction, the photograph must be legible for our mural. Thank you and GOD bless you. Fath3r J3ffrey Dahm3r.

[I send him back his picture in JPG format]


[email protected] <Oct 6> wrote:
PEACE UNTO YOU DADDY,I AM SO GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU AND I PRAY FOR GOD ALMIGHTY TO BLESS THE WORK OF YOUR HAND.I WILL TRY MY BEST TO RESEND IT AGAIN,BEFOR THE END OF THIS WEEK ENDING.
IAM GREATFUL PLEASE KEEP ON PRAYING FOR US HERE.
YOU ARE BLESS.
PAST0R [email protected]


In an interesting twist of fate, Mikey turns to [email protected] for guidance.

[email protected] (to [email protected]) <Oct 8> wrote:
GOODMORNING MY BELOVED BROTHER HOW ARE YOU DOING.HOPE ALL IS WELL
PEACE UNTO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IN JESUS NAME.

[email protected] [email protected]


Naturally, faithful [email protected] replies.

[email protected] <Oct 8> wrote:
Hello My Dear Brother

It is very nice to hear from you again. I hope that you are doing well.

I haven't had a chance to speak with [email protected] J3ffrey in quite a while so maybe I can ask you. How are you doing with the induction? Will I be able to see your photograph on the mural sometime soon? [I knew he wanted to bring it up, I may as well speed things along]

I have some good news for you. I have been petitioning the board to engage in some charity work to boost public relations and they have agreed to dedicate $20,000 per year for the needy. Of course, I nominated you as the first receipient. So as soon as you complete the entire induction into the North3rn W3stboro Bapt1st Church, tell [email protected] Jeffr3y to mail me your credentials and I can send the money the same day. [Just adding another carrot on the stick]

May you always be filled with the LORD's love.

Your brother |-|. [email protected] [email protected]


[email protected] <Oct 10> wrote:
Hello brother,

I am so glad to hear from you again, how is your family? Hope all is well with your. By God grace things are moving fine,and we are praying for you and your wounderful family as well. I have been communicating with father J3ffrey, I sent him the first picture as he demanded but he told me that the write up was not claer for what he requied so he then told me to fine an artist who can write the words in bold with rigt colour. So I have done that, but the pictureis not yet out, but I am believing God before the weeks runs out I will forward it to him. I am very appreciative for what you are doing for me and also your courage but remeber in every good work you are doing to help me suceed in this effect God will reward you in aboundance, so don't relent your effort. my regards to your family.

Yours sincerely,
Past0r M1cheal


[email protected] <Oct 10> wrote:
Good day dear brother

I am sorry to hear that your first picture was not accepted well. [email protected] Jeffr3y is a kind man but he is also very old and, as a result, sometimes he forgets what he has said or explains very unclearly. I apologize as I feel it is my fault for not helping you along the way. From now on, if you're ever uncertain about something about the church, feel free to write to me and ask me and I shall explain it in detail. [This was initially just for the sake of keeping him from getting discouraged, it turns out that it seemed to also have helped seperate the identities of my two characters and now allows me to bait him with two different baits simultaneously. Score.]

Go with GOD dear brother,

|-|. [email protected] [email protected]


[email protected] <Oct 12> wrote:
Dear Brother,
iam always greatful to God almighty for bringing both of us together in fellowship of our Lord Jesus Christ.I pray for God grace and mercy to rest on you and your family in jesus name.I have sent the picture to [email protected] J3ffrey this evening and iam hope to hear good news from him.please help me to contact him,so that he will aprove it on time.right now i saw a land for sell,and it is in very good location.
Thanks for your effort, my God will reward you in jesus name.
i have been trying your line but i could not get you.
my regards to your family.



Yours sincerely,
[email protected] M1cheal


[email protected] <Oct 12> wrote:
Dear Br0ther M1chael

Today is Sunday so [email protected] Jeffr3y is doing a sermon. But I've just called him and he said that he'll check his e-mail during his first available break and get back to you as soon as possible.

You'll probably hear from him soon, if he hasn't already written.

Brother |-|.


Finally.

[email protected] (to J3ffrey) <Oct 12> wrote:
Peace unto you, how is your family? Hope all is well with you. By God grace things are moving fine,and we are praying for you and your wounderful family as well. iam sorry for keeping your mail so long, I am very appreciative for what you are doing for me and also your courage but remeber in every good work you are doing to help me suceed in this effect God will reward you in aboundance in jesus name.may his grace and mercy be uopn you in jesus name.

my regards to your family.

Yours sincerely,
Past0r [email protected]


[I get the following attachment]
Image


Thus concludes the second chapter and another hour of my precious time.

On a side note, as I write, Mikey should just be arriving at the airport in Lagos to wait for me (he arrived in the country the other day). I provided him with legit flight information so he'll be there a couple of hours at least. I expect many voicemails in the process.

If possible, I'll stick up the third chapter today, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to squeeze it in.

_________________
Safari Dougie Mac - 16 000km/10 000mi - Malaysia to Cairo, Egypt

Safari Safari Nodo - Lagos to Cotonou - with P.P3t3rs
Safari Lagos to Abuja to Maiduguri - 3050km/1900mi

Sand Timer Safari Safari Safari Broda Michael - 1500km/900mi - Lome to Lagos
-I LOST EVERYTHING THAT NIGHT JUST BECAUSE OF YOU.

Safari BJ - Lome to Abidjan to Yamoussoukro
Safari Lome to Lagos - 2275km/1400mi

Misc : Safari Safari Safari Safari
Total : 17 000 Mugu Miles (27 000km)

pony Closed lad accounts x7 United Kingdom x2 Mortar x8 GoatGoat

"MAY YOUR BLOOD BE SHARED AMONG DOGS AND WOOIS.
YOU FACKING SON OF THE DIVEL YOU ARE MORE STUPID." - Broda Michael

Mr Bigg's is dead! Long live Mr Bigg's! Easter Egg

Last edited by NickTheCop on Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
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NickTheCop
argent to lucifer


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 2002
Location: The City Where Dreams Go To Die


PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 5:12 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Chapter III: Good Baiter, Bad Baiter

Many apologies for the delay, I've had significantly less free time than I'm accustomed to in the past few days.

This post is going to be particularly difficult for me to compile and possibly just as difficult to decipher because, as of the beginning of this chapter, I have been simultaneously baiting Mikey with both Colonel [email protected] and Papa Jeff.

It was initially quite hard for me to seperate the two personas since I am neither a writer nor an actor, but the general success of the bait inspired me to put more effort into it. The result of this was a polarization of the two characters in what became a good cop, bad cop-esque routine.

For those who aren't aware of this somewhat worn out technique, it is an interrogation tactic that was once very successful (that is, before Hollywood saw fit to educate the criminals on how it works). It involves a team of two people where one treats the suspect with aggression and contempt whereas the other sympathizes and defends them.

Or let me put it this way:
Good cop and bad cop can, between the two of them, eat six doughnuts. Suspect has seven or eight doughnuts (how many exactly is uncertain). If they were to simply ask suspect for six of his doughnuts, he may give one or two or simply not cooperate. So to remedy this situation, bad cop overwhelms poor suspect by demanding nine doughnuts. Bad cop won't negotiate, he won't consider any less, and he's convinced that suspect is in possesison of nine doughnuts (or so he wants suspect to believe). After suspect feels strained by these demands, good cop compassionately proposes that he hand over four doughnuts. Suspect, feeling like a noose has been loosened, offers good cop six doughnuts.

The above paragraph is an excerpt from my book Psychology for Toddlers. Buy now.

So how did I apply this to Mikey? Simply put, Papa Jeff demands something disproportionately complex. Whereas the mugu would typically bail at this point, he now instead contacts the good Colonel who gives him words of inspiration and a much simpler task. Mugu then meets both half way and begins a moderately complex task (which is what I really wanted in the first place).

Let's begin with the letters, shall we.

J3ffrey <Oct 12> wrote:
Dear Br0ther [email protected] [email protected] Congratulations on your successful photograph, you have now officially obtained the rank of Padawan [they don't seem to watch Star Wars in Togo] in our most serene church. You have completed the first hurdle in the induction process. We have put your picture up on our mural of devotees and all of our church members have been praying for you. Your next step is to sing our church anthem in front of your own devotees. Since you are a pastor, it shouldn't be difficult to find people who are willing to listen to you perform. Our anthem is called "[email protected] 0f St3el", maybe you have heard of it. [heavy metal must not be too big in Togo either] If you haven't, let us know and we can e-mail you a copy of the song. In the meantime, I have talked with my fellow priests in the governing body and they have agreed to set aside several thousand dollars to send to you once your induction is over. We are busy organizing with our accountants the exact amount. Go with CHRIST dear brother. Father Jeffr3y Dahm3r.


I expected anger over the fact that his induction is not over, instead I got this enthusiastic response.

[email protected] <Oct 13> wrote:
peace unto you [email protected] J3ffrey Dahm3r,iam very greatful to hear from you.please send me the sing anthem and the "H3art 0f St33l" let me see how it look like.May God will be with you in jesus name.

your's SON


J3ffrey <Oct 13> wrote:
Dear Br0ther [email protected] [email protected] Micha3l. Here is the original song as recorded by the Christian Gospel Rock band Man0god. I have dug up two of our inductees's performances to send to you but due to technical constraints, you'll get them in my next e-mail. We are looking forward to your performance in CHRIST. Love, Fath3r J3ffrey [email protected]

[I attach an MP3 from YouTube of the original studio recording of the song. Here's a link.]


J3ffrey <Oct 13> wrote:
Dear Brother Padawan Pastor Michael. Here are two performances by members of our church of the anthem Heart of Steel.

The first one is from [email protected] who is from Sweden. He got together with a few of his friends and convinced them to join our church and help him play the song with all of the instruments. Jarl is the one singing and playing the piano. Jens is playing the guitar. Karl is playing bass. And Gustav is behind the drum set. They performed from their garage so the sound quality is quite good.

The second one is from J0se from Brazil. We were particularly impressed with his one because, not only did he get a whole band together, but he also wrote an arrangement substituting the piano part with a piccolo bass. The best part of all though, is that he and his band managed to get a whole church filled with people to learn the song and sing along. You can clearly hear them in the recording.

I hope that these recordings help you in your task. Love, Father Jeffrey Dahmer.


[I attached two more YouTube MP3s. This is "Jarl's" version, it is a studio recording of the Swedish band Thunderstone whom I have personally never otherwise heard of. This is "Jose's" performance, which is actually Manowar themselves playing the song in Lisbon.]


[email protected] <Oct 14> wrote:
GREETINGS IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.
HOW IS YOUR FAMILY OVER THERE AND YOUR HEALTH? HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU. IAM VERY GREATFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING IN ORDER TO HELP ME SUCCEED IN MY CALLING MINISTERIES; THANKS ALSO FOR THE SONGS IT IS VERY WONDERFUL INDEED. I WANT TO APPRECIATE YOU FOR YOUR KIND GESTURES IN MAKING SURE THAT ALL MY DREAMS COMES TRUE YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT IN MOVING THE KINGDOM OF GOD FORWARD HERE IN AFRICA, ALL YOUR CONTREBUTIONS AND EFFORT SHALL BE REWARDED BY GOD ALMIGHTY.

I WANT TO KNOW HOW FAR I WILL BE WAITTING TO HERE FROM THE DECISSION OF THE BOARD SO AS TO PROCEED IN THE MY SEARCH FOR THE LAND.

PAST0R M1CHEAL
YOUR SON IN THE LORD


Mikey then sends an e-mail to the good Colonel.

[email protected] to [email protected] <Oct 14> wrote:
DEAR BROTHER [email protected]

IAM ALWAYS GREATFUL TO GOD ALMIGHTY FOR YOUR EFFORT AND I PRAY FOR MORE GRACE AND STRENGTH TO BE UPON YOU.I HAVE COMPLITE THE INDUCTION AND MY PICTURE HAS BEEN APROVE.

FATHER JEFF3RY SENT ME SOME SONGS TO LISTEN, IT WAS SO NICE AND WOUNDERFUL.I HAVE SENT HIM MAIL SO I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
PLEASE HELP ME AND CONTACT HIM SO THAT I CAN KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT,I SAW A VERY BIG LAND FOR SELL AND IT IS IN A VERY GOOD SIDE.
I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.

YOUR'S BROTHER M1CHAEL


In the meantime, Papa Jeff replies (I was trying to leave a few hours between responses from my two characters so that he doesn't get suspicious).

J3ffrey <Oct 14> wrote:
Dear Br0ther [email protected] [email protected] M1chael. Like I said in one of my other e-mails, the board has cleared you for a couple of thousand dollars. We are waiting on our accounants to clarify exactly how many thousand dollars we can send and, of course, the quality of your performance will influence that amount greatly. For example, if you accompany yourself with an instrument while singing, you get more money. If you manage to get a whole band to accompany you while singing, you get even more money. If you manage to even get a crowd to sing along with your whole band, you get EVEN more money. [The infamous carrot on a stick] Your photograph was accepted very favorably by the board so that has raised your donation [...and a bit of motivation], but the accountants are just waiting on your song to finalize it and then we can send it immediately. In the meanwhile, if you want to raise the donation money, you can get some of your friends to join too. For every friend you get to join, you get an extra $500, and of course they will get their donations based on what they want to do with them. Go with GOD my child. Father J3ffr3y Dahm3r.


[email protected] <Oct 14> wrote:
Dear Broth3r M1chael

I am very happy to hear that your picture has been accepted. I stopped by the church this evening to pray and saw your photograph on the mural, it warmed my heart up ever so much. [It sure did]

Which song did he send you? Was it "Heart 0f St3el", "18 and Life" [I was setting that up for one of his friends to do but the greedy bastard never recommended any to me] or one of the lesser anthems? Whichever it was, I cannot wait to hear your performance at the church screening.

As for the piece of land that you saw for sale, can you tell me a little bit more about it? My company did a lot of land development in the early days so I can offer you some good advice and tips on whether it is worth the buy. [I don't even know why I went into this, maybe I was just sick of him bringing it up]

I hope all is well and that I shall hear from you soon.

Love,

Broth3r |-|.


After two days of no news from the otherwise enthusiastic Mike, I was beginning to think he had given up on me, but sure enough...

[email protected] to [email protected] <Oct 16> wrote:
Dear [email protected]@nd,

How is your family and biz?
I want to thank you for your help and courage you have been giving to me since we met, I said more strent to your elbow [if anyone can tell me what the fuck this is supposed to mean...]. I never relent your effort in helping others that are in need of your help because every good work you do has a reward in the future.
For the song I am working on it though it is not easy based on the instrument and the instrumentalist that will help me to play it, as you know all this needs money to carry them out because I have to pay the instrumentalist, pay for the downloading of the music inside the computer [really?] and hairering of some of the instrument. He sent to me the song tittle "H3ART OF ST33L". If there is any help or advice you can give to enable me carry this process sucessfully, don't hesitate to contact me because of our time.
For the land I have met the owners, its belongs to family, located in a strategic location that some company have also come for it but the owner told them that I was the first to come and beside he is one of my members here in Lome. So I try to negociate with them as a buyer but their told me that they have to report to AQUIRE LAND AGENCY as to pay them this year land occupant fee to ratify the document concerning the said land.I have saw the land myself but I don't know the measurement yet but they told me to come back in one week time which is monday next week.

Thanks for your concerne
Past0r Mich3al


A few minutes afterwards...

[email protected] to J3ffrey <Oct 16> wrote:
Deraest [email protected] J3ffrey,

Please give me some time to prepare the song for you because of the nature of things here.
I hope to send it to you in not distance time [uhh... okay].Thanks for your understanding.
M1cheal


Taking the role of the good cop, I supply Mikey with some amateur performances of the song. This was merely an illustration on how to perform a song with limitations, this was not intended to mock the performers. To prevent anyone from digging up the videos on YouTube, I shall be censoring large pats of the following e-mail to remove any hints. It's nothing against you fine members of Eater, but more against anyone that might stumble accross this and choose to leave nasty comments on said performers's pages.

[email protected] <Oct 16> wrote:
Dear Br0ther [email protected]

I want you to know that it is always a pleasure for me to help you out. You are, after all, my brother in CHRIST and I love you very much. We here at the North3rn W3stboro Bapt1st Church take care of all of our dear brothers and sisters all over the world.

[WARNING! Boring pep talk ensues!]

As far as "[email protected] 0f Ste3l" goes, you sound like you're feeling a bit overwhelmed. I assume that [email protected] Jeffr3y sent you some sound files of our other inductees performing the song. He normally does. Another thing I know is that [email protected] J3ffrey often sends some of the best performances we have at the church.

Henri from the Netherlands did an amazing piece with his group. Jose from Brazil managed to get a huge audience to sing along. Jarl from either Sweden or Norway (I can't remember right now) [I really couldn't remember where the band was from at the time and I was far too lazy to check] did a spot-on rendition. Thabo from South Africa managed to get more than 20 musicians to play along with him in what seemed like an entire orchestra. The point I'm getting at is that some of our inductees have the means, financially speaking, to go to great lengths to perfom the anthem and [email protected] Jeffr3y likes to send these ones out to prospective inductees to inspire them. But that's not the most important aspect.

The most important aspect is spirit, the spirit to show that your beliefs are strong and your will unbreakable. My company provides free e-mail servers to the church so I have access to ALL of the songs ever sent to us. I often listen to them for inspiration, but I don't listen to the best ones, you see. I don't listen to the ones with the most instruments or the most talent. I listen to the ones with the most spirit.

I have attached two of these for you to listen to. The first one is from [censored]

The second one is from [censored]

The point is that Fath3r J3ffrey wants to inspire you to do the best performance ever, but he'll still love you just as much if you do it within your means. [George] and [Dick], for example, each got grants and now operate churches out of their respective countries. They live comfortable lives and they often introduce prospective inductees to us who also usually end up getting grants and living their lives to the fullest.

How well you do in life isn't measured by how much wealth you have and how you spend it, Michael. Always remember that. [I wonder if he'll get the hint]

Your brother forever,

|-|.


J3ffrey <Oct 16> wrote:
Dear Br0ther [email protected] [email protected] Micha3l. You can take your time, it is no problem dear brother. After all, the more time you spend on it, the more brilliant it will be in the end [Quite subtle, if I do say so myself. Read in a normal way, I told him to take his time. On a somewhat subliminal level, however, I am conveying the message that if he's not going to do it well (which we all know he isn't) then he HAS to get it done as quickly as possible]. A good performance is worth the long wait. May GOD be with you my son. Father J3ffrey Dahm3r.


[email protected] to [email protected] <Oct 17> wrote:
thanks you my beloved brother,every good works will be rewarded by our heavenly father.iam always greatful to God almighty for meeting a wounderful brother like you.
thanks for the songs you sent to me,it is very nice.i dont have a good voice so i will call musician to help me play it.by God grace it will be on sunday and on monday i will send it. [I was rather disappointed to find out that this was a false promise. Ah, but now I'm just spoiling the story]
i spend alot of money in geting the instruments and paying the musician,right now iam financially down.i lost my cellphone on the process of runing up and down to get the musician that will help me.

iam greatful to God almighty for you concernd and effort.
may God bless you and your family.

your's brother [email protected]


The following letter is not a typing error on my part, there really are parts that are a direct copy-and-paste job from the letter to the Colonel. This was what solidified my belief in the fact that he has no idea (or even mild suspicion) that both characters are one person.

[email protected] to J3ffrey <Oct 17> wrote:
I must give thanks to God almighty for his mercy and grace upon yur life and yu wounderful family ,every good works will be rewarded by our heavenly father.

iam always greatful to God almighty for meeting a wounderful father like you.
thanks for the effort and encouragement.

i will try my best to make sure i send you the song i dont have a good voice so i will call musician to help me play it.by God grace it will be on sunday and on monday i will forward it to you.

i spend alot of money in geting the instruments and paying the musician,right now iam financially down.i lost my cellphone on the process of runing up and down to get the musician that will help me and by God grace all is well.

May God bless you and your family.

Your's son [email protected]


A few days silence while Mikey tries to scam Papa Jeff from another e-mail address (same IP). A frail old lady dying from cancer was getting cold shoulders from a stern Papa Jeff so she (aka [email protected] M1chael) gave up and decided to stick with the original scam.

I decided against confronting Mikey with a baffled letter asking why my service provider was warning me that I'm getting different e-mail addresses from the same machine. Truly a slappable moment, but I didn't want to compromise the bait.

The awkward silence was making me somewhat uncomfortable so I decided to disturb Mike's holiday from me with a silly letter that eventually ended up sending him on safari.

[email protected] <Oct 21> wrote:
Dear Br0ther [email protected]

How are you on this joyous day my dear brother? I am very well. I am currently in Salt Lake City signing a deal to open a up a coffee and liquor store downtown. It may be too soon to say, but based on the demand for the products, it looks like the deal may be sealed. [I couldn't resist. Fortunately, Mikey had never heard of Mormons]

While my plane was lifting off from Seattle, I thought of something: I could come and see you. I am currently negotiating a drilling rights deal with the government of Nigeria for the precious oil, so maybe when I go to meet with the officials, I can take a detour and stop by to help you out, you know, see how you're doing. Would that be all right with you? [subtle, subtle]

I look forward to hearing from you soon my dear brother.

|-|.


I get exactly the response I wanted.

[email protected] to [email protected] <Oct 22> wrote:
May the peace of our Lord Jesus christ be upon you my dear beloved brother [email protected] Dav1d.by the grace of God almighty and his mercy iam doing fine.i hope you are doing fine over there.iam so happy to hear that you are coming to Nigeria,i will be very happy to meet you face to face.have you visited Nigeria befor?please I want you to be very careful with Nigeria people because there's alot of scam men over there [NO! Really?].
my country is very close to Nigeria [What a coincidence, I didn't know that Wink ],from Nigeria to LOME-TOGO is 4 to 5 hours by road.i will love to come over to Nigeria to welcome you at the airport [ Twisted Evil ].please tell me that date of your coming so that i can travel to Nigeria.
right now i have composs and play the song I will send it this week.

can u give me your privet number?i will love to call you.
may almighty God bless you and your companies in jesus name.

Your's brother M1CHAEL.


[email protected] <Oct 22> wrote:
My Dearest Brother

Can you believe that as soon as I opened my e-mail client, your letter arrived. [Interestingly enough, that really happened] This must truly be the work of GOD bringing us closer together.

I haven't bought my ticket yet so I do not know exactly when I shall be arriving in Nigeria, but I am very pleased that you would be willing to come and pick me up at the airport. [Yes, I'm VERY pleased] This is a very kind thing of you to do and I am certain that the LORD will reward you greatly. Which days do you have free to welcome me at the airport? I can buy my travel ticket to suit your convenience, it's the least I could do.

I appreciate you warning me about the scam men, but you do not need to worry. My contact is Charles Soludo, the governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria. I doubt that a man as important as he is would be trying to scam me. He even gave me his personal e-mail address to communicate with him, what a great guy. He also said that if any of my friends would like to meet him or do business with him, I can give them his personal e-mail address. Wow, what a nice guy, he's so high up in government but he still socializes with regular folk like us. Anyway, if you want to get to know him, his personal address is [I give him the address that I use for my guyman character, Barrister Ab3che. I was hoping that he'd contact the very obvious Soludo impersonator so that I can turn this into a three way bait, but alas, 'twas not meant to be].

You asked for my phone number. It is [censored]. I'm very rarely available, though. I prefer not to have my phone around me, and when I do I'm constanly receiving calls from business partners. You're welcome to call me, I'm just saying that I might not be able to answer. On the bright side, if I can't answer, you can leave a voicemail. I always check my voicemails so you can be sure that I'll get yours.

Go with GOD my dear brother,

|-|.


[email protected] to [email protected] <Oct 22> wrote:
Big Brother,God will never forget some one like you in His kingdom.a friend of mine call me from south Africa,He told me that he has sent me an e_mail.i came up to my computer this evening to read his mail,as soon as i opened my e-mail i saw your letter.
as i began to open your letter to read,i was praying in my spirit and God said to me that you are a man after his heart [God lied to you, my friend].Brother God is with you and He will alway protected you and your family.Brother i could have love it to be next weekending if it will be okay by you.
Brother i told you how iam working on the songs,(H3ART OF ST3EL)iam spend alot of money get playing the song.by grace God it will be okay tomorrow and i will send it.
this is my phone number [censored],Brother please help me to inform fath3r j3ffery that i will send the song tomorrow.
Brother have you both for your hotel over there?will Charles Soludo come to welcome you at the airport with me?have you been doing this business with Him befor?
Brother please send me your pictures,i hope you have my picture too.
Brother i will tell you the date i will be traveling to Nigeria,from next week so that we can meet over there at the airport.
may the almighty God see you through in all your doing and your effort.
My regard to your company and family.

Your's M1chael


[email protected] <Oct 22> wrote:
My Dearest Brother

I'm still in Salt Lake City and I have a business meeting which I have to leave for shortly, so I'll have to keep this brief.

I made a phone call to the church and told one of the acolytes to pass your message on to [email protected] Jeffr3y. I trust that he's already got it by now.

As for the rest of your questions. Firstly, I have not booked a hotel yet. Secondly, Charles Soludo is very busy so he won't be able to meet me at the airport. Thirdly, I have not been doing business with Soludo for long, this is my first deal with him.

I have scanned and attached my passport photo for you. Although I must admit that I've since shaved my moustache and my hair has gone whiter.

I have seen your picture on the mural of our church but I would like it, if it's not too much trouble, if you could send me a couple of photos of yourself so I do not get confused at the airport. If you could send photographs of yourself with several different expressions and at different angles, that would be the best.

Keep clean dear brother,

|-|.


[I attach a picture of the notorious serial killer, John Wayne Gacy]
Image


Mikey finally sends me the church anthem. I was very pleased until I actually listened to it.

[email protected] to J3ffrey <Oct 23> wrote:
good evening [email protected] J3ffery,how are you doing over there?hope you are fine.
iam very sorry for keep you waiting so long.
hope this is ok by you.

Pastor Michael


[Mike had two MP3s attached to the e-mail.]
[This MP3 was labelled "C0LD C0LD H3ART - Instrum3ntal.mp3" and sounds like the music from All My Exes Live in Texas]
[This file was labelled "H3ART OF ST3EL 2.MP3" and has absolutely nothing to do with the 5 renditions of the same song that I sent him. The singer also has an American accent.]


Papa Jeff is incensed!

J3ffrey <Oct 23> wrote:
Young Padawan. Are you trying to make a mockery of this church!? The files that you have sent us are not our anthem! How dare you insult myself and the church in this manner! I went through all of the trouble to get all of that money cleared for you, thinking that you would go through with the induction as you have promised, and what do I get, LIES! I demand you explain yourself at once or otherwise do not bother to contact me again! [email protected] Jeffr3y.


Mikey turns to the Colonel for help.

[email protected] to [email protected] <Oct 24> wrote:
GOODMORNING MY DEAR BROTHER,MAY THE PEACE OF GOD BE WITH YOU.
I SEND THE SONG TO [email protected] J3FFERY YESTERDAY,HE WAS NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT,HE TOLD ME THAT THE SONG WAS NOT THE CHURCH ANTHEM.PLEASE BROTHER HELP ME TO PLEAD WITH HIM,TO GIVE ME SOMETIME TO REAL PLAY THE SONG AGAIN.PLEASE BROTHER HELP ME TO BEG HIM TO FORGIVE ME,I PROMISE TO REALY PLAY ANTHEM WELL.

BROTHER I KNOW THAT WHEN WE MEET IN NIGERIA YOU WILL ALSO HELP ME BY GIVEN ME MORE INFORMATION ON HOW TO PLAY THE ANTHEM.
BROTHER I TAKE SOME NEW PICTURES TODAY SO I WILL BE SENDING IT TOMORROW FOR YOU.I CALL MY FATHER IN THE LORD TO DAY IN NIGERIA,I TOLD HIM THAT I WILL BE COMING OVER TO NIGERIA VERY SOON.
HIS NAME IS [email protected] G1LBERT,HE IS A CHAPLAIN OFFICER.

BROTHER I TOLD [email protected] TO HELP US BOOKED A GOOD HOTEL FOR YOU,
AND I TOLD HIM TO GET HIS SUCRITY MEN AROUND TOO.
BROTHER I WILL LOVE TO TRAVEL ON WENDNESS DAY MORNING,BROTHER I HAVE NOT BOUGHT MY AIRTICKET YET AND I HAVE TO SEND [email protected] SOME MONEY FOR PART PAYMENT FOR THE HOTEL BILLS.
BROTHER CAN YOU BE ABLE TO SENT SOME MONEY FOR MY AIRTICKET ON MONDAY?ALSO TO PAY HAVE PAYMENT FOR YOUR HOTEL BILLS
MY AIRTICKET WILL COST £800 TO £1000 AND THE HOTEL BILL WILL COST UP TO £1.500 SO THE TOTAL AMOUNT IS £2.500 DOLLAERS.
AS SOON AS I HEAR FROM YOU I WILL SEND YOU MY ACCOUNT NUMBER OK.
STAY IN PEACE.
YOUR'S BROTHER MICHAEL.


[email protected] to J3ffrey <Oct 24> wrote:
GOOD MORNING FATHER,PLEASE IAM VERY SORRY FOR NOT PLAYING THE SONG ANTHEM WELL.IAM VERY SORRY ABOUT IT,BUT I PROMISE TO REALLY PLAY IT AGAING FATHER.
PLEASE FATHER HAVE MERCY ON ME AS YOUR SON.
I REALLY THANK YOU FOR YOUR EFFORT AND YOUR COURAGEMENT,PLEASE FATHER I KNOW YOU ARE NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT;PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
BROTHER DAV1D SAND3RS WILL BE COMING TO NIGERIA AND I KNOW THAT IAM GOING TO MEET WITH HIM IN NIGERIA, AND I BELIEVED HE WILL GIVE ME MORE INFORMATION ON WHAT TO DO NEXT.PLEASE FORGIVE ME,I PROMISE TO TRY MY BEST OK.

YOU ARE A FATHER TO ME,I DID NOT MEAN TO HOT YOUR FEELS OK,HAVE MERCY ON ME FATHER.
I WILL BE HOPING TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON FATHER.
MAY THE ALMIGHTY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR WOUNDERFUL FAMILY IN JESUS NAME.

MY REGARDS TO YOUR WOUNDERFUL WIFE AND KIDS.

PAST0R M1CHAEL


Oops, you said too much there, Mikey.

J3ffrey <Oct 24> wrote:
IDIOT! Firstly, don't talk to me about not playing the anthem well, you did not play the anthem at all! Why did you send me those files? Were you hoping that I was so old and deaf that I wouldn't be able to tell the difference? Is that what you think of me? Do you think that I am an old deaf man that you can lie to? I am still expecting an explanation for your actions. Secondly, what's this business about [email protected] coming to meet you Nigeria, didn't you tell me that you live in Togo? Also, we have a rule where we don't provide assistance to people who are not full-fledged members of our church, how dare you trick [email protected] into helping you before your induction is complete. I shall call him immediately to banish him from the church. Fath3r J3ffrey.


[email protected] to J3ffrey <Oct 24> wrote:
Father please iam not trying to say you are an old deaf man,father it is not what you think please.Iam in lome-Togo not Nigeria,he told me that he will be coming to Nigeria for his business,so that is why i want to go down to Nigeria to meet with him face to face.Nigeria and Lome-Togo are very close,i did not tell him to help me befor the induction.i only want him to be helping me to for more information on what to and to make sure that the induction is completed.iam courteous of what iam doing,i take you as my spiritual father and i love you father.please try to understand me,i dont mean to hot you father,what ever it may be forgive me father.
i promise to do it again,please understand me father.

may the peace of christ be with you my dear father.

Your's son M1chael


J3ffrey <Oct 24> wrote:
I'm not interested in your business with [email protected], I have already phoned him to punish him in the name God. You still haven't explained yourself in regard to the song, why didn't you send the anthem? Why did you send me those false devil songs? Explain yourself immediately.


Sure enough, news of this reaches the distraught Colonel.

[email protected] <Oct 24> wrote:
My Dearest Brother

I am sorry to burden you with this, but I do no [typo] know who to turn to.

I was at the travel agent today, booking my ticket to fly to Nigeria, and I received a phone call on my mobile. It was [email protected] Jeffr3y. He phoned me to tell me that I have betrayed the church and that I may never set foot on holy ground again. I was banished from our most serene church.

I do not know what to do. The church is my life, I give everything to the church and I always count on it for support. Now I have been kicked out. I don't even know what this is all about, I have never betrayed the church and it hurts my soul very deeply to be accused of that. I would ask Fath3r J3ffrey but he refuses to speak to me.

Please my dear brother, you are still in contact with [email protected] J3ffrey aren't you. Please talk to him for me. Please tell him that I have never done anything against his wishes. Without the approval of the church, I feel so cold, life feels so meaningless. I have only you now my dear brother, please do not forsake me when I need you the most.


[email protected] to J3ffrey <Oct 25> wrote:
Good day Father,

Father please try and understand me,i told you that i did not have any business with [email protected];He told me that he want to come to Nigeria for his own business.iam not in Nigeria and in Lome-Togo,he was the one that conected me to you.i must thank him for his effort and concernd he is a brother to me,so what ever iam doing with you i must let him know.He told me how good and helpful you have been to him,you are a father to him.Father concerning the anthem i did not remember if you ask me to play desame anthem you sent to me,or i should play something diffrend.Every good father will always forgive his son no matter what he did.please Father forgive me and [email protected] because we are your son's. I swear to God who make heaven and earth i dont have any business with [email protected] and it is not my intension to hot you Father.please Father did you want me to play desame anthem you sent to me? or i should play something diffrend.
Father i promise,it will not happen again give me time and let me get things done.

May the almighty God keep you save.


[email protected] to [email protected] <Oct 25> wrote:
Brother dont be afriad becuase God is with you.no matter how big is your sin [email protected] j3ffrey must forgive you.he is angry with me too because of the song anthem i sent to him.He told me that he did not like the anthem.Brother i told [email protected] jeffr3y that he can not banished you becuse you are his son.brother dont fear everything will be okay.
I told [email protected] j3ffrey that we are brothers and i can not do anything without leting you know becaues you conected me to him.I must thank you for your effort,I told [email protected] j3ffery that you are coming to Nigeria for your own business trip and iam going to meet with you in Nigeria so that you will give me more information on what to do next and how to play the anthem.Brother have you book for the ticket?i have book my ticket to day,dont worry when we meet face to face we can know what to do next as soon as possible.Fath3r J3ffery is a father to us,can not banished us okay,we are his son.
please get back to me soon okay.

take care brother
Your's brother M1chael


J3ffrey <Oct 26> wrote:
Padawan M1chael. Did I not make it clear that I want the same anthem played? Why do you think that I sent you those two examples along with the original? I want to believe that you have made an honest mistake, but I cannot sense your sincerity over the internet. I have already phoned [email protected] and informed him of your letter, I also told him that if he wants redemption in the name of the LORD, he must provide me with a two page handwritten apology letter. He has agreed to this. If you are truly sorry, you shall need to provide one as well. Until I receive letters from BOTH of you, I forbid [email protected] from leaving the country. I have not yet deposited the money we were going to send you back in the bank, so you have one more chance to redeem yourself. May GOD guide you. [email protected] J3ffrey.


Let it be known, I did warn him. You all read the letter. I did warn him.

[email protected] <Oct 26> wrote:
My Dearest Brother

I have good news. I received a phone call from [email protected] J3ffr3y this morning. He said that he will forgive us and welcome us back to the church if we each write a handwritten apology. I have already started with mine, it should be finished by this afternoon.

I never mentioned this but on the day that Father Jeffrey first called me, I was at the travel agency and I had already bought my ticket. I arrive at 9:05pm at Murtala Muhammed International Airport in Lagos on Wednesday the 29th of October aboard Brit1sh A1rways flight 75.

It would be great of you could book the hotel room for me. I'll be carrying plenty of cash with me so I can pay you back as soon as you land.

I hope everythin turns out well with [email protected] Jeffr3y.

Your brother,

|-|.


No news, I ask for a confirmation.

[email protected] <Oct 27> wrote:
My Brother

My plane leaves from Seattle tomorrow morning. Can I get a confirmation that you'll be waiting for me at the airport.

I have already handed my handwritten apology letter to [email protected] Jeffr3y so everything should be all right from my side. [Note how many times so far I've reminded him, you're all my witnesses]

Your brother,

|-|.


Half an hour later.

[email protected] to [email protected] <Oct 27> wrote:
Hello my beloved brother this is my pic,i will be put on this cloths you see in this pic at the airport.i will be leaving tomorrow ealy morning,please tell me the clours of your cloths,you are going to put on and how you are going to dress.i will be very greatful if you can call me today, so that we can speak on phone too.
The hotel has been book for both of us.
iam also writting my apology letter,maybe i will send it to day and i will send it to [email protected] j3ffery.
Iam so happy to hear that he has forgive us,he also mail me yesterday.
hoping to hear from you soon.
this is my phone number [censored]
remain bless brother

Your's M.


[I get this lovely picture which, quite frankly, looks like it belongs on a dating site]
Image


[email protected] <Oct 27> wrote:
My Dearest Brother

I am very happy that you are still meeting me at the airport and that the hotel is already booked. May I ask, in which hotel are we staying. I always like to look my hotel rooms up before I arrive.

I have sent you a photo of myself wearing my lucky travelling suit. It consists of a white shirt, a red coat, and a red and black striped tie. This is more recent than my passport photo, as you can see, my hair is a bit whiter and I have shaved my moustache.

My brother, I shall have my laptop with me on the plane where they have organized an internet connection for me. I would appreciate it if you would send me an e-mail when you arrive in Nigeria so that I know for a fact that I won't be left standing alone at the terminal [the irony in this is just too much]. Also, look up some good restaurants in the area, I'll be carrying plenty of cash so we can dine at the best. One last thing, the car that we're going to be riding in has to be classy and has to be American. I don't want to have to organize anything there or get picked up by a taxi. The car must be ready and waiting, I'll reimburse whoever pays for it as soon as I arrive.

I am going to phone you later today. I'll probably call within the next 8 hours. [It is here that I feel I should mention that at the time I sent this e-mail, it was nightfall in Togo. Mikey would also be leaving for Nigeria in the wee hours of the morning. My "within the next 8 hours" just happened to be the only 8 gours he would otherwise be able to sleep. Poor bugger.]

Remain strong brother,

|-|.


[I attach a photograph of serial killer John Wayne Gacy standing with first lady Rosalynn Carter and a Secret Service pin on his lapel]
Image


Here's something new.

VOICEMAIL wrote:
On the 27th of October, around an hour and a half after the last e-mail, I get this on my voicemail.


An hour later.

[email protected] to [email protected] <Oct 27> wrote:
Hello my dearest brother,you and your wife look so nice at the picture.
brother the hotel is very nice and big hotel i know you will enjoy it.
As soon as I arrive in Nigeria i will mail you
Brother everything will be in order okay.

brother this is my cellphone number [censored]
hear from you soon.
take care


I wait until about the time that he would have given up waiting for me to call and send him this.

[email protected] <Oct 27> wrote:
My Dearest Brother

What is wrong with you phone line? I have been trying to call you all day but it never gets through. It might be a problem with my network provider I suppose, I haven't been at the office so I've been trying to get a hold of you through my mobile phone. [Oh well]

It is late at night at the moment so I am going to sleep, my plane leaves early tomorrow morning. Like I said, I shall have an internet connection on the plane so I would really appreciate it if you would write me an e-mail as soon as you arrive in Nigeria. [Yes, I realized that this is possibly the millionth time that I'm telling him. It's the easiest way to confirm whether he really travelled (IP trace).]

I look forward to meeting you in person.

Your brother,

|-|.


One last voicemail.

VOICEMAIL wrote:
On the 28th of October, around four hours after the last e-mail, I get this on my voicemail.



This concludes the third chapter. At least it was more exciting than the other two. In the fourth chapter, I'll publish the safari and post-safari communiqués and then I'll finally be able to claim my first ever pith helmet. Excitement.
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lotta
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 5:18 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Excellent work, Nick

clapping

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NickTheCop
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 5:24 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^
Image
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minester
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 5:31 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Looks very good so far, and entertaining. clapping clapping clapping

Good luck and good job.

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NickTheCop
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 5:35 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^ The safari is the best part, but I'm too tired to type that out now. Stay tuned for the fourth chapter.
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cheesecake
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 9:54 am Reply with quoteBack to top

That was a good read. Smile These scammers would sell their own mothers if they could.
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NickTheCop
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 11:00 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^ Thanks, and welcome to the Eater.
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sonofabeche
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 10:08 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Looking good. Im reading this to get some ideas and tips for my first safari (church related) and of coure the entertainment ! If you need any help with photos etc I'm learning how to use cs3 at the minute and might be able to help. Good Luck ! Very Happy

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NickTheCop
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 10:28 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^^ Thanks, and welcome to the Eater. Be warned, though, I might just take you up on your offer. The closest I've ever come to photo editing is when I plastered Mikey's face over Luke Skywalker's as a celebration for his obtainment of the rank "Padawan".

Image

EDIT: I still haven't stumbled across the oppurtune moment to send it to him.
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NickTheCop
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 6:23 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Chapter IV: Safari and Detention

Exactly a week has passed since my last chapter and I have opted to break tradition by not bogging down this first paragraph with excuses.

Before anyone gets too excited, the "detention" referred to in the title has nothing to do with the mugu getting arrested. The "safari" part, however, is all true. My very first Pith Helmet.

More on that later, for now, as you'll recall from the last chapter, Papa Jeff made it very clear that he wasn't prepared to let the Colonel travel until Mikey provides a [email protected] [email protected] letter of apology for insulting the perceptive and cognitive abilities of what he thinks is a senile old man.

You'll also remember that I reminded him multiple times from both characters. Well, as you know, he chose not to do this despite promising to, so that gave me a perfect excuse for not meeting him at the airport. All of that time I spent thinking of what to tell him after I don't show up while still keeping the bait alive, and here he did everything for me. What a swell fellow.

I suppose there isn't God knows how much else to say so I'll just cut straight to the letters.

[email protected] <Oct 28> wrote:
hello dearest brother I have arrive Nigeria. [tee-hee]
sorry for not reaching me through my cellphone,may be it is network problem.
please befor living call me with this Nigeria line [censored].
please befor living you can sent me an e-mail or call me befor living also tell me the time you are living ok.everything are in order brother,i have been trying to call your phone line since i arrive.I hope you hard my voice mail call? [Quite a lot of people have, actually]
i will be hoping to hear from you soon.
take care brother.


Evidence? I present to you the fabled header.

Code:
Delivered-To: [b][censored][/b]@gmail.com
Received: by 10.142.199.6 with SMTP id w6cs201167wff;
        Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:13:00 -0700 (PDT)
Received: by 10.151.108.21 with SMTP id k21mr14737047ybm.151.1225217579544;
        Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:12:59 -0700 (PDT)
Return-Path: <[b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com>
Received: from n22c.bullet.mail.mud.yahoo.com (n22c.bullet.mail.mud.yahoo.com [68.142.206.219])
        by mx.google.com with SMTP id 4si2324606gxk.25.2008.10.28.11.12.51;
        Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:12:56 -0700 (PDT)
Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 68.142.206.219 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of [b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com) client-ip=68.142.206.219;
DomainKey-Status: bad (test mode)
Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 68.142.206.219 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of [b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com) smtp.mail=[b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com; domainkeys=hardfail (test mode) header.From=[b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com
Received: from [68.142.200.224] by n22.bullet.mail.mud.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 28 Oct 2008 18:12:49 -0000
Received: from [76.13.13.25] by t5.bullet.mud.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 28 Oct 2008 18:12:49 -0000
Received: from [76.13.10.164] by t4.bullet.mail.ac4.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 28 Oct 2008 18:12:48 -0000
Received: from [127.0.0.1] by omp105.mail.ac4.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 28 Oct 2008 18:12:48 -0000
X-Yahoo-Newman-Property: ymail-5
X-Yahoo-Newman-Id: [email protected]
Received: (qmail 3515 invoked by uid 60001); 28 Oct 2008 18:12:48 -0000
DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; q=dns; c=nofws;
  s=s1024; d=rocketmail.com;
  h=X-YMail-OSG:Received:X-Mailer:Date:From:Reply-To:Subject:To:In-Reply-To:MIME-Version:Content-Type:Message-ID;

X-YMail-OSG:
Received: from [81.199.5.102] by web59816.mail.ac4.yahoo.com via HTTP; Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:12:48 PDT
X-Mailer: YahooMailWebService/0.7.247.3
Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:12:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: [email protected] [email protected] <[b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com>
Reply-To: [b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com
Subject: Re: hello brother
To: [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] <[b][censored][/b]@gmail.com>
In-Reply-To: <[email protected]>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="0-801850455-1225217568=:984"
Message-ID: <[email protected]>


Huh, it looks like the "[censored]" blocks don't go bold in the code block. No matter, y'all get the idea.

If I need to provide an uncensored version to the moderators to claim my Pith Helmet, let me know. I don't like posting my characters's e-mail address on this forum (or any for that matter) for the risk of getting reverse-baited by a badger.

In the meantime, here's a header from one of his older e-mails for IP comparison.

Code:
Delivered-To: [b][censored][/b]@gmail.com
Received: by 10.142.199.6 with SMTP id w6cs142042wff;
        Mon, 27 Oct 2008 12:38:21 -0700 (PDT)
Received: by 10.151.7.4 with SMTP id k4mr5050436ybi.185.1225136300621;
        Mon, 27 Oct 2008 12:38:20 -0700 (PDT)
Return-Path: <[b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com>
Received: from n21.bullet.mail.mud.yahoo.com (n21.bullet.mail.mud.yahoo.com [68.142.206.160])
        by mx.google.com with SMTP id 12si596646gxk.95.2008.10.27.12.38.18;
        Mon, 27 Oct 2008 12:38:19 -0700 (PDT)
Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 68.142.206.160 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of [b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com) client-ip=68.142.206.160;
DomainKey-Status: good (test mode)
Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 68.142.206.160 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of [b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com) smtp.mail=[b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com; domainkeys=pass (test mode) header.From=[b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com
Received: from [68.142.200.227] by n21.bullet.mail.mud.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 27 Oct 2008 19:38:11 -0000
Received: from [76.13.13.25] by t8.bullet.mud.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 27 Oct 2008 19:38:18 -0000
Received: from [76.13.10.168] by t4.bullet.mail.ac4.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 27 Oct 2008 19:38:18 -0000
Received: from [127.0.0.1] by omp109.mail.ac4.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 27 Oct 2008 19:38:18 -0000
X-Yahoo-Newman-Property: ymail-5
X-Yahoo-Newman-Id: [email protected]
Received: (qmail 88949 invoked by uid 60001); 27 Oct 2008 19:38:17 -0000
DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; q=dns; c=nofws;
  s=s1024; d=rocketmail.com;
  h=X-YMail-OSG:Received:X-Mailer:Date:From:Reply-To:Subject:To:In-Reply-To:MIME-Version:Content-Type:Message-ID;
 
X-YMail-OSG:
Received: from [41.207.162.4] by web59814.mail.ac4.yahoo.com via HTTP; Mon, 27 Oct 2008 12:38:13 PDT
X-Mailer: YahooMailWebService/0.7.247.3
Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2008 12:38:13 -0700 (PDT)
From: [email protected] [email protected] <[b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com>
Reply-To: [b][censored][/b]@rocketmail.com
Subject: Re: hello brother
To: [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] <t[b][censored][/b]@gmail.com>
In-Reply-To: <[email protected]>
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="0-429453565-1225136293=:88046"
Message-ID: <[email protected]>


You'll notice that the former traces back to Lagos whereas the latter - which is chronologically older - hails from Lome.

Before moving on, let me just flat out say that I am very poor with computers, the technical side specifically. So if I've left something uncensored in the header which can be used to trace back to me, go ahead and let me know about it so I can take the appropriate action.

Getting back to the letters, at this point I never replied because I would have supposedly boarded the plane. I did tell Mikey that I'd have a connection during the flight but if I write back now, I'd have to admit that I'm not actually on a plane. The longer I stall him, the longer he'll wait in Nigeria.

VOICEMAIL wrote:
On the 28th of October, I get this on my voicemail.


[email protected] <Oct 29> wrote:
Goodmorning brother,iam now in Nigeria.I have been trying to get you online,but i could not get through.By God grace everything is in order,I will be waiting for you at the airport as we decussed.please let me know when you are living the country and the time okay.
use this number to call me as soon as possible [censored] when you arrive in Nigeria call [censored] or [censored] [yes, there were three different numbers]
i will be at the airtoday at 8pm,be strong brother. [Let me take the oppurtunity to remind everyone that my plane would be landing at 9:35pm]
take care brother


VOICEMAIL wrote:
On the 29th of October, about two hours after the last e-mail, I get this on my voicemail.


I reckon that this is the best e-mail so far.

[email protected] <Oct 30> wrote:
brother where are you now?i was at the airport waiting to see you but i could not see you.
brother what is wrong,I left the airport at 11pm right now iam not feeling ok because i have alot of debpt to pay now.I have to pay for the hotel bill you ask me to book for you and my hotel bill too.brother iam still in Nigeria please let me know where you are now.
you can call this number [censored] ask of me ok.

brother please iam stranded here now,i have to go back to my country.iam waiting to hear from you soon brother.

if you are in Nigeria let me know,you can give me the number of your hotel room and the hotel name.

waiting to hear from you.

M1CHAEL


While I do have my doubts about him being in debt (quite the melodramatic one, isn't he) I have no doubt that he waited for me at the airport for that long since, as you'd know if you read through Chapter III, I actually provided him with legitimate flight details. I'm trying to recall what I was doing during those three hours... well, whatever it was, I'm sure I was much more comfortable than he was.

Another notable thing about this letter is that he doesn't sound mad or suspicious. I'm not entirely sure if it's because he's really fallen for my routine or if it's because he wants to wean more information from me to track me down. I'm guessing it's the former, but even if it's the latter, he's still wasting his time on me rather than some poor naive granny from Ohio.

Well, just about ten minutes later, he does exactly what I predicted he'd do and contacts Papa Jeff.

[email protected] to J3ffrey <Oct 30> wrote:
GOOD MORNING FATHER,HOW ARE YOU DOING FATHER?I KNOW YOU ARE FINE.
FATHER IAM VERY SORRY FOR NOT HEARING FROM ME ALL THIS TIME,I WAS SICK,I THANK GOD IAM OKAY NOW. [You fool]

I HERE BY ASK FORGIVENESS AND MERCY,FATHER FORGIVE ME.
PLEASE FATHER FORGIVE FOR MY MISTAKE AND WRONG DOING.
IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
FATHER HAVE MERCY ON ME,FORGIVE ME FATHER.
FORGIVE ME FATHER,YOU ARE MY FATHER HAVE MERCY.

FATHER PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO NEXT AND HOW THE ANTHEM WILL BE PLAY.

PLEASE FATHER ACCEPT MY POLOGY.

MAY THE GOOD LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU SAVE.

YOUR SON MICHAEL


[I didn't include this for obvious reasons, but in the original message, there were maybe about 100 blank lines here, weird.]


J3ffrey <Oct 30> wrote:
[email protected] Br0ther [email protected] [email protected] Do you remember what the last thing you promised me was? You promised me a [email protected] [email protected] letter of apology. Do you remember? I told you that both you and [email protected] had to provide a letter like this or I would not let him travel overseas. If you don't believe me, go back and read our letters. [email protected] provided his letter of apology, but you never did. So when the day came that [email protected] was going to fly to Nigeria, I told him to come over to the church. When he came, I tore up his ticket and said that he has been tarnished and needs some time to reconnect with JESUS. At the moment he is doing volunteer work here at the church. He is not allowed to travel and his assistant is running his company. If you truly want my forgiveness, and if you truly want [email protected] to come and meet you, then you must provide the letter of apology. The LORD only forgives those who seek forgiveness. Love, [email protected] J3ffrey [email protected]


The typically prompt Mikey hesitates in his response, so I yank his other chain.

[email protected] <Nov 1> wrote:
My Dearest Brother

I am writing to you from [email protected] J3ffrey's computer, he has just gone to sleep. [Pretty clandestine tactics for an honorable businessman]

I am so sorry that I could not meet you at the airport. On the day that I was supposed to leave, [email protected] J3ffrey called me over to the church and told me that he forbids me from seeing you. I tried to reason with him but he said that you had insulted him by not sending him the letter of apology you promised, so he took my ticket from my hands and tore it up. [Yes, I am repeating myself, but don't forget that [email protected] wouldn't know what Papa Jeff had already told him or if he had said anything at all. Mugus can start getting suspicious when both characters seem to be of the same mind (which in reality they are).]

I wanted to tell you but Fath3r J3ffrey took my phone away temporarily. He said that I had strayed and that I needed to get in touch with JESUS so he's got me doing volunteer work here at the church. My brother, I have been living here in this awful church since last Tuesday, I'm not even allowed to use the computer! This is why I waited for him to go to sleep and snuck quietly into his office.

Please brother, do not be mad at me. I wanted to contact you and I tried several times but always got caught. I promise you this, as soon as we get all of this sorted out and I can fly to meet you, I shall give you money for all of the expenses incurred during your last trip. [Begging isn't something I typically do while baiting but in certain cases it can extend the life of a bait by quite a lot. Ironically, one should only resort to begging when you know that the mugu is NOT openly mad at you. This way you look like you feel guilty even though you haven't been accused of anything which generally means that you think highly of the mugu (or your character does anyway). Begging when the bait is going downhill makes you look like an unsuccessful baiter desperate for trophies since no real victim would ever beg to be given the oppurtunity to send money to a stranger. Think of it as a CEO begging a hobo to accept money, it just doesn't happen.]

I shall be trying to check my e-mail as frequently as possible. There's a sermon tomorrow so [email protected] J3ffrey should be working all morning.

I am waiting for you.

Your brother forever,

|-|.


[email protected] to [email protected] <Nov 2> wrote:
BROTHER IAM SO HAPPY TO TO HEAR FROM YOU,I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR LONG TO READ YOUR MAIL. BROTHER GOD HAS JOING US TOGETHER,AND IT IS GOD OWN PURPOSE FOR US TO BE BROTHERS. [yeah, totally]
I WILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE FREE AND BECOME A HAPPY MAN.

BROTHER I WANT YOU TO HELP ME, PLEASE SEND ME THE LETTER OF APOLOGY YOU WROTE TO [email protected] J3FFERY SO THAT I CAN SEE HOW YOU WROTE IT.I HAVE WRITTEN MY OWN LETTER OF APOLOGY,BUT I WANT TO SEE HOW YOUR'S LOOK LIKE BEFOR I SENT IT TO FATHER JEFFERY. [You lazy tit, you just want to copy mine, don't you?]

BROTHER GOD WILL HELP US OUT,AND HE WILL NEVER LET US CRY.
BROTHER RIGHT NOW IAM NOT FEELING FINE NOW,I WAS SICK WHEN I CAME BACK FROM NIGERIA. BROTHER I SPENT ALOT OF MONEY,IAM OWNING SO MANY PEOPLE NOW.I PRAY FOR GOD TO BOTH OF US.
I SO MUCH LOVE FATH3R J3FFERY,I TAKE HIM AS MY FATHER. [No Mike, you tolerate him until you get your money]

please let me hear from you soon befor i send my letter of apology to father okay.
i love you brother. [I think I'm tearing up]


[email protected] <Nov 2> wrote:
My Dearest Brother

I am going to have to keep this short since [email protected] Jeffr3y is finishing with his sermon in a couple of minutes.

I am very happy to hear that you are not mad at me my brother. I am so sorry that you travelled all the way to Nigeria and I wasn't there. I promise that as soon as we meet, I shall cover all of your debts. [We seriously need an emoticon for "carrot-on-a-stick" on this forum]

As for the letter of apology, I gave mine to Fath3r J3ffrey last week so I don't have it. I'm sure that he'll forgive us regardless of how it looks. [Mikey makes me eat those words the next day]

I just heard something coming up the stairs

Your borther [Yes, the spelling error in this line and the grammatical one in the line above are intentional.]

|-|.


The following day I get the following e-mail. I shit you not, this is exactly how it looked.

[email protected] to J3ffrey <Nov 3> wrote:
GOODMORNING FATHER.
I HERE BY ASK FOR FORGIVENESS TO MY ERROS,IAM VERY SORRY FATHER.
FORGIVE AND FORGET,TO ERR IS HUMAN TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE.
I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU FATHER, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.IAM INDEED VERY SORRY AND I STILL WANT TO BE YOUR SON.
IAM REALY SORRY FATHER FORGIVE MY TRESPASSES JUST AS GOD FORGIVE OUR TRESPASSES WHEN WE COMMITTED SIN.




GOODMORNING FATHER.
I HERE BY ASK FOR FORGIVENESS TO MY ERROS,IAM VERY SORRY FATHER.
FORGIVE AND FORGET,TO ERR IS HUMAN TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE.
I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU FATHER, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.IAM INDEED VERY SORRY AND I STILL WANT TO BE YOUR SON.
IAM REALY SORRY FATHER FORGIVE MY TRESPASSES JUST AS GOD FORGIVE OUR TRESPASSES WHEN WE COMMITTED SIN.


GOODMORNING FATHER.
I HERE BY ASK FOR FORGIVENESS TO MY ERROS,IAM VERY SORRY FATHER.
FORGIVE AND FORGET,TO ERR IS HUMAN TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE.
I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU FATHER, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.IAM INDEED VERY SORRY AND I STILL WANT TO BE YOUR SON.
IAM REALY SORRY FATHER FORGIVE MY TRESPASSES JUST AS GOD FORGIVE OUR TRESPASSES WHEN WE COMMITTED SIN.

GOODMORNING FATHER.
I HERE BY ASK FOR FORGIVENESS TO MY ERROS,IAM VERY SORRY FATHER.
FORGIVE AND FORGET,TO ERR IS HUMAN TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE.
I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU FATHER, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.IAM INDEED VERY SORRY AND I STILL WANT TO BE YOUR SON.
IAM REALY SORRY FATHER FORGIVE MY TRESPASSES JUST AS GOD FORGIVE OUR TRESPASSES WHEN WE COMMITTED SIN.

GOODMORNING FATHER.
I HERE BY ASK FOR FORGIVENESS TO MY ERROS,IAM VERY SORRY FATHER.
FORGIVE AND FORGET,TO ERR IS HUMAN TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE.
I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU FATHER, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.IAM INDEED VERY SORRY AND I STILL WANT TO BE YOUR SON.
IAM REALY SORRY FATHER FORGIVE MY TRESPASSES JUST AS GOD FORGIVE OUR TRESPASSES WHEN WE COMMITTED SIN.
IAM VERY SORRY FATHER,FORGIVE ME FATHER.


YOUR'S SON.


A literal two minutes later, he sends this to the Colonel.

[email protected] to [email protected] <Nov 3> wrote:
hello brother iam happy to hear from you too.i have just sent my letter of apology to father now.
brother are you still coming to Nigeria?
brother please i want to beg you in the name of christ,if you can be able to send me little help to pay up my debpt for now please try and let me know.things are so hard for me now.
i love you


As you've noticed, Mikey has gone from lines such as "in God's love" and "with the love of Jesus" to simply "I love you". I personally come from Eastern Europe where, like in Africa, two male friends could use that line and word to simply refer to a strong platonic connection. In western culture however, this could easily be mistaken as a nod towards homosexuality.

So here's the thing, I've been planning on adding yet another dimension to this bait and the oppurtunity has presented itself rather clearly. What do you guys think would be the best course of action?

A) The Colonel is a closet homosexual who mistakenly believes that Mikey is in love with him and reciprocates. In this way, Mikey would have to agree unless he wants to lose his richest maga.

B) The Colonel is straight but believes that Mikey is in love with him. The Colonel confronts Mikey about it in a compassionate manner and offers to introduce him to one of his gay friends who is very rich and likes spending money on his boy toys. This would add another chain to yank, and no, that's not meant to be some sort of sexual innuendo.

C) Resume the bait as is to avoid compromising its otherwise stable nature.

Back to the letters, the Colonel takes a break for a couple of days so the next few letters are an exchange between Mikey and Jeff.

J3ffrey <Nov 3> wrote:
[email protected] M1chael. Why do you keep mocking me? Why do you insult this frail old man? I have done so much for you. [email protected] has done so much for you. And yet you choose to insult us both with this. I asked for the letter to be handwritten, why did you type it? I asked for it to be two pages long, why did you write one paragraph and copy it four other times? Why do you want to make me sad, my son? [email protected] Jeffr3y.


[email protected] <Nov 4> wrote:
Father please dont me mad with me,iam not mocking you father.father if i right it with handwritting i will still type it in my computer befor i sending it to you.Father do you want me to writte it and attach it ? [NO SHIT, SHERLOCK]
Father please tell me how you want it to be done.
I and my brother Sand3rs really need your forgiveness father.
may God keep you save father.

Your's son [email protected] M1chael.


It's good to see that he's finally signing off with his ecclesiastical title.

J3ffrey <Nov 4> wrote:
Young [email protected] When you write out the letter of apology by hand, send it by fax to Br0ther [email protected]'s fax number. Broth3r [email protected]'s secretary is also a member of our church so she would be willing to bring it over to me here. You do have his fax number, don't you? It's the same as his phone number because he uses the same line. You have hurt my soul so much the past few days, young [email protected], [I'm pulling off a John McCain here] so please send the letter as soon as possible so this old man can have peace. Fath3r J3ffrey.


[email protected] <Nov 5> wrote:
thanks Father,i will send it to you as soon as possible.
how about my brother [email protected]'s hope he is fine.
father please send me his fax number so that i can fax it as soon as possible.
Iam greatful having you as a father.
Your's Son [email protected] M1chael


J3ffrey <Nov 5> wrote:
Young [email protected] [email protected]'s fax number at his office is [censored]. He is all right, he is getting back in touch with JESUS by ironing my robes and panties every evening. Do get the letter sent as quickly as possible. [email protected] J3ffrey.


No news for three whole days, that's a record. I decided to tap his other shoulder to check if he's still awake.

[email protected] <Nov 8> wrote:
My Brother

I am so bored here in the church. My company has stared losing money without me, the value of the company stock is dropping, everything is falling apart and there isn't a damn [my bad, that should have been "damned"] thing I can do about it from here.

Please my brother, send your letter of apology so that I can get out of here. I think Fath3r Jeffr3y has gone off the deep end.

Your brother,

|-|


[email protected] to [email protected] <Nov 8> wrote:
brother please i am very sorry, i was out of town that is why you could not hear from me. [don't they think that that excuse gets old at some point?] i came back this morning and i saw your message, i promise to send the letter of apology tomorrow morning. [email protected] J3ffery ask me to send it through Fax, it will be okay tomorrow.
brother everything will be ok soon ok.

YOUR'S BROTHER M.


Short and sweet.

[email protected] <Nov 8> wrote:
Please don't let me down my dear brother. I'm counting on you.

H.



Well, that's it. We're finally up to date. From now on I shall be updating on a more regular basis and the chapters will be much shorter.

Since you'll be reading the bait in real-time from now on, feel free to make suggestions. I do have several ideas for the future but I'll be willing to bend them if something better comes up.
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Ben
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Joined: 19 Oct 2008
Posts: 22


PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I guess I must of missed it but what is N1ck the [email protected] the patron saint of???.....this is a good read!


Last edited by Ben on Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:24 pm; edited 1 time in total
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NickTheCop
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Sorry I had to censor that part, it was a whole long story and I wan't in the mood for obfuscating every keyword.

From what I remember, the fictional N1ck The C0p was a police officer who martyred himself by confronting a crazed hobo in defense of a group of starry-eyed kids (the story was much longer) and now he is the patron saint of the equally fictional N0rthern Westb0ro [email protected] Church. Hey, I needed to feed them some story, right.

I'm going to have to ask you, however, to obfuscate the words "N1ck The C0p" in your post as I've just done. This is to prevent it from coming up on Google.

Oh yeah, and welcome to the Eater.
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:07 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Looks like you can claim your helmet. Congratulations.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:09 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Yeah, about that...
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NickTheCop
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 4:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Chapter V: Confrontation

Look at that, two updates on the same day... well, night for me.

For once our schedule coincided so we exchanged many e-mails over the course of the night (his day).

[email protected] <Nov 10> wrote:
Goodmorning brother please dont worry everything will be okay.
i have fax my apology letter to father this morning. Brother will you still be coming to Nigeria after your freedom?
have you been communicating with Chaerls soludo? i meant your business partner.
M.


Obviously, I was aware that he never actually sent the letter, but letting him know that would be just a touch too obvious.

[email protected] <Nov 10> wrote:
My Dearest Brother

I was sleeping, and in a dream, a bright light confronted me and told me to wake up and check my e-mail. I arose from my bed and snuck into [email protected] J3ffrey's office, turned on the computer and, sure enough, I saw your e-mail. GOD has brought us together, I am sure.

I am most pleased to hear that you have sent the letter. It is just before 3 in the morning here so Fath3r J3ffrey won't see it until morning, but when he does, I shall finally be a free man.

As for Charles "Chvcky-Chuck7-Chvcky" Soludo [it's a Discworld thing], I have not had a chance to write to him because I am always afraid that Fath3r Jeffr3y will catch me. Can you please write to him and tell him of your plans and that I am all right. His e-mail address is [censored] . Please brother, please write to him immediately for I am very scared that he'll sign the deal with someone else. I have not yet had a chance to explain to him why I did not meet him, please explain that to him too. Also, tell him that I'll be in Nigeria very soon. You must do this for me, my brother, please.

Your brother,

|-|.


Yeah, I've tried pushing Mikey into contacting the very obvious scammer Charles Soludo before, but he didn't agree, so I'm trying again. I have an excuse since it was he who brought it up.

[email protected] <Nov 10> wrote:
Brother God has a good pland for both of us.
fath3r jeff3ry told me to use your fax phone number [censored] to send the letter,I did but it could not go through.i sent it yesterday evening it could not send, also i send it this morning again after writting to you.
brother iam sending it as an attach files to him now.
brother please help me to exsplend to him that i try my best to send it through fax but it could not go through.
iam sending it now.
brother i will help you to mail Charles Chvcky [the "v" was an act of obfuscation, not a typo by Mikey] Soludo but you have not told him anything about me yet and He dont even know me.can you give me his number also?
brother dont worry okay everything will be okay.
M


[email protected] <Nov 10> wrote:
I'm glad you wrote brother, I haven't been able to sleep so I've been sneaking back to Fath3r J3ffrey's office to check my e-mail about every half hour.

I can't imagine why my fax machine isn't working, I suppose these things happen when you aren't there to maintain them.

Don't worry about Charles "Chuck7-Chvcky-Chvcky" Soludo not knowing you. Just write to him and explain that you are my brother in CHRIST and most faithful friend. You have to do this for me, my brother, and you have to do it immediately. I already told you that my company has begun crumbling, this deal can help me bring it back up to scratch. The future of my company depends on you. [Ooh, I'm beginning to lay on the pressure now]

Your brother,

|-|.


I found this letter quite interesting, especially since, looking back now, the last letter I got from him was just before what would have been 3pm his time.

[email protected] <Nov 10> wrote:
ok brother i will email him now.
iam just trying to attach my letter to Father now.
brother it is bad time now, a friend call the polich for me this morning they ask me to come to the polich station;He want me to pay back his money.He borrows $1000 to travel to Nigeria now he want me to pay him back.i will be at the polich station to day at 3pm today.
brother is there any hope from you?iam so sad now.

please keep me intouch iam still here attaching the letter.


[email protected] <Nov 10> wrote:
Dear Brother

I am very saddened to hear of your troubles. I cannot wait to come and meet you in Africa so that I can repay all of your debts and you can be happy. Do not worry, dear Michael, for GOD is watching over us. [Egads, I'm beginning to sound like a scammer!]

|-|.


[email protected] <Nov 10> wrote:
thanks brother can u try ur best to help me?u can call some one to help you send me some little money to pay this debpt.please if you can not send it today u can help me tomorrow i can send you my account number or you can send it through Western Union money transfar i can get it.
i dont want to be arrested by the polich,brother please do this for me.
please brother iam in tears now.
i still attaching my letter to father.


You all saw it coming, good ol' true blue [email protected] finally snaps.

[email protected] <Nov 10> wrote:
Brother

Do you realize where I am right now? I am sitting in some horrendously decorated office, wrapped in a rancidly smelling blanket, with the lights out, on a torn chair, and accompanied by cockroaches scurrying around. It is the middle of the night and the only reason I am here is because I am communicating with you trying to get out of this DIRTY FUCKING CHURCH!

Now tell me, I don't have a phone, so how am I to call anyone? Tell me!

My brother, the sooner you finish your business with Fath3r Jeffr3y, the sooner he can let me out so I can salvage what's left of my business and come to repay your debts.

You talk about being scared of get arrested. Well, I've pretty much been in jail for the last couple of weeks, I don't even know how many, I lost count already.

The way I see it, right now I am in a MUCH worse position than you are, and yet I have never complained so far. Meanwhile all you do is bitch and moan without doing a damned thing to help me. Think about it brother, the only way I can help you, is if you get me out of here.

|-|.



That's all for now folks. I haven't heard anything from Mikey on any of my addresses since that last letter. I can't figure out whether it's because I slapped him too hard or because he's really at the police station (the times match).

Not to worry though, I'm not going to let this bait die, if he doesn't contact any of my characters within the next 24 hours, I'll send him a reminder.
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sonofabeche
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Joined: 29 Oct 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:20 am Reply with quoteBack to top

"by ironing my robes and panties every evening" - hahahahaha ha
Hi, do you mind if I throw my 2p's woth in ?
I cant help feeling that [email protected]'s outburst would leave brother mikey confused as it is at odds with the 'god brought us together' stuff. Could this outburst help mikey and sand come together and maybe have some more trust with each other? Could the two join forces against jeff ? Im thinking that if mikey thought he had a trusted ally on the inside he may be more optimistic about extracting the funds.
Perhaps sand could help mikey by writing the 'apology letter' and the bait could move on with jeff becoming increasingly happy with mikey (with sand's help) This would help mikey to become indebted to sand and may provide opportunities for sand to get him to move on.
I am thinking something along the lines of jeff is thinking about donating 150k to a project in say chad or something similar and sand does not want him to use the funds there for some reason (perhaps because sand thinks jeff is throwing money away without checking too much as to whether the project is genuine enough or even sand wants a bite), at the cost of using the funds alocated to mikey. Maybe sand could 'go crooked' and sand and mikey could join forces to sabotage/expose the chad project (with mikey doing it somehow on site) before funds could be released for mikeys fake project in say, Eithiopia ? sand would be hoping for a 50/50 split. This might appeal to the greedier side of the lad.
From reading the other baits it seems that once the lad goes past a certain point away from home it is easier to get the lad to go further away as the oppportunity to go home decreases.
Apologies if this doesnt make sense cos Im doing a night shift and am writing this in a very small corner of the screen.
Good luck !

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Connie L. Gus
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 1:14 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Great read Nick. I would not worry too much about your lad using google to search the thread out. He did not do it last time when he left a wetspot.

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=122576

Seems he's changed his name since.

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NickTheCop
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Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 2002
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 2:08 am Reply with quoteBack to top

sonofabeche wrote:
Hi, do you mind if I throw my 2p's woth in ?


Go ahead.

sonofabeche wrote:
I cant help feeling that [email protected]'s outburst would leave brother mikey confused as it is at odds with the 'god brought us together' stuff.


True, but on the other hand, if Sandy simply kept his cool indefinitely, like he had been doing, the character would look like the product of a bad writer. His outburst may have weakened the bond between the two in the short term, but in the long term, Mikey sees Sandy as a real human being.

sonofabeche wrote:
Could the two join forces against jeff ?


That's my plan for when Mikey gets tired of Jeff. It's going to happen eventually since I'm never going to let the induction ceremony end. There'll always be one more task, and one more task. Fortunately, save for a safari which Mikey himself compromised, the Colonel has never wanted anything from him. You see where I'm getting with this?

sonofabeche wrote:
Perhaps sand could help mikey by writing the 'apology letter'


Hmm. I think I'll only resort to that if the bait starts running out of steam.

sonofabeche wrote:
I am thinking something along the lines of jeff is thinking about donating 150k


If I may offer a work of advice, don't offer the mugus a laddish sum of money. As stupid as they are, they can spot unrealistic situations when money is involved.

sonofabeche wrote:
Maybe sand could 'go crooked' and sand and mikey could join forces


When Jeff has served any possibe pupose he could have, I'm planning on taking that road.

sonofabeche wrote:
Apologies if this doesnt make sense cos Im doing a night shift and am writing this in a very small corner of the screen.
Good luck !


Off topic, but what is it that you do exactly?

Connie L. Gus wrote:
Great read Nick. I would not worry too much about your lad using google to search the thread out. He did not do it last time when he left a wetspot.

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=122576

Seems he's changed his name since.


Hehehe. Nice. Thumbs up
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NickTheCop
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Joined: 05 Sep 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:45 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Chapter VI: Dealing With The Devil

Another quick update chronicling the last two days.

As of a couple of minutes ago, I have succeeded in getting ol' Mikey to do something which I've been pushing for a very long time. This chapter shows the build up to the successful outcome.

Let us begin.

[email protected] to Jeffr3y <Nov 10> wrote:
MAY THE ALMIGHTY GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND LOVE TOWARDS ME AS YOUR SON.
FATHER, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SEND MY APOLOGY LETTER THROUGH MY BROTHER FAX BUT IT COULD NOT GET THROUGH.I TRY IT YESTERDAY AND TODAY, THE NUMBER IS OUT OF SERVICE.

PLEASE FATHER IAM SENDING IT THROUGH ATTACH,PLEASE FATHER ACCEPT IT AND FORGIVE ME AND MY BROTHER.
I WILL BE VERYGREATFUL TO HEAR GOOD NEWS FROM YOU FATHER.

Your's son.


[The attachment was the following image. Some of you may already recognize it as I put it up in the "pictures" section soon after it arrived.]

Image


A mere 3 minutes later, Sandy gets an e-mail.

[email protected] to [email protected] <Nov 10> wrote:
brother i really understand how you feel,i also feel desame here too.
i have send the letter through attach,please help me tell father that your fax line is not going through okay.
brother iam hoping to hear good news from [email protected] j3ffery.

take care brother.


Since both Sandy and Jeff are currently using the same machine, the former without the knowledge of the latter, I could, of course, only reply from one character.

I decide to resume Papa Jeff's broken heart act since it makes very little sense and is probably confusing poor Mikey to no end.

Jeffr3y <Nov 10> wrote:
Young [email protected] My soul is bleeding, it is crying out in pain for you have wounded me so deep. And despite this, you still keep on wounding me. I am not stupid, young padawan. I can see very clearly that that is not your handwriting, it looks very much like it was printed. Also, it is not two pages, it is, in fact, one page. Why do you hate me so much? Why do you keep insulting me with these lies? Can you not just write the letter of apology? If you really despise me so much, then at least do it for your brother [email protected], he deserves that much. Fath3r J3ffrey.


[email protected] to Jeffr3y <Nov 11> wrote:
Good morning father,thanks for your email but i must say this.
i have try my best to make sure all when well.it take be alot of time and money to send this apology letter to you.i wrote the apology letter on my own,and i type it and i attach it to you.I spend alot of money in sending the fax yesterday,i dont have fax marching and my computer is bad;I have to use my friend computer to attach it to you.
please father you have to know that i have try my best,things are very hard here in Africa.
please and please accept my apology in the name of God.it will take be long process again to writte and type it.please set my brother free,forgive us.

i love him so much,right now my mother is very sick i have to take her to hospital.
i wil be greatful to hear from you soon.

Your's son


Does anyone else think that Mikey took a somewhat more unapologetic stance in that last e-mail. Confused I should probably stay on my toes.

Nonetheless, I continued with my - quite frankly - pretty annoying approach.

Jeffr3y <Nov 11> wrote:
[email protected] [email protected]el. You have wounded me so deep, that I have not been able to sleep. You know very well I asked that the letter be handwritten, as in, written with a pen or pencil. I am not angry that the fax didn't go through, I am sad that you did not write it by hand. Please brother [my, my; what a boo-boo I made there], do not type it. Typing letters of apology is the work of the devil. Through handwriting only can our true feelings be revealed. [email protected] Jeffr3y.


[email protected] to Jeffr3y <Nov 11> wrote:
Father iam alway happy having you as my father in the Lord.Father you have to know that i have try my best to make sure you are happy and to make all things go well the way you want it.please father in any way i have make you feel sad and unhappy please forgive me.
I will do as you said,iam not going to type it,I will send it the way you want it. [I'm glad to see you've gone back to your old sniveling, begging self]
I believd that it will be the end of it,because i have spent so much on this.
my computer is bad,I have to be going to my friend house to do it.he live very far away from me,i pay transport to go to his house ; some time he will be at home some time he will not be at home.

Your's son [email protected] [email protected]


I don't reply as Papa Jeff. The next day (night, whatever), however, the Colonel finds his way to Jeff's computer and wants to know why he is not yet free.

[email protected] <Nov 12> wrote:
My brother

What's going on? You said that you sent the letter to Fath3r Jeffr3y but he is still holding me here. I tried to drop a hint and ask him about it today but all he said was that you had raped his soul and then stated crying.

Please my brother, you know he tells me nothing, can you enlighten me as to how the situation is.

Also, you never told me, have you contacted "Chvcky-Chvcky-Chvcky" Soludo yet? This is detrimental for my business, if you haven't, I could lose all of my money. I trust you, my brother, to do this for me; but be warned, if - when I get out of here - I find out that you have not written to him, I shall hunt you down and kill you. That being said, I believe that you'll do the right thing. [Desperate measures...]

Your brother,

|-|.


[email protected] to [email protected] <Nov 12> wrote:
GOOD MORNING BROTER,I have try my best to make father happy also to forgive us.
i send him the letter of apology through an attach,everything was ok but he said it must be handwritting.
i have mail Chvcky-Chvcky-Chvcky" Soludo,also i have told him everything iam still waiting to hear from him.
brother you did not even care to ask me how i went through with my problem.i was arrested by the polich,they ask me to pay up the money in one week time or i will lose my travel document.
brother iam not longer happy here now,i have try my little best as a human.
Your's brother


[email protected] <Nov 12> wrote:
My dearest brother

I am so sorry that Fath3r J3ffrey didn't tell you beforehand that it needs to be handwritten. It is such a commonly accepted tradition here in America that sometime we assume people all over the world do it.

I'm glad to hear that you have e-mailed "Chvcky-Chvcky-Chvcky" Soludo. [Even though you actually haven't you vile snake] Let me know what he says as soon as he responds.

I feel so bad that you had trouble with the police, my brother. I simply assumed that, since you never brought it up again, everything was all right. I am so sorry for you. I wish I could send you some money but from here, I can do nothing. [Hint, hint] If I get out of here within a week, I can buy an airticket the same day and maybe I'll be able to get to you before the week is up. Do you think that you'll be able to get me out of here soon so I can do this?

I do have an alternative for you if that doesn't work. "Chvcky-Chvcky-Chvcky" Soludo is a very influential man in Nigeria and he has connections all throughout West Africa. You could tell him that you need him to do you this favor on my behalf. If you tell him that I need this, I'm sure he would agree. Of course, I'd be happy to reimburse him as soon as I can meet him. It's just something you might want to consider. [I've tried just about every other way I could to get Mikey to contact Soludo, I figured this would be worth a shot, especially considering Mikey's (probably fictional) current situation.]

Your brother forever,

|-|.


I'll admit, somewhat to my suprise, I get this letter on my other address.

[email protected] to Chvcky <Nov 12> wrote:
GOOD MORNING Chvcky Soludo.IAM MICHAEL THE BROTHER TO H4RLAND DAV1D SAND3RS.HE HAS BEEN TELLING ME ABOUT YOU ALL THIS TIME,I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO MAIL.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?HOW IS YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS?HOPE YOU ARE FINE OVER THERE.
MY BROTHER TOLD ME TO MAIL YOU,RIGHT NOW HE IS HAVING SOME LITTLE PROBLEM WITH F4THER J3FFERY I MEAN HIS SPIRITUAL FATHER.
HE TOLD ME THAT HE COULD HAVE COME OVER TO NIGERIA TO MEET WITH YOU LAST TIME.
PLEASE I WILL LOVE TO KNOW YOU MORE ALSO YOU CONTACT ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER AND LOCATIONS.
I WILL STOP HERE UNTILL I HEAR FROM YOU SOON.

Your's M1CHAEL


Twisted Evil Muahahahaha!
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sonofabeche
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Joined: 29 Oct 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 1:37 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Hi, I play online poker, only limit holdem, med stakes (hence always online!) and Im trying to set up a promotional gifts company here in the U.K.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 1:45 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^^ Another compromised account. Tsk tsk.
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sonofabeche
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Joined: 29 Oct 2008
Posts: 16
Location: BAY of TING


PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:03 am Reply with quoteBack to top

sorry you think that was too much info ?

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NickTheCop
argent to lucifer


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 2002
Location: The City Where Dreams Go To Die


PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:10 am Reply with quoteBack to top

You realize how much you sound like a spambot right there, right?
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