S**T DAY!

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Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 5:37 pm

Hi Everyone

I have had a totally crap day today (not the worst) but still crap!

Anyway, I need cheering up so can someone tell me a joke or something to put a smile back on my face?

Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 5:42 pm

This was all planned a long time ago Wink

Quote:

http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=134462&start=225

Cheer up, there will be better days too

beers!

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 06 Feb 2008 Posts: 720

Dr Dr I think I am a pair of curtains

Pull yourself together boom boom Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 3123

Thats not an excuse for you not to reply to my PMs!

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

Quote:

“ Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" ”

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool:
“ Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
”

While this was the top joke in the UK:
“ A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." ”

In Australia the top joke was as follows:
“ A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

A parrot, a goat, a rabbi and a giraffe walk into a bar. The bartender takes a look at them and says "What is this, a joke?".

Quote:

A parrot walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender and says "Got any crackers?". The bartender says "nope, this is a bar", and the parrot leaves. Next day, same thing. Parrot walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender and says "Got any crackers?". Bartender repeats what he told the parrot earlier, and the parrot hops down and leaves the bar. Next day, same thing. Every day for a week, at exactly the same time, the parrot would go up to the bartender and ask "Got any crackers?".

After a week of this, the parrot enters the bar once again, at the same time, and asks the bartender "Got any crackers?". The bartender finally snaps. "Look", the bartender says, "I've had it with you. I'm telling you right now, if you come in here one more time I'm going to nail your claws to the floor. Got it?"

The parrot takes a look at the bartender, turns around and leaves the bar.

Next day, at the same time, the parrot comes in the bar. All eyes are on the parrot as he hops up on the bar, looks at the (by now fuming) bartender, and says "Got any nails?". The bartender, somewhat stunned, looks at the parrot and says "No, I don't have any nails. This is a bar." The parrot thinks for a minute, and finally goes "Got any crackers?"

ba-dum-dum I'll be here all week. Tip your mods.

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Dec 2005 Posts: 3551

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing-eye dog. Suddenly, he picks the dog up and swings it around by its tail. The store owner is horrified and asks the blind man what he is doing. The blind man replies "Just looking around."

Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 7:23 pm

I knew i could rely on you guys.... I'm smiling again now....

Jayhawk.... I tipped nursenasty $20 (i put it down her bra even) so i expect you to stay around all week Laughing

Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:30 pm

Now you are happy we can revert to putting jokes in the long-standing thread HERE