The Human Soundboard!

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Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 6:27 pm

For this weeks show, I am going to attempt to be a human soundboard using only lines posted below when talking to the scammers... Laughing

Therefore a soundboard has a limited number of lines to repeatedly use and I want you to post your funny and outrageous lines below to drive the lads crazy as I repeat myself over and over again...

Let's see how long they stay on the line for...

Tune in on Sunday to hear the results www.blogtalkradio.com/ibc

NTBS Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

From my own insult asems... in no particular order (caps are mugu's not mine) Very Happy

YOUR MAMA TOTO

You are Cursed by Heaven!!!

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM

HAVE A NICE DAY MR NO BODY

YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND LEARN MORE

YOU ARE A SENSLESS HUMAN BEAN

STOP FOOLING UR SELF MAN

CHIEF BIG FISH

A MONKEY IMPREGNATED YOUR MOM

HELLO A$$HOLE

God Bless you

YOUR MAMA TASTES FINE

IDIOT RAT MAN LIKE YOU

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN USED AS STICK FOR PEGGING IN THE FARM.

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:05 pm

"What?"

"Hello, Delores!"

"Delores, just listen to me."

Trophy Videos · Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:15 pm

"Hello, this is RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRANDY Oldman, amd I have just sent my payment to YOU!" Laughing

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:28 pm

When I'm talking to an agitated lad, I find that his most common words are likely to be "Okay" and "Listen".
I.e:

Quote:

Okay okay okay... Listen listen listen listen listen!

You'll no doubt know this from your hundreds of annoyed lad calls. So I suggest a big button that says "listen" and a big button that says "Okay" and you can hammer away all day.... in fact you and your lad can have a little competition as to who can shout it the most.

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 9:35 pm

"I am the atomic powered robot. Please give my best wishes to everybody!"

"He's dead, Jim."

"We've got to close the beaches!"

eta: Oh, did you just mean lad lines, or anything? Laughing

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 10:15 pm

From the Duke Nukem sound board

"I've got balls of steel"

that gets really really annoying!

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 10:48 pm

From the old Goon Show:

"Before we start, are there any further questions?"

"What's become of that crispy bacon we had before the war?"

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 12:30 am

From the old Honeymooners show, with Jackie Gleason:
"Do you wanna go to the moon, Alice?!!" One more word, Alice, just one more word...BANG! ZOOM! Right to the moon! " Laughing

EDIT: here's another one...
"I sent you your money for my pink pony. Now, where the hell is it!!??" Laughing

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 3:49 pm

You did not go to school very well.

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 4:43 pm

What's up doc?
What a maroon.
Free your mind.
Whoa...dejavu.

You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.

What we've got here is failure to communicate.
Show me the money!
As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 4:50 pm

You are still a small boy mugu.

Your mama's toto smells like a dead goat.

Stupid mugu...I chopped your dolla!

Hello stupid....hello stupid....hello stupid...

Very Happy

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:20 pm

"Where did you find my private email?"

"Why do you think I am the right person?"

"Why do you need a foreign partner?"

"Shut up! Listen to me!"

"I want to speak to the man next to you."

"Do you have a wife?"

"Please repeat this sentence."

"Can you go somewhere with less background noise?"

"This is very interesting - but I don´t want to do anything illegal."

"I think you are not serious with this transaction."

"Time is not our friend, you know."

"Does your boss agree to this business suggestion?"

"I advise you to do this immediately."

"You are delaying things."

"I will pray for a speedy transaction."

"I understand this is urgent business, very very urgent."

"My lawyer will call you, Dr. Oscomby ter Stivi. Please repeat his name : Oscomby ter Stivi."

"I am not happy about this delay."

"What is MTCN again?"

"Why Western Union?"

"I do not write you an email, I am calling you, you wanted me to call you."

"Why is this so urgent?"

"Is this legal?"

"Is it 100% risky-free?"

"Why this question?"

Great idea, Dan Laughing

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 7:19 pm

"Hello, this is Santa Claus. What do you want me to bring you for Christmas?"

"There so many...How will he ever pick a few lines for his show?" Smile

edit...

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Sep 2004 Posts: 1269

And speaking of Italy and sports cars that I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porsche.

I prefer brunettes.

We're a bit sensitive to blood around here. I'm sure you can understand that.

I don't have any leeches on my speed dial.

I'm really glad Edward didn't kill you. Everything's so much more fun with you around.

Here's the thing... I've already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are.

I never thought I needed to teach you how to throw a punch. Guess I was wrong about that.

You aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous.

It's the thought that counts. I ought to know.

Do you think either of them would give up if you died? They'd still fight, we all would. You can't change anything, so just be good, okay?

I was just wondering why you stabbed him. Not that I object.

I can't imagine how awful that must feel. Being normal? Ugh.

Quite a pity how things turned out, isn't it?

Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?

You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating.

Over my pile of ashes.

I'd like to beat you dead.

I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!

Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 10:19 pm

All lines I have used in phone calls while baiting as my favourite bait character, Pat Bateman:

I saw the acclaimed New York musical, "Oh Africa, Brave Africa". It was.. a laugh riot.

I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?

Listen, you'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable at the Four Seasons in 20 minutes.

You're f***ing me and we don't have plans tonight. What could you possibly be doing?

Why don't you get a job? If you're so hungry, why don't you get a job?

I have to return some videotapes.

I need to engage in homicidal behaviour on a... uh... massive scale. It cannot be corrected but I have no other way to fulfill my needs.

I'm into... well, murders and executions mostly.

And see if you can get this one in without laughing. I managed it in a phone call to my "Barrister" a few months back, I thought that if I was paying him to be my personal Barrister, he'd better know what he let himself in for:

Quote:

Harold, it's Bateman, Patrick Bateman. You're my lawyer so I think you should know: I've killed a lot of people. Some girls in the apartment uptown uh, some homeless people maybe 5 or 10 um an NYU girl I met in Central Park. I left her in a parking lot behind some donut shop. I killed Bethany, my old girlfriend, with a nail gun, and some man uh some old faggot with a dog last week. I killed another girl with a chainsaw, I had to, she almost got away and uh someone else there I can't remember maybe a model, but she's dead too. And Paul Allen. I killed Paul Allen with an axe in the face, his body is dissolving in a bathtub in Hell's Kitchen. I don't want to leave anything out here. I guess I've killed maybe 20 people, maybe 40. I have tapes of a lot of it, uh some of the girls have seen the tapes. I even, um... I ate some of their brains, and I tried to cook a little. Tonight I, uh, I just had to kill a LOT of people. And I'm not sure I'm gonna get away with it this time. I guess I'll uh, I mean, ah, I guess I'm a pretty uh, I mean I guess I'm a pretty sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, meet me at Harry's Bar, so you know, keep your eyes open.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1731

Sorry I found this thread too late.

I would quote the 118th Psalm, "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." I really should have thought of quoting this to willy when he was suffering from malaria.

Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 11:56 am

^^^^^^Better late than never Redshoes!!

With the success of the human soundboard on yesterday's show.... (Despite technical difficulties)

This will become a regular feature to torture the lads... We had some pretty colourful responses yesterday and i'm sure plenty more to come!

Keep your one-liners for the soundboards coming....

NTBS

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 1:30 am

Couple of favourites...

But you forget Peter, I was present at an underwater unexplained mass sponge migration

Let history never forget the name Enterprise

I'm on the run from the Fascist police with a murderer, a mass murderer and a man in a bri-nylon shirt

I am and always will be your friend.

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 4:33 am

We're from the government. We're here to help you.

Is it safe?

Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 12:42 pm

When I reach for my revolver I hear the word 'culture.

You know it's true what they say; no man is an island. But if you tie a bunch of dead guys together they make a pretty good raft.

How many nuns would a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?

Rubber macfisheries rapid plug underwear emulsion sick custard... machine wrapped with butter.

The only Emperor is the Emperor of Ice Cream.

The Hunchback will have something to say about this!

Sometimes when it's cold outside I like to pretend I'm a bottle of shampoo.

That's what they should have told the hypnotherapist, and look what happened when they didn't...

I had no shoes, and I was feeling sorry for myself. But then I saw a man with no feet... So I took his shoes. I mean, he didn't need them any more, right?

And for those wondering what all that was about... Max Geldray will now play a loaded sackbut from the kneeling position.