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 football for PSV Eindhoven anyone?

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Hello I'm New here!

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 1:32 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Hello people, first post for me on here. Have scambaited a couple of times in the past, without being aware of sites like this, so am delighted to be able to make a contribution!

See below for the email exchange, which sadly died a death when I got a bit too silly. The 'football agents' emails are in black, my replies in dark blue.



Hello Player,
How are you doing today? Hope you are fine. I just want to use this opportunity to inform you of the new Offer which i have for you in P.S.V Eindhoven Football club in Holland as I am an agent with them, and I can also take you to this soccer club in New Zealand, If you are interested, I will advice you to send me Your CV (RESUME) so that i can access and forward to The club.
As i told you earlier on that Trends will serve you. And link you to the best team that suited your taste but you need to train hard.
I also want to advice you to take the Full advantage Which Trends International has for you. I want you to Include your telephone Number in your next reply also you can contact me to my E mail address show below so That i can tell you more better explanation.
Thank you and Hope to hear from you.
MR Laurel John
P.S.V Eindhoven Football Club
EMAIL: [email protected]
EMAIL: [email protected]

Hello agent

Today, I am indeed doing. And I’m fine about it as well.

As you correctly point out, I am indeed a player. And of course, I know all about PSV Eindhoven and Dutch football, from my weekend in Amsterdam a few years back. I would at this point like to express my admiration to the Dutch for legalising cannabis and hookers. Marvellous idea.

I have never been to New Zealand, but have always thought it would be a good idea. This means I am interested. I will therefore fabricate (update) my CV and send it to you as soon as I can.

I don’t think you did tell me earlier that Trends will be serving me, but that is not important. However, I am looking forward to being served by Trends – tell me, what position does he play in? Sounds like a tricky Dutch left winger to me, but that is just a guess.

I certainly promise to train hard. You can be sure of that. I do lots of press-ups, and practice step-overs in the kitchen at home each day.

Now, you raise the subject of phone numbers. I have a slight problem with this. My telephone was cut off by the nasty phone company, merely because I had not paid my phone bill for 34 months, and ignored two court orders to actually pay up. I think this is very unfair, and I am sure that you do too. When I get a new phone number, you will be the first person I give this number to.

So can you supply me with more better explanation by email? I hope your more better explanations will be grammatically correct. I like grammar.

With best wishes.
Yours in cognito

Mr Michael


PSV FOOTBALL CLUB <[email protected]> wrote:

Hello Michael:

It was quite interesting after reading your mail.

We have to receive your resume as this will afford us the opportunity to know your position in the playing field.

Also you telephone number is very important in contract of this nature. Try your possible best to get one. On your mail, you did state your interest in playing in Holland as against New Zealand. Let know which you would prefer.

Do not forget to send your resume, it is very very important. If you do have any more enquiries contact me via this mail box.

Laurel John


Hello Laurel John

What was quite interesting after reading my email? I hope I haven’t missed out on anything quite interesting.

I apologise for the delay in replying to your email. I have been working very hard on my first touch, and saying ‘man on’ in a loud, gruff voice.

I also apologise that I have not yet got a telephone number to call on. Hopefully this should be resolved within a week or so (I have ordered some friends to steal a mobile telephone and give it to me). As soon as I have this, I will give you the number.

I am happy to play for Holland or New Zealand. However, if I am to be given a choice, I would prefer to play for Holland. They have a better football team, and I can spend my wages on soft drugs and prostitutes without fear of arrest.

I have attached my resume to this email (SEE BELOW), in a Word document. I hope you will be able to open this document and see what I have written. I really do hope so.

If you have any problems with opening this document, please let me know, and I will do something else (so that you can see it).

My (mail) box awaits something from you to drop in it.

By the way, what is your job? Did you say you are an agent for PSV Eindhoven?

Yours very sincerely,


Here is the resume I attached, looks pretty good, dont you think?!

Football Resume
Age: 27
Place of birth: Hospital
Best football moment: Scoring with a header on my debut for the Dog & Duck pub team 2nd eleven.
Favourite Holland club: PSV Eindhoven
Best position: Usually right side of midfield, sometimes the ‘spoons’.
Previous experience:
1988-89 Littledown Juniors
1989-90 Downlittle Seniors
1997-98 Dog & Duck pub team 2nd eleven (where, if you remember, I scored with a header on my debut)
2000-01 Mixed doubles
2006- Park football, jumpers for goalposts, playing against girls. I won every time.
Other skills
· Language. Fluent in English and I can speak the language of football.
· Going abroad. I have been on holidays to Holland, Brazil and Argentina (you will notice all these countries are very good at football).
· Computer games. I have played Championship Manager, and done very well on it.


Hello Mike :

Having received your resume. It was considered by our processing department that it was such a good one based on the experience and handlings.

Do note that as soon as your resume is granted by the processing department further update shall be passed to you as it related to joining the team and other benefits.

We advise you keep in touch with us before the grant of the resume is ascertain.

Hope to hear from you soon.


Laurel John

Hello Laurel John

Thank you for the quick reply. I am very pleased that you reply to emails so quickly. I sent a friend of mine an email over a week ago, and he has yet to respond.

Hopefully, you will become a better friend to me than he is, as I hope to be playing football in Holland as soon as possible. I do have a job, but I am happy to stop working and come to Holland (or New Zealand, or anywhere that you can find me a team).

I am glad you think my resume is a good one. I did put in lots of effort with my resume, so it is good that you appreciate my skills.

You will be glad to hear I have now ‘acquired’ a mobile telephone. You can phone me on 07770 756 408

That is a UK number, so if you are phoning from abroad, such as Holland, then you will need to put in the UK international code.
If I do not answer, then there is an answer phone. Or if you also have a mobile telephone, then you can of course text me, and I will respond as soon as I can.

I have to go now. I need to practice my sliding tackles on a pensioner.

I look forward to hearing from you again, when my resume has been granted.

Up yours,


We are very happy to mail you again, and right now we are here to pass you the new up Date about the PSV Club which i told you of in my previous mail i sent to you before, we have hand over your CV to the PSV Club just for them to know more about you and also to know who they are Going to Bring to there Club as a Footballer...........and Right away
as i am sending you this mail,they are very happy and also your CV has be
Granted by the PSV Club....which we really accept you to Come and been in our Club.
So right now,as we have heard from the Club all you paper works will start
from where we are now which will enable you to come to the Club by the PSV as soon as possible,But First of all,you will need to Register to the Club First of all,and now we will have to get this registration form from the
club as i stand in this position as your agent/manager,from the PSV
Club,Psv will ensure you in having you here by getting your visa to the
Club and also make sure all the visa obtain free without you paying
noting,But you just have to register with them as a player before any other
things comes up this registration form is just going to be like a PLAYER
AGREEMENT form which you will sign on it after you sign on it,and as soon as i get this Registration form from the Club we will surely send it to
you,and may be you may have some things to sign ,and also keep that with you as a Record of some of the Documentation which you will use in getting into the club, So i just want you to have the New up Date From us, and we hope to hear From you as soon as possible,
Best Regards.
Laurel John

Hi Laurel

I am so so sorry about the delay in my responding to you. Since we last wrote to each other, I had briefly been kidnapped by Peter Sissons, the BBC Newsreader, and he refused me access to email. I managed to escape by climbing out of his bedroom window, and jumped – I had a lucky soft landing on Trevor McDonalds shoes. I have heard that other television presenters wish to take me hostage in exchange for some Ritz crackers, so I will try to avoid them. Therefore, hopefully there will be no more long delays in my replying to you.

I am not sure why you have not been able to get through to my phone number, which is 07770 756 408. What happens when you try to phone it? Alas, as my mobile telephone is stolen, it can only take incoming calls, I cannot dial out on it.
Can you try to call me again please?

However, I am very happy that you have told PSV football club about me, and that things are going ahead for me to join them as a player. When I was younger, I used to lick Johan Cryuff-shaped ice lollies and pretend I could play football like him (okay, he played for Ajax, but we’ll gloss over that).

The PLAYER AGREEMENT form that you mention. Can you send me this form please? I wish to fill this form in as soon as possible, so I can get my visa to play for the club.

I really look forward to hearing from you, as this is my dream to play football in Holland.

Can you send me a picture of you please?

Michael, brought to you by the good people at Kendal Mint Cake.


And that’s it. No further emails. My dreams of playing in Europe are dashed. It seems that our friend the football agent is happy enough with me slide-tackling pensioners and stealing mobile phones, but one mention of Peter Sissons and Kendal mint cake, and he’s out of here.
A lesson has been learned.
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Baiting Guru

Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 5496
Location: Yeah who can tell me where I am?

PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 1:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Welcome here.
PSV voetbal? Sounds familiar, I worked for the contractor that did the renovations on the stadium, long time ago.
which sadly died a death
So why not make a new character and give it a try, you now know what they want and how not to stall them Twisted Evil You could make this one go for ever. If you need local (old,10 year+) knowledge of Einfhoven, I can help, I was a frequent visitor of "het stratums end" Wink

I don't do bling, I just do lads Evil or Very Mad
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** Retired **

Joined: 13 May 2007
Posts: 3773
Location: The star of India

PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 1:42 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quite fun! Smile As you rightly say though, it petered out quickly when he was still on his early scripts, due to your story getting a bit too outlandish. Never mind, as you pointed out, you've learned from it. For your next bait, aim to keep him on the line longer. Start in a more simplistic fashion and he'll get more invested in you the longer he has been emailing you.
At the moment I'm doing one that is going towards a confession of mass murder, but we're only a dozen emails in so I'm only casually hinting at it for now.
Have you thought about getting a mentor to guide you through a longer bait?

Anyway, welcome to eater. Smile

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