"WELL SEIZED WITH THE FACTS OF THE INSTANT MATTER"

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 10:08 am

And if you don't know what it means...

Neither do I!

This was one of my early baits, and one in which I found myself educating the Lad... should have know better; I was something of a noob back then.

, baiter
, scammer

Most salutations and sign-offs have been omitted.

Comments and Lad howlers are in bold.

17/03/2006
From:Dr.Abdu1aziz 0birst.
Natwest Bank of London, United Kingdom.
Phone no: +447O4O117565
Email: [email protected]
Attn:Pls
My name is Dr.Abdu1aziz 0birst and I work in the International operation Department in a Local Bank here in London, United Kingdom. On a routine inspection I discovered a dormant domiciliary account with a BAL.Of 36,000,000(Thirty Six Million Pounds. (BPS) on further discreet Investigation, I also discovered that the account holder has long since passed away (dead) leaving no beneficiary to the account.
The bank will approve this money to any foreigner because the former operator of the a/c is a foreigner and from Iraq in particular and I am certainly sure that he is dead, and nobody will come again for the claim of this money A foreigner can only claim this money with legal claims to theaccount Holder;therefore I need your cooperation in this transaction.
I will provide the necessary information needed in order to claim this Money,But you will need to open an account where this can be transferred. If interested send your private Telephone No. And Fax number including full details of the account to be used for the Deposit I wish for utmost confidentiality in handling this transaction as my job and the future of my family would be jeopardized if it were breached.
I want to assure you that the transaction is without risk if due process is followed accordingly.Finally,I will give you 25% for your corporation.I look forward to a favorable response from you through this my Private email: [email protected]
Yours,
Dr.Abdu1aziz 0birst

Dear Dr Obirst,
I would like to know more about what you're proposing, but I'd first like to be sure that this message was indeed intended for me.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds

18/03/2006
Thank you very much for your respons email and be informed i apprecaite your interest towards this project.May i sincerely inform you this is a true business which you are going to witness by your self and be happy i called you into this business.
Considering the fact you will be happy to take part in this offer may i seize the same opportunity to inform you there is no risk involved as we have put necessary arrangement in place for completion of this business.Also note this business requires secrecy and honesty to follow the instruction which i will be seeking from our insider in the bank to enable us complete this business successfully.
To enable us proceed you will be required to send the following.
1.Your full name and residential address.
2.Your phone and fax numbers specifying your country code.
3.Your bank account information even an empty account is ok.
4.Your occupation,age and marital statues.
As soon as i receive this informations from your side we will apply to the relevant department of my bank for Approvals in your name as the beneficiary and next of kin to the deceased.I will call you soonest or you can reach me on +447040117565 as i am always in the bank vault during working hours and for security reasons i can only call you during break period or after work.
I await the requirement urgently.

Marital statues... Smile

I would be happy to comply with your request for information, but there is one condition before I do - I am an American citizen, and therefore more than a little concerned about money coming out of Iraq. I would like some details about the original holder of the account.
You must understand that the existence of the Patriot Act makes me extremely cautious about any business involving Iraq.

20/03/2006
I received your email and like i told you that these funds was left by our customer who is now late without a will or next of kin.
Pls be informed these funds has nothing to do with iraq but here in london.We have trace the origin of the owner for the past 10years without any reliable source of information.
Also be informed i and my colleague have set this project for our retirement benefits.Like i earlier told you we have covered all the loopholes attached to this project making it a success.
I called you into this business for us to establish a strong and reliable family business realtionship that will protect both families in future.
You can go ahead and send to me the necessary information required which will enable us start quick processing of these funds in your favour bearing in mind there is no risk attached to this project sincerly speaking.
Note importantly such opportunities hardly come across one in a life time and we need to ultilize this same opportunity to process this funds in your favour as the beneficiary and next of kin to the deceased.All we need from your is your full correspondent to enable us work out this funds in your name as we only need a foreign body for correspondent to follow the instruction which i will be seeking from our insider to enable us achieve our aim.
I await the urgent information.

You may say the funds have nothing to do with Iraq. Fine, I'm OK with that, not sure if the spooks will be. They are the problem, remember!
Here's what you asked for.
1. Your full name and residential address.

2. Your phone and fax numbers specifying your country code
+ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
No fax
3. Your bank account information even an empty account is ok.
Commonwealth Bank (Australia), account No: xxxxxxxxxxxx
4. Your occupation,age and marital statues.
Aspiring company director, 37 years old, single but going steady
Why the marital details I have no idea.

22/03/2006
Thank you very much for your response email and may i inform you we are going to process this payment in your name as the beneficiary of the funds and next of kin to the deceased.
Also may i seize the same opportunity to inform you we are still working towards getting the legal documents to back up this payment 36million pounds to your chosen bank account in Austria.
To enable us start immideately processing of these payment you are required to sign the application below and send back to me.I mean endorse you signature to make the application formal.
You will have to rewrite the below Application sign and send back to me via email attachment for Submission to the relevant department of my bank for Approvals and release of funds in your name äs the beneficiary of the funds and next of kin to the deceased. Below is the application.

I missed the comment about Austria...

***
Managing Director
Bank of Scotland,
United Kingdom,
Sir,
RE;APPLICATION FOR LEGAL DOCUMENTS AND APPROVALS.
I hereby apply for legal documents and approvals from relevant departments of your bank ,ministries of justice and finance for release of sum of £36,000,000.00 (Thirty-six Million Pounds Sterling) which i legally inherited from late Mr 4hmad Kashan1 as next of kin.
Attached is an affidavit in support of claim from the high court on writ of her Royal Majesty Queen Elizebert 11 of United Kingdom province.
I hope my application shall be expediteously disposed with.
Yours sincerely,

(SIGN HERE)
***

Now that was crappy... but I must confess my shame at what I did next.

I got your message, but I have my doubts about the form. If I send it in with references to Elizeberth the Eleventh, I deserve to get nowhere. Elizabeth II, though, might work.
Please tell me more about 4hmed Kashan1.

23/03/2006
I received your email and beformed you are to corret any mistake you find out in the application as it was due to tapping error.
Rewrite and sign the Application and send to me via email attachement it si very important as there is no much time on our side.
Correct the Elizebert II and sign the application.Pls send through (jpg)email attachment.

Uh-oh - I did it again...

May I suggest that you get yourself a secretary? I shouldn't have to polish up your gorram letters! This is pretty unprofessional, IMO.
I'll clear the application up and send it to you.
Incidentally, since when is the UK a province? And why no info on Mr Kashan1?

23/03/2006
I received your email and understood you very well but there is no need for the secretary since your there and also to keep this project confidential.
Be informed it is very important you start making arrangement to be in london for 2 or 3 days to sign the final release bond or order while we are processing the legal documents that will show you are the beneficiary of these fund and the next of kin to the deceased.
As soon as i received the signed application,i will proceed and submitt to the relevant department of our bank bearing in mind the one i sent to you is a spacemen .Please rewrite and sign send to me via email attachment.

I dunno though; no amount of education is going to make up for some of his howlers - at least, I hope so!

London in two or three days? That is totally impossible. My responsibilities here do not allow me to simply drop everything and head off at such short notice.
Here's the revised version of the letter. Use it wisely.

I did mess up the application slightly:

I hereby apply for legal documents and approvals from relevant departments of your bank, ministries of justice and finance for release of sum of £36,000,000.00 (Thirty-six Million Pounds Sterling) which I legally inherited from late Mr 4hmad Kashan1 as next of kin.
Attached is an affidavit in support of claim from the high court on writ of her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom.
I hope my application shall be exponentially disposed of.

I sent the revised application, but time is nearly up for being in London. It was a daft deadline anyway. What happens now?

Time passed...

Since the deadline for London is past, I was wondering if this matter has been closed.
If so I'm a bit annoyed that you brought me into a matter that I simply could not take part in.

29/03/2006
Sorry for the late in response to your email and be informed we have successfully submitted your application yesterday to the relevant department of our bank for Approvals and release of funds in your name as the beneficiary to the funds and next of kin the the deceased.
Note importantly i am very busy processing the legal documents from the authorities which shall be used to process thes payment in your favour.I will send to you the affidavits attached to the Application sent to the authorities.

The next day...

30/03/2006
Attached is the Affidavits in Support of claim for your perusal.

Slap time!

I will speak plainly.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
I am NOT an Australian citizen. I told you that pretty early on – "I am an American citizen" – remember that? Why the hell did your gorram attorney state not once but twice that I'm Australian?
And as for his English, I'm speechless. What on God's good earth does "That is the light of No.2 (above)is well seized with the facts of the instant matter" mean?
So how are you going to put this right? The buck stops with you, as you must have briefed this C1ayton 1an. Get moving!

Well, he seems not to care.

30/03/2006
Pls confirm the receipt of the two legal documents sent to you for your perusal.Also note we are working towards release of these payment through our foriegn payment office in Europe Paris for receipt of funds.
Be informed we are now waiting for the Approvals from the authorities to enable us receive these payment without any problem.Confirm the receipt of the attached documents sent to you.
I await your respons.

Damn - did it again!

It gets worse.
I'll say it one more time; I am an AMERICAN citizen.
I'll tell you something else; you said first up that Ahmed Kashani was from Iraq. Yet on the form it says he was from Iran. Newsflash, Dr Obirst; they are different countries. Iraqis are of Arab stock and speak Arabic. Iranians are of Persian stock and speak Farsi.
This is a Charlie Foxtrot such as I've never seen before - total FUBAR.
What's next?

Now here's a puzzle. The number I gave was a cancelled one (I checked) so I can only assume he mis-dialled...

31/03/2006
I tried to reach you on phone but you where not in as i spoke with somebody who may be your child.Pls contact the payment officer in London for this payment.I need an update from you.

I don't have a child. Either you misdialled or the phone system diverted you to another number. I warned you about that!
I'm not contacting anyone until I know for sure that your goons have got things right (assuming they can put it right and they haven't royally screwed the pooch).
In any event, the only contact address I have is yours, and phone number likewise (not that I'd see that as being in any way useful).

Three days later...

What's the gorram holdup?

But that was it. Considering how many mistakes I'd made, maybe that was just as well.

Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 5:07 pm

Lads are sending you spacemen? Wow. It's hard for me to get a form filled out, much less a "spacemen".

Now if he had sent you a spacebunny..well, that might be something. Laughing

"WELL SEIZED WITH THE FACTS OF THE INSTANT MATTER"	View next topic View previous topic