Math, lad style

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Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:51 am

I have been having a pleasant discourse with the 'cargo chief' at the airport (he's a doctor, no less!). My 'diplomat' has been waiting at the airport for three days while I have been trying to get details from the airport about my treasure boxes. He's doing all sorts of calculations, but now I think he's getting a little annoyed...

Me:

Quote:

Can you tell me how large the boxes are? Also, I'll need the dimensions.

lad:

Quote:

YOUR QUESTION IS A LITTLE BIT SKETCHY,HOWEVER,WE ARE HERE TO ATTEND TO OUR NUMEROUS CLIENTS TO THE BEST OF OUR KNOWLEDGE.

YOUR CONSIGNMENT IS ABOVE THE APPROVED 25KG BY THE AIRPORT AUTHORITY HENCE YOUR EXCESS LUGAGGE CHARGES.

YOU ARE THEREFORE REQUESTED TO QUICKLY SEND THE CHARGES FEE TO ENABLE SWIFT TAKE OFF OF THE DIPLOMAT DR MONDAY LAZARUS TOMORROW NIGHT TO USA.

THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING.

Me:

Quote:

Mr Cocker,
I want to know the dimensions and weight of the box so I can find a better deal. I think the charges are too much.

How much is 25kg in pounds? I don't understand the metric system.

Lad

Quote:

ATTENTION:JANE XXXXX,
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL, BUT PLEASE NOTE THAT, THE MANAGEMENT HAS LAID DOWN RULES IN WORKING PROCEDURE.WE NORMALLY GIVE PREFERENCE TO FIRST 25 KG AND CHARGE ON ANY EXCESS.

THE WIDTH AND LENGHT OF THE BOXES ARE, 3FT BY 6,RESPECTIVELY.THE AUTHORITY CHARGES £1.50S, PER KG IN CASE OF SPECIAL PACKAGE.

THE WEIGHTS ARE 67KG PER BOX--- 134KG, AND THE AUTHORITY HAS GIVEN CONCENSSION OF 50KG FREE,WE ARE ONLY CHARGING YOU FOR 84KG EXCESSES INCLUDING VAT...£25 BY 2..£50.

WE ARE FAR FROM CHEATING ANY CLIENT, KINDLY SEND THE MONEY AS DIRECTED TO ENABLE FAST MOVEMENT OF THE DIPLOMAT ASAP.

THANKS FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

Me:

Quote:

Hello Mr Cock,
You are really confusing me. The box is at Lome Airport in Togo. I get a bill from you in US dollars, but then when I ask you questions about it you give me an explanation of the charges in British Pounds Sterling. Do you think that maybe that isn't very clear? Can you please give me that same breakdown of the price in US dollars?

I also asked about the weight of the box. Please describe it in pounds, not kilograms. I don't use the metric system. To me in the US pounds are weight, not currency.

I'm sure you would ask the same questions if you were in my place. Before blindly sending money off I need to be ensured that I'm not being cheated. Thank you for your assistance.

Lad:

Quote:

ATTENTION:JANE XXXX,
YOUR QUESTION ON THE CONVERSION:....

1 POUND IS EQUAL TO 0.454 KILO
A POUND IS NEARLY HALF A KILO
1 KILO IS EQUAL TO 2.2 POUNDS
1 POUND IS ALSO EQUAL TO 600 GRAME

THE TOTAL KG OF THE TWO BOXES ARE 134KG,SUBTRACT 25X2>50KG FREE.
YOU ONLY PAYING FOR 88KG AS SAME AS 193.6 POUNDS.

I HOPE YOU ARE NOW CLARIFIED.

Didn't have a chance to answer but lad send mail again an hour later (I guess he had to let me know he wasn't happy):

Quote:

WE HAVE MORE THAN 500 CUSTOMERS THAT FLY OFF OUR TERMINAL DAILY AND CANNOT JUST BE STAGNANT ON A CLIENT. WE ARE VERY OPEN IN OUR DEALING WITH CLIENTS BUT DON'T CHERISH ABUSE OR INSULT. WE DISCHARGE OUR DUTIES BASE ON WHAT WE SEE AND WEIGH ON GROUND.YOU HAVE BEEN OFFICIALLY GIVEN THE CHARGES AS PER YOUR EXCESS LUGGAGE IN THE CARGO DEPARTMENT EARLIER,YOU ARE ALSO FREE TO ASK QUESTION WHEREBY YOU ARE FULLY CLARIFIED..

YOU REQUESTED TO HAVE IT IN POUNDS BUT FAIL TO BUTRESS YOUR QUESTION CLEARLY.OTHER QUESTIONS THAT WERE CLEAR WERE REALLY ANSWERED OR...

IT IS $3.00 PER KG, WE CRAVE YOUR INDULGENCE PLEASE TO SEND THE MONEY SO THAT THE DIPLOMAT CAN EMPLANE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE TO SAVE FURTHER CHARGES OF DEMULRAGE ON THE CONSIGNMENT.

PLEASE MY NAME IS NOT COCK BUT DR KR1S C0KER.

THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING

We're not done yet. The abuse will continue.....

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

That's pretty good. Laughing

I think that you should start insisting on measurements in kelvin however.

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:19 am

Gross or Net ?

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:58 am

Notice he only gave the length and width of the boxes. Where is the height? Wink

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 5:16 am

Have you determined the density of the boxes? What is their critical mass?

Bruin

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 5:50 am

you'll be needing a fumigation certificate for customs before they can be shipped.

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 6:42 am

And a CITE Certificate for non endangered species, and an Export/Import of Antiquities Certificate

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 6:56 am

Quote:

1 POUND IS EQUAL TO 0.454 KILO
1 POUND IS ALSO EQUAL TO 600 GRAME

So, what's that - 1,320 grams to a kilo? Room for misunderstanding there, surely.

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 8:50 am

get the volume too... and ask for its centre of gravity.... since yu need to carry it... Also, information on the thickness and handles will be helpfull too

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:50 pm

lol...you need to get better dimensions, center of gravity, colour, etc. since this will have an effect on the destination charges...with the high price of oil, preferential prices for location within a delivery truck/van/boat on the next journey make a significant difference. You might want to ask him what the half life of the package is, so you can get better rates...

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:59 pm

I just love these frustrating little exchanges. Laughing

I'm still confused though: If a plane leaves Togo traveling an average of 200KG/hour loaded with a cargo of 50 trunk boxes valued at 1.50 acres each, how many lads does it take to change a light bulb?

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:02 pm

Don't be silly...you know it depends on which way the plane started to fly off the runway...

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:31 pm

some where you should be able to fit in a Henweigh.

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 4:33 pm

Quote:

PLEASE MY NAME IS NOT COCK BUT DR KR1S C0KER.

THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING

Particularly enjoyed this comment........ Laughing

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 8:44 pm

Really pounds? You want the weight in pounds? Since he is using pounds (currency) let's really go UK on him and ask for the weigh in STONE.

As for dimensions, tell him you are into horses and ask for the dimension in hands!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 2628

What colour is it?
Do they charge extra for stripey ones?