Dan safari copout

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Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 6:25 pm

Dan missed the Simba bus, and is stredded in hash conditions!

Better still, its his fault not mine!

Quote:

Dan Danino
to me

show details 19:01 (20 minutes ago)

Hello dad,i am in abuja now,but i went to the hotel i did'nt see any bus why dad,why i was late was because our lorry got a fault on our way to Abuja that was why i was late,so when will i be expecting you dad,i'm stranded now,no were to stay.

From Dan

IP is a satellite, not his usual Benin City one.

IP address location & IP address info:
IP address [?]: 64.214.231.141 Copy [Whois]
IP address country: ip address flag Saudi Arabia
IP address state: n/a
IP address city: n/a
IP address latitude: 25.000000
IP address longitude: 45.000000
ISP of this IP [?]: Global Crossing
Organization: 3755.NA

@Simba, can you email him from the camp about the noshow. Sadly Roy can't get an internet connection because he is traveling.

Perhaps he could be persuaded to travel to the camp location? I'm going to leave him in Abuja for now, they must have skips (dumpsters) there.

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 6:27 pm

Brilliant Roy, my heart goes out to him, where is the next *closest* Simba pick up point?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Dan stranded on safari. It just brings tears to my eyes. Nicely done!

If you want him to go further Interp0l could always release F and he could come and pick her up. The further away from home we can get him the better.

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 6:57 pm

Roycropper wrote:

@Simba, can you email him from the camp about the noshow.

Congratulations on the safari Roy... Laughing

I'll Email him shortly to suggest that we can collect him in the morning...

Quote:

Dear Mister Danino,
I have just been informed by our driver that you failed to show for the
scheduled 5imba shuttle bus early today.
This is something that greatly disappoints me because our driver has
wasted the
best part of a day driving to the collection point, waiting around for
you, and then driving back to camp without you.

I can understand his frustration, when really a simple courtesy call
from yourself would have saved all of us a lot of inconvenience.
Please would you advise by return, where you currently are, and whether
you would like to reschedule your shuttle bus collection.

Best regards,

Bernie Rhodxx
Operations Manager - 5imba Safari Group Ltd

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1731

I am so glad I was wrong. Good job.

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:21 pm

Poor, poor Dan. Whatever will become of him now?

This is a good read, and getting better by the day. Good work!

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1731

I wonder if he would like to meet willy.

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:53 pm

Quote:

Dan,

Where the hell are you? We're all sat around the pool here drinking
Marghreitas, and the team beat the Orlando Pirates last night in Durban.

I have my new Vodafone, and I cant ring you because I have no number.

Your only hope now is to get yourself out here

You can find info on pulled link to keep google away -Ima , that's
whats printed on the drinks coaster on my table.

If you can get a bus or a taxi out to Yankari perhaps, or ring reception
The numbers on the coaster are:

International Enquiries Tel: +44 xxxxxxxxxx
International Enquiries Fax: +44 yyyyyyyyyy

Operations Manager:Bernie Rxxxx

Guest Relations Manager: Gloria Rxxxx

Email: simbaxxxx@xxxxxx

Get your ass out here, Mr Battersby was cross with me that you weren't
here, not my fault if you travel by broken lorry.

We are going to visit the stadium tomorrow, to check out security, so
I won't be online all day. I'll check my emails tomorrow evening, if
you haven't bothered to show up by then.

You never fail to disappoint me Son,

Roy

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:07 am

Dan is a pathetic excuse for a human being.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:21 am

I'm very happy that Dan got off his lazy ass and traveled jump_4_joy

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 8:21 am

I told him I won't be around all day, didn't I? Also I went to bed early after way too many Margheritas. Dan is well and truly stredded.

Midnight:

Quote:

Dad,

It was'nt my fault dad,the lorry i took,i did'nt know that is was bad,we travelled from delta state getting to benin city the lorry went bad,please dad i am stranded now,i don't know what to do,but atlist the company can make an arrangement for me please dad,by meeting up with some of the transport company in Abuja,that has branches in Benin city so that i can get my ass out of this place please,i would ave taken other box,but the transport is just i am brook the money i took were'nt enough,please dad i need to get out of this place,please tell the club to help me tell the company to make an arrangement for me please dad,if they need the address of were i am please let me know dad i'm stranded please.
From your son Dan

00.30 Hours, Dan time

Quote:

Dad,

send your mobile number let me ring you now please,i'm so stranded here,we are just in a very surfiscation area,not pleasable for my health,i just find this cafe so i can e-mail you please dad i need a support please,and send your number now,i want to ring you,send your picture with the club in safari camp so i can see dad,and most important your mobile number and talk to the company for please i want to leave here please.

From your son,
Dan

What is a 'very surfiscation area'? They have surfing in Abuja?

Can anyone suggest a 234 number that'll ring and ring? I think I might pm Mr Gomer, he usually has a lad that's getting so many calls he's not answering.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 8:34 am

I think "surfiscation area" is a place, on the surface, where they will confiscate you if caught. I guess everyone in these places dwell in underground tunnels. Perhaps he's found the lair of the mole people.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 9:10 am

That's 13 times 'please dad' in 2 mails... he sure is pathetic...
BTW what is he complaining about? he's only 'stredded' in Abuja... for example being stranded in Abeche, that would not be very pleasable for his health! Very Happy

Great job

I'm sure the Simba shuttle bus will be able to pick him up somewere inconvenient... and let's hope the shuttle doesn't 'go bad' as the truck did... Very Happy

Maybe Wamba is a nice place for a busstop? (on his way to Jos)

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 9:30 am

The record is 27 'please's in one email, buried in the archive somewhere.

Apparently Gomer's lad is picking up his phone again, and Sleepless isn't there for 2 days yet. I still need a 234 number that's never picked up.

If not I'll give him Gomer's lad, then slap him for getting the number wrong, then blame Nigerian telecomms.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Dan is a human "please" machine. I was trying to go back through my emails from him and find the one where he had 27 pleases, but that's over two years of emails and I can't remember what character he begged that much to. I did find three instances of him being held up by armed bandits though, and that's just in five minutes of searching. Very Happy

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:16 am

Quote:

please tell the club to help me tell the company to make an arrangement for me please

I suppose you could get Dan to tell the bus company that they will be reimbursed at the pick up point.. of course, he may end up either frustrated in Abuja or beaten and stredded in Yankari

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:40 am

Jayhawk wrote:

I did find three instances of him being held up by armed bandits though, Very Happy

Are you sure he lives in Benin City, maybe its Dodge City... Laughing

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:57 pm

Roycropper wrote:

I cant post it, the picture I used is of someone well known and litigious.

ROFL

tags fixed - RC Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Here's one of the emails filled with pleases. This is when he wanted Interp0l to pick up his girlfriend. We picked her up, and arrested her:

Quote:

Hello Friend,
Please i need you to help me my girl friend came to visit me in Nigeria,and he went to Benin Republic instead of coming to benin city Edo state Nigeria and she said that she need somebody to go and pick her up in the Benin Republic Airport today or tomorow because she don't have a Visa to come to Nigeria please friend eventhough you sell the car is not the problem i need her please can you help me send some of your boys to her there to pick her up please,please as a friend i need you to help me if she lives i am a dead man please.
Her name is F,just write it on a paper,it goes like this F,Dan sent us to pick you up to Nigeria.
Please friend you are my last hope if you goes back to LA i'll just go and kill my self please.
she is in Benin Republic please just help me pick her up,thats the only thing i want you to do for me as a friend please if she leaves back to LA i'm a dead man please.
just pick her up for me,and if you take her to Lagos tell her to take a friend to Benin city please i beg you as a friend,don't let me down i trust you so much.
just send your boys now please,they are treating her so bad.so just help me.
Thanks i'll be expecting her and the car will be your reward for your good deeds i promise God bless.
my real name is Dan
just go now please
if you want to e-mail her first before you leave her e-mail is

That's 14 "pleases." The car in question is a Wayne Rooneys' old Astin Martin car impounded by Interp0l that was meant to be shipped to Dan.

This is the one that set the record, sent after we arrested F. I count 28 "pleases." I don't think this record will be broken anytime in the near future:

Quote:

Friend please i beg you don't touch her please where is she now tell me and give me the address please she is my girl friend please don't hurt her.and please friend i am not a terrorist please i am an ordinary person please give me the address please i will come there as fast as possible please oh i am so sorry i taught she had already left please friend don't hurt her please as a friend just help me with the address and i will have to come please just help me and when i get there i promise i will sign my automobile to you please just help me with your position please i promise you i will give you the automobil please my dear friend don't hurt her please she is my life.and please i am not an terrorist please just send me the address.she is my wife,she is all i have in this life please i love her and i won't allow anything to happen to her please.just help me as a friend i promise you when i get to your office i will sign my automobile for you please i need your help please my dear friend send me the address i will come please she is not a prostitude she is my wife please send me the address i will come.
please she is my life.i will do anything just for her sake please my dear friend just help me and if you can do that i promise i will issue my automobile to you.
please send the address along with a phone number so when i get there i can call,please extend my love greetings to her i love her.
from her darling husband,
Dan
i really need your support

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1731

Quote:

please she is my life.i will do anything just for her sake

Right he'll do anything for her except try to get her out of the Interpol prison.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 1:49 pm

I will pm Simba, to ask if he can send this from the SSC email adress for me.

Quote:

Dear Mr Danino

One of our guests, Mr Cropper is away from the camp on business, making preparations for a series of football matches that he and other guests are involved with. Guest confidentiality prohibits me from saying more than that.

Unfortunately you missed our Safari Bus on Wednesday, it is now unavailable until the weekend, following a breakdown. However, as you room is paid for, we would encourage you to take a bus to Jos, from where you can get a tro-tro to Yankari.

If you have any questions, you can call his houseboy, Mr Gomer, on
+2348033899939 who can give you Mr Cropper’s number. One of Gomer's lotto lads, I doubt dan will get much help from him, as he won't take kindly to being called Mr Gomer, or a houseboy.

Mr Cropper also asked me to pass on this photo, taken in our pool this morning. He says you’ll know who it is.

For 5imba 5afari Camps,

Mr Paul Niss, Day manager

Dan asked for a pic of me twisting by the pool, here I am cunningly disguised as Ricky Hatton this time, and with Wayne 'what happened to my Aston Martin?' Rooney.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:03 pm

Maybe you should have mentioned that not only his room was paid for but that his bus-fare will be reimbursed upon arrival because Mr copper felt so sorry for him (with the truck going bad and all...)

Or maybe he should forget about the bus at all and get a taxi to take him straight to the camp... The desk-manager will be happy to pay the fare as soon as he arrives... Twisted Evil

Nice one! Really hope you can get him moving, think there will be many more 'please's' from him before this is over... Very Happy

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:09 pm

good idea, YNH, I forgot about the reimbursment thing, that way he could be driving around a safari park with an increasingly pissed off tro-tro driver.

I'll add it to the pm, Simba's out chasing zebras right now... Smile

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:41 pm

I just spoke to Dan, he thinks I am 'Dad' not Agent Jones. He is Benin at the moment.

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:55 pm

Has the ungrateful little sod gone home then? I have heard nothing since Midnight.

He calls anyone older than himself 'Dad', don't know what he calls his Dad.