Dan safari copout

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 11:52 am

Remember Dan the hopeless lotto lad? I always knew he was a pet for life, not just Christmas.

After all that running around (to Lagos after his Aston Martin, and not saving his girlfriend in Ghana)
LINK TO THREAD - DON'T NECRO IT
He crawled back under a stone to lick his wounds for a bit. His mates down the cafe rightly told him that there was no such person at Manchester United as Roy Cr0pper, and he wrote to ask who I really was. Rolling Eyes

Roy didn't take too kindly to that, and there we left it.

Well Dan has found out Manchester United are visiting Nigeria, and he's getting excited. LINK TO NEWS ARTICLE

Quote:

Dan Danino to me

show details 00:12 (12 hours ago)

Oh Dad,

Please i did'nt meant to do that it was just a compliment please i am very sorry ok,very very sorry please dad please i beg you in the name of God for doing that.

So dad how are you,i hope you are fine,i really missed you,i am thinking of the day i will see you live (does he know I'm a vampire?) ,how will that day be,it will be the most happiest day of my life.

And dad i am sorry if the word i said got you pisses off ok,is it true that Cristian is moving to Real Madrid??

is will be somehow awful,and i heard that manchester united and portmouth are coming to Nigeria to play Football in calabar,is that true dad,i'll really like to see you,after so many years.so dad i'll like to see you if you people have come to calabar,you'll move to Edo state with Rooney and Cristian to come and see me

dad,i love you too much.

From your son Dan

Start packing lad, you're going on another roadtrip....

Quote:

Dear Dan,

It is hard to forgive you after you called me a liar, I don't see how
that was a complement, but OK,
let's move on.

Christiano is going nowhere at the moment, he's just had surgery on
his ankle - so I'm afraid he won't be coming to Nigeria at the end of the month.

Wayne Rooney will be, he keeps asking me what happened to his Aston
Martin by the way, where is it now?
He loved that car, but Coleen made him get rid of it after an accident
with the ejector seat. (it was james Bond's old DB5)

Manchester United will be in Nigeria with Portsmouth from July 23 to
July 28, we have to stay in Calabar, so there is no way that Wayne will be allowed to travel 250 miles across Nigeria to see you, apart from
anything else it would be too big a security risk - can you imagine
how much money a kidnapper could make?

If you want to see us, you will have to come to Calabar. for security
reasons, even I don't know yet which hotel we will be staying at. Give me your mobile number, if you are in Calabar on the evening of 25 July, we can go out to dinner with the team at the hotel, I'll get my secretary to ring you.

Roy Cr0pper

Redshoes17, wanna be my secretary? I'm sure he's too stupid to notice if you sound just like his missing fiancee. Smile

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1731

Quote:

Redshoes17, wanna be my secretary? I'm sure he's too stupid to notice if you sound just like his missing fiancee. Smile

Sure, I've been missing him. Wink

Let me know the modalities.

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 12:06 pm

@Roy Cropper - I love your baits. They are so farcical... Laughing

If its of any interest, I will soon be opening a new SSC at Yankar1 in Nigeria (the Cameroon camp is also pretty close to Calabar, as the crow flies) and my baiting buddy will actually be in Nigeria on the 26th of this month for phone calls.... Wink

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 12:26 pm

Man U player Rio Ferdinand does some good work in this country for the education of children...

HUGE LONG PAGE-BLOWING URL

Maybe a nice chance to send our long-lost friend to some remote parts of his country looking for suitable locations for a soccer academy?

(And if he finally would pick up his Aston Martin he could travel in style...)

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:30 pm

I think Interpol trashed his Aston, I'm not sure, Jayhawk would know.

Welcome aboard, secretary Redshoes. I will pm you a schedule when we have made our travel arrangements.

Hmm, a swanky private safari camp, just the sort of place the team would stay so they're not bothered by the press and general riffraff.

When you combine this:

Quote:

The Yankar1 National Park is described by the Lonely Planet guide to hold "about the only remnant of wildlife left in Nigeria." Yankar1 is located about 225km east of the Nigerian city of Jos, and about 80km from the nearest town.

With this:

Quote:

the most authentic, exclusive, privately-owned camps that give travellers an opportunity to experience pristine wilderness areas combined with exclusive luxury accommodation.

It sounds ideal! @Simba, can I have a link for your Yankar1 camp, please, I only have a bookmark for head office. You don't mind issuing Dan with free tickets, as a guest of the team?

The free safari bus will have to meet Dan somewhere he can reach by bus, but pretty damn remote. maybe at a junction or roadside somewhere, as long as the bus can drop him off. I am sure that nothing will go wrong.

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:38 pm

Didn't Interpol transfer his DB5 to its impound in Reykjavik Iceland? Wink

I seem to remember reading that quite a while ago.

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:43 pm

Maybe, I remember the Interpol agent was using it to pull hot women when he wasn't getting jiggy with Dan's fiancee.

So many of us were baiting him, I kind of lost track.

Wherever it went, Dan was never man enough to jump through the hoops necessary to clear his name as a terrorist and get it back.

I always wanted to spoil his day with this pic, but never got the chance. It's a Vantage not a DB5, but Dan has more chance of walking on the Moon than he has of knowing that.

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:47 pm

Oh that just hurts to look at.... Shocked

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 2:44 pm

Roycropper wrote:

It sounds ideal! @Simba, can I have a link for your Yankar1 camp, please

Just added the new website addy to my thread:
http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1005470#1005470

Or if you can't be arsed to follow the link:

- Benin, Cameroon, Gambia & Liberia

- Botswana & Uganda

- Nigeria & Guinea

Masked Links -Ima

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 2:55 pm

Not sure if it's just me, but those linkys don't work Simba...

OK, so I can be a much less lazy person and cut/paste to go have a look, but, well, I'm lazy... Wink

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:07 pm

Quote:

Wayne Rooney will be, he keeps asking me what happened to his Aston
Martin by the way, where is it now?

ermm, sorry, but I crashed it and wrote it off - Agent Jones

I still want to shoot Dan, if you get a phone number please let me know. I would be more than happy to make his acquaintance again. And then I'll shoot him.

edit to add : Jayhawk had me ring Dan as Agent Jones and try to put the fear of God into him, I spent 30 minutes on the phone to him when I did get through. It's in the audio section somewhere.

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:14 pm

It sounds really nice Simba, and good timing, I was just writing to Dan, after he got back to me. He's written since asking for my phone number, but I'm just ignoring that, in 3 years we have never spoken.

Quote:

Yes Dad,

I appreciate your forgiveness towards my attitude,so i can't wait to see you,what you'll do for me is that you'll send me the name of the Hotel and a mobile number to reach you when you are in calabar,so that i can call you before i make any movement,and please keep me intouch with latest update and both the date you are coming and the flight you are taking.

Well dad i hope you'll get me a gift,and i'll be very happy to see you too.

Just let me know when you are coming and when you get to calabar you'll send me a picture of your and wayne.

you can reach me through my brother's mobile because my phone is faulty

xxxxxxxxxx

+234xxxxxxxxxxx

when you call tell him you wants to speak to Dan

I appreciated ok.

i love you dad,hope to hear from you sooner.

RS, I'll pm you a copy with the phone number in, we can ring him nearer the date, and tell him where to meet the bus.

Quote:

Hi Dan,

I just came back from a meeting, to keep us away from the press
and all the fans, we are staying at an exclusive 5 star safari camp near
somewhere called Yankar1, do you know it?

Here's a link to their main website,
removed link to keep google away -Ima

This is the Yankar1 camp, doesn't it look nice?
removed link to keep google away -Ima

You could always get in touch with them yourself and confirm that
Manchester United are coming on 23rd to 28 July, as you don't always believe me these days. (Ok Simba? Wink

)

I have no idea what flights or even airline we are on so far.

Keep it to yourself, though, as we have to keep all our travel
arrangements secret for security reasons.

I'll tell you what, as a gift to you, I'll put your name on the list,
then you can come and stay with the team for the duration of our visit. How about that?

The camp have a free safari bus, I'll find out nearer the time
where you have to go to get picked up by it. Don't worry about money, we put everything on the tab, the sponsors will pick up the bill.

Thanks for the number of your brother, my secretary will be calling
you nearer the date of
the visit.

Roy

EDIT:

@ Agent Jones, can you send him that pic I posted above, I like to cheer him up.
Its a bit suspect if you ring him 10 minutes after he gives me his brother's phone number, let me set this up, then you can shoot him. Smile

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:15 pm

Roy it brought a smile to my face when I read that Dan is back. I missed him so much and am now looking forward to you torturing the life out of him yet again. I'm sure you will have us all sore with laughing very soon.

How's Hayley BTW?

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:16 pm

He's most likely getting his whining ready and of course has no money for the trip. Laughing

Going to be a great summer of fun coming up. Very Happy

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:33 pm

Hayley's fine, thanks. Moneywise, Dan only needs enough to get a bus from Benin city to the middle of nowhere, from then on we will pick him up, all expenses paid on the MUFC tab. Or not. Laughing

Simba's mate will be in Nigeria soon, so can ring Dan as the resort helpdesk or something.

Redshoes has the number, I suggested she could ring and ask what size complimentary pyjamas he wants, and hit on him to share a room with her. Smile

Quote:

It's all set up, Dan, you are on the list.

You can come to the matches with us on the team coach, I can get you
in with our party,
you will have a special access all areas pass around your neck, so you can get
in the dressing rooms, bar, everything.

Later we will go out on the town before we go back to the Safari camp.

My secretary will ring you about the booking, I will let you know
where the free safari bus
will pick you up nearer the time - their representative from the camp
in Nigeria has your number, she will be calling you as well to make
arrangements.

Some of the lads have seen you on the 'Blagging Scum' advert you
posed for, we have a copy on
the wall at our training ground, so they will know who you are.

I look forward to meeting you at last.

Roy

This is the advert he posed for:

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I love Dan!

Yes, Agent J0nes is still hot on his trail, and Interp0l now has a $1m bounty on his head, dead or alive. Interp0l has Dan listed #1 on its list of International Terrorists. According to Interp0l, he's the kingpin of an organization that deals in drugs, money laundering, prostitution, well, you name it! If Interp0l can take down Dan they will put a major dent in crime all around the world. J0nes hasn't written Dan in a few weeks, as he seems to be ignoring me, but it's time to crank it back up.

Sadly, J0nes totaled the Astin Martin awhile back. Dan was not too happy about that. Here are some of Dan's insults back to J0nes:

Quote:

this is an insult you have just insulted me and your client too.
i'm very very dissapointed in you

Quote:

interp0l agent tom,
Well i won't say much,but all i can say is that you are going to pay for all this with everything you have,including your family and your job,i have a plan for you,just go on ok.but when i finish with you and your family,no body will recognice you i promise and i Dan must do it.
Ok just wait for my wrath.

This one was in response to my telling him that his girlfriend (F) is starting to like me, and I'm working to get her to sign over the $25k that we took off of her when we arrested her:

Quote:

don't worry u poor shit i'll get you,you can't get the money

This one has to be my favorite:

Quote:

Go to hell you idiot you will rost and die in hell dickhead like you,you are a quack,you pussyhead,go to hell and burn to ashes,the devil is looking for you ok idiot

Here's a sample of the emails that I have been sending him since last November. It's just a sample, but you'll get the idea:

Quote:

Hey there deadman!

I got me a new toy today. It's a high powered blow torch with a lazer stream design. That sucker can get up to 1200 btu's.

The really cool thing about it is that it is soooo hot that I can cut through a leg, or an arm, or a finger, or pretty much any body part, and due the heat it immediately sears the wound shut.

See, the problem with cutting off your d*ck is that eventually you would bleed to death. Well, not with this baby. I can cut off your d*ck and the heat will immediately sear the wound, meaning that you wouldn't have your d*ck, but you wouldn't bleed to death. Isn't that cool!

I can't wait to get my hands on you. I'm going to cut off body parts one at a time.

You are not only dead, but you are in a lot of pain!

Interpol Agent Thomas J0ones

If you can get Dan to travel you can probably get him arrested at the border. He doesn't have a passport, but he does have in his possession an Internati0nal Travel Certif1cate that was sent to him. It allows him to travel anywhere in the word and get preferential treatment!

Roy, I just sent him an email saying that I've got him in my sights, and he'll never hear me coming. I'm sure he would love a phone call from you! Twisted Evil

He truly is scared that Jones is going to kill him in an awful, terrible way. He's scared to death of Jones.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 6:16 pm

OMG! Dan's back! I'm not sure my stomach can stand the laughing when he gets to Yankari with the elephants and babboons. Best of luck, Roy, on your new safari!

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 6:39 pm

He calls your character a quack? Now that´s an insult!

I´m feeling left out, Dan is neither interested in the business contacts the Pr1nz has neither does he threaten his butler any more who did a terrible mistake with the check he got. Sigh.

Roy, nice plan! So many lads seem to be steered by their d1cks, this special one by a football, too Laughing

Jayhawk, you do not happen to know Dr. No´s tool park,. do you? Wink

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1731

F has not heard from him in months but he tried to chat her up today. Same old story, he's coming soon for her, it's not his fault he hasn't come to date, says he was arrested.

Quote:

F: who is this?
dan: is me danny
dan: how are u doing??
F: what have you been doing
dan: i got arrested since
F: what do you mean you got arrested?
dan: dat was y i could'nt meet up with u
dan: yea
F: why?
dan: is was a wrong information
F: what do you mean
dan: i did'nt do anytin
F: tell me what happened
dan: notin
dan: they got the wrong person which was me
dan: dats all
dan: so how are u doing
F: so how long were you detained?
dan: 12hours
F: when was that?
dan: last week
dan: so where are u now??
F: you haven't said hello in months and you blame it on being detained for 12 hours last week?
dan: i am very sorry ok
dan: pls
dan: so were are u now??
F: what do you care where i am???
F: i am still in nigeria
dan: ok
dan: wen are they releasing u??
F: when r u coming?
dan: don't know yet
F: you are a coward
dan: not really
F: you don't love me
dan: i'll try to make ur release very soon
F: how difficult is it?
dan: don't know yet

Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 7:52 pm

Nice to know Dan hasn't forgotten he has a fiancee.

He thinks everything is going to turn up at his door for him, be it his Aston, stretch limo, fiancee, Wayne Rooney or the safari bus Rolling Eyes

Quote:

Ok Dad,

But dad don't they need my address?,if they need my address please dad let me know so i can send you my address (I know your address!) ,if they are really coming to pick me up in Edo State,please dad let me know so that i can start preparing myself,and know what to do next,i don't have a boot and a football kit,i hope you bring some for me.please dad get back to me as fast as possible.

Dad,how about the mobile number send it to me please dad.

how about the pictures dad?

From your Son Dan

Quote:

Hi Dan,

They don't need your address, they don't pick up guests from their
homes. You will have to make some effort yourself, to go to where you
will meet the safari bus.
I don't know where it bloody goes from, you have to sort that bit out with them.

Nearer the date they will ring you and make the arrangements with you,
they are a private company,
we will have to drive there ourselves, but they will pick you up and
take you to the resort, just not from your house.

You don't need a boot and a football kit - you are not playing, you
are our guest, not a player!
I'm sorry you won't be playing without a trial and an agent, I'll have
to get you one of those, I
know just the man, Les Batt3rsby.

For now though, just kick back, relax and enjoy the holiday at the
safari park with the team,
and in the evening we will go and watch the matches together.

All you have to do is catch a bus, that can't be hard, can it?

You have been pestering me for my mobile number for 3 years now, I've
told you before - NO!
otherwise you'd be pestering me at work, at matches, at meetings, and
I know what a little pest you can be.
You'd be begging me for money so you can buy a mobile phone when I'm
trying to do a £30 Million deal for a new player!

Like I told you, my secretary will ring you to make arrangements, you
will also get a call nearer the time from
5imba Safari Camp's Nigerian rep.

No go and do whatever it is that you do, don't pester me, don't ask me
for money, and I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

I found a picture of me going to the airport with Wayne for his stag
party. Happy now?

Roy

--

I have no idea who this is with Spud, possibly his brother, but it bears a passing resemblance to 'me' the last photo I sent him.

We will have to Google Nigerian bus routes to find one that can drop him in the middle of nowhere and not come back anytime soon. If anyone knows where to look, let me know.

_________________
the European Union has bounced on our freckles
COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT TO THE BANK
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
I WLL SEND AN AFRICA WITCH TO ATTACH YOU BASTARD
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
MY FRIEND ALEX WAS DETAINED IN POLICE STATION
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
Pith Helmet 10

x4

6Yrs

x6