It's been a while since I had to slap a lad

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Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 1:59 am

Last week, I felt the need to take a few days off from the lads coming up, so I told my lad that I needed to go out of town for the weekend to tend to a family emergency.

I extended my time off by a couple of days, and he didn't like it. A few emails rolled in during my absence.

This gave me an opportunity to slap him. I hadn't slapped a lad in a while, and I have to tell you, it really felt great.

I need to do this more often.

If anyone feels the need to take a few days off and you don't have time to compose a slap, please feel free to steal my modality.

Quote:

Dear Mr Zong0,

I just returned to town this evening. I was asked to stay a couple of days due to the serious nature of the accident that befell my nephew. There was not time to find a computer to access to check my email. My nephew was in the hospital with some serious pain for a few days. He reacted badly to the medication that they gave him. Fortunately his injuries from the attack are now showing signs of healing properly, now that he's on a different medication.

I must confess that I do not appreciate your accusing me of dalliance. You asked me early on to keep this transaction top secret. What was I supposed to do? Tell my younger sister (my nephew's mother) that sorry, I cannot stay, because I am trying to get my hands on several million dollars from a bank account in Africa?

If I had refused her request to stay a few extra days, it would have looked suspicious. My wife would have wanted to know what was so important that I could not stay to provide support to family members. Do you not understand the importance of family ties? Please, you need to realize that trials happen in life for a reason. My nephew is giong to get better, and I think my staying there to visit him in the hospital has made all the difference in the world to him. Do you not know that God wants us to look after children? Do you not know that what God wants us to do is more important than money?

I will contact the bank later on this evening to inform them of these events.

You know, if you had allowed me to use Federal Express to send that form in the first place, the bank would have had it by now.

I hope that in the future you will give my suggestions some serious consideration. You don't have to adopt all of them, but I sure would like it if you would allow me to contribute to the success of this transaction.

regards,

Hamm0nd Swiss

NOTE: after I sent this, it occurred to me that I could tell the lad in my next email that I really need the money urgently to help pay the hospital bills for my nephew.

Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 7:04 am

I admire your restraint.

train boi Joined: 04 Nov 2008 Posts: 697

Personally, A lad slap can relieve you of all your stresses from work, a lad slap every few weeks can make you regain any control you may have lost and reinforce you as being in control. Many experts Like Phillip Scholefield, Jay Leno, Jeremy Kyle, Barry Scott and The fat bloke from The Bill say a well timed lad slap can actually help a bait and aswell as lowering heart attack risk by 0.0000001% it is just simply fun.

Nice slap Pike, I would may have just let rip at him so as larry says Nice restraint

Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:15 am

I don't usually show such restraint. My lad was being a bit uppety and took offence to me calling him an idiot and replied saying

Quote:

..you are calling me idiot i will want you to know that i do not take that from people okay

So I replied with the subject IDIOT and all in very large red text -

Quote:

Dear IDIOT,

The contents of the mail can't have been noted very well you small boy IDIOT. If you had noted them properly then you would not be asking me to go back to the Western Union would you you IDIOT.

If you don't want to be called an IDIOT then don't act like an IDIOT. As for me delaying you from your clients - I am one of your clients you IDIOT and it is you and the stupid IDIOT Santus who are delaying things.

You have until Tuesday to sort things out IDIOT

Soon got him back in line.

Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 12:32 pm

With the bait being 31 days old as of yesterday, an all out slap was not something that I could have gotten away with. It had to be carefully measured. Still, it felt good, and he'll get another carefully measured slap for pointing out to me that Africa is different from America.

My "nephew" may come into the bait in a few weeks. Once he's in, then my first character can slap away at will while the nephew starts out being nice as that he'll want to undercut his uncle.

419Eater is my life Joined: 07 Apr 2006 Posts: 441

The thing I love about hitmen is that you can insult and slap them as much as you want - after all they are threatening your life! - and they don't seem to twig too easily. I used to insult the heck out of B@la H@ssan with each mail (see my sig) and it seems he didn't like it too much, but he wouldn't give up on me anyway.

So slappable lads are the most fun ones IMHO.

Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 7:04 pm

His reaction to the slap:

Quote:

Dear Hamm0nd $wiss

Thanks for updating me the position of things concerning the emergency medical situation in your family. I’m sorry to such ugly development. I thank God from your mail, I can understand the wounds are healing and I pray God grants your nephew a quick and sound recovery.

Regards to your mail I quote as you wrote “I hope that in the future you will give my suggestions some serious consideration. You don't have to adopt all of them, but I sure would like it if you would allow me to contribute to the success of this transaction. Let me ask this simple question, Mr Hammond Swiss, I hope you must know Africa is different from America. Also I hope you understand there is different from road and air. Both fare by Road and Air are all journey.. If you should inform one to follow a journey by ROAD while the person follow by Air, does it look a complete obedience? My friend remembers I always highlight you on being humbly, and what is humbleness, is simple obedience.

Don’t tell me the bank does not know FedEx courier exist, but informed you send by scan, my friend that is a very simple English, if your are a humbly gentle man you must be humbly to the call to God to people, establishment, fundamental rules and simple instruction, otherwise, any other thing against a simple instruction, is disrespect in simple understanding of English.

So after all my detail explanations against sending by FedEx you are still emphasising of FedEx? What are so special with you about FedEx? Doesn’t the bank know your FedEx exist?

Well just to inform you I was able to verify the copy of the form the bank sent you from the bank’s secretary foreign remittance department. If you send the form by FedEx, will you as well send the official administrative process fee by FedEx and with your passport copy by your FedEx too?

Dear Mr Hamm0nd $wiss please, I don’t like reputation (<-- he meant "repetetion" but this leaves me an opening about discussing his reputation) of words and statement. If you know what is good you do it.

Regards
Mr. Kalab3 Z0ngo

He's off script. Laughing

Good.

Now I can pepper him with questions about the bank's solvency and his "reputation". They've been mentioning money and WU, but I haven't acknowledged it one way or the other.

** Retired ** Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 750 Location: Air

A subtle slap but as you say, knocking his chops into next Thursday might have made him drop you, so I say a perfect slap in the circumstances.

No doubt that when the cousin takes to the stage, you can play the good cop bad cop game we all know and love - harsh and unrelenting abuse from one, reassurance and alleigance from the other.

Good show Very Happy

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