Mini-Safari and Money Quote

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Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

Using the powers of ParcelD1rect, Oxygen Deprived and I were able to send our faithful ad Henry from Jo'Burg to Durban, South Africa to pick up the holy Book of C0nfessions. This after numerous problems with FedEx caused by the recent troubles experienced after the Zimbabwe government tried to receive weapons from other countries through South Africa, which led to issues with packages making it to their intended recipients. Oxy thought it best for our lad to trek down to Durban (approx 580km) to pick it up as there was less hassle in that coastal city. I readily agreed.

After some initial reluctance, our lad acquiesced:

Quote:

Okay!! Mr. Andrew Jones - Field Agent Parcel Direct I will come down to Durban, but before I leave Johannesburg I am going to write you an email to let you know what time am going to arrive in Durban.
I think I should take Buss at night to arrive next mourning so that I can also leave later in the evening down to JHB.

But there were some delays:

Quote:

Dear Andrew Jones

I am sorry for not making it today I will be leaving tonight, departure time: 22:00 to arrive at 05:30 at Durban Station with Eldo Coaches.

Please if this is possible come to pick me up at there Arrival Office or let me know what time you will be coming to collect me.

Thanks yours faithfully

In order to collect him we would need to know what he looked like. Luckily, our intrepid field agent thought that it might be useful if we had a picture of our lad upon arrival. At first he balked:

Quote:

I am not in a position to scan any photo now please, I am putting on Greer trouser and Dark Red long two sheet.
Henry.

But then he seemed to change his mind (we think "USB" means his digital camera):

Quote:

Yes I am sorry I do have my USB here with I forget, I am going to print it okay!!
And I am going show you the logo sign that gives Glory in our Church B4rchetta R0uge Ministry.
But now I think I should be going to the City To City Office so that you can come over there.

But no photo as of yet, and our lad seems destined to be disappointed:

Quote:

Dear Pastor Lea.
I indeed tray my best to travel down to Durban but I did not see the Chipping Agent and he did not come to see me,
I am letting you to know now, that I will be going back to Johannesburg tonight and my departure time is 19:30
With City to City Company
So if this is okay for him he.
Let Mr. Andrew Jones - Field Agent Parcel Direct Company come with the package at City to City Office.

Pastor I have seeing hail fire because of this Church but this Church doesn't want help me why? Laughing

Yours truly son

IN HIS NAME,

Well, another unsatisfied customer and church member, but at least he got to see the sites and enjoy a nice 8 hour bus ride. Wink

Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 5:08 pm

JM, I wouldn't say another unsatisfied customer, you seem to be happy with the results. Wink

This lad's English skills made for some really fun emails from him. But he did supply me with another internet cafe address to give to future lads that I hope get to travel to Durban!

Best part is if he does go back, he still believes it is there, so we have a chance to get him to go again.

Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:02 pm

With the lad back in J'Burg, we thought it would be nice if the lad got going again. JM came up with a great idea, that a routine package inspection might find something...

Quote:

Sir, I must inform you of a routine inspection performed upon your package. It was random selected to be check for illegal contraband. While reviewing its content, I found a bearer bond amounted to $25000. I check records for the package and it has no mention of this item. I would like to work with you for opportunity on this. I have a friend who is banker here who said he can cash it for me for a small 2 percent fee and we can split the rest with 80% to you. I can give you your money when you come here for package. If anyone ask we both say there was nothing else in shipping box. I await your positive response.

Andr3w Jones - F1eld Agent
P4rcel D1rect

Let's see if the lad gets dollar signs like in the cartoons. Very Happy

Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:25 pm

JMRazor wrote:

Well, another unsatisfied customer and church member, but at least he got to see the sites and enjoy a nice 8 hour bus ride. Wink

How did that old song "Ag please Daddy" go?

Ag pleez Deddy won't you send me off to Durban
It's only eight hours in a crowded bus
To get the mighty Holy book
To build another pyramid
And if it goes wrong I won't make a fuss!

Well, OK, not quite like that...

It is a TWAT thing, right?

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 4:17 pm

The lad was to travel last week for his 2nd safari to Durban, but it was not to be. He let PD know that due to civil unrest in J'Burg he couldn't make it. A quick check of CNN showed me he was telling the truth. So of course, since PD is accommodating to our mugus, we rescheduled for this week. He has now sent his receipt too.

According to the ticket, the lad will be taking a 14 hour trip this time.
Twisted Evil

EDIT: maybe when he arrives, we can use the phone number on the ticket & the ticket number to cancel his ride home and make him pay again? Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

Top Left Corner...6 Pets Laughing

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 4:40 pm

In your first post, JM, the lad predicted his own disappointment Laughing

Quote:

I think I should take Buss at night to arrive next mourning

Good work, JM and OD. Very Happy

Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 10:13 am

Seems someone is worried about the trip for their package.

Quote:

Dear Andr3w J0hns
Thanks for your email, Sir as you can see that I am coming down to Durban again, please I request that I’m not coming down to Durban and start looking for an internet Café to send an email please.

Again if it is possible for you to come to Durban station to pick me up on my arrival please let me know that.
If it is not possible for you to come, then we can fix a proper time for you to come to the First National Bank in the Kl00f Village Mall. As you can see the time for my arrival

Again please Sir for the reason of xenophobic hatred, South Africans killing foreigners :shocked: , so please I am asking you if you could come to Durban station and deliver my package.

H3nry.

What? Come to the station with all that danger? Heck no, I might stub a toe!

Quote:

H3nry,
Thank you for your email, but it will not be possible for me to meet you there. For the next few weeks I have many packages and customers, many more than I've ever had before. I am trying to meet some in groups to make it goes faster and will be meeting another customer at the same bank location as you already. I will try to meet you there at 11am exact.

Andr3w J0nes - Field Agent
P4rcel D1rect

Should we take a poll to see what kills him faster, the SA people or the 14 hour ride each way? Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

Plus all the xenophobic people trying to kill you! And can you imagine if they knew you were traveling with that precious item? You'd never make it.

Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 1:08 pm

@OD: I love the idea of cancelling his ticket.

Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 4:09 pm

^^ Not sure if I can pull it off TT, but I sure will try!

Quote:

Andr3w J0nes
Thank you for your email, I will be there with you Sir.

Henry.

I should hire this lad for PD. Our motto could be: "Nor rain, nor sleet, nor xenophobic killers will stop me from my delivery."

Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 5:26 pm

Nice bait you have going. clapping

I would have taken the time to meet the mugu Durban. A lot happens
when you don't show up.
Just my 2 cents worth.

I just don't understand why all the mugus are afraid of rebels in all the African countries.

Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 10:46 am

Well, Mr Numpty is in Durban, Safari

number 2 served up 41.242.102.208 right in Durban. Very Happy

Quote:

Dear Andr3w J0nes,
I am here now in Kloof Village Mall.on side of First National Bank in the Kloof Village Mall.
Sir this FNB Bank is very big and too open, but please I will be standing on the side of the Bank entrance look on the sides when you come here you will see me.

Thanks

Henry.

Quote:

Thank you so mush for this, I have being standing here as from: 15munise to 11:00,
But your not here till now: 10munise to 12:00

Henry.

Now to string him along to see if he misses his train... Twisted Evil

I'm not sure I'll have time today to try to cancel the ticket, if anyone wants to give it a go PM me and I'll give you the details that I do know.

Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 11:51 am

Great work, you guys ! Laughing

Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 3:07 pm

Thanks Dutch. Very Happy

Seems he's been whining to his oga, because I got an email from J'Burg on his behalf x3.

Quote:

Hello Mr. Andr3w J0nes

My name is Mr.Chigozie Duru member of Barch3tta R0uge M1nistries"

Please I want ask why you don’t want to relies the concernment luggage to Mr. Henry

Can you please explain for me what is the problem?

Did you how distant traveling from Johannesburg to there to play what is your problem

Brother Henry since morning waiting for you, you don’t want go and see him why

Try deliver the consiment or you send it back to our head office in united state ok

Thank Brother Cchigozie Duru

Hope he likes the reply.

Quote:

Thank you for you mail sir. I have explained the troubles I have suffered today with delivery van to your brother. I am still needing to go to my home office to use computer to log out delivery to your brother indeed. I am work hard to get him his package as to all my other customers who want them all at same time. Please show patient with me brother, it will all be done soonest.

Only another hour to waste before we get him overnight Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

He's a very committed lad. He's been complaining a bit about this Parcel Direct outfit, but I keep reminding him it's HIS will that he continue on to Durban and not leave until he has the holy Book in his possession... Twisted Evil

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