I'm Broken!

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

*** BANNED *** Joined: 02 Jan 2006 Posts: 2021

So after spending Wednesday night curled up on the floor with hideous stomach pains i decide to seek some medical advice, Medical advice suggests i step into the ambulance that they have kindly called for me and visit the hospital, Hospital advise me to have a bed and go through numerous test which include large needles and cameras Shocked

I've escaped the ward for a bit and found the public terminal to report in sick, i'm here until at least Wednesday next week as the doctors are far from finished with me (their words) Sad

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

Well wishes sent your way, Bombardier.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

Get well soon. Very Happy

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 3:45 pm

Knowing your line of work, you'll understand when I say:
Man up and grow a pair, you and I both know it's a hangover. If you're trying to get a week off through a bit of a dicky tummy, then you make me sick. Dry your eyes and crack on.
Wink

Seriously, I hope it's nothing too bad, and I hope you get well soon. Best wishes.

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 3:47 pm

Hope they find your problem. Sad

I will keep you in my prayers.

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:36 pm

If it's in your upper right stomach it is probably your gall bladder. That's some intense pain. Do report back your diagnosis (unless you are happy enough with my online diagnosis, in which case you should have it out).

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:44 pm

Sorry to hear that Bomb. I'm sending best wishes your way. Get better and report back to duty here soon!

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:57 pm

Sorry to hear about that. Have you considered maybe you are pregnant? Do you have weird cravings for kippers on mango ice cream? Eating kippers on any kind of ice cream will also give you those symptoms. Hope you get better Bomb.

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 5:31 pm

Get well my friend. hope your back home soon... Ill Email you some chicken soup.

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 5:37 pm

I wish you all the very best, Bombardier.

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 6:41 pm

No, say it isn't so?! Eat a bologna sandwich with lots of mayo and butter. If in half an hour you are in extreme pain it is your gall bladder. You didn't need it anyway so let them suck that thing out of ya.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 2628

I hope you feel better soon
Cyber hugs

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 7:21 pm

Best of luck to you Bomb. Keep us informed.

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 7:23 pm

He's just posting here for sympathy. Bugger all wrong with him.

But just in case: Get well soon Bomb. Wink

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 7:30 pm

I thought it was the "pencils up the nose and the underpants on the head" that usually worked. Must be an updated version Wink

Hope the quacks sort you out soon Bomb!

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 8:11 pm

Best wishes and get well soon Smile

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

Nice one Bombardier. Laughing

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 8:40 pm

@ Music man + Donato: Laughing

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 9:46 pm

Best Wishes for a speedy recovery.

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 10:19 pm

When I tell them I have a pain in the stomach in the UK they ask "Where ?" and I explain it's a large organ in the abdomen and it all goes downhill from there. Very Happy

Try my latest idea - I now have a laminated list with all my details on for hospital. You should have seen their faces when I showed them it. They're worse than Lotto Lads for wanting info.

Just keep asking for morphine. The type they administer orally is terrific, and you'll be wanting to do karaoke.

Get well soon.

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 10:23 pm

^^^Once upon a time I was on morphine for 5 days and believe you me, it was sweet/bitter. Smile

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 10:35 pm

50 cents US says it ain't gall bladder. The gall bladder itself has no pain receptors. The pain involved with gallstones mimics (inter alia) chest pain (heart attack!) and is actually felt through the chest all the way through to the back, between the shoulder blades. Feels like a well-placed arrow through the sternum.

Too bad, because having my gall bladder pulled out through four tiny holes was easier than any other procedure I've ever had, including dental work.

The four tiny holes are for:

1. A lamp. It's always good to have some light on the subject
2. A tiny little high-resolution TV camera
3. A snicking tool
4. And a bag to catch the offending, inflamed organ.

Eventually, the snicking and catching tools are replaced with sewing and patching tools. Then they staple the four little holes shut.

With the right kind of insurance, they let you stay overnight in the hospital. Otherwise, they just send you home the same day with a bottle of semi-serious pain medication. A week later, you report back for staple removal.

They also use laporoscopic surgery for appendicitis now.

Here's how to diagnose appendicitis in the field, when there are no medical personnel about:

1. Check the patient's temperature for a fever. An inflamed appendix usually produces quite a high fever, with accompanying weird dreams
2. Have the patient lie prone on his/her back
2. Place yourself to the left of the patient, with the patient's head at your right
3. Place the thumb of your left hand gently into the patient's navel, or belly button. (I don't know what to do if it's an outie.)
4. Point the little finger of your left hand directly at the center of the patient's nasty bits. It is not actually recommended to place the finger upon or in the nasty bit itself
5. While humming a little marching tune, tap the middle finger of the left hand on the right side of the patient's abdomen. If the patient screams with each tap, it might be appendicitis. If the patient hums along, it might be time to reconsider what to do with the small finger.

If the appendix has burst, it's time for a much more complex cleanup job.

Or you might want to check my post in general chat about parasites:
http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=137648

According to the medical experts that sent me this spam:

Would you trust anything living in your bowels that has teeth but NO eyes?!!

A bologna sandwich with mayo might well be a litmus test for gall bladder disease, but nothing beats the diagnostic properties of one of them big, brown apple fritters that reside in pink boxes which occasionally show up at work on the odd Friday.

I am not a medical professional. I drove an ambulance 40 years ago. This qualifies me to diagnose NOTHING, not even death.

I shall continue to watch this topic and hope that all goes well for the boy. If they give you any Valium (diazepam), save some for when the ambulance and hospital bills arrive.

In the meantime, just keep clicking the button for the morphine pump. The button probably doesn't connect to anything, but just clicking it does make you feel better.

One shiny US dollar coin (0.5 pound, 0.67 Euro) on pancreatitis.

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 10:40 pm

Jellyroll wrote:

If they give you any Valium (diazepam), save some for when the ambulance and hospital bills arrive.

Thankfully not everywhere operates on the US insurance system. I'm happy that dear old Bombardier is safe from medical bills. Even if the local authority sends bills, his employer will pay them in full.

Three cheers for the NHS!

Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 11:08 pm

^^Yippee, damn sight better than anyother medical service I have experienced.

It could be a 'simple' case of gastro interitis. Bloody painful, but eased by farts. Best of luck Bomb Thumbs up

Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 12:20 am

^^^

OK, back to serious............................... Neutral