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 TWAT lad:Abidjan-Accra-Lagos-Sokoto-NDjamena Idiot goes home

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Kryall
Master Baiter


Joined: 22 Dec 2005
Posts: 211


PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:41 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Chad seems to be an awfully popular destination spot for traveling mugus around this time of year, doesn't it?

After eagerly submitting in the TWAT form below, Mr Davis is chomping at the bit to get his money. Only problem is that the good Pastor is located in (you guessed it) Chad, and has no way to send the funds out of the country. Oh well, looks like Mr. Davis is going to have to show some initiative on his part:

<a href="http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e254/emporium101/davistwat/1.jpg" target="_blank">Page 1</a>
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<a href="http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e254/emporium101/davistwat/11.jpg" target="_blank">Page 11</a>


Quote:
Dear Sir Pastor Harry P Ness,

I got your mail and i am now clearified over all.
i will in every way try to look for a transport fare to come over to chad and collect the funding and i want to remind that i will try to do so leatest on Sunday i will be in chad.

I like the clearifications you gave to me regarding all this.
I thank you very much at all.

The Number you gave to me wasn't going through when i tried it. but i will still keep on trying. i will also like you to keep on praying to God because with him all things are possible and you shall find favour in God.

Thanks
Davis


His IP confirms that this jackass is currently in Cote d'Ivoire.

Just sent this off to him:

Quote:
Brother Davis,

Thank you so much for your email. Your words are a great relief to me, as I really thought we were going to be stuck without a solution on how to transfer the construction funds to you.

I will send two missionaries down to meet you in N'Djamena. So as soon as you are ready to travel to Chad, please let me know so they can get to N'Djamena at the same time you're due to arrive.

Please, Brother, I already feel terrible that you have to spend much of your own money on this. So I want you to spend as little as possible getting here. I want you to purchase a one-way ticket to Chad so that it is less expensive for you. I will pay for your return ticket to Cote d'Ivoire. And please do not even worry about bringing extra money to spend on lodgings or food. I will happily provide all of these things to you when you arrive. I know that as an orphan, you do not have much money. So providing you with food and a place to sleep is the least I can do after the effort you have gone through to spread TWAT in Africa. You are welcome to stay here at the church's expense for as long as you like.

Please let me know when you have made plans to move so that I can organize for the missionaries to meet you on time in N'Djamena.

God bless,

Pastor Harry P. Ness



If this lad gets off his lazy ass and actually makes the trip, then I'll be donating him over to the Chad safari team to see if they can't get a lad meetup happening in Abeche. Laughing

_________________
Pith Helmet -- Abidjan, Accra, Lagos/Sokoto/Kano, Koussouri, N'Djamena - "Is like your idea is welcomed and ok by me."

Mrs. Vickie Barnes -- "FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE.YOU ARE PARISH YOU ARE DESTROY .GRAVE SIX FIT SIX FIT SIX FIT.SOON SOON SOON.YOU ARE MINUS FROM YOUR FAMILY YOU ARE MINUS FROM YOUR FAMILY.AAH AAH AAH LOSE LOSE LSOE."

Mrs. Ego Mgbada -- "To be frank with you, I never expect that I mrs Ego will get these shits from you."

pony

Last edited by Kryall on Fri May 16, 2008 3:03 pm; edited 6 times in total
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YeaWhatever
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:13 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Fantastic! It's great to see that others are also spreading TWAT all over the world.

Image

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MattNW
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:18 am Reply with quoteBack to top

It would be interesting if you could get this lad to think the other is there to give him the "building funds" and the other to think this one is bringing his $3,000. Twisted Evil

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rumbero
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 6:44 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Another mugu will soon bite the dust Laughing Laughing
Great baiting Kryall

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Tuco
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 10:14 am Reply with quoteBack to top

If this keeps up the UN will have to open up a new displaced persons camp for "streded" TWATS in the Abeche region. Hopefully it would be about a day's walking distance to town so they could regularly check their emails and the WU office.

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Dutch
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 10:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^Why the UN? It's time for them get get of their lazy arses and found a TWAT settlement over there. Nice boost for the local economy too...

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jojobean
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 11:54 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Great to see that other TWATs are coming along. I like the most recent surge that has got people spreading it and sending their lads to Chad. Good work!

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:03 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Absolutely priceless! great job.
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baiter_boi
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:08 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Hmmmm I think he may have to re-do those forms (after a slap of course) There is no way (for security reasons) you can continue without his password being filled in Very Happy

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OxygenDeprived
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:03 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Nice work Kryall! I think that Jojo's lad could use a ray of hope, seeing another member of TWAT could do wonders to raise his spirits!

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:17 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Kryall, if you and Jojo's lads could meet, and then send a picture to you of them in Chad, some landmark, like a broken Russian tank, or something, that would be a truly outstanding. Very nice work, BTW!

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Professor So And So
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 9:50 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Nice one, Kryall!! Make sure he says hello to the guy at the motor park for us. If he (for some odd reason) gets stuck in a jam there, he might be able to sleep in Adamu's old dirt bed over there.

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DTGR
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 10:04 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Doesn't Adamu have the $1000? I mean, how hard would it be for him to find the TWAT missionary wearing white with a pink sash?

Laughing

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Tuco
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 1:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Professor So And So wrote:
he might be able to sleep in Adamu's old dirt bed over there.


I expect that "Stinky's" old bed will have to air out for a while longer.

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Kryall
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PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 3:56 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Heh heh, thanks for all the comments guys! Laughing

Man, I don't want to get my hopes up too high yet, but if this guy takes the bait then it seems like this could be an exact repeat of the "stinky" saga! I know it's a long shot, but I'd dearly love to see this lad get hooked up with Adamu, and watch the hilarity that ensues. Ah... one can dream. Laughing

At any rate, things have been stagnating a bit over the past several days and I was trying to find a means to call Davis on the phone to add some more credibility to things. Getting through on his line was an exercise in frustration to say the very least. But eventually I got a connection with him for a couple of minutes before the line dropped out. It seems he's still keen to travel. Shortly after my call, this mail came in from him:

Quote:
Dear Sir Pastor Harry,

How are you today? i got your call today but i tell you i had problem with my phone and it cut off, the phone is even old and weak so is not good.

I will inform you as soon as i get the money for the travel, i meet a man known as Mr Edem Carlos here in Cote d'ivoire to solicite for help in the travel and transportation fare and he told me that he will give me thet money maybe monday or sunday but i must him extra amount for that.

Sir, i am still looking for money to come but not easy for me.

I will be coming with one of my Member in the Lord the one i gave you his name to use for the transfer of the money named Victor Chidiebere Uche.

So Sir, i will inform you as soon as i get the money to come within now to monday.

Thank you

Davis



Fingers crossed, toes crossed, and everything that's crossable crossed that this mugu will travel. Because what happens in Chad STAYS in Chad (and so do the lads). Laughing

_________________
Pith Helmet -- Abidjan, Accra, Lagos/Sokoto/Kano, Koussouri, N'Djamena - "Is like your idea is welcomed and ok by me."

Mrs. Vickie Barnes -- "FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE.YOU ARE PARISH YOU ARE DESTROY .GRAVE SIX FIT SIX FIT SIX FIT.SOON SOON SOON.YOU ARE MINUS FROM YOUR FAMILY YOU ARE MINUS FROM YOUR FAMILY.AAH AAH AAH LOSE LOSE LSOE."

Mrs. Ego Mgbada -- "To be frank with you, I never expect that I mrs Ego will get these shits from you."

pony
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Kryall
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PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 1:33 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I sent him this email earlier:

Quote:
Hello, Brother Davis,

It was very nice talking to you on the phone earlier and I am glad we finally got the chance to do so. Yes, I noticed that between our satellite phone and your own crumby phone, the connection was quite bad. I tried to place some more calls to you yesterday, but none of them would go through. I will try again later.

Brother, is it possible for you to get a good, working mobile phone for when you go to Chad? You will not need to make any outbound calls, but I would like to have a reliable way to call you on the phone when you arrive in Chad so that I can give your number to the missionaries and we can be in constant contact with each other as they come to pick you up and carry you to Abeche. You should ask your creditor to supply you with some funds for a good phone and connection that will work in Chad.

I am very glad to hear that you are bringing along a fellow brother in Christ. This is most excellent, Brother Davis! I am very happy to see that you are introducing TWAT to all of your friends over there and teaching them how to spread it and enter. Your friend is most welcome to join you on your pilgrimage, and we will also gladly pay for all of his necessities, food, and lodging while in Chad.

It is fantastic that you have found a creditor to loan you the travel money. I always had great faith that you were a very capable person and could find a way to make this church branch successful. Please comfort the man that his money is completely safe. And I shall provide you with full reimbursement funds to pay him back. Brother Davis, it is very important that you ask the man to write out a loan receipt of exactly how much money he has loaned to you in total. Please make sure that he writes the exact amount and includes all expenditures. Then please scan this receipt and send it to me BEFORE you leave for Chad, so that I can supply you with enough money to take back to Cote d'Ivoire and reimburse him. Note that this money will be in addition to the $200,000 USD I am paying you. I will be giving you money to repay your creditor, as well as the money for the church construction funds. I shall also purchase plane tickets for both you and your holy brother to return back to Cote d'Ivoire.

Finally, you didn't mention in your last email whether you have any photographs of the church plot land. Nor did you confirm whether you have obtained the TWAT church dress code yet. Remember, both you and your friend will need to wear the TWAT dress code to Chad so that the missionaries can easily see you. This step is VERY important so please write back and confirm that you understand it properly.

Thank you and God bless,

Pastor Harry P. Ness


Quote:
Received: from [41.207.28.12]
Cote d'Ivoire



I just got off the phone to the TWAT. I wish I recorded the call now, but here's a basic rundown of what's happening:

-The mugu has found a creditor to loan him the money to travel from Cote d'Ivoire to Chad. This person is charging him interest.

-He is bringing along a friend with him to Chad. They will BOTH be wearing the TWAT missionary clothes (white robes with pink sash!)

-He is driving by road, rather than flying. Hopefully I can change his mind on this with the incentive of offering him free plane tickets to fly back home in comfort. On the other hand, perhaps Davis could be used to carry Adamu to Adre, if he could be coerced into driving up to Abeche. Laughing

-He will be leaving tomorrow night and arriving in Chad on Monday.

_________________
Pith Helmet -- Abidjan, Accra, Lagos/Sokoto/Kano, Koussouri, N'Djamena - "Is like your idea is welcomed and ok by me."

Mrs. Vickie Barnes -- "FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE.YOU ARE PARISH YOU ARE DESTROY .GRAVE SIX FIT SIX FIT SIX FIT.SOON SOON SOON.YOU ARE MINUS FROM YOUR FAMILY YOU ARE MINUS FROM YOUR FAMILY.AAH AAH AAH LOSE LOSE LSOE."

Mrs. Ego Mgbada -- "To be frank with you, I never expect that I mrs Ego will get these shits from you."

pony
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DTGR
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PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 2:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This is epic.

*grabs popcorn*

mmmkay...I'm ready.

-DTGR
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Tuco
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PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 3:07 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Soon there will be a line of TWATS forming up at the motor park in Ndjamena.

"Stinky" has had a 2 week head start on everybody else but can't seem to collect his $200K because he keeps walking on his weenie.

Wouldn't it be fun if a rumor about $200K of mission money at Abeche were to sweep Festac Town?

_________________
"My broda. i like ur guts it shows u are a full guy." - Williams H0lm
"you should understand my brain problem." - R0se Br0wn
"you are a very ungreatful and wicked person." - Veronica K0ffi
"Thanks for giving me a nauthy number that preys unit like a hungry lion." - Alise Kar1m
"I have called you more than 20 times but non of the calls went through." - Williams C0ker
"I've said in my previous mail that I do not understand English." - Cabinet Bad0u
"PLEASE MY CHAIRMAN, I AM NOT GREEDY, I LIKE TO WORK WITH YOU, I HAVE LOST MANY OF MY JOBS , PLS PLS PLS, I WILL WORK HARD WITH U." - Dr. Lui$ James
"There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend."
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Yastreb
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PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 9:47 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
They will BOTH be wearing the TWAT missionary clothes (white robes with pink sash!)


Damn shame it isn't a rainbow sash (or one of each) - rainbow sashes have for some time been worn as symbols of support for gay rights; we know how gays are regarded (and treated) in Nigeria and Ghana at least; and there's a chance the significance of the rainbow symbol might be known in either place...

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PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 9:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Tuco wrote:
Wouldn't it be fun if a rumor about $200K of mission money at Abeche were to sweep Festac Town?


Hold that thought - wouldn't it be much more fun if the rumour, as rumours do, built up the amount to (say) $500K?

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

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Worf
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PostPosted: Sat May 03, 2008 11:16 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Awesome! Laughing

I have a lad just at the beginning stages of joining TWAT:


Quote:
Dear Bishop Jonathan Stewat,

Thanks for your mail and your informationís I have gone through the website and wish to inform you that I am ready to become a member TWAT and will be waiting for you to forward the membership application .I will be a member TWAT and make known of TWAT in my country in as much as we are serving the leaving God.


Thanks I wait your urgent respond

Yours brother Patrick



I tend to lose them at the membership application part, but I feel more hopeful about this one.

I'm a long way off from "Stinky" and Chad though Laughing

_________________
"Honey there no way to go out side camp without peppers and passport." - M1racle Y0rm1e
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Kryall
Master Baiter


Joined: 22 Dec 2005
Posts: 211


PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 5:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

The latest:

Quote:
Dear Brother Davis,

Thank you for your confirmations on the phone earlier today. It is good that you will be able to travel so soon and reach Chad quickly. I am making some final preparations for your arrival. You will need to do a few small things for me before you leave Cote d'Ivoire. They are as follows:

1) I need you to get a signed receipt from your creditor, stating exactly how much money he has loaned you, plus the amount of interest he is charging. This receipt must be written in the creditor's own hand, scanned, and returned to me by email attachment before you depart for Chad, so that I have time to arrange the funds for him.

2) It would be wise if you and your friend could please snap a quick photograph of yourselves standing together side-by-side wearing the TWAT dress-code (white robe with pink sash) and send the photo to me by email attachment. I will then give this photo to the missionaries so they will know exactly what you both look like Remember, this will help with fast identification, so that the missionaries know exactly who to look for in N'Djamena.

3) It would be most helpful if you could bring along a digital camera to Chad to take some photos and document things for your church branch.

I am still arranging things with the missionaries who will collect you and I will let you know as soon as I have more details about that. Unfortunately, I cannot personally arrange to come down to N'Djamena with the missionaries, as I need to stay at the border camp here at the request of the UNHCR. They are seriously understaffed at the moment and need all the help they can get. The missionaries will be bringing you back to Abeche. This is where I shall meet with you and hand over the funding.

I have given this further thought and I still strongly suggest that you purchase a one-way plane ticket to fly over to N'Djamena, rather than driving. Once you get to N'Djamena, you will have to leave your car behind as you travel with the missionaries to meet me in Abeche. Plus, it also means that you will have to get back to N'Djamena to drive all the way home again with the money. You must keep this money secure at all times and not risk it by driving all the way back home unsecured. The amount is too large for that. Also, I am not sure whether the missionaries will even be able to drive you back to N'Djamena. We don't work in that part of Chad. That is why I wanted you to get a one-way plane ticket. This way, you would not need to worry about leaving your car behind. And we would simply fly you back to Abidjan airport directly from Chad in comfort. You do not have to spend a lot of time traveling on the road, nor pay for the return ticket. Flying to Chad is the best option. Trust me, I know what Chad is like very well, and you should trust my informed opinion on this. I maintain that the best option is for you to fly here cheaply and let me pay for your flight and your return flight.

Please travel very lightly and do not carry any luggage. The people in Chad are very friendly and it should be easy to find Internet cafes in N'Djamena. Laughing I will give you more details once I have them ready for you.

Please try to do the photos and other things mentioned above and send them to me TODAY, so that I have ample time to organize things.

In God's Holy Hand,

Pastor Harry





The lad writes:

Quote:
Dear Sir Pastor Harry,

How are you today? i have received your email and it was well understood.
but all you stated there in your last mail was welcomed.

In the First Place, I have no car of my own and i will be going by transport fare.

I have no Digital photo as you requested but i promise you that i will scan to you the signed document of the Creditor when am coming.

I have made every preparations and have no extra monies for your request also i have look for a place now to make the snapping since i have none of mine but there was no place i could get any photographer since today is weekend and also even if they snap us the pics, it would definitly be out by monday and that could geopadise our coming to Chad by tommorow as we promised.

Please i will like you to understand this fact so that it could be easier for me, and also i would like us to snap pictures with you as soon as we arrive in Chad


Give me update on how to come because i am coming tommorow and may arrive on monday precisely because we are coming by road and have no car of ours but a public transport.

I have also attached the pictures of the Plot of land, front and back and the copy of the agreement from the man who lend us the money for you to see.

Thanks

Davis



He attached these pictures to his email:

Image

Image

Image



So, I wrote him again:

Quote:
Dear Brother Davis,

I appreciate the clarifications you have given me. As I understand it, you will be traveling by bus to N'Djamena. Is that correct? This plan should work out well, since there will be no car to tie you down.

The reason I asked for a photo of you and your friend in the TWAT dress code is so that I can give it to the missionaries who will be meeting you. They do not know what you look like, so a photo would help them to locate you faster. However, if this will delay your travel plans, then do not worry about it. It is of utmost importance that you get to N'Djamena as quickly as possible while we still have control over our schedule. I will tell the missionaries that you will be arriving on Monday 5th of May, and I shall send them traveling southward tomorrow.

Many thanks for attaching the photos of the plot of land. The fact that you have opted to build the TWAT branch on the side of a downward slope is most fitting indeed. I like your sense of irony, Brother Davis. I have also received the scanned receipt from your creditor. I will make certain to have these funds arranged so that you can bring the $1,500 USD back to reimburse the man.

You must travel to N'Djamena and as soon as you arrive in the city, please immediately locate a local Internet cafe to inform me via email that you are in Chad. Any of the friendly citizens in N'Djamena can tell you where a nearby cafe is. The missionaries will be in the city and can go there to collect you. Here is the number for one of the missionaries. He is also using the satellite connection, so hopefully you can get through on his number easily. You need to dial: xxxxxxxxxx to reach them. Please DO NOT PANIC if I don't reply to your email right away. I may be out at the border camps near Adre when your email is sent. Please just WAIT THERE at the Internet cafe until the missionaries reach you in N'Djamena. You can also call their number or my own number in Chad to know how close the missionaries are to you at any time. They will have money with them to pay for accommodation if you wish to sleep in N'DJamena for the night. They can bring you to Abeche the next day for our meeting.

One more question, Brother Davis, do you of your friend speak fluent French or Arabic? Or can you only speak English?

Bless you,

Pastor Harry



I really wanted a photo of the two TWATS in ceremonial TWAT garb before they left, just to have the visual image of how STUPID all these mugu idiots must look when they are crossing the border one after another, seeking phantom riches! Too bad he couldn't provide it, but I plan on using that as leverage as to why the missionaries will not be able to locate him. If only he'd bothered to take that photo instead of rush, rush, rushing to get his hands on the loot!

Oh well, at least he's at the mercy of Chad's public transport system and his own lack of finances now. Twisted Evil

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Professor So And So
Elite Baiter


Joined: 16 Dec 2007
Posts: 1337
Location: Hash Conditions


PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 6:02 am Reply with quoteBack to top

This is great! Screw the plane. That bus ride is like 23 hours or so. It takes days! I can't wait for this guy to get there. Nice work on the e-mails. Thumbs up Thumbs up

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Dutch
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Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 4204
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PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 9:53 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Awesome .. the place is getting crowded with TWAT .. If this keeps up they might want to rename Chad into Twat .. Smile

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Wright B Hindyou
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Joined: 11 May 2004
Posts: 1795
Location: Bangkok


PostPosted: Sun May 04, 2008 10:25 am Reply with quoteBack to top

It seems to me some effort should be put into luring Lads to Chad who are vehemently anti-TWAT.

If there is a different modality, say, with cash waiting in N'Djamena or Abeche, and the only threat to the Lad getting the cash is the presence of evil local dolla choppers who called themselves TWAT, we could see some heart-warming fireworks.....? Twisted Evil

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