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 Stupid/Funny or RANDOM Link/Joke of the Day

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sheboppe
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Joined: 10 Dec 2004
Posts: 5002
Location: United States


PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 6:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

The purpose of this Joke of the Day thread as originally started by Damion is to provide a place to post jokes and random funny items of interest. It is not the place to post videos. Please post videos in the *** FUNNY / INTERESTING VIDEOS THREAD ***

The rules of this thread are:

* Don't post links to anything which is indecent, illegal, in bad taste or offensive. A sentence that briefly describes it in a decent way is fine.

* Please keep those "Picture which screams at you" links to a minimum. They are obnoxious and get tiring quickly.

* Comments on the previous link may be made if short and if accompanied by another new link. No post should be without a link. Jokes can also be posted in text form, but must include a link to the source.

* Please remember that many people read this thread from work, and links to questionable images could cause them trouble with an employer.

This thread will be culled and restarted each time it reaches 25 pages.

For the pleasure of the members that like to look back through the older joke threads, I will post links to them here as I cull the current thread.

Original Joke of the Day Thread

Have fun! Very Happy

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star pony pony pony Pretty Rose Pretty Rose Mortar x22

Last edited by sheboppe on Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:36 pm; edited 5 times in total
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wokabo
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Joined: 23 Sep 2004
Posts: 825
Location: best beer country in onomatopoeia world


PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 9:55 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Ok joke #1 of the renewed JOTD thread:

How do you catch a polar bear?
1) buy a bag of frozen peas
2) go to where polar bears live
3) cut a hole in the ice
4) sprinkle frozen peas around hole
5) hide
6) when the polar bear comes to take a pea kick him in the icehole

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Rorschach
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:54 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

sweary parrot

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2005/jul/27/martinwainwright

According to the Times today, he's now teaching other birds to swear as well. Can't find a link to that one though....

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wokabo
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Joined: 23 Sep 2004
Posts: 825
Location: best beer country in onomatopoeia world


PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

[Mod edit - please post link to the source as stated in rules - SB]


Smurf jokes (as per Stoker Thompson's request):

What does it take to make a dead smurf float?
<one scoop of ice cream, and one scoop of dead smurf>

Why did the dead smurf cross the road?
<it was stapled to the chicken>

Whats the difference between unloading a truckload of dead smurfs and a
truckload of bowling balls?
<you can pitchfork the dead smurfs>

Why do smurfs boil water when smurfette is pregnant?
<so if the smurfs born dead, they can have soup>

How do you fit ten thousand dead smurfs in a telephone booth?
<La Machine!>

How do you get them out?
<with a straw!>

Whats red and blue, squirms, and sits in a corner?
<a smurf playing with a razor blade>

Whats blue, green, and sits in a corner?
<the same smurf 6 months later!>

Whats red, blue, and hangs from the celing?
<a smurf on a meathook>

Why do you put a smurf in a blender feet first?
<so you can see the expression on its face>

Whats the perfect gift for a dead smurf?
<a dead puppy>

Whats red, blue, and goes round and round?
<a smurf in a garbage disposal>

Whats red and blue, bubbly, and scratches on the window?
<a smurf in the microwave>

Whats blue, slimy, and smells like Smurfette?
<Pappa smurf's finger>

What do you get when you have two little blue balls in your hand?
<Pappa smurf's undivided attention>

What do you to with a smurf with no arms or legs?
<take it for a drag>

Whats the blue stuff between Bambi's toes?
<slow smurfs>

Whats invisible and smells like smurfberries?
<smurf farts>

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wokabo
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:56 am Reply with quoteBack to top

What's green and tastes like banana?


:


:


:


:


:


:


:


:


:


:


:


:


Monkey phlegm

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Slightlyoutofit
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 1:37 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Well, it's not really funny or stupid, but I guess it is interesting.

http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/features/crimewatch/2008/mar/01/crimewatch-01-03-2008-004.htm

You'd think people in Nigeria would be the first to be able to spot a scam!!!

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Peanut
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 4:56 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Image

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419weasel
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 6:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Image

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Slightlyoutofit
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 12:47 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

BALDY!!!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/tayside_and_central/7350523.stm


Seriously, I can't believe this went to court in the first place. What a complete waste of taxpayers money.

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God will see you true for all this you have done to me you bastard. - Collins Kalu
MAY THE HAND THAT TYPE ON KEYBORD BECOME STRICKEN AND TRANSMIT VIRUS TO YOU ENTIRE BODY. - Dr Linda Akeem
oh what a mess its time cabbage punks like u will be expose for trully what they are. - David Cole
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Puq
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 12:47 am Reply with quoteBack to top

http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br/



Type your first name in the first line.
Type your last name in the second line.
Click on Visualizer.

Then tell me how they do this . Please . It's cool .

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bill2
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:42 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

hurrah, it's finally spring

Quote:
Blizzard warning in effect.

Today
Day: Snow at times heavy and local blowing snow. Amount 5 to 10 cm. Wind northeast 30 km/h gusting to 50. High zero.
Night: Snow at times heavy and local blowing snow. Blizzard developing overnight. Snowfall amount 10 to 15 cm. Wind northwest 20 km/h gusting to 50 increasing to 40 gusting to 60 overnight. Low minus 5.

Sunday
Blizzard. Snowfall amount 2 cm. Wind northwest 40 km/h gusting to 60. High minus 3.

Monday
Periods of snow. Windy. Low minus 10. High minus 5.

Tuesday
Cloudy with 40 percent chance of flurries. Low minus 9. High minus 3.

Wednesday
A mix of sun and cloud. Low minus 13. High plus 1.


Rolling Eyes Embarassed

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419weasel
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 7:08 am Reply with quoteBack to top

This is cool.

http://englishrussia.com/?p=1830

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Rorschach
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 11:19 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^^

Makes the people who moan about patio heaters look like they have their priorities wrong.....

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You know what I wish? I wish all the scum of the earth had one throat, and I had my hands around it.


BRUNO HAYFORD: "you are an eel, 75% negative, 10% positive, 10% amorphous and 5% blank"
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Spear N. Magichelmet
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Joined: 08 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 4:02 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

When to suspect that you might be white trash:

HUGE LONG PAGE-BLOWING URL

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TheGreatOok
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Joined: 25 May 2007
Posts: 2355
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 4:46 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/youarea.htm

Click on the moving words to find out what you are....

You are a new bicycle that likes to touch sheep. - my last one.

Some of the things aren't quite safe for work, but it is all just words.

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pony pony - for a perfect brown nosing job. Wink

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419weasel
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 5:55 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I am a spotty publisher who likes to upset mice. Shocked

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Where there's a Weasel, there's a way.
Never trust a Weasel bearing gifts.

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Mc Fry
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ChainYanker
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 7:12 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

And I am a drunken pin-up model Shocked . News to me.

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Earned a pony, earned a bun, still not sure what they mean --> pony
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Rorschach
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 11:42 am Reply with quoteBack to top

No way, Jose

http://news.sky.com/skynews/picture_gallery/0,,70141-1313700,00.html

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You know what I wish? I wish all the scum of the earth had one throat, and I had my hands around it.


BRUNO HAYFORD: "you are an eel, 75% negative, 10% positive, 10% amorphous and 5% blank"
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Spear N. Magichelmet
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Joined: 08 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I can't believe there's a kid in that picture.

I have been looking at this:http://africa.reuters.com/wire/news/usnL22903232.html and trying to figure out how I can get someone to safari to the Congo, hopefully holding an "I shrink penises" sign.

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wokabo
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Joined: 23 Sep 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 8:13 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^ those sorcerers are really stupid. They shouldn't shrink penises, they should enlarge them and ask money for it, they'd be rich in no time.

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Rodus
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 2:33 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

go to google, type "find chuck norris" and click I'm feeling lucky Laughing

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 9:43 am Reply with quoteBack to top

www.googlefight.com

HERE is my favourite one so far.
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wokabo
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 23 Sep 2004
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Location: best beer country in onomatopoeia world


PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 7:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

It's white and square, what is it?

:




:



:



:



:



:



:



:



:



a ping pong cube !

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Rorschach
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PostPosted: Fri May 02, 2008 2:22 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Seal tries to P-P-P-Pick up a penguin!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7379554.stm

_________________
You know what I wish? I wish all the scum of the earth had one throat, and I had my hands around it.


BRUNO HAYFORD: "you are an eel, 75% negative, 10% positive, 10% amorphous and 5% blank"
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Red Crusader
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Joined: 30 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Fri May 02, 2008 2:47 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

My friend sent this to me some time ago. However it was in a text file so~ here's a link (419eater.com)

and here's the joke
Quote:
The weather as it gets best in Iceland

+15C (59f)
People in Spain use winter coats and thick gloves.
Icelanders lay in their backyard sunbathing.

+10C (50f)
The French try with all their heart to get the heater running.
Icelanders plant flowers in their gardens.

+5C (41f)
Cars in Italia refuse to start.
Icelanders for fun go to a drive on their Saab scrap.

0C (32f)
Water freezes.
The water in Hvt gets a bit thicker. (Hvt is a river)

-5C (-23f)
People in California almost freeze to death.
Icelanders BBQ the last time before winter comes.

-10C (-14f)
British start to heat up their houses.
Icelanders start using long sleeved shirts.

-20C (-4f)
Street dealers start running from Mallorca.
Icelanders end their midsummer fest. Fall has arrived!

-30C (-22f)
Greek die from frost and disappear from the face of the earth.
Icelanders stop drying their laundry outside.

-40C (-40f)
Paris starts to bend to the cold.
Icelanders wait in line at the hot dog sale wagons.

-50C (-58f)
Polar bears start running away from the North Pole.
Icelandic coastguard puts halt to rescue exercises, in hope for real winter weather.

-60C (-76f)
Mvatn freezes. Icelanders rent a video and stay inside their homes.

-70C (-94f)
Santa Claus heads south.
Icelanders start to get annoyed because they can't keep their brennivn (alcohol) outside.
The Icelandic coastguard resumes rescue exercises.

-183C (-297f)
Bacteria in food doesn't survive.
Icelandic cows complain over cold hands on farmers.

-273C (-459f)
All atoms stop!
Icelanders start talking about its cold outside.

-300C (-508f)
Hell freezes!
Iceland wins Eurovision!
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