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 Stupid/Funny or RANDOM Link/Joke of the Day

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Gold Hat
*** BANNED ***


Joined: 18 Jul 2004
Posts: 2049


PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:46 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

pantohorse wrote:
They were sitting on a perch Smile


Ya know . . . you could get banned for jokes like that Wink
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pantohorse
Master Baiter


Joined: 12 Nov 2009
Posts: 111
Location: Somewhere in the corner of your eye


PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:19 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

@Gold Hat

It's the only truly bad joke I'm allowed in this lifetime...I promise no more, lol

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thud419
Baiting Guru


Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 3193


PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:47 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

It's not AFF, but it's still a scam.

Monster Cable sent a cease and desist letter to Blue Jeans Cable, seemingly unaware that their president is an ex litigation lawyer. Read the C&D first, but I guarantee that the response will have you in stitches, especially if you know IP law.

http://www.bluejeanscable.com/legal/mcp/index.htm

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419weasel
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Joined: 26 Jan 2006
Posts: 4196
Location: Somewhere in a hole. Waiting.


PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 9:35 am Reply with quoteBack to top

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?p=6510 Laughing

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Yastreb
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Joined: 04 Apr 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 12:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

1 to move it to the Lighting section.

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section.

7 to point out spelling and/or grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

5 to flame the spell checkers.

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames.

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is in fact "lamp".

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.

19 to post that the forum is not about light bulbs and please take the discussion to a lightbulb forum.

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum.

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.

7 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

4 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs.

3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

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wokabo
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 2:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^^ you forgot: "1 to post a picture of his cat"

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Pastor Frank
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Joined: 31 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:33 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Sweet Jesus, I love the Onion.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/report_fiber_optics_not_a

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Scentless Apprentice
Elite Baiter


Joined: 26 Sep 2009
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Location: North of the border - Boldly going nowhere.


PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:19 am Reply with quoteBack to top

A man goes to the doctors with a hearing problem.
The Doctor asks the man to describe the symptoms.
The man responds, "Homer is a fat bald b'stard and Marge has blue hair."

Smile
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IP Freely
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 18 Feb 2007
Posts: 540
Location: I'm getting my bunny back.


PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 11:10 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

http://verydemotivational.com/2009/11/18/and-its-going-to-make-you-rich/

I keep running across pictures from that thread. Of course, I'm part of the problem too, so I don't exactly get to complain. At least I have the originals, without the inevitable "from site.com" that get stamped on them.

Gotta love the responses, they're pretty predictable. Everything from "meh" to "OMG U GUIZE R RACISTS UR ALL GONIG 2 HEL".

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please i want you to stop writting me,i beg you in the name of the lord Jesus christ.
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419weasel
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Joined: 26 Jan 2006
Posts: 4196
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:17 am Reply with quoteBack to top

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,26379884-401,00.html Shocked

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419weasel
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 5:52 am Reply with quoteBack to top

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=45214

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Newdonym
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Joined: 19 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:22 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

http://desertbus.org

A Canadian sketch comedy troupe (Loading Ready Run) play the world's most boring game until we stop donating money. In two and a half days they've raised over $40,000. That works out to almost 5 days of game time/torture.

I've been watching the live feed for most of the night, but I've got to go to work. It's night time in Canada (I think), so it's slowed down a bit, but check back in the day time for much funnies.

If you want to see what the game is like, watch the Bus Cam for 30 seconds and you've seen the whole game.
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Roycropper
Undead Moderator


Joined: 14 Nov 2005
Posts: 7993
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 5:54 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The National Collection of Aerial Photography

Includes many wartime spy photos - here's Colditz, with prisoners in the yard....

Image

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COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT TO THE BANK
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
I WLL SEND AN AFRICA WITCH TO ATTACH YOU BASTARD
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
MY FRIEND ALEX WAS DETAINED IN POLICE STATION
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
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Ghost
419Eater Admin


Joined: 26 Jun 2004
Posts: 5791
Location: In the cellar rattling chains


PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 10:37 am Reply with quoteBack to top

My wife sends me this stuff. So I thought I'd share.

Quote:


WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading-they get better!!!


WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'







UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)


I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.







MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,

'I t's Pillsbury, isn't it?




CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and

a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper ..
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .. ......... so does she.


(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)




WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically,

'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'







WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day..
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat

everything to men.....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'







CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!





WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides,

it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament

and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says

'HEBREWS'





The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife

to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),

he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .'
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM

and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up..'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.








God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

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Sand Timer 3/13/08-3/25/10 i have played my path and now I am waiting for the pay - Wale Wild card x3
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Mr Tambourine Man
Baiting Guru


Joined: 06 Jun 2008
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Location: Magic swirlin' ship


PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 2:58 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?

Tiger Woods can drive a ball 400 yards.

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3 dead websites

is always Good when you have the zeal to be a hitwoman when you out of school,it makes you bold and reall and it makes you more high than any other of your friend.
you dont have a phone.that makes makes you joe butt. Fuck you and go find something to do man. Stop disturbing me please.
This is definitely why you will remain and die in poverty, ignorant of good things and easy acknowledgment of bad things and words. Shame on you, you wicked generation children.
i went you to no that this is not a cheld pray. i went you to get back to me
we are not scammer,we hate scammer as you do.scammer make out life harder and harder,a lot of people think we are scammer,in fact,we are not!! please trustt us
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Roycropper
Undead Moderator


Joined: 14 Nov 2005
Posts: 7993
Location: Luxury Coffin


PostPosted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 4:58 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

All men watch porn, scientists find

Researchers were conducting a study comparing the views of men in their 20s who had never been exposed to pornography with regular users.

But their project stumbled at the first hurdle when they failed to find a single man who had not been seen it.

“We started our research seeking men in their 20s who had never consumed pornography,” said Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse. “We couldn't find any.”

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the European Union has bounced on our freckles
COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT TO THE BANK
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
I WLL SEND AN AFRICA WITCH TO ATTACH YOU BASTARD
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
MY FRIEND ALEX WAS DETAINED IN POLICE STATION
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
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freshmeet
Hello I'm New here!


Joined: 30 Nov 2009
Posts: 7
Location: In the bleachers, feeling foolish


PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 12:07 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Yastreb wrote:
How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?


Not to mention 3 obsessive-compulsives who archive the entire thread on an external drive so when the big crash happens five years from now due to obsolete hardware they can happily restore it post by post and feel like a big hero.
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wokabo
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 23 Sep 2004
Posts: 825
Location: best beer country in onomatopoeia world


PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:54 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
(..) 3 obsessive-compulsives who (..)


The correct term for such an individual is 'Moderator' .

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pony pony pony

Fight My Brute
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GordonBennett
Baiting Guru


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 2829
Location: Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo


PostPosted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 5:30 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Came across this useful website - it gives you Google answers for the previous person's question.

I did my bit and put in 'gay porn' Cool

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Ninja
DIE MUDER FUCKER

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Reaper
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 0
Location: Travelling in a fried-out combie. On a hippie trail, head full of zombie...


PostPosted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:28 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

http://cantbeunseen.com/what-has-been-seen/12093-oh-thats-why-his-weakness-w

Shocked Shocked Shocked

Goodbye innocent childhood.

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- I am the King of Rome, and above grammar
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Corona
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Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8719
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 2:19 am Reply with quoteBack to top

The Banana Test


There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,
A Lion , A Chimp , A Giraffe ,
....AND...

A Squirrel


They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.


Who do you guess will win?


Your answer will reflect your personality.


So think carefully . . .

Try and answer within 30 seconds.

Got your answer?


Now scroll down to see the analysis.


:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:


If your answer is:

Lion = you're dull.

Chimpanzee = you're dense.

Giraffe = you're a complete moron.

Squirrel = you're hopeless. Razz




A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.



Obviously you're stressed and overworked.

You should take some time off and relax.

Laughing Laughing Laughing

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Craig007
Baiting Guru


Joined: 19 Apr 2007
Posts: 3124


PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2009 5:16 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Image

One from my own collection. Exactly what is she looking at? Wink

That's Google Streetview for you. Smile

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auguste
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Joined: 30 Nov 2009
Posts: 175
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 12:01 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

SCHOPENHAUER'S 38 STRATAGEMS, OR 38 WAYS TO WIN AN ARGUMENT
Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860), was a brilliant German philosopher. These 38 Stratagems are excerpts from "The Art of Controversy", first translated into English and published in 1896. Schopenhauer's 38 ways to win an argument are:

**1).. Carry your opponent's proposition beyond its natural limits; exaggerate it. The more general your opponent's statement becomes, the more objections you can find against it. The more restricted and narrow your propositions remain, the easier they are defend.

**2).. Use different meanings of your opponent's words to refute his or her argument.

**3).. Ignore your opponent's proposition, which was intended to refer to a particular thing. Rather, understand it in some quite different sense, and then refute it. Attack something different than that which was asserted.

**4).. Hide your conclusion from your opponent till the end. Mingle your premises here and there in your talk. Get your opponent to agree to them in no definite order. By this circuitious route you conceal your game until you have obtained all the admissions that are necessary to reach your goal.

**5).. Use your opponent's beliefs against him. If the opponent refuses to accept your premises, use his own premises to your advantage.

**6).. Another plan is to confuse the issue by changing your opponent's words or what he or she seeks to prove.

**7.. State your proposition and show the truth of it by asking the opponent many questions. By asking many wide-reaching questions at once, you may hide what you want to get admitted. Then you quickly propound the argument resulting from the opponent's admissions.

**8.. Make your opponent angry. An angry person is less capable of using judegment or perceiving where his or her advantage lies.

**9).. Use your opponet's answers to your question to reach different or even opposite conclusions.

**10). If your opponent answers all your questions negatively and refuses to grant any points, ask him or her to concede the opposite of your premises. This may confuse the opponent as to which point you actually seek them to concede.

**11). If the opponent grants you the truth of some of your premises, refrain from asking him or her to agree to your conclusion. Later, introduce your conclusion as a settled and admitted fact. Your opponent may come to believe that your conclusion was admitted.

**12). If the argument turns upon general ideas with no particular names, you must use language or a metaphor that is favorable in your proposition.

**13). To make your opponent accept a proposition, you must give him or her an opposite, counter-proposition as well. If the contrast is glaring, the opponent will accept your proposition to avoid being paradoxical.

**14). Try to bluff your opponent. If he or she has answered several of your questions without the answers turning out in favor of your conclusion, advance your conclusion triumphantly, even if it does not follow. If your opponent is shyr or stupid,and you yourself possess a great deal of impudence and a good voice, the trick may easily succeed.

**15). Iyou wish to advance a proposition thatis difficult to prove, put it aside for the moment. Instead, sumit for your opponent's acceptance or rejection some true poposition, as thoug you wished to draw your proof from it. Should the oppoent reject it becasue he or she suspects a trick, you can obtain your triumph by showing how absurd the opponet is to reject a true proposition.Should the opponent accept it, you now have reason on your own for the moment. You can either try to prove your original proposition or maintain that your original proposition is proved by what the opponet accepted. For this, an extreme degree of impudence is required.

**16). Ehen your opponet puts forth a proposition, find it inconsistent with his or her other statements, beliefs, actions, or lack of action.

**17). If your opponent presses you with a counter proof, you will often be able to save yourself by advancing some subtle distinction. Try to find a second meaning or an ambiguous sense for your opponent's idea.

**18 ). If your opponent has taken up a line of argument that will end in your defeat, you must not allow him or her to carry it to its conclusion. Interrupt the dispute, break it off altogether, or lead the opponent to a different subject.

**19). Should your opponent expressly challenge you to produce any objection to some definite point in his or her argument, and you have nothing much to say, try to make the argument less specific.

**20). If your opponent has admitted to all or most of your premises, donot ask him or her directly to accept your conclusion. Rather draw the conclusion yourself as if it too had been admitted.

**21). When your opponent uses an argument that is superficial and you see the flasehood, you can, it is true, refute it by setting forth its superficial character. But it is better to meet the opponet with a counter argument that is just as superficial, and so dispose of him or her. For it is with victory that your are concerned, and not with truth.

**22). If your opponent asks you to admit something from which the point in dispute will immediately follow, you must refuse to do so, declaring that it begs the question.

**23). Contradiction and contention irritate a person into exaggerating their statements. By contractiong your opponent you may drive him or her into extending the statement beyond its natural limit. When you then contradict the exaggerated form of it, you look as though you had refuted the orginal statement your opponent tries to extend your own statement further than you intended, redefine your statement's limits.

**24). This trick consists in stating a false syllogism. Your opponent makes a proposition and by false inference and distortion of his or her ideas you force from the proposition other propositions that are not intended and that appear absurd. It hen appears the opponent's proposition gave rise to these inconsistencies, and so appears to be indirectly refuted.

**25). If your opponent is making a generalization, find an instance to the contrary. Only one valid contradiciton is needed to overthrow the oppoent's proposition.

**26). A brilliant move is to turn the tables and use your opponent's arguments against him or herself.

**27). Should your opponent surprise you be becoming particularly angry at an argument, you must urge it with all the more zeal. Not only will thismake the opponent angry, it may be presumed that you put your finger on the weak side of his or her case, and that the opponent is more open to attack on this point than you expected.

**28 ). This trick is chiefly practicable in a dispute if there is an audience who is not an expert on the subject. You make an invalid objection to your opponet who seems to be defeated in the eyes of the audience. This strategy is particularly effective if your objection makes the opponet look ridiculous or if the audience laughs. If the opponent must make a long, complicated explanation to correct you, the audience will not be disposed to listen.

**29). If you find that you are being beaten, you can create a diversion that is, you can suddenly begin to tlak of something else, as though it had bearing on the matter in dispose. This may be done without presumption if the diversion has some general bearing on thematter.

**30). Make an appeal to authority rather than reason. If your opponent respects an authority or an expert, quote that authority to further your case. If needed, quote what the authority said in some other sense or circumstance. Authorities that your opponet fails to understand are those which he or she generally admires thae most. You may also, should it be necessary, not only twist your authorities, but actually falsify them, or quote something that you have invented entirely yourself.

**31). If you know that you have no reply to an argument that your opponet advances, you may by a fine stroke of irony, declare yourself to be an incompetent judge.

**32). A quick way of getting rid of an opponent's assetion, or throwwing suspicion on it, is by putting it into some odious category.

**33). You admit your opponent's premises but deny the conclsion.

**34). When you state a question or an argument, and your opponent gives you no direct answer, or evades it with a counter question, or tries to change the subject, it is a sure sign you have touched a weak spot, sometimes without knowing it. You have as it were, reduced the opponent to silence. You must, therefore, urge the point all the more, and not let your opponet evade it, even when you donot know where the weakness that you have hit upon really lies.

**35). This trick makes all unecessary if it works,. Instead of working on an opponent's intellect, work on his or her motive. If you succeed in making your opponent's opinion, should it prove true, seem dinstinclty to his or her own interes, the opponenentwill drop it like a hot potato.

**36). You may also puzzle and bewilder your opponet by mere bombast. If the opponet is weak or does not wish to appear as ife he or she has no idea what you are talking about, you can easily impose upon him or her some argument that sounds very deept or learned, or that sounds indisputable.

**37). Should your oppoent be in the right but, luckily for you, choose a faulty proof, you can easily refute it and then claim that you hae refuted the whole position. This is the way which bad advocates lose a good case. If no accurateproof occurs to the opponent or the bystanders, you have won the day.

**38 ). A last trick is to become personal, insulting and rude as soon as you perceive that your opponent has the upper hand. In becoming personal you leave the subject altogether, and turn your attack on the person by remarks of an offensive and spiteful character. This is a very popular trick, because everyone is able to carry it into effect.

(abstreacted from the book:Numerical Lists You Never Knew or Once Knew and Probably Forget by: John Boswell and Dan Starer)
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 6:13 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

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I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 3:57 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^^ Razz Razz Razz

Husband asks his wife:

How many men have you slept with?

Wife proudly replies:

Only you darling, with all the others, I was awake!
Laughing Laughing Laughing

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