|
forum.419eater.com Forum Index » GENERAL CHAT |
Goto page Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 ... 70, 71, 72 Next |
Author |
Message |
Breddan Butter
Retired Moderator
Joined: 09 Dec 2003
Posts: 4170
Location: Soligorsk, Belarus
|
Posted:
Wed Nov 26, 2008 2:43 pm |
|
GH,
I'm asking for opinions in the Mod Lounge concerning making a sticky of your dog Herpes joke.
Current thinking is that it would save an awful lot of bandwidth if we do.
|
_________________ Можно заплатить кредитной карточкой ?
Пошёл на хуй, мудак !!!
(x4)
My IP address is 217.21.39.255. (86.57.134.49 on Sundays) Please don't come knocking on my door. |
|
|
|
Gold Hat
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 18 Jul 2004
Posts: 2049
|
Posted:
Wed Nov 26, 2008 6:02 pm |
|
^^^^ OK ya got me BB . . . I can take a hint
I hereby promise to not to post my favourite joke again (at least not until Shiver Returns and Christ becomes a cowboy once again). |
|
|
|
|
luckey
Moderator
Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 5672
Location: Check the lost and found
|
Posted:
Wed Nov 26, 2008 6:23 pm |
|
Gold Hat wrote: |
...but god forbid anyone on this forum suffer the slightest embarrassment. |
Never bothered me. Why do you call your dog "Herpes"?
Edit: never mind. Search is my friend. Or is it? *groan* |
_________________ Moderator: \ˈmä-də-ˌrā-tər\: noun
A material which slows down neutrons after fission to speeds at which their probability for interaction with the fuel material is increased. |
|
|
|
Gold Hat
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 18 Jul 2004
Posts: 2049
|
Posted:
Wed Nov 26, 2008 8:34 pm |
|
^^^^^ atta go luckey - you have reaffirmed my belief in the 'kindred spirit'. |
|
|
|
|
Murakami
Hello I'm New here!
Joined: 16 Nov 2008
Posts: 10
Location: 42
|
Posted:
Sat Nov 29, 2008 1:28 pm |
|
Christmas is coming, so let's get in the mood :
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-
Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them
were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and
were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards
cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were
scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a
shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves
had drank all the cider and hidden the rum. In his frustration, he
accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little
glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and
found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me
to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. |
|
|
|
|
Agi Hammerthief
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 12 Mar 2006
Posts: 671
Location: .de
|
Posted:
Sun Nov 30, 2008 8:34 am |
|
|
|
|
Bill Ding
Wannabe Baiter
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
Posts: 89
Location: Great White North
|
Posted:
Sun Nov 30, 2008 1:35 pm |
|
HOLDER TONIGHT - Humour Poll - November 2008
Signs The Economy Is In Trouble
- Russia is negotiating to buy back Alaska
- Your house is rented by the hour
- Importing cars from Cuba
- Warren Buffet's new gig: Walmart greeter
- Canadian loonie becomes the dominant world currency
The Lecture
A policeman was on the beat when he saw a drunk staggering down the street. "And where do you think you might be going at this time of night, sir?" the officer inquired.
The drunk replied, "To a lecture, Oshifer."
"And tell me, sir, who on earth would be giving a lecture at this time of night?"
Offered the drunk, "My wife."
I snatched this joke from Peter Anthony Holder's site. I listen to him from midnight to 3:00 AM five nights a week; he lulls me to sleep. There are literally tons of jokes on this site...have a look....and enjoy:
http://www.peteranthonyholder.com/jokes.htm |
_________________ "My only concern is for you to keep the secret so that other people will not know what we are doing and may later implicate us out of enemity. This is a begging opportunity which I do not want to miss."
"...the beneficiary can be anybody,it is not mandatory for the beneficiary to be related to the deceased, it does not even matter if you are from different countries, religious or non religious..."
"Due to his wickedness and greediness he plan with high killers and killed my father and pretend that my father was killed by armed Rubber but he don't know that i know his secret."
"I have already made myself clear, and I am completely transparent to you." |
|
|
|
ChainYanker
Collecting TShirts the Hard Way
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 1497
Location: Shouting "Fire!" in crowded theaters across America
|
Posted:
Sun Nov 30, 2008 7:06 pm |
|
Warning: Nerdy physics joke ahead
Warner Heisenberg is driving his car when he gets pulled over by a policeman. The policeman says, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says, "No, but I know where I am."
Alternate version:
Heisenberg and a freind are driving down the highway. Heisenberg says, "Be careful, there's police car ahead of us."
The friend taps the speedometer and says, "Don't worry, we're driving at exactly 55 mph."
Heisenberg says, "You idiot! Now we're lost!" |
_________________ x3
FEMALE
"This deal does not have anything to do with religion because we are talking about $10.150 million us dollars" -Bangu Mali
"YOUR DEATH IS AT HAND HENCE YOU LEARNT HOW TO DOUBLE CROSS OTHER GUYMAN KEEP IT ON AND WATCH OUT" -Don Jack
"why is it that you dont believed that the unicorn is avaialabe" -Victoria Smith
"i have seen that you are not financially capable to handle this great opportunity maturedly" -Muhammad Bla1se
Earned a pony, earned a bun, still not sure what they mean --> |
|
|
|
wokabo
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 23 Sep 2004
Posts: 825
Location: best beer country in onomatopoeia world
|
Posted:
Mon Dec 01, 2008 8:41 am |
|
^ Nerdy indeed. I needed to go on Wikipedia to figure out this joke.
Then it's still nerdy, but it becomes funny too! |
_________________
Fight My Brute |
|
|
|
Nanny Ogg
Baiting Guru
Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 2628
|
Posted:
Mon Dec 01, 2008 11:43 am |
|
|
|
|
Peanut
Elite Baiter
Joined: 10 May 2007
Posts: 1143
Location: Chicago
|
Posted:
Wed Dec 03, 2008 5:03 pm |
|
|
|
|
Nanny Ogg
Baiting Guru
Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 2628
|
Posted:
Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:14 am |
|
|
|
|
Sir Cumfrence
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 907
Location: Relatively here.
|
Posted:
Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:25 am |
|
A quick one.
Qn: What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
Ans: A woman who won't do what she's told. |
_________________ x 1245 |
|
|
|
Spudz
Elite Baiter
Joined: 22 Nov 2006
Posts: 1173
Location: --4--
|
Posted:
Thu Dec 04, 2008 12:25 pm |
|
My dog has no legs.
I call him cigarette
'cos I can only take him out for a drag |
_________________ Javed Main:I received your e-mail message but cannot read very well due to the injection I took last night/Please for Gods sake i would'nt like you to address my bank as feck/You are a priest and you are bold enough to tell me that you took 3 bottles of the finest whiskey/Please i am not ready to take more of your insult.
NIGERIA HE GOAT
IF YOU EVER SEND THIS TYPE OF THINGS TO MY EMAIL;; I WILL SHOW MY SELF TO YOU BASTAD NIGERIA HE GOAT....F*CK OFF AND DIE OF UNGER
YOU ARE SUCH A NONENTITY, I NEVER KNEW PEOPLE LIKE YOU STILL IN EXISTENCE. WHAT AN INGLORIOUS BASTARD ARE YOU?
x 10-2x33/8 you do the hokey cokey and you turn around and that's what it's all about |
|
|
|
A SKYHOOK
419Eater is my life
Joined: 20 Sep 2008
Posts: 405
Location: the land of oz
|
Posted:
Tue Dec 09, 2008 8:09 am |
|
im with you luckey search and then
but heres my bit the drunk and the cop a g a i n
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling
Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
'Can I help you Sir?'
'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies.
The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?'
'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging
Out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without
Missing a beat, blurts out....
'Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!! |
_________________ before i can walk i must crawl and a skyhook will help lift me up were i want to be . i no iv got one in the shed some were hang on ill be back as soon as i find it
We are expecting you to feed us with the necessary payment details This is prof.Sloudo the excutive Governor Of Central Bank Of Nigeria.
Last edited SUN/8/2010 by one of the skyhooks The pointed eared fairy, aka "Yasterb" is much nicer looking now since the operation thats her in her new avatar the one on the left with the wax "dummy" of the old elfie |
|
|
|
wokabo
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 23 Sep 2004
Posts: 825
Location: best beer country in onomatopoeia world
|
Posted:
Tue Dec 09, 2008 8:26 am |
|
A man comes home, very excited, and shouts to his wife:
"Wife, pack your bags, I've just won the lottery!"
Wife: "that's great honey! Should I pack for warm or for cold weather?"
Man:"I don't give a f**, as long as you move your ass out of here!" |
_________________
Fight My Brute |
|
|
|
Casual Occurrence
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 25 Dec 2007
Posts: 529
Location: Around here....somewhere.....
|
Posted:
Wed Dec 10, 2008 9:36 am |
|
Spudz, I've always heard that joke as:
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left it.
And some more along those same lines:
What do you call a guy hanging on the wall?
Art.
What do you call an arm and a leg hanging on the wall?
Pieces of Art.
Wierd that's all I can think of off the top of my head...one of my friends LOVES those kinds of jokes.
Finally, one that had me laughing for 5 min straight:
What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment! |
_________________ x48; x10 x7; fake checks: $592,854.89 USD ==> Biggest Fake check: $450,000.00
"When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction." - Cathartic Kate
IF YOU MEET THIS MAN ON GROUND YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO RAIN ABUSES ON HIM...I WOULD ADVICE YOU READ AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND HIS E-MAILS VERY WELL BEFORE YOU START INSULTING HIS PERSONALITY. - Rev. Niklas
Thank you for your Undiluted Assictance and we hope to have a Lasting business relationship with you. - Hou Weijun
YOU ARE A F***ING BASTERD!!! - [Account reported] Dr. John E. Telex/Foreign Remitance Department
<a href="/forum/viewtopic.php?t=159622">Getting into collecting accounts from ASEMs? For a breakdown of a simple example bait: Click Here</a> |
|
|
|
harrya
Elite Baiter
Joined: 23 Jul 2006
Posts: 1489
Location: Not Happy
|
Posted:
Wed Dec 10, 2008 10:03 am |
|
^^^ what do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water
-Bob
What do you call a naked man hiding in a tree
-Russel
What do you call a blind dear
- no Idea
what do you call a blind dear with no legs
- still no Idea
There is many many more - just don't start me
that reminds me of the jumper leads walking in the bar
the bar man says - Just don't start anything.
oldies but goodies
night all |
_________________
|
|
|
|
A SKYHOOK
419Eater is my life
Joined: 20 Sep 2008
Posts: 405
Location: the land of oz
|
Posted:
Thu Dec 11, 2008 6:30 am |
|
my sis sent me this and just to add xxxx is better than VB bombs me i like a nice cold Capt Morgan & coke
Siamese twins walked into a pub in Brisbane and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the barman, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm Joe, he's Jim, we'll have two XXXX Draught beers please."
The barman, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers, "Been on holiday yet, boys?"
"Off to America next month," says Joe. "We go to the States every year and hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?"
Jim agrees.
"Ah, America," says the barman. "Wonderful country ... The history, the beer, the culture..."
"Nah, we don't like that US crap," says Joe.
"Meat Pies and XXXX beer, that's us, he Jim? We can't stand the Yanks - they're arrogant, rude and egotistical..."
"So why keep going to America?" asks the barman.
Joe replies, "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive." |
_________________ before i can walk i must crawl and a skyhook will help lift me up were i want to be . i no iv got one in the shed some were hang on ill be back as soon as i find it
We are expecting you to feed us with the necessary payment details This is prof.Sloudo the excutive Governor Of Central Bank Of Nigeria.
Last edited SUN/8/2010 by one of the skyhooks The pointed eared fairy, aka "Yasterb" is much nicer looking now since the operation thats her in her new avatar the one on the left with the wax "dummy" of the old elfie |
|
|
|
remmy223
Elite Baiter
Joined: 12 Jun 2006
Posts: 1734
Location: butt f*** middle of nowhwere
|
Posted:
Fri Dec 12, 2008 1:56 am |
|
received today as an e mail...well of course!!!!!
Quote: |
Dear All
As we are nearing the end of 2008 I thought I would wish you a pleasant
and successful final phase with great dreams for 2009.
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
(Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15, 000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program....
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7
million
with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you,
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with
an aftershave sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore and Uzbekistan
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice,
I can't even pick up the $50.00 I found dropped in the car park because
it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath
my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician's relative once removed.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
|
|
_________________ x 356
bike shop
you are bauitfull i will show the picture to my kid
Death man walking.
Click here to support 419Eater.com |
|
|
|
A SKYHOOK
419Eater is my life
Joined: 20 Sep 2008
Posts: 405
Location: the land of oz
|
Posted:
Fri Dec 12, 2008 2:18 am |
|
loved it got me |
_________________ before i can walk i must crawl and a skyhook will help lift me up were i want to be . i no iv got one in the shed some were hang on ill be back as soon as i find it
We are expecting you to feed us with the necessary payment details This is prof.Sloudo the excutive Governor Of Central Bank Of Nigeria.
Last edited SUN/8/2010 by one of the skyhooks The pointed eared fairy, aka "Yasterb" is much nicer looking now since the operation thats her in her new avatar the one on the left with the wax "dummy" of the old elfie |
|
|
|
Corona
Baiting Guru
Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8809
Location: On ya left!
|
Posted:
Fri Dec 12, 2008 11:54 am |
|
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes !," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
|
_________________
x? x?
Free Pastor Frank
An Eater's Sweetheart Safari |
|
|
|
Corona
Baiting Guru
Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8809
Location: On ya left!
|
Posted:
Fri Dec 12, 2008 1:31 pm |
|
|
|
|
Bella
419Eater is my life
Joined: 01 Aug 2006
Posts: 272
Location: Australia
|
Posted:
Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:19 am |
|
I don't want to upset anybody but this was emailed to me and I couldn't help but smile
Hope it makes you all smile too...
If you thought Mondays were bad enough and couldn't get any worse wait
until you read this.
Far far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were
swimming around in the sea
One called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that
inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a
prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about
being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his
old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and
lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of
his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he
thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold,
he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his
friends and bought them all a cocktail.
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his
old pal.
'Where's Christian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to
the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he
set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend,
come out and see me again.'
Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the
enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've
changed.'.........
'I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian' |
_________________ <a href="/forum/donate.php">[Click here to donate to 419Eater.com]</a>
I am just tired for all these problems when things appear to be moving smooth, then something keeps going wrong.- Mustapha Mallam
HELLO SIR, I AM SORY FOR THE DELAY OF THE REPLY OF YOUR MAIL, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IT�S BECAUSE OF THE CRISTMAS, AND WHEN IT IS CRISTMASS MOST OF THE REFUGEE IN THE CAMP RUN AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK SO WHEN IT IS CRISTMASS THEY DON�T ALOW US TO GO OUT.- Lofty Kamara |
|
|
|
ChainYanker
Collecting TShirts the Hard Way
Joined: 02 Dec 2007
Posts: 1497
Location: Shouting "Fire!" in crowded theaters across America
|
Posted:
Mon Dec 15, 2008 4:34 pm |
|
^^^ Ten LOLpoints. I've never heard that one before. |
_________________ x3
FEMALE
"This deal does not have anything to do with religion because we are talking about $10.150 million us dollars" -Bangu Mali
"YOUR DEATH IS AT HAND HENCE YOU LEARNT HOW TO DOUBLE CROSS OTHER GUYMAN KEEP IT ON AND WATCH OUT" -Don Jack
"why is it that you dont believed that the unicorn is avaialabe" -Victoria Smith
"i have seen that you are not financially capable to handle this great opportunity maturedly" -Muhammad Bla1se
Earned a pony, earned a bun, still not sure what they mean --> |
|
|
|
|
|
forum.419eater.com Forum Index » GENERAL CHAT |
Goto page Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 ... 70, 71, 72 Next |
|
View next topic
View previous topic
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|