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 Mom opened my mail - how to respond?

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thud419
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 10:04 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Sometimes letters in window envelopes are positioned badly, and you can not tell the name of the addressee before opening it. Often the letter goes back into the envelope so the name is visible.

You wont know why she opened it until you ask her. I'm not saying it is innocent, just that the possibility exists.

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Gnasher
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 11:17 am Reply with quoteBack to top

maxheadroom wrote:
what really bugs me, is that she seems to expect me to just ignore the fact that she opened the letter or something. I just want to know why. I don't get how opening up my mail is "looking out for me", that doesn't make sense to me. Why not open up all my mail then? Why just do this one letter?


Because she's your mother - it's her job Wink

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maxheadroom
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 2:19 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Boy do I feel foolish.

I found out today talking to my dad that he actually opened the letter, because he didn't know what it was. I just assumed my mom had opened it because she had said she was going to send my mail up to me and she's opened my mail before.

Well sorry everyone for making such a big deal out of this. But I still might get a post office box/my mail forwarded anyway.

Max

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 3:03 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Laughing

Don't forget to give your mom a big hug the next time you see her. Wink

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FireWyrm
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 7:39 am Reply with quoteBack to top

maxheadroom wrote:
she admitted she knew what the overdraft statement/envelope was but just wanted to see how much the overdraft was for.....


Overprotective mother. Sorry, but it goes with the territory. I have children and you hear so much about credit cards, massive overdrafts and debts that cannot ever be repaid, heck, America is on the verge of a recession because of it and it's knock on effects. She weighed the possibility of you being angry against the certain knowledge of how much you were in for and perhaps being able to help before you got out of your depth. People DO commit suicide over this stuff you know. How could she live with herself if you ever did that and all because she was too timid to open your mail. I can almost hear her thoughts and see her pacing up and down the kitchen for hours, alternately looking at the envelope and then putting it back on the side, checking again, putting it back, thinking it over, seeing all the horrible possibilities that could befall her child. Your dignity might have taken a knock, but she sees you dead on the floor every waking moment and in her nightmares too. Just because you are an adult, doesnt mean you stop being her child, the worry is endless, sometimes irrational but always real. Cut her some slack.

maxheadroom wrote:

Should I have the discussion with her on email or the phone? What should I say?


If it were me, I would start the conversation with "...I was a little annoyed with you, but I understand why you did it...", then I would continue the conversation with an exploration of her fears. She is obviously worried because you dont tell her anything, she has no way to gauge if there is a problem she should know about. You needn't go into details about your personal finances, but some re-assurance is obviously in order..."Mum, I'm fine, honestly, I have a good job, I'm earning good money, I'm not an idiot, I know I have to give the money back, no I wont borrow too much..."

I screen my husbands mail for credit card junk due to previous problems. It's part of being concerned about someone.

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drew.p.coque
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 8:00 am Reply with quoteBack to top

my mom did this to see if i was skint / finanncial wealthy.

really got me mad. (i totally sympathise)

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Gnasher
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 11:41 am Reply with quoteBack to top

FireWyrm wrote:
maxheadroom wrote:
she admitted she knew what the overdraft statement/envelope was but just wanted to see how much the overdraft was for.....


Overprotective mother. Sorry, but it goes with the territory. .


Well yes but sometimes you have to tell parents to butt out of your business. It's not being "protective" it's being controlling. I'm a parent, I know about worry but at the same time I take the view that my kids aren't going to learn to stand on their own two feet (and learn from their occasional mistakes) unless I back off and let them.

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thefife
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 2:54 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

At least you hadn't confronted your mom b4 realizing you were completely clueless about the situation. Whew! It's always good to get your facts straight b4 confronting someone. And then when confrontation is unavoidable, do it in a calm, rational manner.

That being said, she's your mom, she's gonna get in your biz from time to time. Just suck it up & deal w/ it or talk it out with her when you are really bothered & avoid ultimatums.

Just go to the post office & have your mail forwarded. I wouldn't even mention it to either parent, it's your right to have your mail forwarded to your address if you want.

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