Another GOAT

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Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:09 am

There is good news and bad news. The good news is that they have farting goats. The bad news is that I could not get him to use the phrase "Drop the chalupa." I was also unsuccessful with the "heavy petting with young children" phrase.

I am gutted.

My letter:

Quote:

Dear Pastor B@ll@s:

I am sorry it has taken me so long to write to you, but I was very busy over the Easter holidays. Please tell me, do you have any animals left? I am hoping so, as your email made me very excited.

We run a petting zoo for young children, which they find very educational. Please let me know if you have any of the following animals:

Monkey
Farting Goat
Chalupa (Togo)
Hippogriff
Chupacabra

Someone told me that monkeys do not like chalupas, but I do not know if this is true. You are the expert! Please tell me if you think that we need to drop the chalupa.

We try to watch the children, but sometimes the young ones can be a little rough with the animals. Can you tell me if the monkey gets too excited by heavy petting with young children? Again, you are the expert!

Please let me know these details. If the chalupa and farting goat need to be sent separately, please let me know if there will be an additional charge.

Thank you,
Pi3rce Kn1pl
Director
N3itherpet N0rfolk Animals

His response:

Quote:

Dear P1erce,

Monkey are $950 each, Farting and Mountain goats are $650 each, Chalupas are $250 each,
Hippogriff is $1,900 and only one but Chupacabras we don't have.

Normally, it's not advisable these animals together and the need to be exported seperately in caging containners.

If you're okay with the prices just send your full address with telephone for the invoice in other to speed up the transactions.

Thanks,

Pastor B@ll@s.

NB: That's one friggin' expensive Taco Bell!

I hope you all don't mind me sending an email to this guy as well. I almost asked for a cthulhu, but thought he might actually know what that was. I figured I could always throw it in after a few amusing emails.

Please be gentle, it's my first time.

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:35 am

^^ I think it's a fair bet that if he doesn't know what a hippogriff is you're OK asking for a Cthulu.

You could try asking for a Shub Niggurath and checking to see how many kids it has.

He's very good with pictures is Pastor Goat, make sure he sends a picture of your hippogriff and don't be fobbed off with a still from that Harry Potter movie!

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:11 pm

@ SNM

Welcome to the fray that is Pastor Ballsacks Flying Managerie! Laughing

No animal is too exotic, as previous postings in this thread bear testament to, although he doesn't always have everything you want in stock.

This is one stupid and lazy mugu out of his depth and brass neck deep in baiters. Twisted Evil

The good Pastor must be administering to his flock as he doesn't want to speak to me about my latest order for a dozen Turbo Tortoises (with go faster racing stripes) and three French Hens.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 1:05 pm

I'm trying to get this guy to 100 emails before he twigs. I have 22 with the same order, so far. Very Happy

Quote:

Dear Pasror Balls,

Oh, dear. i'm afraid i already mailed the payment slip at the post
office, to Waycool Ampersand. He must have received it by now. It
was mailed in a green envelope, with pink stripes. I remember that it
did have alot of numbers on it.
How big are these crocodiles? And will they eat my cat?
Regards,
Dana

I can't have them eating my cat. Laughing

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 1:13 pm

We're up to 34 here. I got him up to this subject line at one point

Quote:

Re: RE: Re: RE: Fw: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: GUINEA SWINE

My second scan of the WU receipt was intercepted by Homeland Security and they are now at TERRCON LEVEL 4 BENIN, whatever that means.

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 1:17 pm

Tommo Shanter wrote:

he doesn't want to speak to me about my latest order for a dozen Turbo Tortoises (with go faster racing stripes) and three French Hens.

he is lazy, i've told him 3 times i need him to fill out the import form bfore i transfer the funds. to no avail..

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 1:21 pm

You guys are amazing! I am in awe.

You're right, of course, that nothing appears too ridiculous to this man. I am thinking about checking on not only a cthulhu, but also a chocolate starfish.

He wants my phone number, oh joy, oh joy.

I love the fact that he has quoted me prices for shipping, and I haven't yet told him where I live. That's one impressive courier service!

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 3:14 pm

Past0r B@lls@ck wants W1llburn to send the money to a bank account. Twisted Evil

This is the same one @DH has listed above. Doc, you did send this to Alan correct?

Quote:

Dear Puss3y

Please serious if you really wants this animals.

BANK NAME: SOCIETE GENERALE DE BANQUE AU BENIN
BANK ADDRESS: BOULEVARD ST MICHEL 01 B.P585 COTONOU .
<snipped>

Couple days and I get to slap him

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Mar 2008 Posts: 12

Has anyone spoken to Pastro B@lls@ck on the tele? He is wanting me to call him now and I don't have the means to do so. If anyone is interested I will pass along the number.

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:25 pm

i told him i didn't have a telephone and to call my sister.

if you were so inclined, you could post his number to ALL the scam mails you get in your catcher, with a simple note "please call me immediately, i am interested in your offer", but that would be mean.. Smile

Master Baiter Joined: 20 Mar 2008 Posts: 107

He has problems with his internet-connection... :>

Quote:

Sorry we have problem with our internet connection please call me on this number +229-XXXXXXXX.

Thanks
Pastor Ballas

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Mar 2008 Posts: 12

That email must have come through telegram.

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:11 pm

Quote:

Thank you, Pastor, for your prompt reply.

I need to have the purchase approved by the committee before I can proceed. They would like some proof that the animals are in good health. As we cannot travel there directly, can you please provide a photo of one or more of the animals so that we can see this? Please make sure that in the photo we can see both the animal and the sign for the Liv1ng Pr00f W1ldlife C3nter so that we know that you are taking a photo of the actual animal and not just finding one from somewhere else.

As you are a Christian pastor, I believe and trust you, but one of the committee members has asked for this before he will approve the purchase.

Thank you,
P1erce Kn1pl

Quote:

Dear Pi3rce,

Please, you better come down yourself to witness the whole animals and pick them.

Goat safari!

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Mar 2008 Posts: 12

Quote:

You proof to be a wonder who is in hole that you can't communicate

Specify which port of entry in New Zealand.

May your government improve your communication standard, even we in Africa are OK

Maybe the govt can improve my communication standard!

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:41 pm

Spear N. Magichelmet wrote:

Please make sure that in the photo we can see both the animal and the sign for the Liv1ng Pr00f W1ldlife C3nter so that we know that you are taking a photo of the actual animal and not just finding one from somewhere else.
!

good luck, i asked for the same, he dropped me. lazy b@st@rd!

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:04 pm

I hope he isnt too stupid to help my friend, hew jess;ll and i, to find a female arctic monkey of breeding age before our male pines to death Sad

Master Baiter Joined: 20 Mar 2008 Posts: 107

grizzly wrote:

That email must have come through telegram.

He transmitted it by smoke signal Wink

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:12 pm

@Y0usa-yes,it was sent.Just resent it to make certain.I'm still telling him I havn't got my money back from the first acount yet.

Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:13 pm

Thanks Doc. I will string him along for a few more days, then slap him for giving me a bad account.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 2:42 am

My last email to pastor Ballas.

Quote:

Dear Pasror Balls,

Oh, dear. i'm afraid i already mailed the payment slip at the post
office, to Waycool Ampersand. He must have received it by now. It
was mailed in a green envelope, with pink stripes. I remember that it
did have alot of numbers on it.
How big are these crocodiles? And will they eat my cat?
Regards,
Dana

His reply cracked me up!! I think he twigged.... Laughing

Quote:

Dear dana,

Expect your crocodiles in an evelope posted at the Cotonou port and thank you for the payment.

Pastor Ballas

Fuuny guy! Laughing

Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 6:07 am

Received this yesterday. I think the good Pastor Ballsack is getting a bit weary and wary and is keen to talk on the phone with my new character...

Quote:

Sorry we have problem with our internet connection please call me on this number +229-93-92-38-94 if really interested.

Thanks

Quote:

Hello Pastor Ballas.

I got your name from one of my flock who informs me that you supply
certain animals.

I am Father McKenzie, a priest in Blackburn, England. I am looking to
purchase some animals for a ritual slaughter in honour of our patron
saint, St Eleanor Rigby at Christmas Yuletide.

We urgently need three French Hens and a dozen Turbo Tortoises,
especially ones with the go faster stripes on them.My church will pay
good prices for animals with certificates and in good condition.

I hope you are able to accommodate us. God speed and get back to me
soon.

Reverend McKenzie

I don't talk to lads on the phone, but please feel free to ring him your pizza orders or a taxi at strange hours of the day.

Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 6:23 am

^^ Careful you don't lose those animals down all those holes you have in Blackburn, Lancashire.

He asked me for my phone number. I gave him my baiter mobile but it has remained strangely silent so I don't think he's ringing anyone.

Just hit him with a bunch of forms for the new transfer regulations that came in this week with the new tax year.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 1:10 pm

I guess I'll keep going, and try to salvage the bait. Very Happy

Quote:

You are really quite a funny man! Imagine, putting crocodiles in an
envelope! hahaha
I'm so glad you got my payment, and you're welcome. So, give me the
details of when i can expect my animals from Kronos Transport. Are
you sure they deliver to the USA? I have never heard of them.
My husband will go @p3s1it when he sees what I have spent our tax
return refund on! Thank you so much for your kind attention.
Dana

Edit: to make it g-rated.

Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 4:40 pm

Homeland Security kept intercepting my WU receipts. Dang!

So I wrote:

Rasta Balls:
I have the money
Whats your bank account number
I'll transfer it there.

He replied with bank account information for me to send Alan. Excellent. Now it's time to send him riding on the EZTr@c k train.

Side note: for some reason this lad is really responsive to haiku.

Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 5:00 pm

i told him me secretary has the funds and was waiting my approval to make the transfer. before i transfered the $$'s i needed veternarian certificate.

no replies from the good pastor for a few days.

i've noticed over the 3 or 4 times i've messed with him, if i ask for anything (other than an invoice), i get dropped...

you'd think for $15,000+ he'd put in a little work. what a lazy shithead!!