Another GOAT

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Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 10:41 am

^^^Maybe it's time to place an order for some Grease Monkeys? Laughing

[Edited to add] This just in from the good Pastor who is apologizing for my bad behaviour...

Quote:

Dear xxxx,

I'm sorry for all the language used and calling me Pastor Ballsack.
Though, you may not like to be treated that way but if it were you
that a serious buyer would be telling you Ineed this & that in
every encounter you won't pleased.
What you are requesting we don't have them and can't make any
invoice to cover them, just understand and stop being furious.
Thanks,
Pastor Ballas.

He ain't playing ball with the 12 days of Christmas modality, so I've just hit him for a Grease Monkey instead.

Please ask him for an invoice at every available opportunity.

Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 9:56 pm

<br>This mugu isn't playing ball with my Grease Monkey request...

Quote:

Dear xxxxx
It's not available, thanks.
Pastor Ballas.

Lazy b*stard

So I send him this, which I think will fall on deaf ears. I'm pissed off now with this lad and don't really care.

Quote:

Attn Pastor Balla5

NO GREASE MONKEY!!!!

I thought you had one in stock? Have you sold it already? Oh well, never
mind. It doesn't necessarily have to be very greasy monkey. It could be
a normal one that is house trained. Can you supply chimp nappies as well
so it doesn't shit everywhere over here? I'm prepared to pay extra for
the diapers and the PG Tips.

Also do you have a normal Smoking Monkey, which we need for urgent
research over hear into passive smoking and other lung diseases? The
reason I ask is because my mother died suddenly yesterday after only
four days from the cancer sickness and I would hate to go the same ways
myself. The last words she said were
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarh!

I wait to here positive response good Pastor from you in good memory of
my late mother's last wishes. Just name your price because I don't want
to die.

C. Strap0n
[CEO]

Hey ho!

Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 10:17 pm

I'm still writing to him in haiku to keep myself amused.

Quote:

Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: Guinea swine

Dear Pasta Balls:

Send me my invoice
For thirteen guinea piglets
Promised weeks ago.

Don't bear false witness
That is the eighth commandment
Are you a SINNER?

Herbert

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Mar 2008 Posts: 12

For some odd reason I just chuckle:

Dear Jack,

The animals are in very good condition in healthwise and
none of them was shot at.
They haven't been ridden before except one, but they were
bred in our sanctuary and are fertilely good, thanks

Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:52 pm

I just get the impression that this lazy lad is ditching the old timers who are too much like hard work because they are yanking his chain (shame) and he is looking for some fresh meat. Time to re-bait in a new guise, I think.

Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 11:38 am

He hasn't got a Smoking Monkey, but he has a free bale of monkey nappies...

Quote:

We have a free bale of chimp nappies, but smoking monkey none, thanks.
Pastor Balla5.

My reply...

Quote:

Hello My Good Pastor,

Thanks for your latest email.

I will definitely have the free bale of chimp nappies. How big is the
bale and how much does it cost? I need them in different sizes. What
sizes are they please?

Also, I need some other animals for my laboratories around the world.
What do you have in stock at the moment? My clients pay good money for
fresh specimens. Do you have any Blow Job Monkeys? I need two (2) for
experimentation into Charles Darwin's missing link and Ken Dodd's
theory of everything.

Please get back to me soon so we can do more construction business
together. Have great weekend holidays also.

xxxx
[CEO]

Not quite a Newb Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 61

P@5t0r B@ll@s seems interested in receiving funding for his animal sanctuary. I'm hoping he'll use the money wisely, like to start supplying more exotic animals such as Grease Monkeys.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:51 pm

I can't believe this guy is still going. He's much more persistant and gullible that the Original Goat. Great job everyone, you're all cracking me up! Laughing

Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 4:07 pm

Pastor Doolittle wrote:

Subject: RE : Re: RE : GUINEA SWINE

Dear Herbert,
Please, send your full address for the invoice but, we can supply
you the 13 piglets each is $105, thanks.

Sorry, I am not a sinner because JESUS died and took my sins
away, therefore, I am RIGHTEOUS in JESUS' name.
Pastor Ballas.

Haiku master in reply wrote:

Pasta Balls:

Don't invoice by post-
That will take way too much time
Scan me the invoice.

If you don't do this
I'll know you are a lying
Sinner in God's eye.

Herbert

Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 10:07 pm

^^ I love the Haiku baiting Smile

He asked for an address from me for the lions, tigers and bears (oh my!) shipment so he's still going.

I wonder if the other lads in the internet cafe have stopped laughing at him yet Wink

Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 8:22 am

Please please don't ring up the good Pastor Ballsack at odd hours of the night or early morning and order an exotic goatie beard pizza or even a camel's toe taxi for Mrs Abacha and her trunk box...

[Edited to add]

Sent by me over the weekend after he asked me to ring him urgently....

Quote:

I tried ringing you last night but had no response. What is going on? What is so urgent?

I have a new customer in France who is looking to buy a Pink Panther.
He will pay at least 1,000 Euros. no problem.

The invoice should be made out to :

Mr Jacques C0usteau
M00nbase Alpha
Wet Suit City
Paris
Bordeaux
FRANCE 9O210

I assume it will have all the usual inoculations and others, especially
against Very Mad Cow Disease which is rampant over there at the moment.

He says if you haven't got a Pink Panther he will pay 500 Euros extra
to have one drip dyed in that particular colour.

I wait to hear from you soonest as. Have a great day at the orifice.

xxxx

No reply as yet.

Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:22 pm

My latest exchange with p4stor b4llas.He told me to WU him the money.I asked if there was another method available,as I am a good 100 miles from the nearest WU office.He replied

Quote:

dear John,
It's the only way to get me if serious even here in Afrca it is available
in even 200 sq. m. so try as needed, thanks

I replied to him

Quote:

I am not saying it is unavailable.I am saying it is too far away to be
practical.Look at a map of Montana sometime.You mean to tell me in
Africa all money is transferred by western union?Now you are not being
serious.I get the feeling this is scam of somekind

His reply

Quote:

Dear John,
Sorry for your reaction, the Western Union and Moneygram is the only fastest
way to receive moneys in Africa but if it's impossible, just send it twive or thrice to quicken
the transactions, thanks.

What the hell is he trying to say??

Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:55 pm

Pasta Balls wrote:

Dear Herbert,
Have you no address, it will be scaned.

In reply I righteously wrote:

I see no scan yet
Invoice my guinea piglets
Why you're so lazy?

Jesus the Christ said
It is easier to pass
Through the needle's eye.

Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:57 pm

Please if you get a animal by any cartoon names, make sure you the birth certificate from him!

Not quite a Newb Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 61

with this guy going so good with all the orders, I decided to take a different approach.

]Pastor Ballas:

Quote:

Dear Rock,

I am happy and ready to acquaint your investment and want
whatever that will enhance the smooth opertation of the sanctuary,
thanks.
Pastor Ballas.

Game ON!!?

Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:58 pm

Wow, you guys have kept him very busy. He has just now (4 days late) sent me the invoice for my amur leopards (less than 40 left in the world you know), unicorns (population unknown), and African Pocket Pythons (no comment).

I will post the invoice when I get a chance. Typically, I have fun slow-rolling lads, but this one seems content to slow roll himself with me. Maybe I have to spice up my angle on the bait a little... Twisted Evil

Not quite a Newb Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 61

Pastor Ballas is a regular Noah. You should all be ashamed for taking advantage of such a man:

Quote:

Dear R0ck

I really appreciate your response thanks.

The sanctuary is an affiliate to our church it was started with two animals of about 40 species which have today grown to a larger number, and it was designated initially as Semi Park for our Sunday school children.

Today we are having 60 species of animals totalling 640 which have exceeded finances of our church coffers, our inability to feed the animals and take good care of them, but we have a spacious land area to keep them.

Your venture is a relives to us by coming in to equip our newly built office for the sanctuary which needs their software machines therefore they are welcome to be part of us.

We await your response

Yours faithfully

.

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:25 pm

Quote:

Dear Bob

Sorry for my late response to your email, I was busy with other issues
As per your request, please send the money to the account details below.
Below are the account details.

As soon as you have sent the wire transfer you should endeavour to send the transfer slip for our reference.

Please expedite action to enable us prepare the animals for shipment.
We await your response

Best regards
Pastor B4774s

I threatened him with some forms if he persisted with Western Union or MoneyGram payment.. is this reportable to Alan?
Also, since when were made up power tools animals?

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 10

I haven't laughed so much for quite a while. I've put my order in.

Quote:

At the moment I am looking for
1 x Rampant Rabbit (Electric blue if possible)
1 x Dead Parrot (My friend Monty who bought a python recommended them)
1 x Scambator (very similar to the fresh water aligator)
17 x Irish Pixies (with green coats)
1 x Igglepiggle (for my night garden)

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:20 pm

@Mr Wang

I got exactly the same bank thing today. I will email it to Alan.

The good Pastor's English seem to have improved significantly in the latest email, which seems to suggest that he has maybe passed us further up the mugu food chain or sold his box to the devil. Laughing

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:57 pm

@Mr Wang - Damn you beat me to it. Got the same account details today as well.

Financial Bank must be very busy... Barrister Peters and the "UK Inland Revenue Commission" use them. Ever so handy as I have a SWIFT receipt that will take very little messing with to use on this bait Laughing

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 12:29 am

I got exactly the same one as well.Trying to decide what to hit him with now-vaccination records,import certificates?I think maybe a certificate of origin,they really exist,but are used in the auto industry.

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 2:53 pm

I used another baiting char to send Pastor B@ll@s an email:

Quote:

Pastor B@ll@s,

Why haven't you sent my invoice for the following:

3 Wet b3av3rs
3 Pink P#ssi3s

Either invoice me, or I will find the animals elsewhere.

R. J. Dyl@n III Esq.

This one is dumber than your average bear. I am afraid to ask for pictures though because he may actually send them.

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 5:19 pm

^^ He really is thicker than a London fog but he has a friend who is not half bad at putting documents together and when $70k is dangled under his nose in an escrow account he's pretty quick too. I requested this lot this morning and 6 hours later...

Shame that it should be "Feline Infections Leukaemia" and I asked for proof the animals were his to sell, not they owned a wildlife reserve.

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 5:46 pm

^^^^

True Hall Of Shame material. Laughing

I especially like the way the info. doesn't fit in the boxes. Nothing wrong with that obviously.

I sent him a cheque payment on account by snail mail for my initial orders and he told me he'd received it. Laughing