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 D1ck 5tr0ker and Attorney Bukkake

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Codeine
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 24 Nov 2006
Posts: 55
Location: Lagos Airport. What do you mean you can't see me? I'm right here!


PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 10:16 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This is a bait that I did a while back now. Hope you enjoy it.

Dramatis Personae

- US Businessman and willing victim (Yours truly)

- Terminally ill millionaire desperate to share his fortune with me (Mugu 1)

- "Lawyer" to the above, and nicknamed "Attorney Bukkake" by me. (Mugu2)

So, as you'd expect, it began with the usual form letter -> response -> second form letter. And we pick it up from there:

Quote:

Dear David,
Thank you for your prompt reply. I must confess that I was initially sceptical about replying to your generous offer, as I, like you, have heard bad tales of people attempting to extort money via the internet; however, it gladdens my heart to know that you are a fellow Christian, and more that you were able to feel that I too have accepted the Lord Jesus into my heart, and this reassures me that you are a good man who knows that his generosity will assure him a place at God's right hand in the eternal salvation of heaven. Let me reassure you that your offer would be of enormous benefit to the Christian community here in the United States, and I would gladly undertake a project to construct a charitable foundation in your name.

I will pray for you night and day sir; the Lord works in mysterious ways, and perhaps he will see fit to bless you with more life than your doctors can predict. I work as a liaison manager for a large Pharmaceutical company here in America, so I would be interested to hear more of your condition - perhaps there is a chance that we have information we can share that may be able to improve your quality of life. I will gladly supply your barrister with my personal information when he contacts me. In the meanwhile, please call me Dick (short for Richard) as my friends do, as I feel sure that this will be the start of a (God Willing) long and profitable correspondance.

Your friend in Christ,

D1ck 5tr0ker


Back he comes:

Quote:

Dear Brother Richard 5tr0ker,

Calvary greetings in the name of the lord almighty. I recieved your email and was very glad that we can trust each other towards the gold of the great transaction.
Yes, its true that they are alot of bad eggs in our society and you must understand that in every 10 eggs you must have a bad egg in it. These internet are from arround the world, even in your country we have people who scam people for a living because i was almost ripped off my said fund, but God almighty was not sleeping so he directed me and leaded me right. God is good all the time.

My friend dick, i must advice you that they are alot of people out side there who will want to rip you off, so if you recieved any email similar to this email, make sure you forward it to my lawyer who will help you in this transaction.

Please note that the said lawyer i will introduce you too, will help you and direct you on what to do and how to be successful in this transaction. She is a professional, she works internationaly and also under the Federal Government of Nigeria and i can assure you can trust her.

There is nothing more important to me now than getting to know that i have finnaly found someone who i can trust for this transaction. I will like you to do as you said with the fund when it gets to your account because after the transaction i will travel to your country to inspect your hard work and how you spent the money wisely.

I will like you to give your full co-operation to the Attorney who will complete this transaction with you. She will be standing here on your behalf and make sure every thing works out for the better. Make sure you always update me on how the transaction is moving so i can always advice you on what to do also and to avoid mistakes.

So please write the attorney on *****@hotmail.com telling her you will want her to help you towards the claim of my late wife inheritance fund. Her Attorney Bukky Adedeji.

Thank you and highest Regards.

Mr David herman



It's so nice to know that he's got my welfare in mind. After all, as he himself says: "they are alot of people out side there who will want to rip you off".

He must still be a touch sceptical though, because this email followed about an hour later:

Quote:
Dear Brothern D1ck 5tr0ker,

Calvary greetings in the name of the lord Almighty. I was very worried that i really dont know who i am dealing with properly. I will like you to send me an identification of your self, either an international Passport or a drivers lincence so to enable me know who i am dealing with.

Mr brother Dick, i just cant tell you how much i appreciate you because i have prayed to God Almighty all through the night and he has revealed to me again that you are the rightful person for this transaction.

Please i will like you to always advice me on how i can be strong and have the strenght to walk and please can you prescribe some drugs for me that i can use that will make me very healthy and strong.

Finally, i have attatched a copy of my lates wife CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT, which shows the amount she has in the BANK as evidence, Immediately you recieve this Document make sure you print it out because you will also need it for the claim of this Fund.

Hope to here from you soon and make sure you take this transaction very serious to enable us complete this transaction before Xmas.

Thank you very much.

Mr David Herman


Now he wants me to be his pusherman as well? Shocked Shocked Shocked

Incidentally, the "attached document" was actually a 1kb .lnk file. Stupid mugu can't even attach a file properly.

Quote:
David,

I think there must have been some problem with your attachment; I am unable to open it. Please send it again. Also, I think you may be slightly confused; I'm not a doctor, so I can't legally "prescribe" drugs for you. However, if you can furnish me with details of the diagnosis of your illness, I might be able to advise you as to the medication you should ask your own doctor to supply you with. I look forward to hearing from you, and I shall also be contacting your attorney forthwith.

Best wishes,

Dick


That last email was sent on Friday evening. Saturday morning, he's back, and from the subject line, seems to be in a bit of a hurry. Unlucky . Twisted Evil

Quote:

Subject: GET BACK TO ME SOON BECAUSE DELAY CAN BE DANGEROUS
Dear D1ck 5tr0ker,

Calvary greeting in the name of the lord Almighty. Thank you for your prompt and quick email to me.

My Brother, i want you to know that before i can send you this said Document again "CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT OF MY LATE WIFE" you must provide me with the said information i demanded from you and write my ATTORNEY on *****@hotmail.com for easy communication and with out that i wont reply back your email.

I must know your Identity and who you are, your email to me make me real scared because you dont want to give me your full data and i dont know may be you are real or not. If you are then you need to follow my full instruction.

Please fill the form below and get back to me immediately.

FULL NAME:
FULL CONTACT ADDRESS:
OCCUPATION:
POSITION:
SEX:
MARITAL STATUS:
AGE:
RELIGION:
PRIVATE PHONE NUMBER:
PRIVATE FAX NUMBER:

THANK YOU

MR DAVID HERMAN


I have shit to do over the weekend, so Dave and his lawyer can wait until Monday. He doesn't like that.

Quote:

Subject: DELAY CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS
Dear D1ck 5tr0ker,

Calvary greetings in the name of the lord. Are you no more interested so i can look for someone else that can help me complete this transaction immediately.

Thank you

Mr David Herman


Sorry about the delay Dave old boy, I was looking for my slapping glove... ah, there it is.

Quote:
Dear David,

Whilst I understand your concern in this sensitive manner, let me inform you that it is not a case of me "not wanting" to give you my information; I am a busy man and I resent your accusations that I am "not real" as you put it. I do not work or retrieve emails on Sundays, the day of REST as dictated by the Lord God on High.

Anyway, let me asssure you that I am most serious about this transaction, and have already started making plans for the charitable use of the money. Here is the information you requested:

**blahblah phoney address, job stuff & k7 line**

I hope this will reassure you that I am enthusiastic and genuine about our arrangement. Please forward to me the documents as requested. I have also contacted your attorney, and I trust there will be no need for further mistrust or suspicion on either of our parts. My best wishes to you and your family as always,

D1ck 5tr0ker


I leave it another day and email the lawyer.

Quote:
Dear Mrs Bukkake,

Mr Herman has asked me to contact you regarding a financial transaction that he and I are engaged in. I trust you will be able to furnish me with more details.

Yours,

D1ck 5tr0ker


Meanwhile, Dave gets back to me in a suitably submissive mood. It must be the medication for his terminal illness that's causing the mood swings. Rolling Eyes

Quote:
Dear D1ck 5tr0ker,

Calvary greetings in the name of the lord almighty. Thank you for your email and i was very happy to hear from you today. I must let you know its a big task for me to wire this Fund to whom i dont know but since i have gotten your full contact information, i am abit assured of your personality and identity.

I will always need your confidence in this transaction because that will make me have trust in you at all time because as you know i can not walk or move arround since i am in the hospital recieving medication. I hope you understand my situation.

These said fund is what i have in this life and i will give you that trust and believe your word towards this transaction because with out trust in a transaction like this it wont work out.

In my dream yesterday, God revealed it to me again that you will use the Fund ( 25 Million USD ) wisely when it gets to your account and that you will make me and my late wife proud.

I am a true and born up Catholic Christian and i have the fear of God in me, i like children and like helping the poor alot and please my good friend make sure when this Fund gets to your account, use it mostly on children and motherless babies home and also as you wish.

Please always update me in this transaction, so i can always advice you on what to do and i must let you know that what ever situation you are in this transaction, please let me know and dont be scared because i can always bring you out and that will make us conclude this transaction successfully and in time.

I will make sure i will try my possible best to give you a call may be today or tomorrow so i can hear your voice and know who i am dealing with very well.

Please dont be offended about my kind of wrong spelling to you, its just that i am having an eye problem and i can not see the key board very well, i am only managing to send you this emails to help you conclude this transaction fast.

Make sure you give the attorney your Full support and understanding to enable carry out her job properly.

Thank you very much
Mr David Herman


Shortly followed by:

Quote:
Dear D1ck 5tr0ker.

I have attatched a copy of my late's wife CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT, so please confirm and print out for future purposes and for the claim of this fund into your account.

Thank you very much

Mr David Herman

Attached:
Image

Ooh, look at all those really long numbers! That must be a very important document indeed!
The lawyer replies next:

Quote:
BUKKY ADEDEJI CHAMBER

NO 43 OLODI APAPA, LAGOS, NIGERIA

GOOD DAY MR RICHARD 5TR0KER,

GREETINGS TO YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD. MY NAME IS MRS BUKKY ADEDEJI,A SOLICITOR AT LAW AND I WORK BOTH INTERNATIONALY AND LOCALY AND MOST IMPORTANTLY I AM REGISTERED UNDER THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA.

I WAS THE PERSONAL ATTORNEY TO LATE MRS LISA HERMAN BEFORE SHE LEFT THIS WORLD FOR GOOD AND LEFT THE SUM OF 25 MILLION USD BEHIND AND SINCE THEN THEY HAVE NOT BEEN CLAIM OF THIS FUND BECAUSE THE HUSBAND, MR DAVID HERMAN WAS NOT OPPORTUNED TOO DUE TO THE FACT THAT HE HAS BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL.

MY BROTHER, NOTE THAT MR HERMAN HAS ALREADY DISCUSSED WITH ME ON TELEPHONE CONVERSATION PERTAINNING YOUR CLAIM OF THIS FUND AS THE NEW NEXT OF KIN AND I BELIEVE I CAN TRUST YOU AND HOPE YOU WILL GIVE ME YOUR WORD THAT YOU WILL CO-OPERATE WITH ME AND NOT TO WASTE MY TIME BECAUSE I HAVE ALOT AT MY DESK NOW, BOTH INTERNATIONALY AND LOCALY.

I HAVE ASSURED MR DAVID HERMAN THAT I WILL DO EVERY THING POSSIBLE TO MAKE SURE THIS SAID FUND IS BEEN WIRED TO YOUR ACCOUNT AT THE GIVING DATE BY THE BANK.

MY BROTHER, I AM A PROFESSIONAL AND I KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE SURE THIS FUND IS BEEN WIRED TO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT, IF YOU ABIDE BY MY RULES BECAUSE THIS TRANSACTION WILL TAKE PROCEEDURES AND PROTOCAL.

IMMEDIATELY WE COMMENCE WITH THIS TRANSACTION, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT I WILL TAKE YOUR CASE FILE VERY SERIOUS AND CONFIDENTIAL TO MAKE SURE I DONT MAKE MISTAKES DURING THE PERIOD OF THIS TRANSACTION AND I WILL ATTEND TO IT AS IF YOU ARE MY BROTHER.

NOW YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT BEFORE YOU CAN USE MY SERVICES, YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY ME FOR MY CONSULTANCY FEE SO I CAN RENDER YOU THE BEST OUT OF ME TO CONCLUDE THE TRANSACTION AND YOU MUST KNOW THIS IS THE PROCEEDURE BECAUSE I HAVE SIMILAR CASES LIKE THIS ONE.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE MY FULL PAYMENT FOR ME TO REPRESENT YOU HERE IN NIGERIA AND CARRY OUT ALL DUTIES YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU AT ALL TIME OR YOU CAN PAY ME PART OF MY CONSULTANCY CHARGES AND AFTER THE TRANSACTION WHEN THE FUND HAS BEEN WIRED TO YOUR ACCOUNT, THEN YOU CAN PAY ME OFF WHEN I COME TO YOUR COUNTRY.

AFTER I HAVE SEEN YOUR NEXT EMAIL FOR US TO COME TO A CONCLUSION, THE I CAN NOW GIVE YOU THE EMAIL ADDRESS AND THE FULL CONTACT TO REACH THE BANK ( DOSEC TRUST FINANCE BANK ) FOR YOU TO REACH THE BANK, SO TO ENABLE US KNOW THE NEXT STEP FOR FURTHER ADVICE.

I HAVE ATTACHED A COPY OF MY 1. INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT AND MY PROFESSIONAL CERTIFICATE 2. CALL TO BAR FOR YOU TO KNOW MY IDENTITY AND MY PROFESSION.

I WILL STOP HERE FOR NOW UNTIL I HEAR FROM YOU.

THANK YOU

ATTORNEY BUKKY ADEDEJI

Attached:
Image
Image



Well, since I can see he's a man of trustworthiness and importance (why else would he use CAPS LOCK?), he deserves a reply. But hang on.
Lawyers fees? Hmm, no-one mentioned this before... I know! We'll just deduct it from the $25million. Problem solved, I'm sure he'll appreciate that.

Quote:

Dear Madam Bukkake,
Thank you for your prompt response to my email.

Sir, if I may confide in you, I am somewhat worried about Mr. Herman's mental condition; he seems to be in quite a state of agitation about this transaction, which I suppose is understandable given his medical circumstances and the amount of cash involved. Perhaps you as his attorney could reassure him that there is nothing to worry about and that you and I are undertaking the transaction as planned? Thank you in advance for this, as I would hate to think that his stress levels may agitate his already delicate health.

Anyway, returning to the matter in hand. Thank you for your reply. Of course, I am interested in continuing with this transaction, and would like details of how we are to proceed further. You mentioned your consultancy fee; whilst I understand that this is standard legal practice for all attorneys worldwide, is it not possible to deduct the fees from the transferred funds for simplicity? That would seem the simplest way of doing things to me.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Yours sincerely,

D1ck 5tr0ker


Next day, David gets back to me. He must be feeling better; he's tried to reach me on the phone.

Quote:
Dear Dick Stroke,

Calvary greetings in the name of the lord. I tried calling you yesterday so i could talk to you on phone but on my greatest surprise your number was not available, can i have your private Mobile number?.

Why have'nt i heared from you, what is going on? do you really want to complete the transaction and are you really serious about it because this is a life time opportunity for the poor in your country.

Please get back to me as soon as possible because delay might be dangerous and i dont want the security firm to sit on this said Fund because of delay. I think i will look for someone else who is capable of completing this transaction if i dont here from you soon.

Thank you
Mr David Herman


You dumb fuck. That K7 line works, I've tested it myself. Maybe you need to scam a few more coins for the payphone. You get another whack for being stupid.

Quote:
David,

I am most surprised that you could not reach me on my number. Are you sure you dialed correctly? Perhaps the hospital telephones don't allow international calls to be made? I suggest you check with the staff there. Also, remember, you will need to dial the INTERNATIONAL DIALING CODE from your country in order to be connected, followed by the INTERNATIONAL CODE FOR THE UNITED STATES which is 1 (ONE), followed by my number ********* Try again, I am usually there; if not you can leave a message on my voicemail and I will return your call as soon as I can.

Why do you keep asking if I am serious and claiming that you "haven't heard from me"? I sent you and your attorney emails YESTERDAY. Perhaps it has slipped your mind that I AM IN A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE FROM YOU. I am also a busy man, and as exciting as your offer is to me, I still also have my regular job to do and my family to feed. Please stop accusing me of "refusing to contact you"; you were the one who requested my help, in case you have forgotten, and I have been as co-operative as possible. Remember that I am not obliged to continue with this deal either, it is because I felt genuinely sorry for your tragic circumstances as a fellow Christian that I have agreed to help you. I suggest that you remind yourself of Isaiah 30:15:

"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it."

Your friend in Jesus,

Dick


No reply from Dave to that, but quelle surprise, there's one from the lawyer. He still hasn't fixed that sticky caps lock key.

Quote:
DEAR RICHARD 5TR0KER,

GREETINGS TO YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD ALMIGHTY.
IN SEQUEL TO YOUR EMAIL TO ME, FIRST AND FORMOST I MUST LET YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE ASSURED MR DAVID HERMAN YESTERDAY THAT EVERY THING IS UNDER CONTROL AND THAT THINGS WILL WORK OUT AS PLANNED AS AN EXPERIENCE LAWYER.

PLEASE DONT BE OFFENDED ABOUT HIS EMAIL TO YOU, HE IS ONLY WORRIED AND WANT TO MAKE SURE THE FUND IS GOING TO THE RIGHT PLACE BECAUSE OF THE FRAUDLENT ACT IN OUR SOCIETY TODAY, BUT NEVERTHELESS I HAVE CONVINCED HIM AND I BELIEVE HE HAS 100% TRUST IN YOU MY BROTHER.

NOW, LET GET BACK TO BUSINESS AND FINALISE ISSUES BECAUSE TIME IS MONEY AND DELAY CAN DESTROY ALOT OF THINGS. SO MY BROTHER SINCERELY SPEAKING I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE FUND IN THE BANK IS A BONDED FUND AND CANNOT BE TOURCHED UNTIL IT IS READY TO BE WIRED TO YOUR ACCOUNT AFTER THE TRANSACTION MUST HAVE BEEN COMPLETED.

I WILL ADVICE YOU THAT YOU PAY ME PART OFF FRONT FOR MY CONSULTANCY FEE INSTEAD OF THE FULL PAYMENT, THEN AFTER THEN YOU CAN BALANCE ME OFF WHEN THE MONEY HAS FINALLY WIRED INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT.

MY CONSULTANCY FEE IS 2,500 USD ( TWO THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED US DOLLARS ) AND I CAN ONLY HELP YOU BY TAKING HALF OF THAT FOR A START WHICH IS 1,250 USD ( ONE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY US DOLLARS ) SO WE CAN COMMENCE IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE THE SAID BANK WHERE THIS FUND IS LODGED WILL BE GOING FOR AN XMAS BREAK.

SO BELOW IS THE PAYMENT INFORMATION IN WHICH YOU WILL PAY IN THE MONEY VIA WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM, PLEASE I DONT WANT DELAY SO GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

NAME: ABUTOR WILLIAMS
ADDRESS: LAGOS, NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: IS GOD ABLE
TEXT ANSWER: YES

PLEASE AFTER YOU HAVE PAYED IN THE MONEY, MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE FULL INFORMATION VIA EMAIL TO ME SO I CAN GO AND CONFIRM IT IMMEDIATELY, AND NOTE THAT WITH OUT THAT PAYMENT, I CAN NOT COMMENCE WITH THE TRANSACTION.

THANK YOU

BARRISTER BUKKY ADEDEJI


He's worried about fraud? Oh, and that Western Union question is about as secure as a paper towel. But we'll come to that later. First, we need a contract of engagement, surely?

Quote:
Dear Ms Bukaky

Thank you for your last email. I will be happy to forward the amount requested to you, but could you first send me an engagement letter/contract stating that I have engaged you to act on my behalf and in which your fees are set forth? As you said, this transaction needs to be completed properly, so I would like you to fax or scan and email this document to me for my records. I hope I'm not asking too much, but as you may know, the IRS (Internal Revenue Service) here in the United States can be a very difficult organisation, and I need to be able to account for all transactions passing through my bank account in the event that they audit me at the start of the next tax year in April. Thanks a lot, and I'll make sure the money is on its way as soon as I receive your signed contract.

Yours,

D1ck 5tr0ker


I mean, if I'm gonna get my hands on $25million, I don't want the IRS on my back, right? We also see a delayed reponse to the Bible quote:

Quote:
Subject: PLEASE SEND ME THE PAYMENT INFORMATION ( SECRET CODE: GOD IS ABLE )

Dear Richard 5tr0ker,

Greetings in the name of the lord almighty. Thank you for your prompt email and your understanding towards the gold of this great transaction.

I understand your concern about legitimacy of this transaction and i must let you know that as an experience and an international layer Shocked i wouldnt have ommit the agreement letter between both parties.

My brother, please dont ever email anyone who claims and sends email in my name because we have alot of bad eggs in our society today and please also note that because of the fraudlent act in our society the ( Western Union, Money gram ) company might want to stop you to send money to Nigeria.

But due to my experience i will advice you tell them you are sending the Fund to a close relation to enable you been successful if you are asked.

Anyway my brother, i have attached the agreement leter and i will like you to go through it and sign immediately and return to me. Remember in my next email, i will like to see the payment information so i can pick it up immediately so we can commence.

Note, as from today henceforth, i will like us to work with a secret code which is ( GOD IS ABLE ) to enable us know at all time we are in the right place at a particular time.

Thank you

Mr Bukky Adedeji

Attachment:
Image


Oh dear. Looks like he only put the street and the state, but not the town. Not that the address exists, but still. It's a big state.

Quote:
Dear Bukkake Adedji,

Thank you for sending the contract through to me. However, you have made a small but important mistake; you have left my town out of the address. My FULL address is *Street*, *Town*, *State*, USA. This is a very large state, and there are many towns with "* Street" in them. You must redraft the document to include *Town* as part of the address (You should also include my Zip code as well: it is *also made up*), as without it the document is not accurate and therefore not legally binding according to United States law.

Thanks a lot, I look forward to hearing back from you soon.

Regards,

D1ck 5tr0ker.


You'd better get yourself back to the copy shop, lad.

Quote:
Dear D1ck 5tr0ker,

Greetings to you in the name of God. In response to your email to me about the incomplete address. Thank you for your prompt email to me and i must let you know that i understand your concern towards the legality of this great transaction.

The mistake might be small but very important and vital, so as an experience lawyer, i will draft it again and send it to you immediately for you to fill and return to me immediately and as well your signatory on it.

Please note that we have 25 working days as from the day the Bank contacts you to complete this transaction, so inorder to be successful and not to let the security firm sit on this fund, you have to act fast.

Anyway, please make sure you wire in my Consultancy fee charges, so we can commence with the transaction with out delay. I am very sorry for the inconvinience and for the stress i am putting you through at this point in time.

But anyway, i have attached the agreement leter again for you to fill and at the same time, without delay, i will like you to write the Bank on NAME OF BANK: *STUPID MUGU BANK*, EMAIL: *[email protected]*
because i have spoken to the general manager of the Bank on your behalf since i am your representative here.

All third quater payment of this year in the Bank will be all release before this xmas, so without delay, make sure you write the Bank so they can get back to you.

Tell the Bank that, you are the next of kin to Late Mrs Lisa Herman and you want to claim the fund of 25 Million USD left behind for the Husband Mr David Herman and send your full contact information to them for easy communication. The Bank is waiting for your email.
I hope to see the payment information in your next email, if not i wont be able to continue until you follow the right protocal and proceedures.

Thank You very much

Mr Bukky Adedeji

N.B

Please note that i have alot of jobs at my table, i only made the corrrection by editing it because i am very busy. Please fill and send to the bank also and send me a copy. Remember the send me the payment information.


He'd attached the same version of the document as before, without corrections. Ouch.

Quote:
Mister Bukkake,

I thank you for your prompt reply, but you have attached the old copy of the agreement again. Did you even make the corrections? I find it ironic that I am constantly receiving accusations of tardiness from you whilst you yourself do not appear to be anxious at all to make progress with this transaction. I am a busy man too, sir. If incentive is what you require, I can offer to reimburse you for any extra work that this entails- AFTER I receive my part of the deal. In the meanwhile, I shall not establish contact with the bank until you supply me with the CORRECT and LEGAL form.

Regards,

D1ck 5tr0ker


I think I might be starting to wind him up now.

Quote:
Dear D1ck 5tr0ker,

Greetings in the name of the lord. I recieved your email and i must let you know that i am not happy because i am doing this for the third time and i have told you before today that i am a very busy person and have alot of jobs on my desk.

Please note that i am making this correction for the last time and if you are not certisfied with that , then i am sorry there is nothing i can do. Please note that i am meant to be in holland but because of your transaction and Mr David Herman i decided to stay back in Nigeria.

I am a professional and you cannot tell me how to do my job because with out me, i dont think you can claim this fund ( 25 Million USD ) since i have all it takes to make sure this transaction comes to past.

Take this transaction very serious and confidential so we can complete the transaction at the giving date and most importantly the Bank will never reply your email, if you dont send them this agreement showing i am your representative here in Nigeria.

I have made the correction again and please act fast so we can commence with this transaction. My aim is to achieve the gold by getting this fund into your account before xmas and as you know xmas is fast approaching.

Fill the form immediately and send a copy to the Bank and also send a copy to me and please note that this week i will be very busy with the presidency but i will try as much as possible to attend to your email at all times.

Thank you for your understanding.

Mr Bukky Adedeji


This time he attached the corrected form. Since he's so busy, I give him a couple of days to try and clear his workload.

Quote:
Dear D1ck 5tr0ker,

Greetings in the name of God. I await the payment information and as well the Document.
Thank you.
Mr Bukky Adedeji


Oh you can hang on a little longer, I'm sure! In the meanwhile, let's see what your "bank" has to say.



Quote:
Dear Sir or Madam,

My representative in Lagos, Mrs. Bukkake Adedji, has asked me to get in touch with you regarding an imminent transaction involving the account of the late Mrs. Lisa Herman. Please respond and advise me as to the procedures required.

Yours sincerely,

RJ 5tr0ker


Quote:
TREASURY DEPARTMENT

ATTENTION: MR RICHARD 5TR0KER,

THANK YOU FOR YOUR EMAIL. WE RECIEVED YOUR EMAIL AND IN RESPONSE TO YOUR EMAIL, WE ARE PLEASED TO TELL YOU THAT IMMEDIATELY WE HEAR FROM YOUR LOCAL REPRESENTATIVE ( ATTORNEY BUKKY ADEDEJI ) THAT HE HAS RECIEVED HIS FEE AND A COPY OF THE AGREEMENT LETER TO OUR BANK, THEN WE CAN MOVE AHEAD WITH THE TRANSACTION.

PLEASE CUSTOMER, NOTE THAT WE ARE IN THE 3RD QUATER OF THE YEAR WHEN WE WILL PAY ALL OUT STANDING CUSTOMERS THEIR FUNDS, SO PLEASE FOLLOW OUR PROCEEDURES TO HELP THE BANK AND YOUR SELF CALIM YOUR FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AT NO TIME.

THANK YOU

FROM THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS
*STUPIDMUGU* BANK AND FINANCE LTD
GENERAL MANAGER
FRANK DEBLIN



Hooray for CAPS LOCK! A Brand You Can Trust™. This email also came with a Nigerian flag hotlinked from an image site at the top. Classy.
Time to reply to the lawyer, and dangle that WU carrot under his nose.

Quote:
Dear Mr. Adedeji,

I have been to the local Western Union office to transfer the funds; unfortunately there has been a slight problem. The clerk there informed me that the pass phrase that you selected was not secure enough. She said that the answer to the security question cannot be a simple "yes" or "no" as that is not considered secure, and that we should arrange a question and answer that are not likely to be able to be guessed by anybody. Please, mail me back with a new question and answer so that we can proceed. I have spent a significant amount of time on this process, and I am growing weary of the constant delays you people keep making.

Also, did you not receive the document? I attached it to the last mail I sent you. I have attached it again.

Regards,

D1ck 5tr0ker


That'd be "that last mail I never sent you". This one had 4 meg of garbage attached.

Quote:
DEAR RICHARD 5TR0KER,

GREETINGS IN THE NAME OF THE LORD. I RECIEVED YOUR ATTACHMENT AND I HAVE PRINTED IT OUT. PLEASE YOU CAN USE THE BELOW INFORMATION TO PAY IN THE MONEY BECAUSE WE HAVE REALLY WASTED ALOT OF TIME IN THIS TRANSACTION.



NAME: ABUTOR WILLIAMS
ADDRESS: LAGOS, NIGERIA
SECRET QUESTION: WHAT IS MY NAME
SECRET ANSWER: DAVID HERMAN



THANK YOU

MR BUKKY ADEDEJI


He must have a damn good printer, that's all I can say. Anyway, I'm off for the weekend, bukky boy. Miss me. xxx

Quote:
Dear D1ck 5tr0ker,



Greetings in the name of the lord. Why havent u heard from you with the payment information.

Thank you

Mr bukky adedeji


Cheeky sod. I'm beginning to suspect he likes being slapped. DO YOU? DO YOU LIKE IT, BITCH?

Quote:
Because it's been the WEEKEND, and I have other things to do besides this. This transaction is important to me, but as I'm constantly pointing out to you, I have a wife and two young children as well, and they take precedence over everything else, particularly timewasting lawyers like yourself! Stop haranguing me about it, I shall be sending you the payment this afternoon when I have time to leave my work and make my way to the nearest Western Union Office. If you bother me about this any more you can consider the deal off.

D1ck 5tr0ker


He's online, obviously; this is back in half an hour

Quote:
Dear D1ck 5tr0ker,

Greetings in the name of the lord Almighty. Thank you for your email and i must tell you i appreciate your understanding but you must understand that i am been pressed by Mr David Herman on phone to make sure i do everything possible that i round up the transaction before xmas because he wants to travel to your country and meet you in person this xmas.

Anyway, my brother i asure you that everything is in total control and i will do everything possible to make sure that this transaction is finalised before the 23rd of December.

Immediately i recieve my consultancy fee, then the Bank can tell you the next step and i will be highly ready to be at your service at all time. You must note that i have never lost any of my case as a lawyer and aswell any transaction.

I am a christian and my duty is to put smiles in the faces of all my clients who needs my help locally and internationally. Anyway i await the payment information via email, so i can alert the Bank immediately to move ahead.

Thank you

Mr Bukky Adedeji


It's 1TV5 time, folks!

Quote:
Dear Mr Bukowski,

I made the payment through Western Union, but they said that due to new anti-terrorism legislation under the Patriot Act, money sent to certain nations overseas can't be received immediately so they wouldn't give me the "MTCN" transfer number. They told me that you have to go to www.v3r1fys3c.com and enter this security verification code:
******************************
Apparently they'll ask you some questions to verify that you're permitted to receive the payment and then you'll get the MTCN. I hope this all works out OK.

I look forward to receiving confirmation from you.

Regards,

D1ck 5tr0ker


Over the next day and a half he has eleven tries at it, and doesn't come anywhere near to completing the 2000 questions I set him, only reaching 470. I don't hear anything from him during this, and I'm starting to wonder whether he's twigged, when I get this:

Quote:
Dear D1ck 5tr0ker,

Greetings in the name of The lord. Thank you for your prompt email and your understanding towards this transaction.

I recieved your email and i must confess to you that i was very disapointed about the process of the western union because i answered the important questions but to my knowledge the question behind this was up to 2000 if i can guess.

I tried but the question was just too much for me and uncalled for. Do you know who i am in my chamber? what i earn for a living because i dont understand the meaning of this.

I am sorry my brother, you have to understand that, i am too matured and for a man of my canibal to start going through a very long process like this just to pull out $1,250 for my consultancy fee.

I appreciate your effort, but please you have to go back to the western union and get back your money, then you can now go to a money gram office to pay in the money or better still one of this local western union in a supermarket, petrol station or road side to make the payment today to avoid delay.

Anyway i dont blaim western union because they are only doing it for security reasons but the questions are just too much for me to answer ok because of a man of my canibal.

I will appreciate it if you follow my directions and sorry for the inconvinience.

Thank you very much.

Mr Bukky Adedeji


In the meanwhile, David has made a reappearance. I think he can smell the prize.

Quote:
Dear Brother D1ck 5tr0ker,

Calvary greetings in the name of the lord. What is happenning wjth the ransaction andwhy have you not update me for a while now, you should understand that i will be very worried to know what is going on in the transaction.

Have you finally settled with my attorney and paid his consultancy fee so you guys can move ahead without no delay.

Hope to hear from you soon.

David Herman


Quote:
Dear David,

I have made the payment through Western Union as discussed, but the clerk told me that due to recent anti-terrorism legislation, Mr Adejebi has to go through a short Twisted Evil online security verification process in order to confirm that he is the legitimate recipient of the funds. Our country is so paranoid since 9/11, I wonder where it will all end...
Anyway, just thought I'd let you know that I've made the payment, in the interests of keeping you updated. How's your health these days? You seem much better. I hope you are strong and well, and I have been praying for your continued well being. I hope to hear from you soon, and leave you with I Samuel 25:6:

"Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours!"

Your friend,

D1ck 5tr0ker


Nope, he's still ill.

Quote:
Dear Brother D1ck 5tr0ker,

Greetings in the name of the Lord Almighty. I recieved your email today but i could'nt reply intime due to the fact that i am not feeling to ok because of my critical condition.

My good friend, i called Mr Bukky Adedeji to ask him about the latest situation and i ask him to send me an email on that immediately. Not too long i got his email and i must tell you my brother that Western Union process are always too much since i have experienced something like this.

My advice to you is to go to the Western Union immediately and get back your money then go to the money gram and make the payment without delay and remember, if you are asked any question pertainning this, just tell them you are sending the money to a relative to avoid delay in this step again.

My joy and happiness is to make sure that this Fund gets into your account since you are the only trusted person i have as a friend, brother and one family.

Thank you and highest regards.

David Herman


I decide to leave them be for a couple of days, and note that they've had another couple of cracks at 1TV5, after which one more email from David:

Quote:
Dear Brother D1ck 5tr0ker,

Calvary greetings in the name of the Lord Almighty. Why have'nt i heard from you or are you no more interested in the transaction because i am really becoming to be scared since i dont know what is happenning to you because its unlike you not sending me an email and please if there is anything wrong? make sure you let me know, i am not happy at all due to the fact that you have not sent me an email.

Brother, i am really waiting to hear from you soon for you to update me in what is happenning in the transaction. Delay is very dangerous and over a period of time, we have been on one step without progressing. I am not happy.


...and that's where I left 'em. Christmas was coming after all, and I had other things to do; but something tells me that two mugus might not have got their christmas bonus that year.

:Edited to obfuscate baiter name

_________________
Closed lad accounts x3
"Delay is very dangerous and over a period of time, we have been on one step without progressing. I am not happy." - Barr. Bukky Adedjani
<BR>
"WHY DO YOU KEEP MAKING PROBLEM.... IT FEELS LIKE THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR EVER" - Shawn Franklin
<BR>
"DIE DIE IDIOT GOAT DEAD DOG" - Sung Lee
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