Al Rightythen

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NOTE: This came in early August, I didn’t keep the original headers:

[email protected] wrote:

From the desk of: DR OKAFOR .JOHN SNR.
Lagos, Nigeria..

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

DEAR SIR/MADAM,

I AM DR OKAFOR JOHN SNR THE FINANCIAL CONTROLLER OF NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION(NNPC)AND BY THE VIRTUE AS A DIRECTOR IN THE NNPC LAGOS, I GOT YOUR CONTACT ADDRESS FROM AN ASSOCIATE WORKING WITH THE NIGERIAN EXPORT PROMOTION COUNCIL AND I DECIDED TO PROPOSE TO YOU THIS BUSINESS IN STRICT CONFIDENCE.

PURPOSE: ON BEHALF OF MYSELF AND MY COLLEAGUES WHO ARE MINISTRIAL OFFICERS AND THE OTHER OFFICERS INCHARGE OF THE OFF-SHORE REMITTANCE IN THIS CORPERATION, WE ARE SEEKING YOUR ASSISTANCE IN CLAIM THE SUM OF US$20.5M FOR FURTHER PRIVATE INVESTMENT. HENCE OUR REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE.

SOURCE OF FUND: THIS AMOUNT TO BE CLAIMED BY YOU OCCURED FROM AN OVER INVOICED CONTRACT AMOUNT FOR THE CONSTRUCTION OF AN OIL REFINARY SUB-STATION IN NIGERIA (NORTHERN REGION) IN 1998 TO AN EXPERTRATE COMPANY. THE CONTRACT WHICH WAS ORIGINALLY VALUED FOR US$109M. THE EXTRA US$20.5M IS WHAT WE WANT YOU TO GO AND CLAIM AS THE FUNDS WILL BE MOVED TO EUROPE TO YOUR ACCOUNT. THIS CONTRACT HAS BEEN COMPLETLY EXECUTED AND THE CONTRACTOR HAS BEEN PAID ALL THEIR CONTRACT SUM REMAINING US$20.5M.

REQUIREMENT: WHAT WE EXPECT FROM YOU IN YOUR REPLY ARE: IS THAT YOU JUST FURNISH US WITH YOUR MAILING ADDRESS, YOUR COMPANY NAME AND ADDRESS, YOUR PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS FOR SUBMISSION TO THE MINISTERIES AS TO WHERE THIS MONEY WILL BE LOGDED AND ALSO TO BE FORWARDED TO THE BANK IN EUROPE WERE U CAN GO AND CLAIM THIS MONEY FOR US. YOU SHALL ARRENGE FOR US TO MEET WITH YOU IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE MONEY HAD BEEN CLAIMED BY YOU . YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO PAY ANY MONEY TO ANYBODY IN MY COUNTRY AS ALL EXPENSES WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF BY US.

DISBURSEMENT:WE HAVE RESOLVED THAT YOU TAKE 25% OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE BECAUSE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO CLAIM THE OVER INVOICED MONEY HERE IN NIGERIA WITHOUT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ADDITION 10% HAS BEEN MAPED OUT FOR ANY MISCELLINOUS EXPENSES INCURRED BY YOU AND US DURING THE BUSINESS AND 60% IS FOR MY COLLEAGUES AND MYSELF.

SECURITY: ALL MODALITIES TO EFFECT THE PAYMENT AND SUBSEQUENT TRANSFER OF THIS MONEY HAS BEEN WORKED OUT. SO, THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE. THOUGH, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO TREAT THIS BUSINESS WITH STRICT CONFIDENCE.

I AWAIT YOUR IMMEDIATE RESPONSE THROUGH MY EMAIL ADDRESS ABOVE, SEND ME YOUR CONFIDENTIAL FAX AND PHONE FOR SPEEDY CORRESPONDENCE.I WILL HIGHLY APPRECIATE IF YOU TREAT THIS BUSINESS WITH STRICT CONFIDENCE FOR SECURITY REASONS OUR COMMUNICATION SHOULD BE ON EMAIL ONLY FOR NOW.

BEST REGARDS.

DR.OKAFOR JOHN SNR

EMAIL TO : [email protected]

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Date: Mon, 4 Aug 2003 12:52:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: "XXXXXXX" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: GREETINGS
To: [email protected]

Hey John,

That sounds great, thanks for thinking of me!

I really do need the money this month, my refrigerator is crap for crap, so send it as soon as possible okay?

Thanks alot,

Al Rightythen

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Date: Mon, 4 Aug 2003 16:21:31 -0700 (PDT)
From: "OKAFOR JOHN" <[email protected]> Subject: INFORMATION
To: [email protected]

Dear Al Rightythen,

Thank you very much for your interest in this mutually beneficial transaction. Actually, we proposed this business proposal to two other persons but I am yet to hear from them.

Please, be rest assured that this business is risk free from everybody involved. The contract in question was Awarded, Executed and Commissioned here in my Ministry, and the contractors were duly paid. It was just that we worked out an arrangement with the contractors
after having influenced the contract in their favour, being top civil servants here in my country. There are two possible ways we can tranfer this funds.

(1) We can do this via using a bank account. This way, you will have to send to us your account information by way of bankers name, address and account number. Telephone and fax numbers, plus any other information deemed necessary.

(2)The other option is via international bank draft, payable in any part of the world. Using this option, all you need do is to send down your full names and a safe address where the draft will be sent to you. Preferably, the name on your international passport for easy identification, then your phone and fax numbers.

With these information, i will put up an application here in my ministry for the release of our funds and approvals will have to be gotten before our payment
file will now be moved to the Central Bank of Nigeria which is the payee bank for subsequent payment. Our enquiries here revealed that within five banking days, our money will be transfered.
Please be rest assured that we have done all the ground work needed for this transfer and there is no risk whatsoever. Moreover, for the fact that approvals will have to be gotten from the appropriate quaters should be enough evidence to show you how legitimate this transaction is.

However, this should be kept confidential because of it's nature and magnitude. Moreover, it is very important to us. My partner and i have decided to give to you,10% of the total contract sum, for your troubles. Please feel free to make your feelings known about it.

I cannot explain everything here. So i will advice that you call me ASAP for further briefing regarding this proposal. You can reach me now on my cell phone
234-1-7750614.

Do not bother about your phone bills as it will be taken care of when we come over to your country for our own share of the money.

I earnestly await your call.

Best Regards,

Dr Okafor
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Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2003 05:40:46 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Al Rightythen"
Subject: INFORMATION
To: [email protected]
Dear Mr John,

Just so you know, I changed my email address and I wanted to make sure I gave you the new one. My new one is [email protected]. It's alot like yours which is [email protected]. I got the idea from your email address, I hope you don't mind. I'm not all that keen on this technology so please be patient with me. How should I be writing to you? IS ALL CAPITAL LETTERS BETTER? I NOTICED THAT'S HOW YOU WROTE YOUR FIRST EMAIL, SO SHOULD I BE DOING THAT TOO? DOES THAT MAKE IT EASIER TO READ? sOMETIMES i THINK, YES, SOMETIMES i THINK NO.

mY 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER SEND ALOT OF EMAILS, BUT SHE USES THINGS LIKE lol AND wTF AND POS. dO YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE MEAN, BECAUSE I DON'T.

ANYWAY, back TO BUSINESS. MY BANKERS NAME IS lARRY nEWMAN. hE'S AT MARINE MIDLAND BANK, DOWN NEAR THE WATERFRONT. wHAT TYPE OF MORE INFORMATION DO YOU NEED BESIDES THAT? lol? IS STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT LOL MEANS, BUT i THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE APPROPRIATE TO THROW THAT IN RIGHT ABOUT NOW, RIGHT? i JUST NEED TO GET USED TO THIS STUFF, OK?

i DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT AN INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT. i HAVE A UNITED sTATES PASSPORT, IS THAT THE SAME? i MEAN, i'M NO MAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY, RIGHT? oR LIKE jAMES BOND WITH SOME KIND OF PASSPORT FOR ALL INTER-NATIONS. i GET SEASICK ANYWAY.

I LIKE THE IDEA OF KEEPING THIS CONFIDENTIAL, BECAUSE i DON'T KNOW ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE IN NIGER, BUT HERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IF YOU ARE SUDDENLY RICH WHAT HAPPENS IS PEOPLE COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK. LIKE YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE YOU HAVE SOME GREAT LONG LOST UNCLE NAMED ZEKE WHO REMEMBERS YOU DEARLY AND REALLY WANTS TO LIVE IN YOUR RUMPUS ROOM. DO YOU HAVE RUMPUS ROOMS IN NIGER?

THANKS ALOT,

aL

P.S. i HOPE YOU DON'T MIND, BUT i THINK NEXT TIME i'LL WRITE IN LOWERCASE. I THINK I'M MORE COMFORTABLE WITH THAT AND MY FINGERS HURT TO HIT THE KEYS SO HARD.

P.P/.S. i AM A CHRISTIAN, SO I MUST TELL YOU, LAMBADA.
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Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2003 19:09:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "OKAFOR JOHN" <[email protected]> Subject: Re: INFORMATION
To: "Al Rightythen"

DEAR AL,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE MAIL YOU SENT AND YOUR INTEREST IN HELPING US TRANSFER THIS MONEY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.PLS DO SEND ME YOUR FULL NAMES,ADDRESS,PHONE AND FAX NUMBER AND YOUR BANKING DETAILS SO I CAN FILE IN APPLICATION FOR THE RELEASE OF OUR FUNDS,AND AS SOON AS I GET THIS DOCUMENTS I WILL MAKE A SCAN COPY OF EACH AND SEND TO YOU THROUGH EMAIL ATTACHMENT FOR YOU TO VIEW AND UNDERSTAND WHAT WE ARE DOING.PLS BROTHER YOU CAN SEND ME ANY PICTURE OKAY AND I WILL EQUALLY SEND YOU MY TOO AS I RECEIVE YOURS.
IN THIS TRANSACTION YOU STAND TO GET 10% OF THE TOTAL CONTRACT SUM.
PLS CALL ME ON MY CELLPHONE 234-1-7750614 FOR FURTHER BRIEFING.
I AWAIT YOUR CALL AND INFORMATIONS.
MY REGARDS TO YOUR FAMILY.
JOHN.

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Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2003 05:40:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Al Rightythen"
Subject: Re: INFORMATION
To: "OKAFOR JOHN" <[email protected]>

Dear Okafor,

Thank you for your prompt reply. You are indeed a man of many words. Not all of those words seem to be in the correct order, but they are there nonetheless and that's enough, right?

I have a question, however, regarding the amount of my cut. You state in this email, and the one previous, that I would receive 10% of the funds. However, in your original email regarding this transaction (which I have presented below a copy of which) you originally stated that I would get 25%. This is a large non-confluence. Is there something the matter?

Never the nonetheless, in order to keep proceeding these proceedings, herewith is the information you requested: My full name is Albert Ross Scott Rightythen, you may address me as Mr. My phone and fax are both Lucent and, as I already indicated, I bank at Marine Midland on the Waterfront. I understand the 'Marine' part of the name, being on the waterfront, but I always question the 'Midland'. The bank is barely 50 meters east from the river, so in order for it to be mid-land wouldn't the next body of water need to be only 50 meters further east? I think so, but my banker doesn't and that is the only area with which we disagree. He says my account is ready to receive the full 25% of this transactional information. He will inform me immediately of any transdetermination.

Tangentially, I spoke of these matters with my aforementioned daughter, because she is the Interweb expert of the family, and she said that etiquette-wise I should add this message in my email, "THIS IS A SCM!11!!!1 OMG WTF DAD U R SUCH A 2L!!!1!11! OMG WTF." She wouldn't explain this, but said it was appropriate. As I have said in my previous vMails I do not know alot about this Internet technologies, so I am relying on you, Okafor John, to guide me in this perplexing situation.

As for my picture, I think I will refrain. I have not the most fhqwhgads visage so I do not think it would be wise. However, feel free to send me yours, as I eagerly await it. Do you have a son? As I have said, my daughter is young, but will soon be of marrying age and I look for a young gentleman to be her pompadour.

Thank you for your kind regards for my family. Through my best luck, as I see meaning that you will never meet them, I am hoping you also have a healthy happy family. My 12-year old says I should tell you, "UP UR1111!!". Again, I do not know what this means, but she assures me it is a kind and generous Internet greeting. I imagine much like "melekelikimaka", which, according to Bing Crosby, is the Hawaiian way of saying "Merry Christmas".

Good day to you sir,

Al

p.s. Thank you kindly for calling me 'brother'. Where I come from this is a compliment reserved only for those for whom you feel a heartwarming connection, or an actual fraternal sibling, or a man of color with a kangol cap. All these connections harken me back to my sunbaked and Norman Rockwellian childhood in Compton and for this I thank you.
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NOTE: John attached the picture (photo.jpg) to this email
Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2003 06:55:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: "OKAFOR JOHN" [email protected] Subject: PICTURETo: "Al Rightythen"

AL,
THANKS FOR THE MAIL.SORRY IT WAS A MISTAKE FROM ME ABOUT THE PERCENTAGE OKAY.
PLS THIS IS NOT SCAM I KNOW THAT SCAM IS ALLOVER THE WORLD NOW BUT THIS IS REAL AND LEGAL THAT IS WHY I SAID YOU SHOULD TRY AND SEND ME YOUR DETAILS IN A WAY I CAN PRINT IT OUT NOT THIS YOU ARE SAYING WITHOUT NO NUMBERS.
PLS IF REALLY YOU WANT TO ASSIST ME WITH THIS TRANSFER KINDLY SEND ME YOUR INFORMATIONS WRITE IT OUT FINE PLS AND I AGREED FOR THE INTIAL 25% OKAY.
PLS FIND THE ATTACHED PICTURE OF ME AND MY FAMILY I EQUALLY WANTS YOU TO SEND ME YOURS.
MY REGARDS TO YOUR FAMILY.
JOHN.

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NOTE: I didn’t actually attach a picture to the below email.

Date: Wed, 6 Aug 2003 09:03:24 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Al Rightythen" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: PICTURE
To: "OKAFOR JOHN" <[email protected]>

John,

Thanks for the picture of your handsome family. They seem very content.

Thanks for correcting the percentage. You are fair and honorable, so please find attached a picture of me and my family. The can see which one is me because I wrote "this is me" over me.

Please don't think that I think this is a scam. As I have said I believe you are fair and honorable. By the way, does pls mean please? I think it does, so I should have written 'pls don't think that I think this is a scam'. I really don't think you are scamming me, so I don't know why you would have gotten that idea. You say there are scams all over the world. Is this true? How do those nefarious people do their scams? Could you send me more information so I can recognize their difference from reputable businessmen such as yourself and I?

I have attached to this zmail, I hope I did it right, pictures of my family. My daughter helped so I hope you get them. She said to tell you, 'BIET ME 419BOY1!!1!1!!'. She said you would know what it means, but I for one have no clue. She's a bright kid, but I really don't think she has the worldly experience of gentlemen such as you and I, right? Do the children of the internet in your area have a language of their own also? What a bunch of chuckleheads, right? Kids will be kids, and if it weren't for the fact that she is almost of marriagable age I would punish her severely, if you know what I mean.

Your family is very nice looking. Your wife, in particular, looks like what my daughter would call a "hottie". If you are ever in the U.S. please look me up because I would like to make better acquaintance with your whole family, if you know what I mean.

Thanks, it's nice conversing with you,

Al

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NOTE: No more word from John to this day.

Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2004 11:18 pm

Oustandingly most EXCELLENT.

You should have a voting competition in here.
I vote this one....Assuming Shiver isn't allowed to enter.
Can't beat the fish on the head tho'

Nice 1, fellah who never posted again Wink

Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2004 7:54 am

Excellent.
Especially loved the "You are indeed a man of many words. Not all of those words seem to be in the correct order, but they are there nonetheless and that's enough, right?"
Great bait Laughing

Guest

Thanks for the compliments. I've been busy, but I'm now in the process of baiting another. I'll publish as soon as it's done.

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 2:28 pm

Quote:

Never the nonetheless, in order to keep proceeding these proceedings, herewith is the information you requested

Out of interest as I'm always willing to improve my English: "Never the nonetheless" sounds like german being translated to english ("Nichtsdestoweniger") - is that a phrase an englishman would actually use? Not that I would wonder about it, we use it too, although it's not very common in today's German.

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2004 6:36 pm

Boris - assuming you're being serious and not sarcastic, properly, one would likely say "Never-the-less" or "none-the-less", but not likely both in the same sentence as it was presented it was redundant.

Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2004 9:32 am

Yes, then it's exactly like it's german equivalent which of course is a play with words as well. That's what I wanted to know, thank you!