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 Goofy stuff that YOU wrote

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Donato
Baiting Guru


Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 2923


PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 1:52 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Yastreb wrote:
I wasn't joking. I really want you to kill yourself. But don't shoot yourself in the head, you'll miss your brains every time. Just shove the gun up your ass and pull the trigger. You'll hit your brains dead-on AND die smiling. Ain't that a nice thought?


May i use that one if the occasion merits it???
Laughing Laughing Laughing

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Your are a complete ASSHOLE!! Dont you dare mail me again BASTARD!!!-george harrison
United States
pony Closed lad accounts - lots

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TemporalDistortion
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Posts: 31
Location: Third rock from the Sun


PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 2:14 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

J3rry's got competition !

Quote:
Alf needs his nipple cream applying at noon so I'd better wash up and hide my lingerie, the old goat likes to perv at my smalls.

_________________
<I>"I will like to know how the meltdown went in your next email to me"</I> - D0r1s - <B>FFS love, I'm dead !</I></B>
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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14906
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 11:23 am Reply with quoteBack to top

My poor dead friend Mrs Fl0r3nce W1ls0n, widow of a cocoa merchant, died before she could see the $5million in my account. Crying or Very sad But the process must continue...

The Lad lawyer received some questions about the source of the money - the cocoa business, it turned out to be.

So the Lad gets this:

Quote:
There's a problem. I don't think that I can accept Mrs Wilson's money now. It's tainted. Have a look at this article and you'll understand.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labor_exploitation_in_the_chocolate_industry

Giving this money to charity would be as bad as handing over money made from drugs. I can't take poor Mrs Wilson's money if it turns out to have come from the sweat and blood of child slaves.

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
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CrabCakes
Master Baiter


Joined: 28 Mar 2005
Posts: 129


PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:35 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
Pursuant to this email I will also duly note that your suspicious refusal to accept what is an international standard means of wire transferring, that is, bank-to-bank has further broadened the gap of mistrust that your veiled and prolifically scandalous actions have already beguiled us to.

_________________
"Or are you the type of people being in the net , that busy doing nothing." - Dennis Hook
"You are to follow my suggestions as i am the master planner." - Paul Jegede

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mrsandman
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 55


PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
I am a fish


I'm having a random day Laughing . Thought I'd test whether the lads actually bothered reading the first reply to their mass emails Very Happy

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YOU WILL FIND YOU SELF IN HELL AND HAVE A DINNER WITH THE DEVIL HIM SELF. - B4la H4ssan
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hacker9
419Eater is my life


Joined: 18 May 2007
Posts: 428


PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:36 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
One of the interns just blew up the telephone exchange box. I'll have to wait until I can get to a phone.


Stupid intern... Laughing

_________________
FBI Baiter Extraordinaire... I wish

Currently running 1 hopeful leprechaun, 2 rich widows, 2 lotteries, 1 scammer, and 1 deposed NSA official.

"My command is your wish."- Bob
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packman
Aye Spel Betterrer


Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 1498
Location: In his own little world but it's ok, they know him there.


PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:59 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

^^^ banghead

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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14906
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:15 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

hacker9 wrote:
Quote:
One of the interns just blew up the telephone exchange box. I'll have to wait until I can get to a phone.


Stupid intern... Laughing


That's what happens when you get an intern that used to work for Mythbusters.

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
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hacker9
419Eater is my life


Joined: 18 May 2007
Posts: 428


PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

No, actually he's from the local community college. We take on their interns in exchange for any scientific breakthroughs they make.

Oh, and did I mention we specialize in toxic and explosive chemicals?

_________________
FBI Baiter Extraordinaire... I wish

Currently running 1 hopeful leprechaun, 2 rich widows, 2 lotteries, 1 scammer, and 1 deposed NSA official.

"My command is your wish."- Bob
My Email Parser baiting tool!

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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14906
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 11:11 am Reply with quoteBack to top

One Lad asked for:

Quote:
Need to hear from you. L4wr3nc3 just asked skilfully How is My Friend Reyn0ld. Please say a word to him because he will ask again and i will show him your email.


Now this Lawrence is the four-year-old who's passed his exams (I joke not). So I replied:

Quote:
[A]re you there? Just a few words from Uncle Ma1c01m - tell the school bully that if he harms you in any way, there's a US Marine who'll bust a cap in his sorry ass.

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert
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rootuser
Elite Baiter


Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Posts: 1632
Location: Right behind you


PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 9:13 am Reply with quoteBack to top

In an attempt to turn around the bait in my favor I asked my lad, :
Quote:
Dear ,

please excuse me, but I would like to ask you a personal question. Is there a ?

_________________
"..., if it not the destiny has reduced us together, then who?"
"may u die tomorrow in jesus name"
"The devil has eaten away your soul as you will decay in the hail fire, so go and die with your dyning devil hopless devil advocate."
"This is what i sent to them am not with any money to go back to nigeria pls help."

United Kingdom (0.25 go to fake_buster)

Safari x4 Wole A.: Akure, Nigeria to Cotonou, Benin, Akure, Nigeria to Tanguieta, Benin (both with Thomas-the-Tank and Simba), Akure, Nigeria to Kano, Nigeria (with TtT and OD), Akure, Nigeria to Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire (with TtT)

Mortar

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SlapHappy
Baiting Guru


Joined: 15 May 2006
Posts: 9612
Location: Floating up and down with happiness.


PostPosted: Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:29 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

To irritate a lotto lad in GomerPyle's Lotto Lad Mass-Caper Bait, and to promote misinformation about the legend, Mr Gomer,
Quote:
The true head of
all European based lotteries is a man called Mr. Gomer. He is the bonified and sanctified
verifier of all these lotteries, and is a man to be trusted impecably. Mr. Gomer has a spotless
record of performance and is highly regarded by all the trustees of said lotteries. You should
only deal with Mr. Gomer, Miss Scully, and you can't possibly go wrong.
Very Happy

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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14906
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 12:44 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

A guy from the UN had some interesting things to say (see the Goofy Lad stuff thread) and I commented:

Quote:
Also - you work for the UN - hell, you should be used to insults by now. A whole lot of Americans think you serve the Antichrist.

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert
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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14906
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:01 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

A Ladette finally came through with the pix - not bad ones I suppose - but was I fully satisfied?

Quote:
do me a favour - do you have a pic that showcases your ass? I'd love a sneak preview.

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert
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Mercury
Master Baiter


Joined: 23 Feb 2007
Posts: 157
Location: Ireland


PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:24 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
Please forgive my absence but I was involved in a horrible parachuting accident on my trip in New Zealand. It left me hospitalized for over a week and my treatment is still continuing at home. You see after I deployed my parachute, I entered into a cloud of thick fog and I lost my bearings completely. I thought I would come out of the cloud above the designated landing field, but there was also a strong wind and I emerged above a densely populated city. I desperately tried to redirect my flight but the winds were just too powerful. I ended up landing anus first on a church spire, thankfully my strong rectum muscles coupled with the parachutes effect stopped the spire from protruding any further into my body. All those years of working my rectum muscles in the gym paid off! The fire service got me down after a few hours but it was a very unpleasant experiance. I'm going to be fine although I must still put gel inserts and cream inside my anus daily.

Thats probably one of the funniest things I've ever written.

_________________
"STOP KIDDING AROUND AND GET UP YOUR ASS AND GO MAKE THE PAYMENT IIMEDAITELY.AM NOT JOKING AND AM NOT FUCKING AROUND WITH YOU AT THIS VERY MOMENT"

"should i go to hair dressing salon for the application of the tattoo?"

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Dutch
Goat hoarder


Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 4204
Location: Dislocated


PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 11:20 am Reply with quoteBack to top

From a 'sick, lung cancer, need money for surgery' bait the lad tells me:

Quote:
She need a surgery so that the affected lungs will be completely removed said by the doctor and he said that it is going to cost $15,000


So I offered my assistance:

Quote:
I know of 2 medical specialists in our community. One of them is a lung specialist in the Sugma Dig Memorial hospital here in Luxembourg. I have talked to him, he is willing to fly over to your country and perform the extraction of both lungs of your mother


... that should put her back on her feet before she knows it ...

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Dutch
Goat hoarder


Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 4204
Location: Dislocated


PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:53 am Reply with quoteBack to top

From my loan shark: I asked him to send some leaflets on his various loan products:

Quote:
We give out home loans
Auto Loans
Car loans
Mortgage loans
Business Loans
International Loans
Personal Loans


So I asked him:

Quote:
Sir,

Would it be possible to get a different kind of loan?
I already have all these.

Thanks,

_________________
SpainNigeriaNetherlandsCanadaSouth AfricaUnited KingdomAustraliaIvory CoastGhanaTogoUkraineIrelandHong KongFranceSenegalGermanyBeninTurks and CaicosIndonesiaPortugalBurkina FasoMalaysiacameroonJapanGambiaSierra LeoneKenya deadified fake websites) x 374
Mortar x11 Closed lad accountsx a couple Cellphone pony Easter Egg Nurse Nastys Audi TT Goat Golden Goat
Yes we can! (with a bit of help)
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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14906
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 10:06 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

My Lad wrote:

Quote:
You have to get to the bridge first then you can think of on how to cross the bridge


So I had to ask:

Quote:
Are you a Scientologist?

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert
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FireWyrm
Master Baiter


Joined: 09 Jun 2007
Posts: 213
Location: Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris


PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 6:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The 'Angels' are angles of the night who help Father X4via M4ss wax his candles occassionally. Shocked

Latin - "shit happens"

Father Cr0wley, I am sure needs no introduction

FyreWyrm wrote:
My dearest sister Victoria,

Stercus accidit and may the heavens rain on all your parades.

Oh dear! I am so embarrassed and upset. I have just received the email from your contact Dr Johans and I have been two minds whether to speak to them directly on your behalf, or to throw myself upon your ever sweet and tender mercy.

I cannot engage in any business transactions with non-members of the church. It is my job to distrubute funds to our various missions around the world. I am so very sorry and it pains me to let a sister in distress go into the dark alone, but I must be clear on this fact. If anyone found out, I might be excommunicated! The only thing I can do at this point is put you in touch with my good friend Father Alistair Crowley who is in charge of memberships.

I am so unhappy. I will be busy tonight with the Angels who will be able to console me I am sure for I am utterly heartbroken.

If you would like to speak to Father Crowley, I would be more than willing to make the introductions.

Essentially, the whole bait is along these lines...

_________________
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe

"SCHOOLS FOR THE DEAF/DUMPS" - Frank
"I will not live long since my ailment has defiled all forms of medical treatment" - Victoria
PLEASE IGNORE ANY FURTHER MESSAGE FROM CHARLES OR WHATEVER FOR GOODNESS SAKE.!!! - FRANK AGAIN
so how do you want me to beat trust in you now??? (I think I've annoyed him - Frank again)


Cellphone Cellphone Cellphone Cellphone Cellphone
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rootuser
Elite Baiter


Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Posts: 1632
Location: Right behind you


PostPosted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:36 am Reply with quoteBack to top

My lad wants an update and asks how the family is doing...
Quote:
Yes, everything is fine. Thank you.
We've been in the mountains over the weekend and I shot a bear which we then had for BBQ.
After that we made sweet love all night long after which she was quite a bit exhausted and even had a little trouble walking.
I also had big trouble walking, but that probably was because of the two bottles of Johnny Walker that I had that night. Yeah, keep walking my ass...

_________________
"..., if it not the destiny has reduced us together, then who?"
"may u die tomorrow in jesus name"
"The devil has eaten away your soul as you will decay in the hail fire, so go and die with your dyning devil hopless devil advocate."
"This is what i sent to them am not with any money to go back to nigeria pls help."

United Kingdom (0.25 go to fake_buster)

Safari x4 Wole A.: Akure, Nigeria to Cotonou, Benin, Akure, Nigeria to Tanguieta, Benin (both with Thomas-the-Tank and Simba), Akure, Nigeria to Kano, Nigeria (with TtT and OD), Akure, Nigeria to Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire (with TtT)

Mortar

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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14906
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:56 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Malcolm Reynolds took time off from discussing business matters to reminisce about - well, better things:

Quote:
I don't have too many pics I could send... certainly not from my time in the Corps; those snaps ain't scanned in. I do have one taken in Sydney last year... there were these twins from New York, Justine and Candace, and they took my survival class - well, after that they were going to Sydney, and invited me along. Well, I'm smiling, with reason; that was a week that things were going on that most men only dream about; and I guess I should be ashamed of myself.


Later, the Lad(ette) wrote:

Quote:
Oh! dear, I saw your beautiful photo.
You are such a lively person and a handsome young man still full of tomorrow.


I replied:

Quote:
BTW - "young man"? I'm 40! Mind you, if the old line about "You're only as young as the women you feel" is true, maybe you're right...

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert
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Wright B Hindyou
Elite Baiter


Joined: 11 May 2004
Posts: 1795
Location: Bangkok


PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 12:28 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I have started to write to my Lad in Romance Vladettish, which is created by running my mail through an English->Russian translator and back again. It's quite poetic sometimes. And it confuses the Lad.

Quote:
It is a pity, what you start to release jokes about this business and to tell, what you require money independently, why??? But I shall not be annoyed on you, only, that you should grow up a little, I think!!!!!


Quote:
I am authorized to pay the sum 15 000 $ to the person to whom trust which can help with formal delivery of Mister the Gomere to my country where it will appear before a death penalty for a sea piracy.

_________________
"YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO HUMANITY" - Douglas Minning

"bastard like you, I will kill you with my hand, son of nobody. May your soul rust in help." - Titi Andrew

"I trusted you very much without knowing that you are a drug addit person" - Emma Bambara

"THIS YOUR BEHAVIOR IS IRELEVANT AND CROSPOLOS CARACTER" - Madam Clarrise Keita.

"you must speak beter because we dont train mad people in this company." - Incredible Self-Baiting Pastor Joe
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Jimmy Jazz
Master Baiter


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 174
Location: Slowly going around the bend


PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 8:43 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
God is great - abide by him, and remember that glistening too closely is of the underbelly of the adder at large.


If it's of any consolation, I have no idea what I was trying to say either...... Confused

_________________
After all I have done for you, you still have the UTAHCITY to call me a fool - J*hn 1gwe

I like you because I can sense some kind of strictness in you which reassures me that you are a straigth forward person - [email protected] [email protected]

"I must tell you that you must be one of these internet bugs parasites" - An ongoing lad.

ASSHOL, EAT YOUR DEFICATE., USELESS SOON OF BITCH, POLICT TOILET AND A MISSRABLE ONDIGAR BORN TO BE FAUSTRATED FOR LIFE THAT IS WHAT YOUR ARE.OK - Barrister D0ugla5 Clarl3

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Darth Sidious
Message Animal


Joined: 26 Mar 2008
Posts: 88


PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 2:47 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I sent this a couple of days ago to one of my mass insult bait lad victims, Mrs L1z. She was very offended with what I said to her, so I tried some nice wording, most of it illegally plagiarized from [email protected] Flynt Twisted Evil

Quote:
Awwwwwwww!! Come on baby!!!! Me love you soo looonggg!! My monstrous manhood will ram your innards so hard, you will be on wheelchair for a week. You will c*m so hard, I will need an umbrella. Then I'll do your mother. She will c*m so hard, neighbors downstairs will have to change their bedsheets. Guaranteed!!!


She has not responded so far, I wonder why??

_________________
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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14906
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

To my current Lad(ette):

Quote:
All I know is that I'm getting tetchy waiting to get you and Kylie together, along with the video gear, the lubricant, and the maple syrup...

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert
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