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 Goofy stuff that YOU wrote

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Tuco
Rant Collector


Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 1098
Location: On a desert safari.


PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:41 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

From my character Watson M0llett to Ahm4du Gi4de, Governor S4nusi's sidekick:

Quote:
It seems that you expect me to somehow magically send you $15,000 when $10,000 of it simply doesn't exist yet. Just how am I supposed to do that? If you think that the bank should be willing to wire you $15,000 out of $5,000 available, you are perfectly welcome to go to Helen W4ite about it.
(Bold italics mine)

Since he is incapable of even spelling his own name consistently, I am sure that he will never grasp any hidden meaning in the pronunciation of the statement.

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Jack Pump
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 31 May 2009
Posts: 79
Location: Central Texas, USA


PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 7:48 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Somebody sent me something in French. I don't speak French, I barely speak English, so I just took random words from her letter and started my own -

Quote:
Chers,

Votre nom vous cinq avec somme survivant ou les sont riches veux. Obtenir moi suis seul mort dans. Examiner plus pour inci en durement banque complet Recemment zakpa travalle pendant docteur besoin evvoyer personnes que argent besoin. J'ai je suis bienfaisance organismes gagne a etre que je n'ai moi pour. Hopital dans I'annee pere a depose une ici cinq moi mort.

Identifiants,
P.S. I don't speak French, do you speak English?


She actually replied....

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rootuser
Elite Baiter


Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Posts: 1632
Location: Right behind you


PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 4:02 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Well, it's not so much what I wrote, but what I sent.

The bank, as always, asked for some documents, so I asked my brandnew girlfriend for them. She sent the two documents and two photos of herself.

So I forwarded the mail, but I made a big mistake. Instead of taking out the photos of her and sending the documents I removed the documents and sent her photos.

Well, now let's see what happens. I hope the lad won't just pretend that I sent the actual documents...

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"This is what i sent to them am not with any money to go back to nigeria pls help."

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Dr. Thaddeus Venture
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 15 May 2009
Posts: 54
Location: On the Interweb


PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 2:42 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
Try the reference number I gave you. I am almost 80% sure that is the number.
Twisted Evil

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SlapHappy
Baiting Guru


Joined: 15 May 2006
Posts: 9612
Location: Floating up and down with happiness.


PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 3:36 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I needed a bit of a break from my usual baiting style, and decided to do some heavy chopping by Mr. G0m3r. I chopped on the first response to the original scam, then got this back from the lad:
Quote:
blah..blah..blahh..A lot of internet fraud is all over the places which I believe must have been
the reason why you have not been able to receive your payment, as you
must have been dealing with wrong people. Fraudulent activities, internet
spammers and impostors are very common over the internet lately these
days.Please forward to me all the you documents you must receiving from
the impostors for further verifications.
Meanwhile, I want you to purge your mind of the feeling that this might be
a scam, because it is not. Ok. I can never be involved in scam. I promised that
you will never regret doing business with me. We are not asking for a cent to
do all this for you, but this government wants to prove to you that not all
Nigerians are not crooks, fakes and fraudsters, as it seems to be.Rather,
majority of us are responsible, reliable and God fearing human beings,
people of high moral and integrity. blah..blahh..


My character replied:

Quote:
Dear Rev. Dr. David C,

I have spoken on the phone to Mr. G, your new boss, and he has assured
me that internet imposters and fraudstars cannot fool him. That's why he sacked
Mr Jacob M Ajekigb3, as he was embezzling bank profit accounts, according to Mr.
G, the new Chairman of your bank.

He said he is the infallible Chairman, who looks out for Nigeria and everyone
doing business there, to protect them from internet thieves and spammers.
You have no need to worry when Mr. G is calling the shots, Dr. C.
We can trust him. You are lucky to have such a great man at the helm of your
bank. He is definitely no common street thawth vergabon like that awful Mr.
Aj3kigb3 turned out to be. My mind is purged of feeling knowing that crooks
and fakes will not fondle my long overdue funds that are now bathed in high
moral and integrity slurry lotions of safety.

I have already sent my informativity details to Mr. G, Dr. C, so I see
no reason to repeat myself to repeat myself. Why don't you step into your
boss' office next door and ask him for a copy? I'm looking forward to the
receipt of my funds, and tell Mr. G, "Hello!" for me when you see him
later today. I'm gathering my money together in order to send the next
payment. Possibly by next Friday I will be able to send you another bank
to bank transfer payment to your bank.

Have a wonderful day.

Warmest Regards.

Ewusnut B.
Laughing I can't wait to see the response to this one. Laughing And if he doesn't respond, at least I got to put Yastreb's siggy quote into an email to a lad. Laughing

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El Nombre
419Eater is my life


Joined: 06 Jun 2009
Posts: 375
Location: slapping the nearest lad with a spoon


PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:51 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

havening not sent a reply to one of my lads for about 3 days now, he was getting worried, unfortunately, i had suffered an accident with a piano crushing my fingers recently, to calm his fears that i'd dropped him, i said this about my absense

Quote:
I am so sorry, it seems the damage from the piano incident was worse than i feared, it seems it fried a neove connected to m brain leaving me with a terrible attention span the length of a... wait... what was i on about again??? How long till i get that money???

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El Sid
419Eater is my life


Joined: 17 Apr 2009
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 11:02 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

One of my favourate quotes to use:

Quote:
Please, what further information is it that you need from me? I can confirm the details below are accurate enough.

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Cap419kicker
Ye Olde Privy Smythe


Joined: 13 Jan 2007
Posts: 361
Location: Pushing truck selling Obama shirts on Ring Road Lagos


PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 2:18 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I have an auto responder on one of my catchers, trying to populate this dodgy form into lad land.

Quote:

From the desk of Barrister Harold Long Johnson
Opebi Rd, Lagos Nigeria

Greetings of the Season,

Call me Barrister Harold Long Johnson. My chambers has intercoursed with a client, Dr. Mike Hunt. The Doctor was on research project with Rechtal Exploratory Oil of Nigeria when the doctor found a large load of oil ejaculate from the phallus of the ground. The company took solicitations and turned a profit of 2 million dollars from this insertion. This kind of profit is secret, and was hidden until we found your name from the local rhetorical society in your town.

Therefore, my love, I ask that you copulate the notion of helping us fondle these founds into your personal private possession. Please, consider this prostitution as we can satisfy our indulgences together in the stream of ecstasy known as wealth. We will pay you 20% of this money for your help.

Coitially Yours,

Barr Harold Long Johnson on top of Mike Hunt.




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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 15023
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:11 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Cammy got an ID card from a somewhat... homely Lad, and had to tell him:

Quote:
... I wish you hadn't sent me that ID card - you're very ugly and that's one thing that as a devout Freyjan I have to avoid.


Supplemental - I had bad news for another Lad after I got his passport:

Quote:
Something else - and I have to be honest about this, as required by my religion - but I have to say that you're quite ugly. As a devout follower of Freyja, and one who's stood for the Goddess on many a Freyja's Day, that's something I can't associate with. Do you know someone better-looking who could act for you when you come to Australia?

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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 15023
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

A couple of odd answers went out in the last few minutes.

To I0rd4ne Pkh4k4dze, "an engineer and a citizen of Georgia who works in an oil corporation in Kuwait..." Mal wrote:

Quote:
Are you a Birmingham boy, or somewhere not so downbeat?


Then a Banker Lad wrote about "a KTT programme-Transfer"; Mal wrote:

Quote:
BTW - what has KITT got to do with this? I ain't Michael Knight!

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 183
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Seven of Nine
Baiting Guru


Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 2147
Location: Somewhere in time.


PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 1:06 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
My apologies for a late response but my pet cat was recently euthanised. He was a constant companion for many years but the last few months of his life were terrible due to his cancer sickness which defiled all medical treatment.

Quote:
Please excuse my delayed contact with you but recently I was injured while playing a game of golf with a group of friends. I was struck between the first and second hole by a couple of stray balls early in the round. Consequently, I have spent the last few days off work recuperating and have now returned. I have a busy couple of days ahead of me, catching up on what I could not do whilst I was away.

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Black Dog
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 25 Jul 2009
Posts: 652
Location: 100% AUSSIE


PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:08 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

i have been sending a few lads a reply like this:

hey there

thanks for this opportunity, i am very interested

just curious as to how you found my email address

did you get it from the list at http://www.sourmath.com?

thanks and look forward to hearing from you again soon

Hugh G Rection





*** NSFW *** DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK IF YOU ARE AT WORK OR IF KIDS ARE AROUND***

*** TO GET IT OFF SCREEN IF YOU DO CLICK IT JUST HOLD: CTRL ALT DEL AND WHEN A WINDOW COMES UP JUST CLICK "END TASK"***

it would get the attention of the whole internet cafe if a lad clicked it


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thud419
Baiting Guru


Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 3193


PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:04 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
teh monigram papar sais

Numer: 482293226
Nam: Hólmfríður Karlsdóttir


Good luck finding those letters, mugu.
I wonder if he'll first complain about the odd letters, or the fact that there are nine digits. (Silly me, the double 2 is just a single 2.)

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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 15023
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Fri Sep 11, 2009 11:47 am Reply with quoteBack to top

A Lad tried to sell Captain Mal on an ATM card. Mal wasn't impressed:

Quote:
I think you must have been out to lunch if you thought you could send the money to my ATM account. We have to think of something else.


The Lad was affronted:

Quote:
I don't really understand what you are trying to insinuate because I am a Banker and Businessman and I would like for you to understand that the funds can be transfer to ATM card without any impossiblity because this is something we do in our system everytime.


Mal was dismissive and slightly alliterative:

Quote:
I'm not insinuating anything and your status as a Businessman, Banker and even Bottlewasher doesn't mean a gorram thing to me. I merely thought that sending the money to my ATM account was the dumbest idea since Dubya, Dick and Donald got drunk one night and decided to invade Iraq.

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 183
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Nosmo King
Master Baiter


Joined: 10 Aug 2009
Posts: 113
Location: Bible Belt Buckle


PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:44 am Reply with quoteBack to top

They don't seem to get it or even read some of these replies

Quote:
My crapulent privy member,


This is to a lad who is in the Ivory Coast, so maybe it doesn't translate well
Quote:
I would pray that my very scrotal regions would shrivel and wither before I shall assent to to another pitiful pleading from your prevaricating pie hole.


And after I had the 53cur3 5h3ild log in is "too difficult" whining
Quote:
Rest assured that you won't get that MTCN even if ten pound weasels crawl into my anus and chew my gall bladder into pastrami.


I tried to wash these thru the English to French translator but I think he took it as sympathy.

_________________
but if you cant pay it please stop writing to me Buster the Hitperson

Thank you for precipitation with which you have forward to us the scanning copy of the receipt of Money Gram, ***because the scannage was fuzzy.
stop this you sick and hide game, it is getting too much D0n Dav1de Carl0s

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El Nombre
419Eater is my life


Joined: 06 Jun 2009
Posts: 375
Location: slapping the nearest lad with a spoon


PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 2:21 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

usual "send money through Western Union carp, i swcanned and only saw "Western Union" so i asked

Quote:
I'm confused, What is this western union, and how do you plan to use it to send me the trunk boxes?

_________________
Closed lad accountsClosed lad accountsClosed lad accountsClosed lad accountsClosed lad accounts - United Kingdom - pyramid - CellphoneCellphone
5 piggys, a flag a pyri and 2 shiny phones Very Happy < the grand haul of my first run
Round Two... FIGHT! - Closed lad accountsClosed lad accountsClosed lad accountsClosed lad accountsClosed lad accounts
The new collection
Round 3: Back for more!
Closed lad accountsClosed lad accounts

"you are really a very disappointment to ladyhood" - michael agyekum boateng (standard AFF lad)
"my fetish man is ever ready to strike you deadly if only i give him the final go ahead." - the same Michael as above
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firehouse5
Moderator


Joined: 09 Mar 2004
Posts: 4729
Location: drinking Igboland palmwine


PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 2:59 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I decided I wanted to leave the door open for some future toilet humour, so I sent this to a couple of my current lads.

Quote:
please acept my apologise, today have injure my bottom and can not sit down for computer. so I may be delay in reply,

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Corona
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Joined: 21 Sep 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 4:54 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
I want to invest and what is the name of the dead man?

Laughing Laughing Laughing

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Bolleboos
Elite Baiter


Joined: 07 Sep 2009
Posts: 1000
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
Hola señor Nxxxn,
Me llamo Txxxx. Estoy muy gustado encontrar te.
Mi español no es tan bueno, pero estoy aprendiendo, y creo que esto es una buena opportunidad para mejorar mi español escrito.
Gracias,


Quote:
Hola otra vez, señor!
Muchas gracias por enviar me tu mensaje. Voy a traducir lo con mi diccionario y cuando tengo mas preguntas, voy a enviar te mi respuesta muy pronto.
Gracias
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