Goofy stuff that YOU wrote

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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 9:45 pm

was told by the UN to contact a Nigerian official, and he did. Forwarding the UN email, he wrote:

Quote:

As you can see from the email I've forwarded, the clowns at the UN have decided to make up for the Charlie Foxtrot that they created and told me to write to you, which I have.
What happens next?

Dr Usman wasn't impressed by my flippancy:

Quote:

Following the receipt of your email regarding what next after the Email you received from the UN, May I tell you that it is an exception to call the same people that have covered a lot for you clowns

To which I pointed out:

Quote:

The UN has been a total joke throughout this deal - the reason they covered a lot of ground is because they had no idea where they were going!

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 5:32 pm

From my pr0n star character to the dying widow who is trying to save my soul whilst I was regaling her on my latest dolphin porn adventure...

Quote:

Maybe there was a dolphin Jesus who saved them as our Jesus saved us? I wondered what you think about that?

Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:30 am

A Lad told that

Quote:

i can see your suicy... your ,not serious in things,

My reply was (excuse deliberate bad spelling):

Quote:

So I'm not seruois now? Well, listen good, becuase if I wasn't bieng seruios, I'd be writing something abuot how the vioces in my haed are telling me that I can't send the money becuase of the coluor of yuor underwaer.

Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:00 pm

I like to talk in Yoda language, which really lets them loose
on their own poor language skills:

Quote:

Have Western Union evening this you will.

one lad ignored this for awhile until I told him "I have sent some gorillas toward you." and now he's back, woot.

Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 10:34 am

A Lad I'm baiting with two different characters told both of us:

Quote:

Also don't reply any business proposal from here or outside this country. When you receive any emails similar to my first message to you, please don't reply to it because sometimes it may come from this Banks monitoring units.
They may try you by sending a proposal as to know whether it is somebody from here proposed the business to you. if you reply to any mail like that, means we may lose the fund. just get in touch with me before replying any mail, so that I will guide you on what to do.

That's OK. He just got an angry reply from Brad M0rr1han (inspired by some of the virus packages ending up in my spam box):

Quote:

WHat the bliidye hell deos yuor bnak thihnnj its dionn gsening me a b lollopd virus psakcagew?$ i hsvw tom gethmy cp;oujtetr worjed on becaswewr ivcantr wrijtbe perpper@ tuo ssasaifd that thet be ttesfting me bnot trhing tp wiech my compterpr
Brrwacley Morrunrihan

In other words, I'm baffled because the bank sent me a virus package and I'll have to get my computer seen to.

Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 12:37 am

I only used it once, but it's my favorite line from a song. I was trying to get a safari by having him come to america. Very Happy

Starting at the airport's exit, you'll make a left, and then you'll make a right, and your left should be to your right if your left's right, right? Cool. It's the cafe on the corner.

Must've been too obvious, he never replied back, lol.[/mask]

Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:02 pm

From the lover in me, Phil T. Sk@nque

Quote:

I was just thinking of shacking up for the winter...but I kinda live in my parents basement right now, so I'm a little short on the "shack" part. But I believe true love conquers all. Except "public nudity within 500 ft. of a school" laws, it doesn't conquer that...well, you get what I mean, right?

Trophy Videos · Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:23 am

To my jobscam, Lotto, check lad, lotto, all rolled into one...
They can't understand my character, so they just keep sending another first or second script on another scam. Someday, I may get serious with them. But for now...

Quote:

subject WHAAT YOU LISTEN?

Dear Cheap Hooker,

First I tell you I no need job. You send me other job. Do you read
email from me, no?
You no expleen me annyting.
Now you tell me lottery I win how? I confoose by you. No unnerstand.
Wanna know
why you aske details me again? You boss Mr. Gomer collect details
money mine already now.. He send me big payout soon. You give me more
money, not have other money yet. Tell Mr Gomer boss you do bad job for
me he be mad for you. You apology me and expleen this I tell Mr.
Gomer.

Dana Scully

Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:08 pm

As a response to my lad writing:

Quote:

I AM INVITING YOU FOR A BUSINESS DEAL WHERE THIS MONEY CAN BE SHARED BETWEEN US IN THE RATION OF 50% FOR ME, 40% FOR YOU, WHILE 10% WILL BE MAPPED OUT FOR EXPENSES.

I replied:

Quote:

If I assumed the expenses, would it be possible to do the deal 50/50?

Wonder how he's gonna answer this...c'mon mathmagician...

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 5:53 am

Ladette wrote:

I am a citizen of Sudan the Daughter of Late Engr.Mike Matthew ,who was killed by rebels during Presidential Political problem in my country Darfour,Sudan Before my Father's death,he instructed and confided in me as his daughter about his business.

The whole of my reply:

I wrote:

I am so sorry you were killed by rebels. Being in the same position myself, I would like to know what I can do for you.

We will see if anything comes of this. I have my doubts, but you never know...

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:40 am

Yesterday I wrote:

Quote:

Hi my dear XXXXX!

It's always a pleasure to read your letters, they bring me hope and warm in my heart.

Today I will bring to you a recipe I love, very powerful to fart away any non-wanted presence.

SNIP a very long Cassoulet Recipe

I hope you like it a lot like I do !

I hope we can be together very soon and I could fart in your face.
That would be so much fun !

She did not notice anything and answered to me with more of her romance garbage Shocked

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:26 pm

dumbo lad wrote:

I personally discovered a dormat account with a total sum of £100,000000.00 [HUNDRED MILLION POUND STERLING]

Smartarse NN wrote:

Now that's something I could wipe my feet on! In a strange twist of coincidence I actually collect dormats. I was speaking to my neighbour Lord Percy about this, and he said, 'This one must be jewel encrusted and made from the purest green'. I said, 'gnarly'. I do need to know how much this weighs?
Friends Forever, Sam.

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:49 pm

This falls under both, seems me and the lad both went to school together...

"St3ph@n Curr@n" sent a script to me.

I replied:

Quote:

Did we go to school together? Steve C. from the West-Hampton Currans?

Guess both him and I went to school in the Hamptons (is there one?) Laughing

He wrote (not very creatively I might add, but leaves me wide open Very Happy

)

Quote:

Thanks for your question. Yes I think we go school together. Let me have your response to conclude the deal with me then we can proceed.

I wonder if he remembers the ole "Banga Latta Chix" frat handshake...

Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 12:44 pm

I got a standard "I'm stealing money from the bank I used to work at" letter. This one came from the Bank Of China. I responded:

Quote:

I'm gonna have to say no on this. Receiving huge amounts of money from a communist country would probably lead to the FBI crawling up my ass with a microscope.

Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:08 pm

T3d likes to party!

Quote:

Full name.....................................T3d J@ck5on
Home|office address......................2689 Prosp3ct Vall3y Ro@d,
Irvine, Ca 92614
Mobile telephone Number............206-202-____
Fax Number...............................n/a
Occupation................................Flasher
Nationality...................................Honkey
Position Hold................................The Camel Clutch
Age.............................................65
Marital Status..............................Swinger
Country.....................................U.S.A

Master Baiter Joined: 08 Sep 2008 Posts: 113

I thought this might be over the top. I was having a bit of a running thing about my son having irritable bowel syndrome, and enjoying it. He'd just been kicked out of school for refusing to clean the cafeteria, hallway, and gym. Then things get much, much worse.

Quote:

Dear Mrs. Veronica,

This is a very quick note because I have little time to myself now. They had to surgically remove my son's colon. We always knew this was a possibility, but now it is done. He requires constant care now. The aroma is unbearable.

I'm very confused now. I am in desperate need of money. I cannot work, and the hospital bills are going to be insane. I'll try to do what I can, but like I said, my time is limited.

I set up the account and here's the information. Please deposit the money for the house and all that SOON. I hoped we could take this slowly and carefully but I need to hire someone to care for, and clean, my son.

Apologies to any that have IBS.

To her..credit..I guess, Veronica has offered to increase the amount of money for the house and renovations (and thorough cleaning) to help pay for the hospital. She says she prays a lot, too.

Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:10 pm

Oh no... things have got serious since the dumb mugu ticked yes to being a terrorist (see post here http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1242992#1242992)

I'm baiting this one as Ushas the top secret genetically engineered talking horse and he's getting a bit sweaty under the saddle at these latest developments so he writes back to the original damsel in distress...

Quote:

I really do not know what to do. The bank cannot be allowed to find out about me or the Firstborns Project as it is completely top secret and many governments are involved.

I will contact the lawyer once more to ask him what is going on but if he can't make a proper explanation then I will have to invoke the Osterhagen Protocols which will, regrettably, lead to the involvement of the Security Services of various nations including the UK's MI5, USA's CIA, Israel's Mossad and Belgium's Surrealist Brigade. I only hope for his sake the lawyer can explain this.

Don't upset the Belgian Surrealist Brigade... people have woken up in the morning to find themselves in the bathtub with a collection of brightly painted machine tools.

Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:26 am

Apparently I was in a ghastly motor accident, and I never even noticed:

Chucky wrote:

Please reconfirm and answer the above questions because Mr. came to our foreign payment department and submitted an application that you authorized your fund to be paid into the account of Union Bank of Switzerland (UBS) with Account number with a report that you are now paralyzed as a result of the ghastly motor accident you had some months back.

Well, I am obviously not paralyzed, as i can type a reply to the good Professor Soludo:

I wrote:

Dear Professor

I am afraid that my cousin Mr. was mistaken. In fact I died in that accident.

I await a reply...

Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:40 am

I got this idea from ParaNoid. Razz

Quote:

This is LUcy and I want to proceed. The reason I tell you this
is the fact that I have multiple personalities and I don't want that to
mess this deal up, OK? I have had this problem for years and that is one
reason that I need this deal to work. I need to see a better doc to get
me over this desease.
LUcy today, I tell ya.

Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 6:02 am

Lesson one in stupid comparisons:

Quote:

My heart was burning like napalm and my lips still long for your kiss like the Tequila longs for an orange and cinnamon.

Btw, this is a reply to a job-/check-scammer. And no, Mary didn't know about my desire for her yet. But soon she'll find out more than she ever wanted. And in the course also learn a few more stupid comparisons...

Edit: Another mail (from a different lad) required immediate action.
It's quite a long opener from the Bank of China (of course...) telling my a lot of ... stuff (I guess).
My reply is short and to the point (and a lie):

Quote:

My favorite color is green.

Another edit: The lad TtT and I are (still) working on sent me really disgusting pictures of himself (confirmed by earlier footage) having some "fun" with a goat (I'm pretty sure it wasn't fun for the goat...)

My reply is a big slap, and it's actually one of the very rare occasions I am honest to a lad, as these pics are really not nice. But no, I didn't distribute my lunch all over the place.
Here's my reply.

Quote:

Wole, I am disgusted!

Do you know what pictures like these can do to your lunch? Right, they can perpetuate your lunch up your throat and all over your keyboard and monitor!

I can NOT accept those images of animal torture (as I am quite sure that the goat did NOT enjoy this) as a gesture of apology, no matter if this may be meant that way and maybe even part of the culture of your country (although I find it hard to imagine that any country would regard pictures of fucking a goat as an apology).

I actually see this as an insult. I am deeply disappointed Wole, by your inability of sending me the video, by your shocking behavior towards the goat and last, but by far not least, your stupidity of thinking that anybody would be happy to receive these disgusting photos of animal-abuse!

I advise you to get going on the video! Find a way to get it to me! If not you can consider digging a nice hole for yourself to hide in.

Also, in order to make up for these photos I want you to get a few beautiful ladies together and take some nice pictures of them in bikinis, or less. Wink

For those who wonder, the video he's supposed to deliver features him singing the beautiful song "San Francisco".

Posted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 10:14 am

The BoC-lad loves sending long mails. He sent another one, despite my answer to his previous was, as can be seen above, that my favorite color is green (although it actually isn't).

This now demands action, and of course not on my side. The first thing I'll do is completely ignore the only paragraph I actually read (because I looked for it), which tells me that the mail is confidential and not intended for anybody except for me. I'm gonna forward the mail to another character of mine, and cc the lad, telling my "friend/uncle/whatever that character might be" how cool this is.

The other thing will be a nice, long reply, fresh from the Lorem Ipsum generator...

Edit: The FBI has contacted my Chinese character. OMFG!!! The real FBI! The one with the @live.com-address!

My reply:

Quote:

Why FIBI contact me from MSN-email? Is global economy crisis so bad that FIBI not can afford own server of email domain?

I know it's a tiny little bit educating, but I really want to see the explanation.

Another edit: One of my previous orphans wants to say thank you by giving me money. I told her I appreciate it but I'm so damn rich that I don't need it.

Quote:

I so rich, I have buy golden bra for girlfriend titties.

Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2008 10:05 am

The Lad wrote:

Quote:

truly "two good heads they say are better than one".

Cammy couldn't resist:

Quote:

BTW - "two good heads are better than one" - the last guy to say that (to me and my friend Liza) ended up wearing two lattes

Posted: Wed Nov 05, 2008 11:12 pm

101 reasons you couldn't make it to Western Union, #43

Quote:

I got caught up in all the fervor of the election, ended up getting blindly drunk on moonshine for the last few days, and had to have my stomach pumped

.

Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 6:05 pm

T3d can't seem to get it right, first he gets hammered, now this?

Quote:

Sorry, I needed to chase the dragon a little...I got caught up smoking crack again and ended up in a cheap hotel with a couple of tranny hookers playing backgammon for the last few days. But I finally got the Western Union thing taken care of.

Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:02 am

It's sometimes fun to insult by remote control...

Quote:

[My brother] told me you're a 419 scammer. He told me that there is no money and no dead man named L0u1s Harry Dan3. He also says - and I quote - "Luca5 Ud0 is a bottom-feeding shit-sucking buttfucker".

I believe my brother. He's served our country in the SASR. Why would be lie about you?

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