Goofy stuff that YOU wrote

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Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 1:46 am

Somehow a Lad selling scam holidays got mixed up in my Lotto Lad baiting, so I started sending him random replies like

Quote:

Dear Sir

Your comments are voluminous and engagingly precipitative and am much encouraged by cordial encouragement and therefore look forward to an umbilical transfusion.

If you require any further guidance please do not hesitate to contact me.

Best Regards

.... and still he's hanging in doggedly. Now I'm trying to find out what he's trying to sell me, and he's having trouble remembering. Laughing

Juan's stalker Joined: 28 Aug 2008 Posts: 1423

@GomerPyle you just make my day.

Im always smiling at your antics.

Love your stuff Laughing

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 24 Nov 2008 Posts: 80

Quote:

My associate and manager Mr. 0m4ne Ned04r contacted me to arrange a deal with you and whoever you are working with regarding the money you contacted us about.

Mr. Ned04r is the current CEO of NED04R BIOTECHNOLOGY INC, as well as the King of Rome/Romania.

My 10 or so baits had this in one of the first few e-mails, depending. Nobody has ever seemed to notice. You can make some pretty outlandish claims to these scammers.

Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 1:45 pm

A lad enquiring about my well being got this as part of my reply:

Quote:

i am doing very well despite the vely harsh econmoics climax.

Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 9:43 pm

I couldn't resist adding a tiny touch of RL into one of Cammy's replies... though it's a long way from what actually took place...

Quote:

Actually on Saturday AJ had Sonja and me dress up as sea-nymphs at the beach... and cavort in the shallows, before AJ set up the remote system and pretended to be a man we'd seduced with our faerie magic. It was very sexy and we had a lot of fun once the session was over. AJ loves threesomes and so do I. He and Sonja are so hot!

Cammy can be quite wanton sometimes, despite what she said to Mel1nda a while back.

Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 8:03 pm

Well, My Favorite thing to do with my Lads, is I call them all Bob, and they never correct me. It gets rather amusing. I also Like to tell them that women over here in "America" do not like to be called wife but mistress. Which becomes hilarious when they try to scam someone else. My favorite though is in my sig. I told my lass that I had began working in a nuclear power plant , and had began glowing while in the dark. I asked her if this was a bad thing and she replied no.... Haha, It was funny....at least to me Smile

Posted: Tue Dec 30, 2008 1:06 am

I'm a fan of magician/skeptics Penn & Teller, and have been enjoying sticking random quotes from their obscure movie into my e-mails.

Examples:

Quote:

"We live in a Godless universe, full of pain."

"... their faces all bloated like the inside of a pork sausage after you inject it with water from a hypodermic needle, all full of bourgeois loyalty."

and my favorite:

"Just another example of the pig power structure throwing worthless trinkets to the proletariat."

My poor lad is so confused! Laughing

Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 5:27 am

I have begun telling my lads who build Monuments of Faith that the size of their pyramid represents the size of their penis. The bigger the monument, the bigger their member is. Let's see if we get that one lad whose vanity outweighs his laziness. Laughing

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 12:11 am

I hope it's OK to necro one's own thread...

When General 3p1phan (naturally redubbed 3p1phany) told Cammy that some scammers had been arrested, her response was slightly callous...

Quote:

Those crims are going to be tried, right? Or do you just take them out behind the shed and drill their spines with a pair of nine-mils?

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 12:57 am

Quote:

Fishheads,my brown sodium free universal.Standard hotline hybird basic jasper triangle!
Thanks,George

I was testing out the theory that lads never actually read the first mail back.The words were taken from various posters,notepads,etc on my desk at work.Yes,the lad did get back to me.

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:59 am

Being told to contact Mr. at the Central Bank in Benin was too tempting...

Quote:

I'll contact Mr Camara and see if he can put me in the picture.

Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 11:28 am

Lad attempted using Fedex to scam me. I asked him to send me a picture of my package and today's date and time written on a plain white card. He failed. I sent him on a wild goose chase and eventually he was chopped. He snapped.

The next day he sends me his fraud recovery format from Western Union with fake WU information, he was using the same Fedex email account. I decide to blast him.

Quote:

Amazingly this 'transfer' is not registered, and has been deemed 'fake' by Western Union. I have forwarded your details to Western Union who have logged this transfer and name as suspicious. They have informed me that this transaction is faked by known scam artists. May I suggest you go fuck yourself with a shovel, then throw yourself into a sack and pay several men to beat you with large sticks. I will gladly pay to see that happen.

Also, when you contacted me as 'Fedex' I believe I told you go do the the same thing.

His response:

Quote:

please what is a shovel

What a waste of abuse. Rolling Eyes

Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:21 pm

Quote:

Ok, our security code will be "Koko de onara shitemo ii desu ka? (Is it ok to fart here in Japanese)

Quote:

Dear R1t@ Gn4nz1,

I apologize for not responding sooner as the due date for my baby was
December 6th and the baby has still not been delivered. I'm still in
the hospital and hopefully I'll be able to come back home soon. I
still haven't heard from Charles Baiden, I was waiting for him to
contact me before contacting you but still nothing. Contact him at
once and have him email me. I'm sorry to hear that you've fallen ill
from the toxic waste dump. Get well soon.

Sincerely,

B3ll4 C6ll3n

Not quite a Newb Joined: 19 Feb 2009 Posts: 69

How do I know that you are who you say you are for if I am not certain that you are who you say you are this raises doubts in my mind that you are who you really said you are and I want to know who you are so that I can send you the money.

Comprehende?

As they say, if the camel has no hump, who will lead him to water? A proverb I think you could learn from.

Question

WTF?

Not quite a Newb Joined: 19 Feb 2009 Posts: 69

CLASSIC!

Quote:

please what is a shovel

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 22 Feb 2009 Posts: 80

A reply i got today from a romance bait im in. The lad initially wanted me to be the beneficiary for the massive amount of money in the dead fathers bank account.

This is until i homed in on the fact that she was in a refugee camp and wanted to send her lotsa money so she could be comfortable. This is what she wants to do with my $5000

Quote:

I will buy myself good food for my brake fast and launch

She sent me this aswell

Quote:

Darling when i finally arrive your country,I am going to make you happy,I will cook your food,I will wash all your clothes,Cleans the house and keep every where clean all the time,I will warm your bed and do to you anything that will make you feel happy.Darling i am waiting here to received the money from you,When i received the money,First i will asked Reverend father to take me to market where i can buy myself good under wears and some fine clothes after that i will snap another pictures and send to you.

I was in quite a sexist mood this morning so replied. Apologies no offense meant.

Quote:

I look forward to meeting you in person, watching you wash my pots, cleaning the cooker, cooking my food. Do you have small feet? If you do that would be great, you will be able to stand very close to the cooker and the sink. I would not require you to warm my bed as i have an electric blanket but you would be more than welcome to sleep with me.

Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 3:48 pm

Quote:

Hello Vera,

How are you? I hope everything is good. I love traveling, and I also eat 700 Banana's a day...wierd eh? I thought it was a strange habit. But anyhow, I would like to see more pictures of you. I have included a picture of me.

Regards,

Carlos

My picture was a picture of Lance Henrikson (from the show Millenium 1996)
Her Reply,

Quote:

Hello, my darling Carlos!
First of all I’d like to thank you for your letter. I was so pleased
to get it! Because all your letters are really important for me.
Honey, I think it's a good time for you to know about my previous
relations. I can’t promise to speak about it with some very pleasant
feelings, but I’ll tell if you are interested.
I had relations with a boyfriend during enough long period of time
(about two years). Relations – is a very important and serious
topic for me. My parents taught me to have serious attitude to
relations, not to have sexual relations before wedding, before
boyfriend becomes my husband. And everything was quite ok with my
previous boyfriend till the moment when he wanted something more
(concerning sexual relations). All in all I’d like to tell you,
that maybe the majority of men in my city and in my country have
the same attitude for relations, such…not serious, you know. Now,
weighing everything passed, I don’t think it was love, but I’m not
sorry for the lost time. Generally, for my mind, people shouldn’t
be sorry for what is passed. Because nobody can return to the past
and change something as he would like. And what do you think about it,
Carlos? Do you agree with me?
Did you have such experience as mine with previous relations? And what
do you think about my situation? I’m very interested in your future
answer!
Take care, my dearest Carlos,
Your Vera

She begins to be back on script, so I begin hilarity.

Quote:

Hello Vera,

Yes, I've had hundreds, possibly thousands of sexual partners. I was involved in the adult industry for about 15 years. My heart was broken by my favourite donkey, I was busy giving him all he ever wanted when he kicked me in the leg and it swelled to ungodly porportions. It was then I realized I should just stick to normal pornography. Well, goodbye for now. Please send me more pictures.

Regards,

Carlos

Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 12:01 am

OMG you guys haven't been goofy lately, come on...

One Lad claims to be in Texas. I couldn't resist:

Quote:

Hell, you've never been outside Texas then have you? But then only steers and queers come from Texas, as my Gunny used to say!

Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 2:41 am

Ok Yastreb I'll bite. This is for a lad who has animals for adoption.

Quote:

Iknow this becos it happened to Bruce, he lost a komodo dragon because the shipper did not complete the CITES and he had to sue the shipper because when the crate got to Bruces house the lizard was all dry an d shriveled up like a nun's tit and he had to make a shoe out of it

Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 10:41 pm

well, apart from the usual "ur mama toto" etc, one lad i had responded particularly badly to "huligan go rape ur mama, cut off ur fatha head". He also objected to "congo atrocitie go fall for ur head!" and "shrine dey tek ur bodie, mek ur head for fetish, tek ur prick 4 juju!" The last one especially. he really didn't like that one.

^^ Bohigal: ROFL. amazing Very Happy

419Eater is my life Joined: 31 Mar 2009 Posts: 327

My current love lad asked me or a photo, so he could see what I look like (of course). I responded with:

"You want a photo of me? That is impossible! I have never had one taken. I never will! Do you not know that if my photo is taken, the camera will steal my soul?!?!" Shocked

He was fine with my fear of cameras. He recently mentioned again he would like to see what I look like. I did tell him I could have a portrait drawn of me. Perhaps a lovely stick figure will satisfy his curiosity?

Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 10:29 pm

^^^^

Only if you draw a giant penis on the stick figure though.
See what your lad thinks of that!

Master Baiter Joined: 07 Oct 2008 Posts: 200 Location: UK

Needed to make my girlie feel ill

"I had a hyperbolic attack today" (I couldn't spell hyperglaecaemic)

Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 8:06 am

Here's a couple that my Reverands use.

Rev #1 signs of his emails with

Quote:

May the Lord's shaft fill your passage with its presence

Rev #2 explaining the Church's charitable work

Quote:

On a local basis we run a support network for young single mothers. I myself am personally responsible for the children of a number of young women.

On the Church's website, the same Rev is described as being interested in "the fertilization of teenage girls" and his motto is "make them fresh but legal"

Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 12:15 pm

Where are the goofy baiters?

Cammy wasn't being goofy, just profane, but I have to share...

After a bounce-back from a reply to a Lad lawyer, Cammy complained, and the banker Lad replied smugly:

Quote:

If you start laying at this early stage of the transaction, I wonder what you will do with J03ffrey and his money if the money is transferred to you.

You said the attorney email dose not work, when he just replied us through the same you said doesn’t work to inform us about your communication with him.

Now Cammy has a short temper at the best of times, but never, NEVER call her a liar...

Quote:

In a very few minutes I am going to forward the error message I got when I sent a reply to your lawyer. Then you can shove your customer service up your fat fucking ass! No-one calls me a liar and gets away with it, DO YOU HEAR ME?

And she did so, with above the error message a massive 36 point (not bowdlerised in the original)

Quote:

NOW @#$%ING WELL APOLOGISE!!

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