Goofy stuff that YOU wrote

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Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 12:27 pm

My Lad wrote:

Quote:

i like you to send me your direct number so that i can call you for an oral talk for us to proceed without any more delay

Cammy White gave a - well, different reply:

Quote:

So no oral talks - I'm sorry about that. I like giving oral, but not from this far away... ; )

Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 12:28 pm

^^^

from that far away that would be a good trick

Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 6:56 pm

Ongoing bait was getting boring so I blasted him with all the adult words I could think of, but I ended with something that made me chuckle...

Quote:

You're a fruit fly

and ended it as always,

Quote:

Warmest Regards, Noah

Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 3:00 am

Quote:

My husband left me for another (younger) woman. But he pay me out the ying-yang, if ya know what I mean.

Posted: Thu May 29, 2008 9:31 pm

I wrote to my lad:

Quote:

What is a "demurrage" that the trunk will attract?

Is that some kind of animal?

His reply:

Quote:

Is this a joke or something? From all indications it seems you not
serious or you feel its all a childsplay. Demurrage are extra fees
that may be incured should there be a delay.This are all what i am
trying to avoid.

My groveling response, is my nose brown enough, sir

Quote:

You said that the trunk could attract demurrage.

Since I do not know what that is, I had to ask you, as you
are wiser and more knowledable about things in your part of
the world than I am.

I am sorry if my question offended you.

You made "demurrage" sound like some kind of mold or animal pest,
and I was wondering what was in the trunks that would attract
these things.

** Retired ** Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 750 Location: Air

A standard initial reply these days -

Quote:

Good Mong !

Tis muckle champion that you hath selected yours truly to tek this one on the chin. Yor offer sounds canny mind and no mistake. Here, am nee business man or nowt like that, but am reet honest. Git more details an chuck them awa to me an al have a gander.

Keep A'Had

baiter name

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 01 Mar 2008 Posts: 7

I didn't do this one in the course of baiting, my garage door quit working, trapping my car in the garage. I proceeded to start fixing it, get angry, get drunk and post this on myspace.

(bad words edited out)

Quote:

well th is just syucks,
of all the sit sh that could f got wrong my f****ngs grage door won't ofpern f***! whast with aoll the bull****s lately>??
so, whos' briigning me dinner?>
an- sm more corneas?

Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 11:36 pm

Never ask 'where the mtcn is on a WU' of you won't like the answer. Laughing

Quote:

EXACTLY as you requested. The MTCN is on the form in the area designated MTCN. Now, kindly send the man in charge of the delivery to do his job, finish the transaction and send me my atm card.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 06 Apr 2008 Posts: 68

This message kind of says it all. I got this addy from the Zebras thread a while back:

Quote:

Before I give you ALL the information I was hoping to see a picture of your unicorns. I need to have some sort of verification that they are healthy and the real thing. Included in the picture I need to see a picture of someone holding a sign with the code message, "BONERIN SWEATPANTS" This is very very important so I can verify this is not a hoax and is the real thing.

Please, I need to have this before sending any more information.

We'll see what happens...

Posted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 12:32 am

Quote:

Sweety I feel heat between us and it throbs. Lets not pretend anymore. Lets get it out in the open wave.

His reply:

Quote:

I read your mail but could not understand it very well.Meanwhile, I will still need you to send me your foto.

Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 12:21 pm

This wasn't goofy, more impassioned...

First, some scene-setting, as a Lad lawyer isn't too diplomatic:

Quote:

I appreciate your concern and interest to assist us, but I do not want to rush things.
As you can see, I do not even know which country you live in. If I am to make a hotel reservation for you, I will be asked from which country is the person coming from.
In your mail you said "WE" Who and who is involve in this transaction. I need a telephone number of a person very close to you so that we can speak to each other since you said that you cant talk.
If you come here how are we going to communicate?
What do you do for a living?
I am sorry if I am asking too much but for me to entrust my client family fund of huge amount like this into your care, I think I deserve to know any thing that I think that I should know from you without pretense or missing words.
I have got a lot to loose if I make any mistake. Please do not be offended.

decided this guy needed taking down!

Quote:

You should know where I'm living because I gorram well told you! My exact words were "I'm a US citizen residing in Australia" in the context of the documents you sent me. Remember that now?
And why shouldn't I say "WE" in the context of this business? I'm working with the Ud0s over this matter - seems a good idea to include them! You'd agree with that.
The thing that really annoys me is that you say I can't talk. WRONG, bonehead - because I can't hear properly doesn't take away my ability to speak! Holy snapping duckshit, why do so many people in this day and age still think that deaf = mute = dumb? FYI I lost my hearing doing my military duty in Iraq. No gorram lardass lawyer is going to make fun of me for that! Are we clear on this, Mr Khuma10?
I make a living teaching people wilderness survival skills. That and my pension keep me OK and let me hang on to my retirement payout. Now and again I get extra work such as on the film "Rogue" - I helped nursemaid Radha Mitchell; that was OK too.
Final note; "please do not be offended" - if you write stupid things, I will be offended, no doubt about that. Bear that in mind and watch yourself! In any event, there won't be a hotel reservation or any real need for banking matters now, will there?

Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 9:20 pm

When still another Lad lawyer answered rudely (I think the plan is to force me back onto the Lad's scheme), Mal replied:

Quote:

I seem to have contacted the office boy by mistake.
Good day to you.

Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 6:38 pm

I have more than one baiting character in use at the moment. I got them mixed up yesterday, so it seems.

A lad wanted to know why I signed with "M0rtimer Sn3rd". I explained that it was an old nickname that my friends call me.

I hope he doesn't twig; that bait's been in play for about six weeks.

Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:13 am

Quote:

I am late cousin, and therefore his next of kin.

Please send documents to me as demanded by Mr of the Bank of Africa (attached document). Thank you for your help and coordination here.

With best regards and be ever twatted

I got complimented by the barrister on my nice letter.

Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:35 am

whats the pakistani word for chicken??

Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:30 pm

From my "pastor" to the mugu. Mugu's dollar has been chopped by Mr Gomer.

Quote:

Brother M@rlick, I feel your concern and deep Christian love for brother Herbert. May I ask first, how do you know him from across so many miles? It was a bit alarming the other day when he presented me with a $5000 check for the restoration of the church organ. Brother Epste1n has been struggling somewhat with finances the last few years and has given much of his time and talent caring for the church organ. He polishes our organ and keeps it up every day, and as I watch him stroke our organ so lovingly it brings a tear to my eye. Then when he finishes rubbing the wood, the organ explodes forth in a beautiful torrent of holy Godhead. But he has never been able to give money for its upkeep, until now. I asked him where he got the money, and he said he had entered into a lucrative business deal with a petroleum corporation in Africa.

Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 4:40 am

Ok, it's not exactly what I wrote, but I am amused. My Lad (Mr Williams) named the band's new CD, but failed to complete the release form to satisfaction and didn't send his photos in a timely manner. That pissed off the CD cover designer, something Lad had been warned not to do, hence:

Kim, the CD designer, wrote:

Bart and Henry, (with CC to Mr Williams)

Seeing how we don't have the photographs or the release we need to finish the "My Blood Brother" CD cover design, I came up with a new CD name and a new CD cover design. Bart, you said you trust my artistic talent. I hope you like it because I just sent it to the printers. We will have 300,000 by this time next week!

I was inspired by Mr. Williams ... and a my dog's butt.

Thank you, Mr. Williams. I couldn't have done it with you! Wink

Love ya - Kim

The boys in the band are emailing Mr G (aka Williams), Henry wrote:

ahhhh ha ha ha ha! that is seriously fucking funny dude! mr G, dude, you are gonna be famous, but probably not in any way you ever wanted to be!
i told you not to piss off kim. ahhhh ha ha ha!

UPDATE

Sometimes the universe has a way of telling us we are doing the right thing. This is one of those times.

When I made up the the CD cover above ... I had no idea that Blink182 recorded a great title track 7 years ago. Kim and the other guys in the band 'laid down the track last night' and sent and an mp3 to Mr Williams this morning. The guys threatened to quit the band if this wasn't the title track on the CD. You can hear The 'Mister Williams Song' on YouTube. The extra bonus ... all the the guys in the band are named for famous pirates. Check out the lyrics

UPDATE Neutral

... and sometimes life is not fair. All I get in response is this ...

Quote:

Dear, Kim.

Thanks for the idea, you did great, at least you have released me of this work. Now me a Bart can finish this contract. Thank you KIM.

Love ya. i will remit some money to you as soon as the deal is done okay.

Regards.

Mr. williams.

and

Quote:

Dear Kim,

I love the music...its cool baby, my son will like it i will ask him to play it when he come for the weekend, cool you are great..

Mr. williams

If, within a 5 week period, ...

AND

doesn't do it, could someone please tell me what it takes to get just one little death threat?

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 5:55 am

My pet Nastya mentioned some months ago that her cat is named Boris.
She sent a photo today of the cat and herself, so I wrote
"So, how's your pussy, Boris?"

Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:51 am

is supposed to have been the business partner of a guy who died in 2001. She replies;

Quote:

Back when Mr Th0mps0n died, I was 15 and still at school!

I couldn't resist a slight double entendre:

Quote:

And when the bank sees my age and occupation, I think they won't believe I had anything to do with drilling – for oil, anyway.

Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:05 pm

I hope this line caused a Lad to pause and wonder:

Quote:

Mr Murray runs the post office WHERE THE WESTERN UNION AGENCY IS (just so you won't blow a sandshoe or something).

Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 2:05 pm

Mr diplomat is about to receive

Quote:

Hi Georgie, do you want a balloon?

Just this, and just because I'm in the mood for it...

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 3:05 pm

He gets back to me complaining how complicated I am...

So he gets this...

Quote:

I have told you already that the consignment has been cleared. I have a friend at the UN who has taken care of this.
Anybody who wants to have money from you now must be trying to steal from you.

So, you want a balloon or not?

Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 6:40 pm

Some excuses for not making payments come from outer space:

Quote:

Dear Mr. ;

I could not leave the ranch or contact the bank yesterday or today
because we were fighting a brushfire caused by a large meteorite or
similar object which landed on the ranch property yesterday.

The incident was reported in the Los Angeles Times newspaper, see link:
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-fireball2-2008jul02,0,5341752.story

Sincerely,

William

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 2628

To my cheque lad. I couldnt get to send the money as I'm in hospital so got my pal to do it, well he's been really anxious to get the cash

Quote:

My neighbour says he sent the money off.
I'm not sure what he meant by the nicckles and dimes falling thru the envelope but I'll find out when i get home

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 7:15 am

I got sick of my lad moaning about the refugee camp, you know the one, no food but superb internet facilities

Quote:

my seety hne pi

why yu send froms so bladdy late?

is moonday afor i get to westre uniun offic agin

an hey will yu stop moaning abut the refug camp

i com fro india, i very poor

all my life is like short time yu soend in there

yu fatha was rich yes?, so afor bad ting hapen

tyu had tha good life

i only get monies few month ago

american man take pictures of my testsicles

fr magazeene

he giv me $50,000

ver soon yu will be livin good life agin wit me

yu will have gud shus and good dress

an good pantys

so stop yu bladdy moanin

my sweery cake

i lov yu and wan to be yu

my sweety Y4di

If reading that was hard, spare a thought for my lad!!

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