Dating tips for men...

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Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 7:57 am

Got this in my inbox after trying to find my first phad to bait. Useful advice to all you cyber geeks who don't get out much!

Dating Tips for Men

Men who go out for dates want to look and act at their best, and are sometimes pressured to keep their girl while dating. Now, if you want the apple of your eyes stick with you like a bubble gum until the end of your date. I've put together this mini-encyclopedia of Dating Tips for Men.

DO'S

Observe proper hygiene. Clean yourself not just from head to toe as well as your wardrobe and foot wear.

Plan your date well. Think of different activities that can surely excites the girl not just the usual fine dining in a restaurant. With this, it can give her second thoughts that you are the type of a guy who is worth dating for!

Know her likes and dislikes. To give you an idea what ambiance and food she enjoys the most. This is also to avoid monotonous situation and conversation.

Be humorous. Women love a man who knows how to make them laugh out loud and can brighten up their day. Remember be sure to throw a clean and good sense of humor.

Let her feel that she's an extraordinary special in your date. Treat her not just a princess but a queen. You know, girls like to be pampered.

Pay the bills. To show that you're a responsible kind of person however don't expect for a return.

Act with confidence. Women adore men who are confident that can be their knight in shining armor to shield them when they're vulnerable.

DON�T�S

Checking the time every now and then. It can make the girl annoyed.

Don't be Late. If you hope to go out with her for NTH times.

Carrying your own chair. Too much impressing about your achievements in life can irritate your potential lady love's ear. Be enigmatic. Let her discover that you're the man of the hour. You'll see how amazed she is!

But then again, remember, whichever way you look at it, be sincere with your intentions to her in order to capture her heart and perhaps hear those sweetest "yes" soon.

Good luck in your careful search for love!

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 8:38 am

Quote:

...Clean yourself not just from head to toe as well as your wardrobe...

Thanks for the advice.

So that's where I've been going wrong. I get the beautiful women into the bedroom department and they run their finger over me MFI flat pack self assembly MDF white melamine wardrobe, spot the dust, and then scarper. Good job they don't look inside it. Shocked

If fact assembling flat pack bedroom furniture is very much like making love to a beautiful woman...you lug them up the stairs after a few beers to steady your nerves for the rigours to come, lay out all their bits out on the bedroom floor, throw away the the instructions, and then just start screwing and hammering away like there is no tomorrow and hope that it all comes together in the end with nothing left over.

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 8:48 am

Quote:

Carrying your own chair.

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 8:52 am

What you forgot to mention:

If she turns up for the 2nd date wearing a wedding dress...ignore all the above Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 9:11 am

Very informative Tasman,

I have long forgotten these tips.

The only one I remember from my dating days, always go for the ... perhaps another forum would be best for my tips Wink

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 9:28 am

Tommo's alternative dating tips for men...

DOs...

Always date beautiful women. Believe you me, although they are harder work and more expensive than those that have fallen out of the ugly tree, but at least you can take them to the pub and introduce them to your mates without fear of ridicule.

Always carry your own chair on the first date. To ask them to carry it for you should be saved to at least the second date.

To create a good impression, always dust down your wardrobe at regular intervals-see my previous post.

Always open doors for them, especially on the way out the morning after after the night before.

Only date women called Carol. That way you can never get their name wrong and it saves embarrassment in any intimate moments.

DONTs...

Don't expect them to go Dutch on the restaurant bill until at least the second date.

Don't expect them to carry your chair until at least the second date.

Don't date anybody called Deidre. Your Carol will be extremely upset if you do.

Don't sleep on the wet patch.

Don't ever ever forget Valentine's Day. Send yourself a couple of anonymous cards just to keep your beloved on her toes. To really piss Carol off, send yourself a bunch of red roses with a card signed "Lots of love Deidre".

[Edited - for grammar]

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:16 am

Funny stuff, Tommo. Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:51 am

Tommo Shanter wrote:

f fact assembling flat pack bedroom furniture is very much like making love to a beautiful woman...you lug them up the stairs after a few beers to steady your nerves for the rigours to come, lay out all their bits out on the bedroom floor, throw away the the instructions, and then just start screwing and hammering away like there is no tomorrow and hope that it all comes together in the end with nothing left over.

And remember, always pick your bedroom flatpack furniture from Ikea. "Shagga" or "Bangbang" give excellent value for money but are frequently unavailable. Avoid "Soggi" and "Droopi" which look great in the catalogue but are very disappointing when you finally get them home.

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:17 am

Gnasher wrote:

... Avoid "Soggi" and "Droopi" which look great in the catalogue but are very disappointing when you finally get them home.

Weren't they the two unlucky vertically challenged little people lacking in height stature that failed the fluffing audition for 'Debbie Does The Seven Dwarfs' because they couldn't reach? Shocked

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:28 am

No, I believe that was "Tweaki" and "Flikki" - and now I'll get my coat.....

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:21 pm

Always brush your tooth!

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 6:41 pm

Tommo, if you ever write a book, I'll buy several copies.

God that's funny stuff.

Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 6:51 pm

^^^Thank you. My publisher will be in touch for advance orders...

Warning - watch out that blond bint (you know who you are) that writes those crappy adolescent wizardy flying broomstick-type novels, Tommo is coming very soon! Shocked

And it won't be pretty!

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 7:26 pm

My $.02 worth -

Don't talk about your ex - lovers, wives, girlfriends. The red flags go flying and we start looking for escape windows in the restaurant's restrooms.

Don't talk about your sex conquests. Ever!

Smile

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 8:29 pm

Quote:

Don't talk about your sex conquests. Ever!

When I finally have one, I'm letting everyone know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:11 pm

^^^Okay we will let you tell us all about your minute of pleasure. Wink

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:13 pm

It lasts a minute???????????

Oh joyus occasion, I'll be over come

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

So many rules- I'm so glad that I'm married.

Tommo wrote:

Only date women called Carol. That way you can never get their name wrong and it saves embarrassment in any intimate moments.
Don't date anybody called Deidre. Your Carol will be extremely upset if you do.

*** BANNED *** Joined: 18 Jul 2004 Posts: 2049

Okay . . okay . . . you checked your hygiene, shined your shoes, carried your f*king chair and then had to listen to the woman go on and on and on about her mother, types of wedding dresses and the only other date she ever had.

Okay she did have great casabas that jiggled when she giggled but that didn't even come close to making up for the DATE FROM HELL. Time to put some distance between you and this 'woman'.

But . . .stupid git you . . . she managed to wheedle your phone number from you during a moment of weakness . . . Now what are you going to do? You just know she is gonna call you and want to hook up again.

Not to worry . . . here are some most excellent excuses you can use to deflect the addled woman when she calls . . . . . . .

Try these:

I'd love to, but...

I have to floss my cat.

I want to spend more time with my blender.

I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.

There's a disturbance in the Force.

I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.

I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.

I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.

I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.

I'm attending the opening of my garage door.

The monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.

I'm taking punk totem pole carving.

I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.

My yucca plant is feeling yucky.

I'm touring China with a wok band.

I never go out on days that end in "Y."

I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.

I have to bleach my hare.

You know how we psychos are.

I have to study for a blood test.

I have to rotate my crops.

Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 7:24 am

<br>You forgot..."I'd love to, but the wife won't let me". Shocked

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 21 Feb 2008 Posts: 6

Good One!!! Rolling Eyes

I'll keep my husband away to read all these tips Very Happy

Protection is better than Cure u know Laughing

Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:18 pm

Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. Most women secretly long to be knocked on the head and dragged by the hair into a cave.

I'm putting my asbestos suit on now.

Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 5:29 pm

^^

If you think you have found the one, worship the ground she walks on and do not smother.

How do you think Lovey has kept me? Very Happy

Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 9:15 pm

You do know why the cavemen dragged their woman by the hair dont you?

The answer to this one cant be posted so you will need to figure it out Wink

Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 9:28 pm

^^^^ i know i know (reasing hand)