Funniest Email in a long time - Now Includes Swearing

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419Eater is my life Joined: 12 Jun 2005 Posts: 442

I LOVE your new siggy!!!!!!!! Laughing

Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 5:35 am

thats too funny. maybe he just got himself a new shop vac and needs to try it out.

Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 10:24 am

It was a freudian slip. Jack meant to say "we will beat him to within an inch of his life".

Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 1:06 pm

Thanks for the great response, I thought it was a great email.

I have put it in my sig.

Here's his next email

Quote:

You know he killed his wife and has ran away to far away the northern part of this country that is about 18 hrs driving.I have made arrangement with the State Security to whisky him up. Once you are ready to assist us in the funding of the transportation within 24hours we shall catch him and take a snap of photograph of him and send to you for confirmation.

Once again i am very sorry for the damage the *DELETED* has caused you and still give you my promise that he will pay for every cent he collected from you.

With due regards

Jack

He is going to whisky him up, maybe Jack Daniels?

Also this is the first time Jack has sworn, it maybe the proliferant cursing on the part of my character is rubbing off. I will have to see if I can get him so say some other rude words.

Baiting Guru Joined: 17 Sep 2006 Posts: 5905

This guy should quit scamming, with his undoubted natural flair for comedy he should be given his own TV show Laughing

Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 1:33 pm

The miscreant's going to think it's his lucky day. They're going to get him whiskied up, then suck his balls out of his pants. Confused

Or versa-visa.

Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 4:19 am

I've heard of doing it with a garden hose, but straight through the pants? "He must have been wearing one nice pair of pants."
Chris Gardner , The persuit of happyness

Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 10:03 am

Jack now wants me to pay for him to get the cereal killer.

My email to him. Expletives deleted for the nervous reader.

Quote:

Jack,
That is okay. If the fscking police are going anyway why do you need to go? Can we not just trust the fsckers to deal with this fscking cereal killing c***? I do want him physically abused though. Are your police officers likely to give him a good beating? Will they suck his balls like you promised?

Caron

His reply

Quote:

Attn; Caron.
The police are already aware.It is just that i want to travel down with them to make sure that he is dealt with by my personal self as you have instructed.Buit i have to pay for my fare and that is why i need your assistance .so that i can be able to giove my wife and kids some money here before i leave for the trip.
Jack

And now apparently he is a "very cunny man". Little does Jack know it but cunny is quite an obscure but quite a rude word.

Quote:

Attn; Mr Caron.
With due regards .I have to be there to supervise everything except he will run away.You know he is a very cunny man from his record.I want to make sure i handle him with my hands and size all his fraudlent indentification which he uses in swindle people.So he will not do it again in his life time.

With due regards

Jack

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:47 am

Jack's back and still obseesed with balls.

Quote:

Subject Yes i have to be present to do justice to his balls
Feb 12 (12 hours ago)

Attn; Mr Caron.

With due regards of your mail and contents.Yes i have to be there in person. because he is a very clever criminal and might run away from the police. I want to be there so that i can lay abush around his home before we storm inside to avoid him running away.We have to work with time My Caron. please try and send this money by tomorrow with the information i already gave you and send me all the details of transfer of the $350 once you have made transfer by western union money transfer.

So that we can move very fast.yuou know 14th valentin is coming and he might have plan top holiday with his family.

With due regards
Jack

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 10:09 am

It seems obsessed with Balls and now Gardening!

Quote:

Subject Yes i have to be present to do justice to his balls

I want to be there so that i can lay abush around his home before we storm inside

With due regards
Jack

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 10:16 am

We've seen references to extreme fellatio, incest, and now vegephilia... there hasn't been a list of alternative sexual practices like this since the psych report on Albert Fish!

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 10:24 am

how does one go about doing justice to his balls . i wonder

Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 5:09 am

How about asking for a picture of him "sucking his balls out of his pants"
Very Happy

419Eater is my life Joined: 21 Nov 2005 Posts: 264

Let's see. First he's going to whisky him up then handle him with his hands to size him up then he's going to suck his balls out of his pants. Are you sure this is a 419. Sounds more like a dating scam to me. Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 10:18 am

No balls from Jack this time but he is still keen to "lay abush around his home"

Quote:

Attn; Mr Caron.

With due regards of your mail and contents.Yes i have to be there in person. because he is a very clever criminal and might run away from the police. I want to be there so that i can lay abush around his home before we storm inside to avoid him running away.We have to work with time My Caron. please try and send this money by tomorrow with the information i already gave you and send me all the details of transfer of the $350 once you have made transfer by western union money transfer.

So that we can move very fast.yuou know 14th valentin is coming and he might have plan top holiday with his family.

With due regards

Jack

I have asked him to explicitly explain what he is going to do before I send the money. He might come up with something quite interesting. We will see.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:34 pm

Hilarious! Thanks for sharing it!

hehehe Laughing

Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 11:13 am

Now I did prompt Jack to be more explicit in exactly what he was going to do and this is his reply.

Quote:

Attn; Mr Caron.

With due regards of your mail.I am sorry of writing you late my internet was down.This is what i will do as soon as i set my eyes on him.

1, I will stripe him naked and have a photography of him that will be sent to you for confirmation that he has being cut.

2, I will strike him with a big bar on his head to make sure he bleeds before being handed to the cop.

3, Will make sure he we make an immedaite telephone call to you for him to apologise and promise to return all he has stolen from you.I can't wait to set my eye on that bastard serial killer that killed his own wife.How can a man be so wicked to kill his own wife?Caron is such man worth living.

I will wait for transfer and as soon as i get all information will give you our flight details and time. so you can be close to your telephone for more news.Once transfer is made .Send me all details.

With due regards

Jack

I think there is definitely a homoerotic subtext here.

Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 11:28 am

To extreme fellatio, incest, and dendrophilia add sadism... and the desire to strip and then photograph the victim sounds like classic trophy collection as found with many serial killers (Dahmer, Neilsen and Lake, for example).

Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 11:38 am

After a bit of prodding Jack comes back with this classic, includes swearing.

Quote:

Attn; Mr Caron.

I have stated clearly what i intend doing to this serial killer in my previous e-mails.Because i will make sure he never returns to life again.I will suck his balls just as you have requested .You have nothing to worry i am a man of few words and principles.I believe in action and don't talk much.He will regret trying to mess around with you once i get hold of him in the northern part of this country.You will have the pictures of all that will be done to him and his mother fucking balls behind his legs.

With due regards

Jack

I just want to point out that it was Jack who brought up the ball sucking all by himself. I just told him to go for it.

Anyway I had better send Jack some money now so that he makes the trip.

Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 1:11 am

Quote:

You have nothing to worry i am a man of few words and principles.

So does that mean he's got few words and has principles? Or does that mean he has few words and few priciples?

Trophy Videos · Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 11:38 am

Quote:

.Because i will make sure he never returns to life again

??

Mybe this will prevent him from becoming a zombie??

hehehe

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 4:48 pm

I have accidently got confused and made an assumption that Jack is homosexual and due to my religious convictions I may not be able to work with him. Here is his reply.

Quote:

Attn; Mr Caron.

With due regards of our telephone conversation .Why i wanted you to send the money with UGO PRINCEWILL is because he is my clerk here and my current driver lincense is expired and i have not gotten the new .It is safe and also faster. so that once you make the payment he can pick it up and go and buy me my ticket and other necessary things.We have wasted alot of time talking so much.i don't want that bastard serial killer to escape.we have to work with swift .I am no homosexual.I am a devoted christian and believe in the holy bible.Ugo princewill works for me as my Personal Aid that is what i meant.
Will wait for transfer information and details

With due regards

JackAttn; Mr Caron.

With due regards of our telephone conversation .Why i wanted you to send the money with UGO PRINCEWILL is because he is my clerk here and my current driver lincense is expired and i have not gotten the new .It is safe and also faster. so that once you make the payment he can pick it up and go and buy me my ticket and other necessary things.We have wasted alot of time talking so much.i don't want that bastard serial killer to escape.we have to work with swift .I am no homosexual.I am a devoted christian and believe in the holy bible.Ugo princewill works for me as my Personal Aid that is what i meant.
Will wait for transfer information and details

With due regards

Jack