Sister please, my monkey! (This one is a little explicit)

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Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

Here goes another. Let's see where this goes:

This is what I received when I responded to an ad in some Texas classified ad:

On Tue, 01 Jan 2008 05:44:15 -0800 sister_jenet gonzalez
<[email protected]> wrote:
>

Quote:

Hello Ashley,
> i am very happy that you have contacted me in regards of
>this baby.She is called Shelly and she is 1year old.She has been
>vet tested and she is very good with kids and other domestic
>pets.She does not cry when it is time for bed.
>Shelly likes to play with toys and at times,she will prefer to
>spend all her time on the tree in our yard.Do you have a fenced
>yard where you will be keeping Shelly?
>Shelly grew up with my kids Shane and Dian.They have never cried
>or complained to me that Shelly has harmed them.Shelly is home
>trained and she knows where to poo.She welcomes all visitors very
>well and when she feels fine,she also give kisses around the
>mouth.She does not like to be alone.Most of the time,she climbs on
my neck and when i shout at her,she will jump down and start
>shooting me with her toys.
>I am not a monkey breeder or seller.I am just looking for a good
>home for Shelly since the climatic condition out here is too
>harsh.I am presently in Blue Lakes Cameroon for a 1month visit and

>i will be back to the USA only after my mission and i cannot just
>wait and see Shelly pass away because of this climate.
>If you are really interested,i can ship out Shelly to you via
>Cameroon Airlines International and the flight will take just
>about 6hours 30 minutes.
>Kind Regards
>Mrs Jenet.
>Happy New Year 2008

.

So I wrote:

Hello, sister Jenet,
I am Ashley's uncle Cleevis Tourettes, and I believe that ashley
contacted you via email concerning a monkey. Thank you for
responding to her, for she is currently very very ill. Perhaps I
could ask for you to pray for her health. I would ask for you to
pray to GoOOOD DAMN!!! oh, I am so sorry for that, I forgot to
mention that I too am suffering from an ailment albeit not as
lifethreatening as my dear Ashley's sickness, mine is rather more
of a nuisance. I randomly break out into fits and tirades usually
accompanied by strings of slurs and explicit cursing. I don't do it
intentionally, it is simply a medical problem that I am currently
on medication for. So if you would please excuse me when this
happens, I would very much like to converse with you about adopting
your baby monkey for my Ashley.I think the monkey would help her at
least feel a little better. FUCK SHIT PISS TITS! oh my gosh, see
what I mean? I am so sorry about that. Please get back to me
concerning the monkey, for I am delirious with delight thinking of
how a monkey will look in a dress. Thank you, and for Ashley,

Uncle Cleevis Tourettes"

Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 8:34 am

Hey, I wanted to use "Extreme Tourette" on a lad too. Just been thinking about this these days, but didn't have a victim for this yet...

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

...any ol' victim'll do.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 27 Dec 2007 Posts: 51

...this one's not responding yet. I better prod her a bit:

"Good morning sister Jenet,
I must say that I tossed and turned all night long. My mind was feverishly consumed with visions of your monkey. I must have it. this is no longer just about poor, sick little ashley; I want that monkey! FUUUUUCK! ...oops...SON-of-a-BITCH!!! ...damn. (that last one was me.)...please get back to me at your earliest convenience for I am sick with desire for your monkey.
Thank you,
Uncle Cleevis"

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