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 Sister please, my monkey! (This one is a little explicit)

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Dew
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 51


PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 7:09 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Here goes another. Let's see where this goes:

This is what I received when I responded to an ad in some Texas classified ad:

On Tue, 01 Jan 2008 05:44:15 -0800 sister_jenet gonzalez
<[email protected]> wrote:
>
Quote:
Hello Ashley,
> i am very happy that you have contacted me in regards of
>this baby.She is called Shelly and she is 1year old.She has been
>vet tested and she is very good with kids and other domestic
>pets.She does not cry when it is time for bed.
>Shelly likes to play with toys and at times,she will prefer to
>spend all her time on the tree in our yard.Do you have a fenced
>yard where you will be keeping Shelly?
>Shelly grew up with my kids Shane and Dian.They have never cried
>or complained to me that Shelly has harmed them.Shelly is home
>trained and she knows where to poo.She welcomes all visitors very
>well and when she feels fine,she also give kisses around the
>mouth.She does not like to be alone.Most of the time,she climbs on
my neck and when i shout at her,she will jump down and start
>shooting me with her toys.
>I am not a monkey breeder or seller.I am just looking for a good
>home for Shelly since the climatic condition out here is too
>harsh.I am presently in Blue Lakes Cameroon for a 1month visit and

>i will be back to the USA only after my mission and i cannot just
>wait and see Shelly pass away because of this climate.
>If you are really interested,i can ship out Shelly to you via
>Cameroon Airlines International and the flight will take just
>about 6hours 30 minutes.
>Kind Regards
>Mrs Jenet.
>Happy New Year 2008
.

So I wrote:

Hello, sister Jenet,
I am Ashley's uncle Cleevis Tourettes, and I believe that ashley
contacted you via email concerning a monkey. Thank you for
responding to her, for she is currently very very ill. Perhaps I
could ask for you to pray for her health. I would ask for you to
pray to GoOOOD DAMN!!! oh, I am so sorry for that, I forgot to
mention that I too am suffering from an ailment albeit not as
lifethreatening as my dear Ashley's sickness, mine is rather more
of a nuisance. I randomly break out into fits and tirades usually
accompanied by strings of slurs and explicit cursing. I don't do it
intentionally, it is simply a medical problem that I am currently
on medication for. So if you would please excuse me when this
happens, I would very much like to converse with you about adopting
your baby monkey for my Ashley.I think the monkey would help her at
least feel a little better. FUCK SHIT PISS TITS! oh my gosh, see
what I mean? I am so sorry about that. Please get back to me
concerning the monkey, for I am delirious with delight thinking of
how a monkey will look in a dress. Thank you, and for Ashley,

Uncle Cleevis Tourettes"
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rootuser
Elite Baiter


Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Posts: 1632
Location: Right behind you


PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 8:34 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Hey, I wanted to use "Extreme Tourette" on a lad too. Just been thinking about this these days, but didn't have a victim for this yet...

_________________
"..., if it not the destiny has reduced us together, then who?"
"may u die tomorrow in jesus name"
"The devil has eaten away your soul as you will decay in the hail fire, so go and die with your dyning devil hopless devil advocate."
"This is what i sent to them am not with any money to go back to nigeria pls help."

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Mortar

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Dew
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 51


PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 5:06 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

...any ol' victim'll do.
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Dew
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 27 Dec 2007
Posts: 51


PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 5:16 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

...this one's not responding yet. I better prod her a bit:

"Good morning sister Jenet,
I must say that I tossed and turned all night long. My mind was feverishly consumed with visions of your monkey. I must have it. this is no longer just about poor, sick little ashley; I want that monkey! FUUUUUCK! ...oops...SON-of-a-BITCH!!! ...damn. (that last one was me.)...please get back to me at your earliest convenience for I am sick with desire for your monkey.
Thank you,
Uncle Cleevis"
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