Safari time! - Well, it was fun while it lasted

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Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:41 am

"Please, don't look at them. I don't want you to get jealous, okay? Just find the folder called "Sexy Peter" and delete the whole thing."

Where do you get this stuff from - you just keep kicking, and when the poor(?) fellow thinks he's just missed his green card and $30k, you smack him in the nuts again. Now as he hobbles to send these faxes (faxes are good - they're expensive to send compared with scans, and notoriously unreliable/come out all dark/run out of fax paper/out of toner/illegible/bloody useless at the best of times) and hope to get his laptop...I can see as long as he keeps the email address and character alive you'll keep on kicking. Good show, I say Smile

After all, anyone to go from I HATE YOU to I LOVE YOU for a vaio...

One final thought - chin3du clearly knows how to twist that knife (he is a brilliant invention by the way) - it would be interesting to see if he ever makes it to Seattle, or maybe starts sending cheques to 5ue...she can ask Jimmy's advice as chin3du drives the knife deeper. Maybe chin3du taunts jimmy that he's building her up for the big one - the one where she sells the house, but 5ue can't believe it of here pete, no matter what incoherent balls jimmy pastes. I could imagine even if jimmy can't bring himself to answer any more, the train-wreck magnetism will mean he reads everything and weeps - only one extra hour of waiting and it could be him...

Juan, 5imba, thank you both for this most, most satisfying thread, may it long continue!

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:45 pm

After faxing the reciepts through to me no less that 17 times.... Laughing

Jimbo finally accepted that he would need to attach them to an Email.
He has just sent me the following message:

Quote:

Hello Mr Rhodxx,

I have been able to get hold of one of the receipts, i cant find the others. I am gonna attach it to this message, Also i want you to know that transportation service in Cotonou did not issue receipts to us, but you can confirm from the park, I have spent 30,000CFA on getting to Parakou, i have also spent another 20,000CFA while in the airport in Cotonou, try understand all these, they dont issue receipt and you know it. I dont have any intention of coming to your camp anymore so all i want is the money you promised to reimburse me.
Find information to send money via western union to Abuja as requested.

Name: Kelvin Ifeanxx
Address: 23 Tribal Lane, Zuba,
City : Abuja
Country: Nigeria.

i expect to get a scanned copy of the Western Union receipt as soon as you have sent the money. Mrs Susan told me she dropped my laptop with you, can you please confirm so i can provide for you the delivery address so you can send it asap

And that is genuinely the size of the receipt that he sent to me... Rolling Eyes

I think its time to introduce another character from the 5imba camps..... Laughing

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:14 pm

^^And we all know how inadequate that receipt, and his other fictitious charges are...Take it away, Bernie Rhodes, stage right>> Smile

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 4:20 pm

@manbiteslion - glad you've enjoyed it! Very Happy

I'm still hoping I can do some more damage to this lad but things have cooled down, it's almost like starting over:

Jim wrote:

Dearest Sue,

Many thanks for writing me, i am so glad you arrived home safely, but i want you to remember that your mission was not accomplished. You came to africa to pick me but you ended up returning back home without me.
Anyway, have you told Mr Rhodes to contact me regarding the laptop? I have not heard from him. Now that you are back in states, what will happen to me? Maybe i just sell the laptop when i get it and then i use the money to fly back. Is that ok by you?
I hope to read from you as soon as you wake up,
Your Love,
Jim.

Susan wrote:

Dearest Jim,

I slept like a rock but I'm still fuzzy. That was a very long trip! I have a lot to do after being away for so long.

Darling, I don't understand. Why are you saying I was supposed to bring you back with me? Over a week ago you said you had decided to stay in Nigeria with Kelvin to start a new business. You said you would start a "freshman life" there. I didn't think you wanted to come back with me! If I'd known you changed your mind again I wouldn't have come back so soon! I'm really upset about this now. I came home alone because you convinced me you wouldn't come back with me. You wouldn't even travel as far as the camp, let alone Seattle! Why this change of heart???

I'll write to Mr. Rhodes but I don't really think there's anything I can do from here, you need to coordinate with him yourself. If you were to sell it my feelings would be a little hurt since I bought it thinking you would want it. But it's a present, and as such it's yours to do whatever you want. If you prefer to sell it, that's your decision. But please, please please delete that folder of pornographic pictures of me and Peter first!!!! I wouldn't want those to get around!!!

I'd better get moving, I have a busy day ahead trying to catch up on things.

Yours forever,
Susan

I want him to be extra eager to get his grubby hands on the computer....

@Simba: interesting that his address is Abuja. Maybe that's why he has no problem with the reimbursement going there. I wonder if maybe he has family there and moved to Lagos to work (or scam, as the case may be)?

We need to find another way to send him the money and laptop, someplace less convenient than Abuja... Meanwhile Susan may just have to return to Africa to rescue him again. We'll see how that goes.

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 4:46 pm

Juan Freizwidatt wrote:

@Simba: interesting that his address is Abuja. Maybe that's why he has no problem with the reimbursement going there. I wonder if maybe he has family there and moved to Lagos to work (or scam, as the case may be)?

We need to find another way to send him the money and laptop, someplace less convenient than Abuja... Meanwhile Susan may just have to return to Africa to rescue him again. We'll see how that goes.

I am not really good with bogus WU payments, but this mugu is ripe for some.
Firstly, I am going to introduce a new 5imba character. A dozy accountant who knows nothing of Jimbo's safari story, and as Bernie is currently in Liberia, Jimbo will have to explain everything again and again so that the new character understands.

Then we can start yanking him around with payments.
Firstly, we'll send one to a bank in Cotonou, then a WU to Abuja, which of course fail, then a WU to somewhere else in Nigeria, maybe Ibadan...

There is still so much more fun to squeeze from this mugu.... Laughing

EDIT: Perhaps what we could do is to send the refund in cash, contained in the same package as the laptop. Must find a good courier with a depot somewhere convenient... Rolling Eyes

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:09 pm

Impressive work keeping this going, guys. I wonder if mugus get ulcers.

Now Juan, I'm sure Sue didn't leave any important bank account information or passwords on that laptop that might give unscrupulous people access to boatloads of money, did she? I'm sure she's smarter than that. Wink

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:12 pm

The latest from Jim. What a bore.

Quote:

Good day my love,
I got your mail, i wont sell the laptop anymore, i will use it. But i have not heard from Mr. Rhodes, are you sure he will be willing to post the laptop to me?
Why does it take him so long to write back to me? I hope he is not trying to take the laptop for himself?
Honie, you need to find a way to send me money to my e-gold account. You just have to do it. I wished to go back with you, but you frustated an made life miserable for me that was why i decided not to go anymore. Have you contacted Mr Rhodes?

How do I know why it takes Mr. Rhodes so long? Sheesh! Rolling Eyes

@Bohigal, no need to leave account information, I'm happy to give Chin3du all the money he wants! Very Happy

EDIT: Susan responded to Jim.

Susan wrote:

Dear Jim,

I wrote to Mr. Rhodes but I have not heard back from him. I have no idea why it's taking him a while to get back to you, perhaps they're having computer problems in the camp? It's a very well-organized place but they are subject to local problems. I'm sure he's not planning to keep it, he's a very honest man and he knows it's for you. I just hope he doesn't find the pictures. I can't believe I forgot to delete them! How silly of me! It would be embarrassing if they got out.

What is an egold account? I've never heard of it.

I'm upset with Kelvin's brother Jerry. He picked up the $500 I asked Peter to send for me but he hasn't given it to you. What is wrong with him? Have you asked Kelvin? Maybe Kelvin got the money from Jerry and hasn't thought to mention it?

I got a delightful email from Peter a few minutes ago. What a sweet man! He misses me so much! I'm pleased to report that they're making great progress in cleaning Mrs. Abacha's cash, it will soon be ready to ship to the U.S.

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 7:01 pm

Quote:

you frustated an made life miserable for me

Mission accomplished! Yet the war drags on. And agreed, Chin3du is a much more "secure" way to handle your funds.

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 7:21 pm

I am new here but you guys have provided me with countless hours of entertainment.

For now I am just watching and learning but hope to find a lad or two from the myriad of emails I receive each day.

Keep up the good work and thanks for making the most boring days in work go by a lot faster!

Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 4:02 pm

@Simba, Jimbo is getting a bit upset:

Quote:

Darling Sue,
Are you sure Mr and Mrs Rhodes are still alive? Despite all the mails i sent to them, they never responded to one.
Get in touch.

That was his entire email to Susan. What a romantic he is. Rolling Eyes

I slapped him pretty hard over that.

Meanwhile "Kelvin" finally asked who the heck his brother Jerry is. It took him a long time to question the appearance of an unknown character. So I forwarded the original email, including the insults about Kelvin and listing Jerry's phone. I hope this leads to some trouble in lad-land.

Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 4:30 pm

@Juan - We received Jimbo's Emails, but sadly, nothing ever runs smoothly in mugu-land... Laughing

Quote:

Dear Mister Calkixx,

I must advise you that Mr & Mrs Rhodxx are currently in Liberia, where
they are opening the brand new 5imba Safari Camp at 5apo National Park.
Please see our website for more details.

Thank you for taking the time and trouble to send us an invoice, sadly
the image is so very small that it cannot be read. So I have no idea
what it is in respect of, or the amount due for settlement.
Please would you re scan at a larger size so that I can actually see the
invoice and give it the attention that it deserves.

Best regards,
Mingeeta Singh
Finance Manager - 5imba Safari Group Ltd

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 3:10 am

Hahahaha, very nice work, Juan and Simba! I like "Mingeeta"!

I had four days with no Eater, and feel like the world has moved on... trying to catch up....

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:03 am

Quote:

Look let me tell you,
I have spent a lot of money getting this done, now you are telling me you cant see it even when i have torn the receipt. Look you must be kidding cos i dont know how i can get the receipt. Maybe you have to go to Parakou and look for Hotel Les canaris and ask them if i checked in or not.
Will you pay me or not?

Quote:

Dear Mister Calkixx,

I am sorry for the stress that you are enduring, but what can I do when
the receipt is no larger than a postage stamp?
It will be more than my jobsworth to make a settlement of this when I
cannot even read the invoice, I do not now how much it is for, and I do
not even know what the invoice is in respect of?

Please help me to help you.
Send me the invoice again so that I can read it, and I will be very
happy to settle the outstanding debt as soon as possible.

Best regards,
Mr Mingeeta 5ingh
Finance Manager - 5imba Safari Group Ltd

Quote:

Look i tore the receipt immeditely i scanned and sent the receipt, so i cant get it anymore. Understand me.

If you dont mind, i can let the money go.
But i promise to report all the to the law

Quote:

Dear Mister Calkixx,

Please find attached a copy of the receipt that you have sent.
As you can see it is a tiny little thing that cannot be read, so please
do understand that this is not may fault, because you should have sent a
readable copy in the first place.

Also it was very stupid of you to discard the original. Very stupid
indeed.

What I will do for you is this.
I will contact Mister Rhodxx in Liberia and ask him about your
situation, because I do not know anything about the history of all this
business, and you have not explained it very well.
Let us see what Mister Rhodxx decides to do, because he is a fine
gentleman, and you can have a great deal of faith in his desire to see
that you receive everything that you deserve.

So please help me to help you Mister Calkixx, please will you make a
list of the expenses that you are claiming, and the amount of each claim
alongside.
Like this:
Hotel Expenses - $xxx.xx
Food Expenses - $xxx.xx

Thank you for your assistance,

Best regards,
Mr Mingeeta 5ingh
Finance Manager - 5imba Safari Group Ltd

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:33 am

Quote:

Look i tore the receipt immeditely i scanned and sent the receipt, so i cant get it anymore. Understand me.

Somtimes they just make it too easy! What a maroon...

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 3:44 pm

I'm delighted to see he's still battling with you, and I can easily sense his blood pressure rising. Very Happy

What an idiot to rip up the receipt!

I'm afraid he's dumping Susan, neither of his characters replied to my last emails. Sad

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 4:43 pm

@Juan - He is still very much in the game. I will eventually try to get him on safari again, but in the meantime I am enjoying making life difficult for him... Laughing

Quote:

Hi there,
I got your mail, my claim is Hotel Expenses AND Food Expenses 55,750CFA,
WHILE transportation expenses is about 40,000CFA and other small expenses
like taxi is like 20,000CFA.
Get back

Quote:

Dear Mister Calkixx,
Please would you list the expenditure out properly as I already asked you, and convert the outstanding debts into US$ as we will not use CFA to arrange a settlement.

Also, I will need some description from yourself to explain why this amounts are due so that I can put this into our files.

Furthermore, I found the reason why your invoice was so tiny. It is because you sent it using Gmail, and this automatically reduces the size of the attachment.
Please send your other receipts using a yahoo account.

Thank you for your assistance,
Best regards,

Mr Mingeeta 5ingh
Finance Manager - 5imba Safari Group Ltd

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 7:09 pm

hehehe When this guy gets finally done with you, maybe you can get get him to sign a contract with a recovery company! hehehe

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:04 pm

Jim seems unhappy. He just wrote me, this was the entire email:

Quote:

U hurt me day by day

Actually, I'm not sure what I said that upset him so much, but I'm glad I did. I wrote a pleading email back asking what he means. I don't want to lose him yet, I think he may still have some mileage left. Wink

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:02 pm

He just bounced back:

Jim wrote:

I love you so much, but they way you left me here in Nigeria is just not good. i love you and i still love you, as for the laptop, i have not gotten any email from the Rhodes so far as i was told they are in Liberia now. So i dont know how to reach them.

U ve won my luv now I luv u.This heart of mine I give 2 u. So keep it safe as i have done.For u have 2 and i have none!

Ull always be mine 4 now & 4ever.Ull always be mine 4 u r my treasure.Ull always be mine please tell me its true.Please be mine 4ever ill always luv u puke

Have you or are you arranging how to get me out of here? You really need to get me out of here. Please

I've asked him what he wants me to do, and offered to return to Africa...

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:31 pm

Yes, there is still fun to be had from poking this mugu with a sharp stick... Laughing

Quote:

Oh my God,
this is getting me more annoyed day by day, i spend more money going to the cyber cafe to send mail, let me know if you will pay me or not so i stop bothering myself.

I spent 5days in the Republic of Benin, day 1 i was asked to go wait at the airport for the shuttle, i went and never found any shuttle, i had to lodge in a hotel, i cant find the receipt now, second time i was ased to go wait at the gate of Novotel Orisha to wait for the shuttle again i waited and i was later told the shuttle had flat tyre and would not be able to meet up at novotel, i spent more money, but its to unfortunate i cant find the receipts. Lastly i was asked to go wait at Le Majestic hotel in Parakou, i went far north, i did not find any shuttle. I have sent to you the only receipt i could find and now you tell me you cant see it clearly.

I spent roughly 360,500.00CFR which is $811.446 USD but since i cant find the receipts, i sent to you the receipt i have which covers the sum of
115,750.00 XOF =$260.476 USD
Communaut� Financi�re Africaine Francs BCEAO
United States Dollars 1 XOF = 0.00225033 USD 1 USD = 444.379 XOF

So i request that you send me the sum of 260 to the information i have provided to you.
Waiting,

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:07 pm

Looks like he's feeling a bit defeated. I thought he would ask for the entire 811 dollars. Smile

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:10 pm

Quote:

Ull always be mine 4 now & 4ever.Ull always be mine 4 u r my treasure.Ull always be mine please tell me its true.Please be mine 4ever ill always luv u

Oooh, SMS love poems. I'm getting all moist.

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:08 pm

Jim wrote:

i spend more money going to the cyber cafe

Great! Keep it up, Jimbo!

Jim wrote:

I spent roughly 360,500.00CFR which is $811.446 USD

I wish I could believe it. I can't quite even believe the one receipt he had. $260 for that hotel? Their website shows rooms at far less.

Jim wrote:

Waiting,

Yeah, and you'll be doing a lot more of it, too! Laughing

@Simba: in case Jimbo decides Susan should return, I'm sure he'll insist I go to Nigeria. Might there be a Simba camp somewhere very, very remote in Nigeria itself? After all, I had such a great time at the Benin camp, I'd certainly want to return to another Simba resort. Club Med, eat your heart out!

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:45 pm

Juan Freizwidatt wrote:

@Simba: I'd certainly want to return to another 5imba resort. Club Med, eat your heart out!

@Juan - I have been thinking about the possibilities in that scenario.
Apart from the Benin camp, there is a camp in Cameroon, and its right on the Nigerian border. (See website link - Map page)

I have already warned Jimbo that any expenses that he can't support with a valid invoice will be compensated with 5imba travel vouchers that he can use against his next safari.
So, I was thinking, what if I issue him with a voucher worth enough for a free 5afari in Cameroon.
What do you reckon the chances are of luring Jimbo there?...... Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 2:26 am

Simba wrote:

What do you reckon the chances are of luring Jimbo there?...... Laughing

Frankly, I think it's not going to be easy. But I'll certainly try! Very Happy

I need to make it irresistable. I'm not sure what would be adequate to entice him at this point, but Susan will work on it.

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